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Thread: EII-SLI Activity Relations (INFj and ISTp)

  1. #81
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    Undualized LOLz. Are you dualized WA? Is that why you're so unselfish?
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    Undualized LOLz. Are you dualized WA? Is that why you're so unselfish?
    no i'm not dualized well maybe i am, partially... My mom is SEI i think, and i've had these 2-3 SLI interactions. I'm missing Te though BIG time in my daily life, and I spend a LOT of time and effort on Si seeking stuff, like it consumes my time almost entirely lately...

    I'm not sure if i'm unselfish, I actually think i'm sorta selfish actually..
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    Yep. My best mate in HS is an INFj. We intuitively knew what each other was feeling in each situation. While I would crack jokes, his insights always made me think, so we have mutual benefits.

    He's a cynical fuck though, which is where part of the humor comes from. We're still friends, even though he lives in boston and i'm in california. In fact, im seeing him for thanksgiving.
    Loki <3

    No wonder why you get me so well. You're wonderful.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  4. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Your caregiver in turn View Post
    …that resumes years and years of interactions.

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    So I really like an SLI. And we've gone out a few times..just the two of us but not as a date, just to hang out. He also tried to have sex with me but was so.. physical about it. When I told him we aren't there yet and that I don't do things casually, he said it wasn't casual and that I gave him signs that i wanted it... I feel like I bother him sometimes because I always wanna be around him but it feels like he doesn't. He's the loner type. What annoys me is that today a girl mentioned that me and another dude liked each other, which I refuted, but he was so cosy with that girl. He almost ignored me completely and I don't think it was intentional... He might be into her, because he complimented her subtly and shit. Does he not know I'm into him?? Wtf.
    Plus I'm not all that and he's really really hot and very cautious about his appearance and clothes etc
    Anyway my question is: how do SLIs show they like you? How do I know they like me? Are they prone to play jealousy games?
    Last edited by Shytan; 10-17-2018 at 10:03 PM.

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    @Shaebette I put activity relations in the bottom half due to divergent goals, priorities and approaches. Regardless of type, I wouldn't trust a person that exhibits the cues that you seem to describe; he must be very physically attractive for an EII not to immediately recoil from the potential negative issues and emotionally disconnect.....

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaebette View Post
    Anyway my question is: how do SLIs show they like you? How do I know they like me?
    They try to have sex with you.

    Are they prone to play jealousy games?
    No. He also likes her.
    Last edited by Akira; 10-17-2018 at 03:42 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aki View Post
    They try to have sex with you.


    No. He also likes her.
    No "I like you" or something? What other cues?
    So... He likes two people, or more..are SLIs players?

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    @Shaebette I put activity relations in the bottom half due to divergent goals, priorities and approaches. Regardless of type, I wouldn't trust a person that exhibits the cues that you seem to describe; he must be very physically attractive for an EII not to immediately recoil from the potential negative issues and emotionally disconnect.....

    a.k.a. I/O
    Wdym divergent priorities and approaches?

    And I'm sorry, it's not as intense as I made it sound, I was just upset. He respected my decision when I told him I didn't want to have sex, and we joked about it. Also, I was walking with him, the girl and another friend when I noticed that he was giving her a lot of attention, like, more than he was giving me. I also don't ACT like I want to be around him as much as I feel it, I read his cues and he's mostly alone and giving off "This is my alone time" vibes until he personally approaches me, after class or something. But yes, he's very attractive.

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaebette View Post
    No "I like you" or something? What other cues?
    So... He likes two people, or more..are SLIs players?
    I'm only familiar with SLI-Te's, but none of them are players. They are all very faithful, but again, they are all Te-subtypes. The ones I know are very slow to connect. Resistant, even. But not players.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaebette View Post
    Wdym divergent priorities and approaches?

    And I'm sorry, it's not as intense as I made it sound, I was just upset. He respected my decision when I told him I didn't want to have sex, and we joked about it. Also, I was walking with him, the girl and another friend when I noticed that he was giving her a lot of attention, like, more than he was giving me. I also don't ACT like I want to be around him as much as I feel it, I read his cues and he's mostly alone and giving off "This is my alone time" vibes until he personally approaches me, after class or something. But yes, he's very attractive.
    Divergent goals and expectations means that, no matter how attractive or fun you find the other person, the two of you have very different approaches to everything so you will have a hard time working together, and you will find that you naturally want to act a certain way and they don't like that (and vice-versa).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaebette View Post
    No "I like you" or something? What other cues?
    So... He likes two people, or more..are SLIs players?
    I'm not but I've read and heard of some who are. Maybe he is. I dont think is type related honestly.
    Maybe he's not looking for anything serious yet. Or maybe he thinks you are not into him.

    Ime, I never said I like you. But I'm also a female. I was more like trying to make them know through indirect ways I liked them or simply trying to get a date. I was very careful to make a difference between friendship and romantic interests (so it wouldnt make confusion). I don't think there is specific type behavior when they like you. Those are individual traits.

