Synthesized Feelings

[INTJ]

Of course we've all read the various articles on what an INTJ is.. but one of them has a passage that both alarmed me and made so much sense that I felt as if someone explained my entire emotional life in one line. Here is the paragraph (i bolded some key words), and after, a final thought:


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From: http://www.typelogic.com/intj.html

"Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications. "

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I almost feel ashamed to say that yes.. this describes me. Ashamed because its almost like I am a robot without emotional intelligence that has to synthesize it. OK, its just a loose description, but it is true. No i am not completely devoid of emotion, but assuming there is a benchmark of emotional intelligence, I am off in la-la land.

But in another way I feel that as much as there might be a deficit, it has indeed been replaced through learned behavior, so the net effect is almost zero. This means I can "have" emotional output but also function as an INTJ.

Do I want peace and quiet so I can concentrate and get irritated when I am bothered? Of course.. but I can rationalize how that might make someone else feel if all they wanted was to ask me a question. Rationalize.. meaning I don't actually have true empathy. I
arrive, through logical deduction at what they must think... agree that it sucks and then I look up "sucks" in my emotional dictionary. Ends up being negative... not good.

Yes, it takes a lot of training for me to react correctly and I've ruined a lot of relationships that way.

Well.. what do you think and does this describe you?

[FDG]

I have a switch.

Suppose I'm dating a girl. After a few dates, I turn on the switch, rationalizing "Now it's time to be emotional". The only problem being that turning the switch off is not as easy as turning it on.


Same about arriving by logic and behavioural clues to the motivation of the emotional outcome. But I don't feel bad because of this - the important thing is that the end result is good for both parties, and it is indeed.

[alex]

I've always considered myself quite empathic in that I can pick up moods and feelings from people quite easily. But yeah, it's not raw at all but more of a "I can see where they are coming from and in that situation they would feel...". Compared to an Fj I'm a fake.

But there's hope.. I used to be a stoic bastard but now I'm emo.

[Creepy-]

I've always considered myself quite empathic in that I can pick up moods and feelings from people quite easily. But yeah, it's not raw at all but more of a "I can see where they are coming from and in that situation they would feel...". Compared to an Fj I'm a fake.

But there's hope.. I used to be a stoic bastard but now I'm emo.

Haha! There is yet indeed hope! I can respond to hope

[P-chan]

I almost feel ashamed to say that yes.. this describes me. Ashamed because its almost like I am a robot without emotional intelligence that has to synthesize it.

...Is that bad? (I myself don't think so.)

[Creepy-]

Of course we've all read the various articles on what an INTJ is.. but one of them has a passage that both alarmed me and made so much sense that I felt as if someone explained my entire emotional life in one line. Here is the paragraph (i bolded some key words), and after, a final thought:


-------------------
From: http://www.typelogic.com/intj.html

"Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications. "

-------------------

I almost feel ashamed to say that yes.. this describes me. Ashamed because its almost like I am a robot without emotional intelligence that has to synthesize it. OK, its just a loose description, but it is true. No i am not completely devoid of emotion, but assuming there is a benchmark of emotional intelligence, I am off in la-la land.

But in another way I feel that as much as there might be a deficit, it has indeed been replaced through learned behavior, so the net effect is almost zero. This means I can "have" emotional output but also function as an INTJ.

Do I want peace and quiet so I can concentrate and get irritated when I am bothered? Of course.. but I can rationalize how that might make someone else feel if all they wanted was to ask me a question. Rationalize.. meaning I don't actually have true empathy. I
arrive, through logical deduction at what they must think... agree that it sucks and then I look up "sucks" in my emotional dictionary. Ends up being negative... not good.

Yes, it takes a lot of training for me to react correctly and I've ruined a lot of relationships that way.

Well.. what do you think and does this describe you?

remember that the typelogic site is MBTI. just in case

[mike_INTJ]

I've always considered myself quite empathic in that I can pick up moods and feelings from people quite easily. But yeah, it's not raw at all but more of a "I can see where they are coming from and in that situation they would feel...". Compared to an Fj I'm a fake.

But there's hope.. I used to be a stoic bastard but now I'm emo.

for me it's kind of the same - i can feel their pain, but i just don't care.


often there is usually so much coming at me, that i don't know if i'm feeling depressed, or if someone is depressing me from a far.


knowing what emotion you feel is one thing, trying to put it in words for other's to enjoy is much harder... though oddly enough easier in email. i guess it has something to do with being anon, or not showing expressions, etc.

[Cone]

I bet there's no difference between a T's emotions and an F's emotions.

[Transigent]

Edited for gayness.

[Darklord]

NTs are not alone about having problems with emotions.

[Creepy-]

[quote="mike_INTJ"]
for me it's kind of the same - i can feel their pain, but i just don't care.
[quote]



I was in a fight with my wife last night. It started out ok, but then for whatever reason she started to cry. it was a sensitive subject for her. I find this unusal for her, she really is more like a guy than a girl in her emotional state (outwardly expressed).

And I had absolutely, positively no empathy. I could not get inside her head and feel her feelings, even though I know the situation she was upset about and have been there myself. I was too focused on trying to fix the problem. I don't like it when emotions blur "productivity" aka.. fixing a problem. But with girls.. you gotta know the rules. Sometimes its a different game and logic does NOT apply.

