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Thread: Romancing Styles / Erotic Attitudes

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  1. #19
    ENJoymENT's Avatar
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    So you went with your associations to "victim" instead of what socionics means by it and then argued against it. Good job.
    I believe I reiterated what is commonly accepted about how Ni egos perceive "victimization". Namely:

    "They typically are not comfortable with connotations of the word "victim" - implying a certain weakness, effeteness, and lack of dignity." Silke

    While it is true there is a disclaimer stating that the "names of romancing styles should not be translated literally", what we were in fact discussing WAS which names we personally preferred as a more accurate heading description of the actual dynamic. If a certain group holds a particular repugnance towards something, it seems rather inappropriate to use that very word as its descriptive title/heading. That is akin to knowing that Se egos dislike being thought of as gentle, and then selecting "Meek" as the socionic heading for the Aggressors group, and then qualifying it with "don't attach the typical meaning of 'meek' to this group".

    I read on one of the Russian sites of these same groups being referred to as "Deer" and "Hunter". I liked those name choices as well, since the Hunter chases...and the Deer tries to outsmart. Yes I'm speaking of MY associations with these words. I suppose I have to qualify everything with "this is just my personal opinion".

    @yifflord I have a difficult time believing a LIE would deem it necessary to test a friend in this manner, most especially our Benefit! My very best friend is IEE, as well as my brother, and both of them see right through my defensive barriers, and (at times) my impenetrable exterior. They treat me in a gentle caring way that somehow is comforting as opposed to patronizing, and which completely disarms me.

    It is only in the romantic domain where LIEs will duck into skeptical/paranoid/insecure mode. We just don't have the emotional skills to be thick-skinned & confident in this domain. We cannot comfortably handle abstract or subtle emotional signals, and then convert them accurately into emotional "facts" which we can rely on or place faith in. Our very best strategy is not to care...but once we DO care, we are at a terrible disadvantage. Our only strategy then becomes to creatively solicit constant reassurance to prove it is safe to keep the defences down.

    A recent example I can share is when my SEE said he couldn't meet me as planned a few weeks prior to Christmas, since he had been "driving all day", and I was in the next town 30 minutes away. I have a super busy schedule, and it was so early in my opinion (7pm), to be turning in without making an effort. Plus I had purchased a gift that I was excited to give him. I felt disappointed and unimportant...for about 15 minutes. And then I geared down into my comfort zone of playing defensive.

    I basically thought "fine, fuck him". He ended up getting sick with a cold for a few days, and then I purposely bumped up my flight to NYC by a few days, thereby ensuring we wouldn't see one another until after the Holidays. He texted me all through Xmas "I miss you so much I can't stand it...we didn't even see one another before Christmas!" By orchestrating this "enforced separation" I was able to discern that he was regretful of not being able to see one another--just as I was. It had only been his lack of foresight that the possibility of us not be able to see one another before the Holidays at all, was not worth the risk.

    This incident may seem bitchy on my part, but actually I do stuff like that for our RELATIONSHIP; because if I am hurt and then become defensive like that too often, I start to habitually close off and that messes with my ability to be open, loving, vulnerable, and free with my true emotions. I guess I want to ensure we remain close.

    Once a LIE goes into self preservation mode--look out! We shun any and all Fe or Si needs. I got so much shit done in NY! I had only 1 drink in 2 1/2 weeks. I even stayed in alone reading Margaret Atwood on New Years Eve. I returned refreshed and recharged LIEs absolutely want true love, but if we feel unappreciated or taken advantage of, we will NOT hesitate to walk away. Sounds strong, but actually it's weak
    Last edited by ENJoymENT; 02-04-2015 at 12:29 AM.

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