Question for ISFps - -

[Expat]

- - or for anyone who knows them well.

I have had increasing evidence that a guy at work is an ISFp. I had my suspicions, since we did not really get along from day one (and he resembles my father, who was an ISFp), and recent observations seem to confirm it.

Question: what is it about ENTjs that bothers you, and how can we minimize it?

My goal is really to avoid any unnecessary conflicts, without avoiding him or manipulating him or anything.

The guy's probably already a bit annoyed since we're two ENTjs in the team and our boss is an ENFj, and the overall boss is an ESTj.

[discojoe]

ahahahahaha

That's a shitty situation for this ISFp.

[Expat]

That's a shitty situation for this ISFp.

Indeed, I know -- the other member of the team is an ESFj guy (I'm almost certain) and the ISFp usually hangs out with him.

So I honestly want to make things work as much as possible -- I do need to work with the guy.

[taz]

Really I wish I could help but I haven't met an ENTJ or notice one who is yet. So far once in a long while I have problems with ISTP.

[Jimbean]

I don't know if this will help or not, but from my personal observations ISFp's do not like hyper ENTj's as much as calmer ones. ISFp's are usually pretty illogical, keep this in mind when dealing with them, (be honest and step lightly).

sorry that is the best I can do right now.

[taz]

Wait I take back what I said earlier. According to Myer brig test my mom is an ENTJ but I ain't sure She could well be an ENTP maybe.

We can get along if we both put the effort to try to get along.
Yes there are going to be times when we aren't going to get along. But my mom annoys me when we goto the movies and my mom would talk out loud of how cheasy the movie is when I just want to watch it with no interruptions and their people behind us (it funny as she fake cry as sometimes she get other people and me to cry). I annoy my mom as I go too slow for her to get things done as she want it done fast, I don't want to hurry and am horrible with organization as she likes organization.

We both know what we like and don't like so we try to ignore what cause us to argue and look at what we can do well together.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, I don't know if this will help or not...this is just how I would act myself and would prefer to be treated. In a work situation, I'd be scared to death of an ENTj.

I suggest letting the ISFp know where you stand. If he's doing a good job, tell him. He would need that affirmation. If you don't get along with him I'm sure that it's not because he doesn't want to get along with you, he's probably just frightened because he doesn't know how to relate to you. If he avoids you at work, don't take it personally, he is very aware of the tension between the two of you and he's probably just trying to avoid any conflicts. The ISFp naturally tries to avoid conflicts.

If you do have to criticize him for something he's down wrong, it's best to do it as lightly as possible. Don't come rushing up to him and be harsh and judgemental toward him. If you can, soften up what you have to say. Be straightforward and act as though it's something you're going to work together to improve on. It's difficult for me when I feel like things are laid on me hard and heavy. When I've done something wrong at work, I like it best when my boss takes me aside...not in front of people not to her office (because it makes me feel like I'm in deep trouble) but maybe in a neutral area and be as gentle as you can be with what you say, yet still be serious.

To improve relations I guess you could try to show a little interest in the ISFp...he may be suspicious at first especially if you've never shown interest in him before. You might have to earn his trust a little, but if you're consistent in how you interact with him and you don't act judgemental, harsh, or put him down, I think you will eventually earn his trust. Basically be gentle with him (which I can imagine may be difficult for an ENTj), don't be on his case and harp on him all the time, give him his space, and don't take it personally if he sometimes avoids you or seems intimdated by you...he just doesn't know how relate to you.

[Creepy-]

Basically be gentle with him (which I can imagine may be difficult for an ENTj)

No, it's not. The problem, basically, is not in trying to be gentle. The difficult part is not being objective. I can be very gentle, but in a work situation is very difficult for me to sugarcoath the truth.

[Expat]

Thanks for your comments!

If he avoids you at work, don't take it personally, he is very aware of the tension between the two of you and he's probably just trying to avoid any conflicts. The ISFp naturally tries to avoid conflicts.

Ok, I can see that. For the record, I'm not his boss nor is he my boss. We don't have to work together on a daily basis much, but when we do, there is a certain tension.