    I suggest asking him or talking about your feels with him or simply trying to be more evident about your feelings.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaebette View Post
    Wdym divergent priorities and approaches? .....
    In addition to @Adam Strange comment, SLIs tend to spend a lot of time building up defenses for themselves and using them effectively while EIIs tend to hold to beliefs that their ways are the best for everyone. Interaction between these two often appear like EIIs trying to discretely undermine castles and when the SLIs realize what's happening, the oil is brought to a boil, for which the EIIs are usually very unprepared.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I'm only familiar with SLI-Te's, but none of them are players. They are all very faithful, but again, they are all Te-subtypes. The ones I know are very slow to connect. Resistant, even. But not players.
    That you know of.

    Key words here: secret and discreet.


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    Need. Help. Now.
    Yesternight I went out with the SLI and it was really really fun and we bonded and stuff. What ruined everything was when he suggested we go back to his place. Started making out and I didn't wanna so we had a mini argument and I wanted to leave, and that ruined the whole mood. We ended up having trash sex, like.. trash trash. Mostly because I didn't want it so my downtown didn't comply but he insisted. And now I just feel pathetic and weird and like...I feel low because his first impression of me sexually is probably that I have trash p*. Also I had the smell of alcohol in my breath which put him off... I texted him expressing what I felt and that the whole experience was distasteful to me and none of us enjoyed it and that our date should've just ended at the mall. He apologized like three times and when i asked why he said it's because I feel so bad about it and we're human and things don't always go as perfectly as we want to. Anywaay my question is, can an SLI come back from such a pathetic sensory experience or will it always be at the back of his mind? It sure is at the back of mine and I don't wanna face him because I feel so weird

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

  16. #96
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    @Shytan, most of what went wrong on your date was a result of your doing stuff you didn’t want to do. Never do anything that you don’t want to do. Period.

    If he’s not willing to listen to you and accommodate your wants, then he’s not mature relationship material.

    I spent about five years doing sexual pinball with every woman who would have sex with me. Was I mature? No. Was I considerate? No. Was I relationship material? No. Was I ever going to settle down with these women? No. Did I care in the slightest who these women were? No. Was I an asshole? Yes, absolutely.

    Most of the women I had sex with weren’t that mature, either. They were often drunk, or desperate, or enamored, or lonely, or bored, or were trying to lose their BF’s, and on and on it went. Were any of them decent human beings who would have made wonderful partners? Yes, I’m sure, but I never got close enough to find that out.

    After many years of this, I started to feel really empty inside because, of course, this kind of thing is incredibly corrosive. After a particularly bad night spent with a particularly bad woman, I just stopped. I thought I would never meet a woman whom I liked enough to marry and I assumed I would never be in a relationship again. I absolutely stopped trying with women.

    After two years, I met this SLI while hanging out in my Astronomy club. She seemed sensible but not my type, and we became friends. After about six months of just hanging out, she invited me over for dinner. We had a few drinks and I went right back to my old ways and started to try to undress her and she threw me out of her apartment.

    I felt like a complete asshole because I had just fucked up a perfectly good friendship. I went home, cut a rose from a rosebush in my yard, wrote a note of apology, returned and put both under the windshield wiper of her car, where she’d see them in the morning.

    She was teaching me to respect both her and myself.

    We were married six months after that.

  17. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    @Shytan, most of what went wrong on your date was a result of your doing stuff you didn’t want to do. Never do anything that you don’t want to do. Period.

    If he’s not willing to listen to you and accommodate your wants, then he’s not mature relationship material.

    I spent about five years doing sexual pinball with every woman who would have sex with me. Was I mature? No. Was I considerate? No. Was I relationship material? No. Was I ever going to settle down with these women? No. Did I care in the slightest who these women were? No. Was I an asshole? Yes, absolutely.

    Most of the women I had sex with weren’t that mature, either. They were often drunk, or desperate, or enamored, or lonely, or bored, or were trying to lose their BF’s, and on and on it went. Were any of them decent human beings who would have made wonderful partners? Yes, I’m sure, but I never got close enough to find that out.

    After many years of this, I started to feel really empty inside because, of course, this kind of thing is incredibly corrosive. After a particularly bad night spent with a particularly bad woman, I just stopped. I thought I would never meet a woman whom I liked enough to marry and I assumed I would never be in a relationship again. I absolutely stopped trying with women.

    After two years, I met this SLI while hanging out in my Astronomy club. She seemed sensible but not my type, and we became friends. After about six months of just hanging out, she invited me over for dinner. We had a few drinks and I went right back to my old ways and started to try to undress her and she threw me out of her apartment.

    I felt like a complete asshole because I had just fucked up a perfectly good friendship. I went home, cut a rose from a rosebush in my yard, wrote a note of apology, returned and put both under the windshield wiper of her car, where she’d see them in the morning.

    She was teaching me to respect both her and myself.

