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Smilex, I know a bunch of LSE's (both male and female - I have a great ESTj friend and have worked with multiple ESTj's and both my mother and sister are ESTj's, and I have also worked with many ENTj's), and to me, while I wanted to believe that you are ENTj because you wrote the best inter-type descriptions that I have read from an ENTj's perspective, I do clearly get ESTj vibes from you. Your Si is just too strong. And your sense of humor is really ESTj.
It's funny, though. It's easy to tell that you are a Te-dom.
Sorry to hear that you were raised in Beta. I was raised in Delta, which presented many problems, but not nearly as many as I imagine you experienced.
As for not looking for a leader position, it's true. I normally take a very hands-off position in everything because it gives people free-rein to express themselves originally, and I really like it when people do that. However, if there is something that strongly affects me or offers an opportunity for real profit, I step up and do try to take control of the situation.