V.V. Gulenko "Criteria of reciprocity"
Disorienting hospitality
Conflict partner immediately draws your attention via some unusual effect he has on you. If your areas of activity are separate, then communication is overall polite and amiable. Especially of interest are the methods which conflict partner uses to solve his problems. When trying to work more closely, his behavior starts to seem confusing. As a result of this, irritation builds up, which can lead to conflict if partners don't distance in time.
Binary signs of intertype relations
Disagreements a fueled even further with intervention of third parties. The root causes of conflict – complete opposition of the basic properties of the personality – are not removed when partners communicate one-on-one (this is impossible in principle), but can be curbed, disregarded for a time being, interiorized. Conflict relations grow more accommodating with maximum isolation from external influences.
Conflict partners can keep together only if they adhere to a system of discussing their tastes, habits, and intentions beforehand. In conflict relations, to avoid escalation into open conflict, partners need to have an outlet to discharge their internal emotional tensions. Conflict partners do not tolerate uncertainty and subtle hints. These relationships stabilize when they are founded on a solid, invariable rhythm of life.
Conflict partners usually are willing to demonstrate reasonableness and manage to stay together in spite of an apparent dissimilarity of character, but this is only possible with continuous suppression of internal negative emotions. Advice of conflicting partner seems deliberately misleading and illogical. There is a need to constantly restrain oneself to not retaliate and try to discredit him.
Conflicting relations inhibit any bold, original initiatives and quickly extinguish any "flights of imagination". They orient people at conservative, routine values. Partners beneficially work together only on already established and previously successful projects. These relations require a stable, strictly static environment. Conflict partners have a tendency to conserve exiting balance and very much disapprove of unexpected turns of events. Switching to new mode of existence is extremely difficult; it is seen almost as a natural disaster. Thus partners resist change at all costs, clinging to the old ways. Only after being sure that all connections have been broken do they look to a new course.
Associations are usually only short-term, during which the partners can significantly move forward. In other cases differences are reinforced. Internal tensions immediately makes itself felt when conflictors get closer, into which they are sometimes pressured by external circumstances. At best, the tension is relieved by mutual jokes and banter, at worst – a quarrel and forceful collision.
Advice on getting along
These relations cause the ever-present inner tensions. People brought together by these relations over time become anxious and irritable. In collaboration with your conflict partner, strictly divide duties among yourselves and carry them out according to a firm schedule/plan. Rationalization will help you keep internal nervousness and negative emotions at bay and channel accumulated energy into useful things of homemaking or leisurely nature.
It is recommended to use humor and jokes to uplift each other's moods. However, joke carefully and avoid sarcasm. Once you feel that the tension has reached a critical point, it is best that you leave the vicinity of your conflict partner (for example, go to a different room).
Do not allow any mediators into your relations. Household duties do together, but don't take up the same duty together. Avoid surprises, fancies, novelties, as your partner is likely to react negatively to them.
Keep fidelity out of a sense of duty, consciously suppress resentment and antipathy. Make it a tradition to celebrate the most pleasant moments of your relationship. Help each other in the most difficult moments. This way you will see responsiveness and effectiveness of these relations in the pursuit of mutual interests against outside pressure and adversity.