Quote Originally Posted by BlackTigress View Post
I strongly agree. Being accepted for who I am is extremely important to me. However, because my thoughts, opinions, tastes etc. are so different from everyone else, I hardly ever feel accepted. And when it does actually happen, it catches me off guard; I don't have much practice with being able to truly be myself, and it takes some time to recompose myself. Unfortunately, some people get discouraged at having given me an opportunity to be myself and have to wait even longer for me to actually do it, and that sometimes makes them not bother trying it again.

One thing that is key in getting me to open up is to not judge me and what I say and feel. It has a lot to do with being accepted. I know very well that there are going to be things where me and another person disagree about, but having that person openly degrade me and/or my thoughts/feelings is pretty much a slap to the face. The pain that comes from rejection is exponentially greater to me than the pain of being misunderstood because I keep to myself.

I like it when people take my thoughts and feelings and consider them to be another way of looking at things rather than the wrong way. Ideally, they would instead say something neutral about what I have to say, with bonus points for them if they take my thoughts/feelings seriously and try to expand on it (expanding on it doesn't mean that they have to agree with it). However, being neutral too much can backfire, as it leads me to think you don't really care about what I have to say, so I'll progressively say less and less if this happens. Sincerity also counts for a lot; if I sense you're being false to me in any way, I'll probably refuse to go any farther until you come to me and tell me you weren't being true to me (it's possible I'll initiate that confrontation myself, but don't count on it).

My thoughts and feelings are one of my greatest treasures, so naturally I'm going to guard them with a great deal of strength. But I am not selfish by wanting to keep them to myself, indeed it is quite the opposite. I'd love to be able to open up to others, but either they aren't worth my trust or they aren't willing to give me time to feel comfortable enough to open up. The thing about sharing thoughts and feelings is that once you do it, you are at the mercy of the person you shared with; once you open yourself up, you can't force them to forget what you expressed to them if they prove they can't be trusted.
I really resonate with this whole thing. I don't think I could have expressed this better than this was.

Bolded parts hit me in the most significant way.

I'd like to add that for me, this reminded me of this seemingly significant disconnect between who I am when nobody's around and when people are around. It bothers me that I can feel "looser" when I'm alone and I can't access that when people are around and I'm suddenly on the spot and feel different. I think that when I appear uncomfortable around people, part of that is this feeling that I'm unable to loosen up like I know I'm able to; that I feel like I'm just putting on a show that doesn't feel genuine. But another significant portion that is happening at the same time is the feeling that I don't know how people will respond or if they'll accept the looseness or if they'll suddenly think that I'm putting on a show and being disingenuousbecause I appear more subdued most of the time.

It's about trust. "Can I let go and just be me?" is the question that I'm constantly having to ask myself. At times, I can let go a little bit, but it's challenging to sustain it without constantly consciously thinking about it and choosing to let go. And that's why I say that it doesn't come naturally to me, I have to force myself to let go to be able to do it. It's a very frustrating and sometimes tiring mental thought process.