SLI-IEE duality discussion (ISTp and ENFp)

[Topaz]

Wow Ann thats so bittersweet. Thanks for re-sharing that. It reminds me of a friend I had in grade school. We actually met in pre-school and he was bawling his head off because he had never been away from home. I felt so sorry for him I forgot about my own apprehensions. So I befriended him and we were best friends throughout elementary. When we got to Jr. High he and I were seperated because we didnt have any classes together. Eventually we made different friends and he sort of dissapeard into the background. Recently I found him again after many years, working in a supermarket. I had not thought about it much until I saw him again. Then it all fell into place. He is ISTP. I'm almost certain of it. I wish we couldve kept in touch but it was really not possible given who we were. The missing element was that he was very into the physical world of technique and process (He loved matial arts and anything like that) and I was much more interested in academic/intellectual things. So much of what we had in common had been washed away by time and experience.

[meatburger]

I think there could be some male-female role play here in order for duality relationships to work out well. ENFP male with ISTP female or vice versa. Infact "mild attraction" is required and I am attracted to women.

Yeah. This thread seems to capsulise what i was thinking. No i dont bat for the gay team either lol.

I caught up with the ISTp from school and he was in quite a cheery mood. He explained to me that he had just slept with his 25th woman lol. He said he just doesn't respect girls that sleep with him first date. After talking to him more and more hes still an angry dude and to be honest i think hes a bit of a dropkick.

The ISTp i know from work is a really cool guy but i can forsee us just drifting apart. I made friends with him because he was my dual and im happy i did but i know us both and its unlikely we will continue to ring each other as we have our own groups.

[jewels]

I love how honest your posts are, meatburger. That is so something I would do. Like, oh...Look...ISTP!!! Must be-friend them NOW! hahah. I think socionics may be lessening its grip on my life though because *gasp* I just went out with an ISTJ! *another gasp*

"I made friends with him because he was my dual"

that's sad to see your childhood ISTP friend has had what seems like a difficult life. But it does confirm my theory that not all ISTPs are fabulous one-girl guys. I knew it!

[FDG]

in my experience when you stop thinking about going out with somebody that is your dual...that's the point in which you actually start going out with your dual, lol

[leckysupport]

in my experience when you stop thinking about going out with somebody that is your dual...that's the point in which you actually start going out with your dual, lol

The less you think about socionics in general the better your relationships get.

[meatburger]

The less you think about socionics in general the better your relationships get.

Very true.

Haha yeah i know what you mean. Generally when im out im too pissed to think about socionics

[ScarlettLux]

in my experience when you stop thinking about going out with somebody that is your dual...that's the point in which you actually start going out with your dual, lol

So true.. I thought way too much about Socionics.. I still do. I am not sure how to stop this! It's making my relationships go down the drain because of well.. self-fulfilling prophecy. I always think it will play out the way the relations say they will.. and get surprised when they don't work out as bad/as good as it says. Hmm

[Topaz]

in my experience when you stop thinking about going out with somebody that is your dual...that's the point in which you actually start going out with your dual, lol

So true.. I thought way too much about Socionics.. I still do. I am not sure how to stop this! It's making my relationships go down the drain because of well.. self-fulfilling prophecy. I always think it will play out the way the relations say they will.. and get surprised when they don't work out as bad/as good as it says. Hmm

Youve got me thinking. Ive decided to take a socionics vacation. I think I will take a month off and not visit the site or talk about type to anyone for the month of July. I know it sounds abrupt but desperate times call for desperate measures. If and when I return I will relate any details or discoveries Ive learned.

So take care people. I'll see you in August (unless Im so addicted I cave and troll this site without signing on ) But no! thats not going to happen! I am RESOLUTE!!!!
PEACE!!!

[meatburger]

in my experience when you stop thinking about going out with somebody that is your dual...that's the point in which you actually start going out with your dual, lol

So true.. I thought way too much about Socionics.. I still do. I am not sure how to stop this! It's making my relationships go down the drain because of well.. self-fulfilling prophecy. I always think it will play out the way the relations say they will.. and get surprised when they don't work out as bad/as good as it says. Hmm

Youve got me thinking. Ive decided to take a socionics vacation. I think I will take a month off and not visit the site or talk about type to anyone for the month of July. I know it sounds abrupt but desperate times call for desperate measures. If and when I return I will relate any details or discoveries Ive learned.

So take care people. I'll see you in August (unless Im so addicted I cave and troll this site without signing on ) But no! thats not going to happen! I am RESOLUTE!!!!
PEACE!!!