If you do have to criticize him for something he's down wrong, it's best to do it as lightly as possible. Don't come rushing up to him and be harsh and judgemental toward him. If you can, soften up what you have to say. Be straightforward and act as though it's something you're going to work together to improve on. It's difficult for me when I feel like things are laid on me hard and heavy. When I've done something wrong at work, I like it best when my boss takes me aside...not in front of people not to her office (because it makes me feel like I'm in deep trouble) but maybe in a neutral area and be as gentle as you can be with what you say, yet still be serious.

The problem is that I find him to be on the defensive - even a bit agressive - even if I don't say anything harsh or judgmental. Also, he changes from being sullen to making silly jokes in a (to me) baffling and unpredictable way, so I also don't know where I stand.

To improve relations I guess you could try to show a little interest in the ISFp...he may be suspicious at first especially if you've never shown interest in him before. You might have to earn his trust a little, but if you're consistent in how you interact with him and you don't act judgemental, harsh, or put him down, I think you will eventually earn his trust. Basically be gentle with him (which I can imagine may be difficult for an ENTj), don't be on his case and harp on him all the time, give him his space, and don't take it personally if he sometimes avoids you or seems intimdated by you...he just doesn't know how relate to you.

Here's the problem - - I'm not particularly interested in him. I just want to work with the guy objectively. I'm not particularly interested in the ESFj guy, the ENFp guy, the ISTj guy etc who work here, either, but I have little problem working with them. I'm not interested in faking anything or being his friend, I just want to avoid making obvious mistakes when dealing with him.

No, it's not. The problem, basically, is not in trying to be gentle. The difficult part is not being objective. I can be very gentle, but in a work situation is very difficult for me to sugarcoath the truth.

Precisely. Sometimes I think that the ISFp gets upset at any objectively described situation that might somehow indirectly be seen as being judgmental of him, even when it wasn't meant like that at all.

[Elizabeth]

The problem is that I find him to be on the defensive - even a bit agressive - even if I don't say anything harsh or judgmental. Also, he changes from being sullen to making silly jokes in a (to me) baffling and unpredictable way, so I also don't know where I stand.

Hmmm...all I can think is that even if he's not beeing judged, perhaps he's afraid that he will be and needs to figure out how to keep from getting swept under so he gets defensive and aggressive to ward people off. He's more than likely making silly jokes to lighten the mood if he's uncomfortable or feels that others around him are uncomfortable. Joking will, at least in his mind, ease the tension and hopefully bring some sort of balance to the insecurity he's feeling.

No, it's not. The problem, basically, is not in trying to be gentle. The difficult part is not being objective. I can be very gentle, but in a work situation is very difficult for me to sugarcoath the truth.

Precisely. Sometimes I think that the ISFp gets upset at any objectively described situation that might somehow indirectly be seen as being judgmental of him, even when it wasn't meant like that at all.

Ah, I see. Here lies a huge problem with ISFp's. We can't stand be be blamed for things, or feel like we're the ones who are the problem. We will become defensive, even if what you're telling the ISFp is the truth. We don't want to believe bad things about ourselves or that we're the problem. We will take any tiny criticism to heart and be wounded by it. We are super sensitive to that kind of thing. Sometimes it will translate to sadness other times it will translate to anger. It probably just depends on the situation, who is giving the criticism, and the ISFp you're dealing with. It's a definite flaw with ISFp's.

[Expat]

Thanks Elizabeth!

The conclusion I'm reaching is that the only thing to do is not to let anything he says or does bother me, even if he doesn't reciprocate.

[taz]

I agree with Elizabeth. Alike I hate conflicts and usualy scared of the person I don't get along. If I feel something going wrong, I can be really sensitive also. Yes don't take it seriously, for me I tend to joke around in serious situatuions also as a way to get comfterable.

[Elizabeth]

Thanks Elizabeth!

The conclusion I'm reaching is that the only thing to do is not to let anything he says or does bother me, even if he doesn't reciprocate.

You're welcome, Expat.

That sounds like a good plan, not to take things he does personally.