    We were married six months after that.
    Thank you <3 This is actually so helpful and means a lot Adam

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

  18. #98
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    About activity relation between EII and SLI
    It happened between me and my crush

    We met each other at faculty orientation , i thought he was cold and uncaring to me. I was annoyed by himself first. After that , we become closer. But , it doesn't mean. We never get conflict. Sometimes , we get conflict too.
    Sometimes , activity relation makes us feel tired. If we are too much interacting each other.

    But , i really appreciate him like :
    1. He is efficient
    2. He is smart at class too
    3. Although , many peoples say he is uncaring. But he deeply cares to me.
    4. He has tidy and neat style
    5. He is genuine
    6. He shows affection and care with actions

    Tbh , he defended me to bullies. When , i got bullied by my classmate at university.

    He is nicest person , i've seen

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    Sometimes though, it can sound a little nasty.... There is this one time I was working with an ISTp and ESTj, though we weren't really "working," just talking and having work papers in front of us . We were talking about racial things, and how people get easily offended by slurs. However, we started to get a little hyper (maybe due to the activity relation) and for some reason the ESTj started to get uncomfortable in how we were laughing at racial slurs and what not (in an sort of way) and it just ruined the moment. Of course I felt bad once he got on us, but it was funny at the time... Also, the ISTp and I were saying nasty stuff to each other and acting pissed but in a "not really meaning it" way ( absence?). I know better than to do that to ESTjs.
    Yes I've seen this happen in real life and on this forum. When SLI and EII get together, they get overboard with the Si-Fi rampage. They start looking completely hysterical simpletons with their Se-Fe ignoring(come on, people don't get offended by the slur, but by the hate and exclusion from other people.... That's Fe class 101) and I instinctively leave to a more peaceful environment and am not surprised that LSE didn't like it either.

    There is a similar phenomenon in IEE-LSE activity where we start calling each other "stupid looser", "hopeless case of incompetency", "you don't get anything", "you have NO future", "you don't make no sense LET ME EXPLAIN" and blame/give responsibility for everything and ask for retribution just for shit and giggles. I know better than to do that with EII or SLI, they turn very angry when you diss them like that.
    I rarely feel alone. I rarely talk to anyone, yet in my head i have the most amazing, the most fantastic discussions with the people in my life. In real life, what most people talk about is several orders of magnitude lesser than their inner experiences. Most people never reveal the singularity of their subjective experience.
    Maybe I should learn to explore other people's consciousness. Maybe I should aim for a real space between me and others. Instead of cultivating monologues and fantasies. It's hard, but the alternative to this seems to be madness. ~ lkdhf qkb

    Life is soup. I'm fork


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    Quote Originally Posted by asd View Post
    About the strati EII-SLI description - anybody who behaves like that is not compatible with me. I guess I won’t assume every SLI I encounter would be like that though...

    but yeah, sudden coldness wrt Fi such “disappearing for days or not coming to a meeting” or whatever - will give me a lot of insecurity. I guess I don’t like that sort of “irrational” behavior. I also don’t want to set every single thing in stone but what I know for sure is I enjoy a constancy in Fi, in psychological closeness, and due to being sx first I start intensifying it over time and enjoy that too. If someone rebuffs that or tries to “escape” they are simply not compatible with me bc Fi and sx are as close to my self-esteem and core as it gets. It can really hurt to have that rejected.

    edit: general trend, a few negative events can be made up for if the relationship is still typically good and close the way I want it.
    I was thinking the same thing when I read that, seems like just an unhealthy way of dealing with a relationship. Hell even my 1DFi ass can handle that scenario better lol. I feel it's not as black and white as the description makes it honestly.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I'm only familiar with SLI-Te's, but none of them are players. They are all very faithful, but again, they are all Te-subtypes. The ones I know are very slow to connect. Resistant, even. But not players.
    Yup this is similar to what I've seen as well

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    Quote Originally Posted by asd View Post
    About the strati EII-SLI description - anybody who behaves like that is not compatible with me. I guess I won’t assume every SLI I encounter would be like that though...
    I know a lot of SLI-Si that act like that. Well, I'm as flippant about Te stuff as they are about Fi so It's their way of managing relational distance; they also like to do what they want a lot. It pisses me off when my SLI friends are like 'yea I was busy/was doing fine/needed some time(6 months!) for myself before calling you' but there is not much I can do about it. What's sure is that I'm not going to chase after them. Low commitment = low quality relationship

    IMO EIIs want an unreasonable degree of closeness to their relatives and partners though. It can go to the level of Fi-Te codependency in my opinion. I don't want to talk about feelings and relationships or the tasks and chores to make the house/job/family/society run all day long.
    I rarely feel alone. I rarely talk to anyone, yet in my head i have the most amazing, the most fantastic discussions with the people in my life. In real life, what most people talk about is several orders of magnitude lesser than their inner experiences. Most people never reveal the singularity of their subjective experience.
    Maybe I should learn to explore other people's consciousness. Maybe I should aim for a real space between me and others. Instead of cultivating monologues and fantasies. It's hard, but the alternative to this seems to be madness. ~ lkdhf qkb

    Life is soup. I'm fork


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