Bear in mind that my thread is actually saying that i had a dual friend back before i didn't know about socionics and that didn't work out. This new one i identified as my dual and it seems to be paying off. Without socionics i never would have put in the effort.

Cya Topaz. Ive just done this for a couple of months also. Im certian you will stay away with no problems. Im almost ready to do the same again i think!

[meatburger]

I went to the footy with him today was heaps fun. Dual friends definitely work great you just have to keep up the contact.

[duality is cringe]

So it turns out I'm ISTp. While reading an article about "Duality" on socionics.com, I came across something I thought was interesting:

Dual partners are like two halves of a whole unit.

Two things really....

Your Dual partner will love you just for what you are and if there is such a thing as true love then it could probably only occur in relations of Duality.

I don't know a great deal about socionics and typing people, so I was hoping some of you here could post examples of famous female ENFps to give me a better idea of my dual.

In what areas do we compliment each other?

I'm a heterosexual male BTW.

[Jarno]

She perceives parts of reality that you are only slightly (not enough) subcounscious aware of.

She will therefor give you a feeling of protection, help and trust.

I'll let others elaborate on the more concrete actions which will trigger this / compliment you.

[xyz]

I've met only one female ENFp (actually, the only ENFp i've ever met).

And yeah she is really cool and real easy to talk to and trust 100%. But, she's boring.

Next.

[duality is cringe]

Can anyone list any ENFp examples I might be familiar with?

[Jarno]

maybe you could do a search in the What's my type section.

also get your typing skills upgraded, in the end you'll meet one ENFP per week.

[xyz]

They are not that common, are they?

[duality is cringe]

maybe you could do a search in the What's my type section.

Took your advice. Most users seemed to agree on the ENFp status of the following:

[removed. dated opinions i no longer agree with.]

[Jarno]

also get your typing skills upgraded....

What's wrong with my "typing skills?"

Well because you are new and asking for example's I concluded that you haven't developed any skills of your own. Sorry if I was wrong ofcourse :wink:

Using dichotomys, temperaments, information elements, relationships, and getting a huge database of people's types (friends etc) in your head will do the trick.

[xyz]

I love their smiles.

[duality is cringe]

also get your typing skills upgraded....

What's wrong with my "typing skills?"

Well because you are new and asking for example's I concluded that you haven't developed any skills of your own. Sorry if I was wrong ofcourse :wink:

Using dichotomys, temperaments, information elements, relationships, and getting a huge database of people's types (friends etc) in your head will do the trick.

Okay. I thought you meant computer typing skills. Now I get it.

You were right. I have no typing skills.

[xyz]

I recommend that no one should believe that their "dual" is the perfect mate. This one is true though: Perspectives tend to have a more comfortable relationship with another Perspective personality. I've met ENFP women who were cautious and paranoid, I've met ENFP women who were too shy for my tastes, I've met ENFP women who were far too reckess for me to tolerate for too long. Just as I'm sure some ENFPs out there have met some ISTPs who were too much of a drug user or too domineering, etc.

Mate selection criteria should be the following:

1. Face
2. Personality
3. Future outlook

Well said my friend. Well said.

[Mediator Kam]

I've met 3 female ENFP and one male ENFP.

They seem to wear the best clothes,(more likely, they know what they like) and can be boring at times.

All 4 are extremely nice people and are usually found wearing Hollister/American Eagle.

[Mediator Kam]

I've met 3 female ENFP and one male ENFP.

They seem to wear the best clothes,(more likely, they know what they like) and can be boring at times.

All 4 are extremely nice people and are usually found wearing Hollister/American Eagle.

Most Abercrombie/Gap/etc clothing ads which feature smiling/pseudo-sports action are filled with a bunch of ENFP/ESFP men and women.

Therefore, they'd make perfect models?

[duality is cringe]

I recommend that no one should believe that their "dual" is the perfect mate. This one is true though: Perspectives tend to have a more comfortable relationship with another Perspective personality. I've met ENFP women who were cautious and paranoid, I've met ENFP women who were too shy for my tastes, I've met ENFP women who were far too reckess for me to tolerate for too long. Just as I'm sure some ENFPs out there have met some ISTPs who were too much of a drug user or too domineering, etc.

Mate selection criteria should be the following:

1. Face
2. Personality
3. Future outlook

Noted and thanks for your advice.

[xyz]

I've met 3 female ENFP and one male ENFP.

They seem to wear the best clothes,(more likely, they know what they like) and can be boring at times.

All 4 are extremely nice people and are usually found wearing Hollister/American Eagle.

Most Abercrombie/Gap/etc clothing ads which feature smiling/pseudo-sports action are filled with a bunch of ENFP/ESFP men and women.

