The positive aspects of LIIs-INTjs as romance material

[science as magic]

I get my primary emotional interaction from my girlfriends, so I don't require my man to focus on that

I nominate you for the super cool infj of the year award

[tcaudilllg]

She means "the strong silent type".

i was wondering that myself... though i've played that card. i don't get the strong silent type. i get the weirdo that's staring at me type. or the why he so angry type.

is there a way to pull off strong and silent, without looking like a bozo - or being too quiet? and when did silent mean masculine?

The strong silent type wouldn't be staring. He'd be involved in his own thing and would exude an air of confidence. She'd be then drawn to find out more about him, what makes him tick. But if that's not how you are, don't sweat it, and don't try to put on an act. Just try to show her a little interest without making it creepy. (Creepy is staring, saying inappropriate things, following her around, stuff like that).

I think what she's refering to is a Jesus-kinda guy. A type of person who is completely consumed by their own world, and doesn't let anyone else in. I imagine someone like that would be her perfect match.

But, I don't think it's a good idea for INTjs to try "romance types." (although I've heard that cockiness is good. Might want to try observing Cloud in Final Fantasy VII. He brings ESFJ Tifa down HARD.)

[P-chan]

But, I don't think it's a good idea for INTjs to try "romance types." (although I've heard that cockiness is good. Might want to try observing Cloud in Final Fantasy VII. He brings ESFJ Tifa down HARD.)

What type is Cloud?

[Creepy-Lotte]

What I mean by masculine is decisive, focused, able to make his ideas happen in the physical world.

Though these men ARE strong. They have the spine of their ethics and character. And they will talk when they actually have something to say, but never gab. Which is fine by me... I'm immediately suspect of a man who talks more than I or my girlfriends do.

Yes, it's great when a man is "involved in his own thing". I enjoy supporting a man in whatever is important to him - pushing back the frontiers of science, building bridges, chopping off the litigator's head and drop-kicking it out the window. INTJ's always have SOMETHING important to them. They're not wishy washy ... or at least they don't show it.

Mike, of those 4, I was married to one, but it ended unfortunately. I'm engaged to one now, and am very, very happy. The other two were boyfriends. One wanted to marry me, but I declined ... he primarily thought that I'd be a good mother for his kids. His mistake was not being discreet about that. The fourth broke up with me... he thought I lacked ambition (he certainly didn't recognize what my ambitions are).

Oh, ha ha. I don't think "kinky" INTJs exist. I don't think they're even capable of imagining "kinky". Fine by me.

Christine, INTJ's will date you (dinners, flowers) if they know you enjoy that and they see you as a good match for them ... they seem to have to learn this flower/candy stuff though. It's my impression that they'll do what they think it takes to get what they want. They are serious when they date ... they often ask to be steady very early on. (but very sweetly decline that until YOU have had a chance to make up your mind ... this drives them nuts ... which is kind of fun ... might be one of your rare chances to see them emote.)

Pedro, how did you know I was an INFJ?

Mike you can do well with a romance type if you want to. And you'll certainly make a good mate. Please don't be discouraged. You have so much to offer.

If language is your weak spot, then learn to be comfortable with silence. Focus on action if you're more comfortable with that.

So many men now are so .... feminized. As an INTJ, I'd guess you're not one of them. That can really set you apart. Especially with more feminine women who crave stability and certainty, and decisiveness in their men.

A romantic type can create her own romance out of thin air. Learn the physical language of romance ... opening doors for women, carrying packages, little gifts etc.. A girl with imagination will fill in the rest. You don't always have to express verbally.

[Poose]

Oh, ha ha. I don't think "kinky" INTJs exist. I don't think they're even capable of imagining "kinky".

Yeah, they exist.

[UDP]

Oh, ha ha. I don't think "kinky" INTJs exist. I don't think they're even capable of imagining "kinky".

Yeah, they exist.

You guys can't be serious when you make statements like this


That is the full tilt of being narrow minded.

[science as magic]

Pedro, how did you know I was an INFJ?

I'm an INFJ

[UDP]

You don't always have to express verbally.

Sometimes pointing, repeatedly, with the index finger, works well.
But that's just in my experience



....................

[Polly_G]

since we are so quiet, and rarily ever blend - what makes someone want to go over to the shy guy off to one corner, staring at this and that?

There are two types of guys I'm attracted to for different reasons. One is the activist type which is similar to me. They tend to be romantic and sentimental but intelligent with creative interests.

The other type is the intelligent "shy guy" who has lots of interests as well but peaceful co-existence is more important than having pushy views.

The relationship with the shy one tends to be a lot less stressful so that's appealing. But shy ones can also sometimes avoid talking about things that need to be talked about.

Either way, I could see both working out if we were both committed to making it work and didn't forget things like appreciation, respect, the art of compromise, and that I'm always right

[Poose]

Oh, ha ha. I don't think "kinky" INTJs exist. I don't think they're even capable of imagining "kinky".

Yeah, they exist.

That is the full tilt of being narrow minded.

I'm narrow-minded????