But before all this we are watching a show on TV about real emergency rooms (Trauma)... and there was a baby someone brought in who was not obviously hurt, but had severe internal trauma to his head after a scan. My wife is a nanny, and she insisted that babies are built to bounce. You really have to beat the shit out of a baby in order to cause that much pain. So, when the nurse was holding the baby, who at the time was not crying, just looking around, I felt so sad and nearly cried. I did not empathize with the baby, I was simply ripped apart that anyone could do this to a baby. A little, chubby larva of a baby. So cute.

Ilm not sure why i can cry because someone beats up a baby, but not empathize. In this case the baby was i pain, and it upset me. Seeing my wife cry did not upset me.

[INTJ]

[quote="Anonymous"][quote="mike_INTJ"]
for me it's kind of the same - i can feel their pain, but i just don't care.

I was in a fight with my wife last night. It started out ok, but then for whatever reason she started to cry. it was a sensitive subject for her. I find this unusal for her, she really is more like a guy than a girl in her emotional state (outwardly expressed).

And I had absolutely, positively no empathy. I could not get inside her head and feel her feelings, even though I know the situation she was upset about and have been there myself. I was too focused on trying to fix the problem. I don't like it when emotions blur "productivity" aka.. fixing a problem. But with girls.. you gotta know the rules. Sometimes its a different game and logic does NOT apply.

But before all this we are watching a show on TV about real emergency rooms (Trauma)... and there was a baby someone brought in who was not obviously hurt, but had severe internal trauma to his head after a scan. My wife is a nanny, and she insisted that babies are built to bounce. You really have to beat the shit out of a baby in order to cause that much pain. So, when the nurse was holding the baby, who at the time was not crying, just looking around, I felt so sad and nearly cried. I did not empathize with the baby, I was simply ripped apart that anyone could do this to a baby. A little, chubby larva of a baby. So cute.

Ilm not sure why i can cry because someone beats up a baby, but not empathize. In this case the baby was i pain, and it upset me. Seeing my wife cry did not upset me.

I'm sorry, I forgot to Login. I have a bad habit of doing that since I go to messages from email.

Its INTJ

[mike_INTJ]

[quote="Anonymous"][quote="mike_INTJ"]
for me it's kind of the same - i can feel their pain, but i just don't care.

I was in a fight with my wife last night. It started out ok, but then for whatever reason she started to cry. it was a sensitive subject for her. I find this unusal for her, she really is more like a guy than a girl in her emotional state (outwardly expressed).

And I had absolutely, positively no empathy. I could not get inside her head and feel her feelings, even though I know the situation she was upset about and have been there myself. I was too focused on trying to fix the problem. I don't like it when emotions blur "productivity" aka.. fixing a problem. But with girls.. you gotta know the rules. Sometimes its a different game and logic does NOT apply.

But before all this we are watching a show on TV about real emergency rooms (Trauma)... and there was a baby someone brought in who was not obviously hurt, but had severe internal trauma to his head after a scan. My wife is a nanny, and she insisted that babies are built to bounce. You really have to beat the shit out of a baby in order to cause that much pain. So, when the nurse was holding the baby, who at the time was not crying, just looking around, I felt so sad and nearly cried. I did not empathize with the baby, I was simply ripped apart that anyone could do this to a baby. A little, chubby larva of a baby. So cute.

Ilm not sure why i can cry because someone beats up a baby, but not empathize. In this case the baby was i pain, and it upset me. Seeing my wife cry did not upset me.

i guess because you can pretend you are the baby. in the case of your wife, your intuition might have told you that the crying might be hormone related. and it may not have had any emotion attached to it. so you felt nothing in return.

when i read a story and it's detailed enough i can feel for the characters so deeply, that i can be mad the rest of the day. to the point where i join the character and attack the one that's making me mad.

[mike_INTJ]

I'm sorry, I forgot to Login. I have a bad habit of doing that since I go to messages from email.

Its INTJ

i set mine to auto-login, as i would never remember to sign in every time.

[Creepy-]

The worst part about synthesizing feelings, is that one often bases them on what one thinks people expect. Not on what one truly feels. When one finds oneself in lack of a "proper" emotion, it's so tempting to emulate a "normal" person.
But everyone has feelings, although one might not be aware of them. These subconscious emotions have a way of affecting ones body language in subtle ways. Often so subtle that one is not aware of them. In a show of emotional normality, one could be radiating conflicting signals through ones body and mimicry. I have found it very helpful to take small timeouts, and "sample" my own emotional state, actually going on a search of feelings. Often finding them. Without these timeouts, I would not be able to detect such subtle states within myself. They just get lost in the blur of social interaction. Knowing ones true colours, enables a harmonic output, which is unambiguous to the other party. One should not fake it, in my opinion. Better to say, I don't know, but let me check. I think emotionally perceptive individuals will respond positively to your candour. Negatively to unauthentic acting.

[Kirana]

i think the INTJ (or INTj) 's problem is that we find it difficult to empathise with other people's feelings. of course we ourselves have feelings. i am able to be highly emotional myself and have learned to develop my weak F side. but i still have problems interpreting someone else's feelings. like a lot of INTJs who have posted, i use my intuition to compensate. i find that i am better at responding to what people need, rather than empathising with how they feel. i find it much easier to empathise with people i love enough that i consider their emotional selves to be as important to me as my own. my guess is that F people do this naturally, and with less restrictions. i also empathise easier with helpless things, like babies and kittens.