Therefore, they'd make perfect models?

Oh yeah cuz models ALWAYS strike me as people having the perfect personality

[implied]

how about ENFp men? (;

[Mea]

how about ENFp men? (;

Ahhh... They's so attractive. So sincere. So sweet, kind, genuine.

But. Umm. They're like too... soft.
I'd like more Te please.

[Mediator Kam]

how about ENFp men? (;

Ahhh... They's so attractive. So sincere. So sweet, kind, genuine.

But. Umm. They're like too... soft.
I'd like more Te please.

Agreed, the ENFp guy I know is really social, but yet soft-spoken too.

It's weird. He's a drinker and pothead too I might add. :wink:

[xyz]

i like him already.

[IcEPiCk]

socionics is a simplification of something more complicated than we have come to comprehend yet. Once we have figured out the bigger picture, than our understanding of duality, subtypes, etc will fall into play. I am willing to be there are more than 16 types, hence why the subtype theory came out in the first place. Then there is the question of the inter compatability between subtypes. I agree, we can meet our dual and they may be too paranoid or they may meet an istp and they may be (fill in stereotypical worst trait here). Socionics can help us understand our interactions with others and even allow us to be proactive in our decision making in which relationships we seed. The problem is when people do not type correctly, especially those just starting to study this fascinating field. I do believe in duality, but I think there are too many unknowns and not enough raw data to make it into a binding theory. I think this studying could be comapred to the social interaction between other animals with social hierchy, like wolf packs and monkeys.

I think self improvement is the best way to find your dual. As you approach more to what your dual wants and less of a pity case (if we were to make a spectrum), they will naturall fill in the blanks and become more attracted to you helping you with what are left as your weaknesses. If we loaft about and wait for our dual to come 'rescue' us from our current situations, even if those are merely PERCEPTIONS of failure or woe, then we will be waiting for a while. Work on your weaknesses, the rest falls into place.

The SLI weakness of being lazy is a biatch though.

[duality is cringe]

Thank you IcEPiCk. Well put and informative post. I'll make it a point to remember all that you've offered.

If you don't mind indulging me for just a little bit longer, what are these "subtypes" all about anyway?

[enfpgirl]

socionics is a simplification of something more complicated than we have come to comprehend yet. Once we have figured out the bigger picture, than our understanding of duality, subtypes, etc will fall into play. I am willing to be there are more than 16 types, hence why the subtype theory came out in the first place. Then there is the question of the inter compatability between subtypes. I agree, we can meet our dual and they may be too paranoid or they may meet an istp and they may be (fill in stereotypical worst trait here). Socionics can help us understand our interactions with others and even allow us to be proactive in our decision making in which relationships we seed. The problem is when people do not type correctly, especially those just starting to study this fascinating field. I do believe in duality, but I think there are too many unknowns and not enough raw data to make it into a binding theory. I think this studying could be comapred to the social interaction between other animals with social hierchy, like wolf packs and monkeys.

I think self improvement is the best way to find your dual. As you approach more to what your dual wants and less of a pity case (if we were to make a spectrum), they will naturall fill in the blanks and become more attracted to you helping you with what are left as your weaknesses. If we loaft about and wait for our dual to come 'rescue' us from our current situations, even if those are merely PERCEPTIONS of failure or woe, then we will be waiting for a while. Work on your weaknesses, the rest falls into place.

The SLI weakness of being lazy is a biatch though.

Thank you for this posting. I agree that we shouldn't use the dual theory to wait for someone to address our weaknesses, as tempting as that may be. The more complete we are so individuals, including spiritually (I practice zen meditation), the happier we will be on our own and better able to attract a great partner, regardless of what type they are.

[duality is cringe]

Thank you for this posting. I agree that we shouldn't use the dual theory to wait for someone to address our weaknesses, as tempting as that may be. The more complete we are so individuals, including spiritually (I practice zen meditation), the happier we will be on our own and better able to attract a great partner, regardless of what type they are.

I don't know how you found this old thread, but thanks for commenting. I came to the same conclusion as yours and IcEPiCk's. I'm not puting too much stock into this whole 'duality' thing.

[mikemex]

- They are generally really kind but also don't take shit from anyone.

You don't know him well then. SLIs fight to keep distance between themselves and everyone else, but that's because they don't control their emotions and are afraid of losing control. When an SLI falls in love it can be almost obsessive and can put themselves in really shitty situations. For a good reason they have IEEs as duals: they need someone who doesn't abuse them.