[science as magic]

He meant Lotte. Notice the use of /bold. It was probably easier to quote your post than to quote hers and find the one scrap of text that he wanted to quote not doing so however, starts little side-tracking discussions like this which are annoying.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[UDP]

now I'm depressed

[mike_INTJ]

The relationship with the shy one tends to be a lot less stressful so that's appealing. But shy ones can also sometimes avoid talking about things that need to be talked about.

which things would need to be talked about?

[mike_INTJ]

So many men now are so .... feminized. As an INTJ, I'd guess you're not one of them. That can really set you apart. Especially with more feminine women who crave stability and certainty, and decisiveness in their men.

i've heard of this term, or metro-sexual, or something like that. but what does it mean?

for me - i'm not a man's man - i hate sports, i don't like strip clubs, i don't drink, i don't oggle-da-ladies, i don't do guy stuff. i do like tools - so i guess that's something. i'm trying to maintain smooth skin, but mostly because i can't stand the sandpaper effect i used to have.

but otherwise i'm not sure what to show. i'm kind of like a composite mold. i can shape myself to certain extents, but i need to know how, what the parameters are. i know i should be myself - but i havn't figured out what myself is yet. my real self is hidden in the corner, silent - that's the real me - and it won't work that well.

A romantic type can create her own romance out of thin air. Learn the physical language of romance ... opening doors for women, carrying packages, little gifts etc.. A girl with imagination will fill in the rest. You don't always have to express verbally.

doors - check
carrying stuff - never really came up.
gifts - check

nothing is really working so far. it's a pain not being able to say the things you want to say. i open my mouth, and it's like nothing comes out, weird. so even if i can utter the words, i can't imagine what the rest of the date would be like.

i work best in a questions and answers forum. they ask one thing and i will answer the question. however unless they ask, i won't elaborate any. the conversations i have probably confuse the other person, as i tend to not go on about any one thing. probably because i found this bored people senseless. maybe i'll find someone with a common interest - atleast i can spring board off of that - finding that person - harder.

[Creepy-ENTp M]

Speak'in for my peoples, I'd like to say that it would be impossible to be all that anyone else wants you to be. Soooo just be yourself and try to understand what motivates the other gender you are particularly interested in. Their positive qualities speak for themselves and you have to figure out if that person's particular brand of crap is worth putting up with. Let's see carefully reviewing this and other threads, men are supposed to now be:

1. Empathetic to emotions and feelings we just don't buy into as valid.
2. Be decisive and authoritarian, but on command only.
3. Express what we feel with true emotion, but be cool and collected.
4. Be nuturing parental units that want to change diapers, but be traditional men.
5. Do half of all the household chores but bring home 80% to 110% of the money.
6. Be into our careers, but limit that to 40 hours so we can get home in time to cook dinner and help with homework.
7. Support our partners in whatever they want to do with their lives but settle for half a loaf ourselves.
8. Be ready for sex whenever she wants, not any other time.
9. Completely understand our partner, but be completely understanding when they don't get us.
10. Deny our basic biology and go the "metro" route, but still have that caveman quality that wants to bend you over and do you like a Hun.

I'm all over this assignment.

......and the list goes on an on. The guys are doing all this for all the perfect and well adjusted women out there. So I surrender. I'm moving to Tibet and becoming a hermit so I can deal with all my "failures" to measure up as a man-woman.

Wrong. I'm going to be me, and a good person (a trans-gender quality) and who ever I'm attracted to will either accept or reject who I am. If I want her enough and if there's an issue I'll change without feeling like I'm giving up who I am and ditto for her. Otherwise da' hell with'em.

[Kirana]

then again, women are also expected to be superwomen. it's not just the men who have to put up with unrealistic expectations. but i digress.

but a lot of shortcomings can be 'forgiven' if you've got the qualities most important to the person who is with you. in fact, confidence alone is enough most of the time. and if you don't have that, even if you meet most of the qualities she's listed, it still probably won't happen.

[mike_INTJ]

How old are you Mike_INTJ? I ask because you say that you "haven't figured out what myself is yet"

32 in reality.

people think i'm in my early 20's (baby face)

mentally, 524

[Creepy-]

then again, women are also expected to be superwomen. it's not just the men who have to put up with unrealistic expectations. but i digress.

but a lot of shortcomings can be 'forgiven' if you've got the qualities most important to the person who is with you. in fact, confidence alone is enough most of the time. and if you don't have that, even if you meet most of the qualities she's listed, it still probably won't happen.

That's your opinion, that confidence is the "trump card". Some other woman might call it differently, and that in a way is my point. Nobody has a lock on the "requirements list" to be a good partner, except the individual doing the chosing. That applies to both sexes. So my solution, be me at all times. The only thing I'm willing to change about me are mutually agreed upon things with someone who I have some initial attraction. I wouldn't expect any less from a woman.

[Kirana]

my point is, that confidence (as in, self-confidence) is prerequisite to being yourself. otherwise, you're always trying to contort yourself to match what you think someone else wants.

sheesh.

[UDP]

my point is, that confidence (as in, self-confidence) is prerequisite to being yourself. otherwise, you're always trying to contort yourself to match what you think someone else wants.

sheesh.

and a quality point it is

[helixtherat]

Sorry for getting in late on this thread...

d) introspective- results in always wanting to improve him/herself. However, just as this trait has its upside, it has its downside. And I am suspecting if their characteristic depression might have something to do with this coupled with the possession of a weak Se (you are already dissatisfied with the foolish ways of the world yet you must sort of "fit in" whether you like it or not) < I'm guessing on this one

You guessed right - in my case, at least.

Long term interaction is best. I can usually spot them very easily but it takes a while to move in.

Yes. It takes me a long, long, LONG time to trust someone enough to let them into my world. Usually, the only way that happens is if we see and interact with each other routinely for some reason.

I imagine that there might be alot of hidden and raw sexuality(correct me if I am wrong, but please do respond, people) They want a person to dominate them perhaps.

I can't speak for female INTJs, since I'm not one, but I wouldn't think that sexual submissiveness would be typical for INTJs in general. Speaking only for myself: I am famously reserved and reticent until you get to know me, but the way I interact with people who are part of my world is very different from the way I interact with the people who aren't.

I don't mind being dominated in bed, on occasion, but I've never thought of myself as "submissive". I like a mix of domination and submission, but I have plenty of enthusiasm for the former, and if I had to choose one or the other for the rest of my life, I'd probably choose to be dominant.

I don't know if my sexuality is more or less raw than the next person's, but I can tell you that it's plenty raw enough for me.

I think that they typically come across as very insecure and emotionally vulnerable people that can be easily manipulated.

Try manipulating an INTJ sometime, and then tell me what you think about this

I absolutely hate to be manipulated, and I can spot attempts to do it a mile away - and the person making the attempt usually gets their legs kicked out from under them in a more-or-less humiliating way.

But without going too far off topic- the places that I have met INTj's are school and work. Sure some might like "comp usa" but the ones that I have met seem to be chasing their super-egos and in many regards deny their intellect and creativity in pursuit of a more girly lifestyle because, I assume, this is where they will get the attention and where repressed sexual desires can be fulfilled.

Hmm. You must know some pretty atypical INTJs. It's typically regarded as a distinctly masculine personality, and most INTJs are deeply and successfully involved in intellectual pursuits.

helixtherat
INTJ

[helixtherat]

do you simply like dating INTJ's? or would you marry one? you have 4 listed there, which means they either ended, or your into some really kinky stuff. and i know INTJ's aren't into this (don't think so anyway).

Bzzzt.

It's probably not possible to generalize about what types and amounts of kink particular personality types are into. I'm not a fetishist or anything, but I'm very...shall we say, open-minded in bed. I really can't think of anything that would phase me that doesn't involve fresh excrement or a power drill.

helixtherat
INTJ

[UDP]

Be careful with comments like that, helixtherat.


People will start calling you everything from ESTp to INTj just because you aren't prototypical........


( )

Like one should really care, heh heh heh

[Polly_G]

I think INTJs face the same problems a lot of face when it comes to the world of dating ESPECIALLY once you hit your 30s.

Unless you are a really social type, I think its hard to find someone who is right for you when you are in your 30s. By now, we are all so stuck in our ways. Its not exactly like you can say to someone, hey, mind taking a personality and emotional maturity test prior to us dating?

Life was so much easier when I had no clue what I wanted. I let my faults hang out because its important to me that whomever I end up with like me for me...faults and all.

I'm not going to pretend I'm some domestic deva or that I will always dress up..ugh. I know what my value is as a person, as a worker etc. but what I'm not sure is, is what value I provide as a spouse.

I mean, yeah, I'm fun and not very critical or controlling. But that hasn't actually served me well in my past relationships. I have had guys complain that I'm not controlling or critical enough. So funny, guys bitch about these things yet actually want them. I sometimes feel every guy is looking for his mother.

[Full House]

I have had guys complain that I'm not controlling or critical enough. So funny, guys bitch about these things yet actually want them.

This is off topic, but they must've been insane.

[mike_INTJ]

I have had guys complain that I'm not controlling or critical enough. So funny, guys bitch about these things yet actually want them.

This is off topic, but they must've been insane.

or extremely submissive.

[Kirana]

I think INTJs face the same problems a lot of face when it comes to the world of dating ESPECIALLY once you hit your 30s.

polly, please don't depress me. i'll be thirty in three years.

[Polly_G]

Being single and in 30s sucks a bit but its not so bad. Good thing is in your 30s you have other stuff going for you.

or extremely submissive.

haha I was told "I" was too submissive. I think they were just "J" types who didn't get my "P".

Actually...I don't think they got the E, N, T, or P. hehe.

[mimisor]

haha I was told "I" was too submissive. I think they were just "J" types who didn't get my "P".

Actually...I don't think they got the E, N, T, or P. hehe.

lol lol that was funny...typical Alpha humour, Polly