Kind of the same about LSEs by the way. They convey a cold image at times, but are extremely self-sacrificial and concerned more about the welfare of the people they love than their own.

[jessica129]

You don't know him well then. SLIs fight to keep distance between themselves and everyone else, but that's because they don't control their emotions and are afraid of losing control. When an SLI falls in love it can be almost obsessive and can put themselves in really shitty situations.

X 10

[Christy B]

You don't know him well then. SLIs fight to keep distance between themselves and everyone else, but that's because they don't control their emotions and are afraid of losing control. When an SLI falls in love it can be almost obsessive and can put themselves in really shitty situations. For a good reason they have IEEs as duals: they need someone who doesn't abuse them.

Kind of the same about LSEs by the way. They convey a cold image at times, but are extremely self-sacrificial and concerned more about the welfare of the people they love than their own.

Yes I do.

When they are healthy- they don't take shit from anyone.

When unhealthy yes they can be abused- I have seen this too ....

[mikemex]

I'm sorry but you're wrong if you assume that simply because you hang out with a person you have him/her figured out completely. You can spend years in a relationship and only know one side of a person. Happens more frequently than you can imagine, usually when your relationship revolves around something external and not the person itself.

[Lobo]

You don't know him well then. SLIs fight to keep distance between themselves and everyone else, but that's because they don't control their emotions and are afraid of losing control. When an SLI falls in love it can be almost obsessive and can put themselves in really shitty situations. For a good reason they have IEEs as duals: they need someone who doesn't abuse them.

Kind of the same about LSEs by the way. They convey a cold image at times, but are extremely self-sacrificial and concerned more about the welfare of the people they love than their own.

I don't get why you need to be defending SLI's this way, considering that it can be just as abusive for someone to be in a relationship with the above mentioned. The NF desire to not give up emotionally on someone they care about can result in a very shitty (and abusive) situation if the person who they give themselves to "fights to keep the distance between themselves and everyone else."

Also, I don't see why SLI would need an IEE, or the whole "duality needing" thing. Someone that puts themself in a shitty situation, just needs to stop doing it. Someone that pushes people away for distance needs to stop doing it if they want a close relationship with someone else, otherwise the other person should just move on. Why help people with things that only they can fully achieve by themselves? as opposed to only superficially do it with the "help" of someone else. Some things people just have to figure out on their own, otherwise they will end up giving off a vibe of something that they are not, by just saying or doing the things that they are "supposed" to be saying or doing instead of actually meaning it.

[tiny_dancer]

Yup, gonna have to agree with that. Everyone has to go through a difficult period of opening up to their significant other. It's not like SLIs are the only ones in that boat.

[JuJu]

I don't get why you need to be defending SLI's this way, considering that it can be just as abusive for someone to be in a relationship with the above mentioned. The NF desire to not give up emotionally on someone they care about can result in a very shitty (and abusive) situation if the person who they give themselves to "fights to keep the distance between themselves and everyone else."

Also, I don't see why SLI would need an IEE, or the whole "duality needing" thing. Someone that puts themself in a shitty situation, just needs to stop doing it. Someone that pushes people away for distance needs to stop doing it if they want a close relationship with someone else, otherwise the other person should just move on. Why help people with things that only they can fully achieve by themselves? as opposed to only superficially do it with the "help" of someone else. Some things people just have to figure out on their own, otherwise they will end up giving off a vibe of something that they are not, by just saying or doing the things that they are "supposed" to be saying or doing instead of actually meaning it.

I agree with this... A ENFp who doesn't want to give up on a ISTp who's 'fighting to keep distance' seems to be a pretty common relationship aftermath... I imagine that most ppl learn to deal with what you're talking about by themselves, through trial-and-error.

Like Cyclops said in another thread, I think that it's related to maturity as much as type--for both the ENFp and the ISTp. I'm too young to have witnessed this maturation in most of my friends--any of my friends haha--but I imagine that as ISTps mature, they fight less to keep that distance. ENFps let certain ppl drop more easily... Anyone have any perspective on this?

I had an experience last year where, after breaking up w/ a SLI, I tried to remain friends. It was the most tense damn thing, lol... Didn't last long either--after about a month, we said a bunch of mean things to each other then just let it drop... It sucked.

A few months ago, I found out that this ex is in trouble. I wrote a nice letter, hoping to help... As expected, never heard back--and honestly, I wonder if it did..? The thing is: I can just as easily imagine a nice letter making an unhealthy SLI feel tortured as good.

This situation probably isn't representative b/c the SLI in question hasn't been very healthy in awhile... Ppl go through phases, obviously. Maybe someone will relate to it though, who knows?