Identical Relations: ENFp with ENFp

[Kim]

I'm just curious if anyone here has ever been in a relationship with another ENFp?

[Expat]

I have been in a relationship with an ENFp, but I'm not one myself

[Kim]

Oh, elaborate anyway. Who needs to stay on topic?? What is it like?

[Kim]

What's it like staying on topic? Uhhhhh......

I certainly wouldn't know. So, ehm, what about those look-alike relations now??

[Slacker]

I don't think I've ever had a relationship with another ENFp, but . . .

Well I've said before here that I get little crushes all the time. So there's this guy whose daughter goes to my daughter's preschool whom I've had a crush on and I'm quite sure he's an ENFp. But, of course, there will be no relationship. The funny thing is that I knew him in college (I live in a fairly small town) and I had a crush on him then too. I think I was dating someone else at the time and I didn't cheat back then either, so there was no chance of a relationship at that point either.

That's probably completely irrelevant.

He just broke up with his wife. She's a friend of mine (this is so awful, isn't it? I knew her for a long time before I met her husband and realized it was the guy I had a crush on once upon a time) but I always thought they were poorly matched. I've been trying to figure out what type she is but I can't figure it out. She is not good at compromise - everything is very right or wrong and there is no room for discussion. Also, when she answers a question she gets this look about her as if she's a queen issuing a formal edict, and then she answers in a solem way and will not allow any further discussion.

That's probably completely irrelevant too. But we could use a bit more activity in our little quadra area so I hope you don't mind.

[Kim]

That's probably completely irrelevant too. But we could use a bit more activity in our little quadra area so I hope you don't mind.

No, this is all very interesting!

[Expat]

Oh, elaborate anyway. Who needs to stay on topic?? What is it like?

We live continents apart, we've known each other for many years. We've always been the best of friends, except when we actually meet and both of us happen to be otherwise unattached. Then there is a lot of chemistry. She's extremely sexy. Sheer bliss.

We can talk about everything, but when we actually are together we seem to argue about small things.

I'm now trying to get her to visit me next year, but I think she'll be too busy

[Creepy-]

Do most ENFps have a huge catalogue of past/future love interests that are desperately hoping that one day that ENFp will finally realise the errors of their ways and begin dating that past/future love interest.

[Kim]

I'm now trying to get her to visit me next year, but I think she'll be too busy

Visit her

[Expat]

Visit her

I tried to last September, but it fell apart -- believe me, from the point of view of "infrastructure" and "practicality" it makes much more sense for her to visit me than the other way around -- it has nothing to do with laziness or the like, on my part :wink:

[Creepy-]

I have a catalog of past love interests who did not want to get into something serious because I was too unattached/flighty/much work/scattered and then tell me years later when it's all too late just how sad they are to have missed out on wonderful me...yeah, whatever....

When I said past/future love interests I ment past/possible.

[Expat]

I apologize for the suspicion! :wink:
So can you see yourself in a relationship with an ENFp? As in living together?

I could see myself trying it, with her in particular, assuming all practical matters (which are considerable) were solved -- but I'm not sure that it would work, for reasons that I don't consider to be type-related.

[Expat]

But she is my benefactor, so perhaps it wouldn't work anyway. But that in itself would not prevent me from trying!

[Topaz]

I know several enfps both male and female. I find them all pretty cool. The guys can at times be defensive because they dont want to seem to soft. The girls are very fun and easy to get along with. I would say the women lean more to ethical subtypes and the guys to intuitive.
I was involved with an enfp in highschool. We are still friends but share to many weak points. Im more focused and disciplined than she and I often end up giving her pepp talks and encouragement to follow her plans (which she keeps changing). Identicals are fun to hang around but not so great when you need to accomplish stuff unless you are both very focused. I think they are relationships of growing laziness.

[Creepy-melissa]

Anybody fall into this category or have experience in the area? What are your thoughts?

[Topaz]

AH PITY THE FOOO..

[Slacker]

I'd be afraid that nothing would ever get done around the house. But I bet it would be fun, albeit a bit messy.

[schrödinger's cat]

Urk. No. Scary thought. Wouldn't it be exhausting?

[Topaz]

Urk. No. Scary thought. Wouldn't it be exhausting?

Hey, youre back!
I used to date a girl who was enfp. Our styles were somewhat different but we had so much fun. But in a practical way nothing could be accomplished unless I forced myself to do it all . Plus she was the slobbiest of slobs and still is. We still hang out from time to time. Its refreshing to see her but if we were to marry I'd be the one who'd spend all their time cleaning and picking up. I can only handle so much caos

[NeonMonk]

Everyone speaks the truth. Could two ENFps really commit to each other? In marriage?

It would be a fun but short relationship I'd imagine. I reckon it would take a lot of effort... even just keeping in contact with each other.

[Creepy-]

Well...the reason I'm asking is that a very long time male best friend and I have developed feelings for each other after all these years of dating other people. It has yet to be confirmed but I am almost positive he is also an ENFP...we totally jive and have all the same passions and interests and being together is never boring (I think my last boyfriend was an ISTJ and he drove me INSANE with how BORING he was)...I guess I was curious if anybody else tried this. Yes, we are both messy...we are both loud...we're both crazy...but I guess I'd like to think it would work, haha. He has a weaker extroversion than I do, not by much but he does, and he is more laid back than I am...so I thought those slight variations might help. I guess I just like the idea of being with someone who has the same zest for life that I do and can keep up with the bubbling energy I generate everywhere I go...but maybe we'll just wear each other out? I dunno.

Hmm.

[P-chan]

I'd be afraid that nothing would ever get done around the house. But I bet it would be fun, albeit a bit messy.

Live in a smaller place that takes less time to clean, and that has no lawn to mow/no driveway to shovel, and don't have children?

That's what I as an INTJ would do if I were to choose a place to live, anyway. I don't like being bogged down on "maintenance" type tasks, but I also don't need to live in a big house and don't feel the need to have children (not sure about ENFPs).

[schrödinger's cat]

Well, who knows? The best way of finding out if it could work might be giving it a try.

The only potential problem I can think of is this --- if both of you are a bit disorganized, and if one of you is a bit better at organizing stuff and/or a bit more paranoid about forgetting appointments, then this person could end up doing both his own share of work plus that of his partner. -- But that isn't such a great big problem. It might not occurr at all. And even if it does, it's relatively easy to solve, provided your partner is willing to listen and cooperate.

@Topaz: thanks for the welcome.

[Kim]

Well, who knows? The best way of finding out if it could work might be giving it a try.

The only potential problem I can think of is this --- if both of you are a bit disorganized, and if one of you is a bit better at organizing stuff and/or a bit more paranoid about forgetting appointments, then this person could end up doing both his own share of work plus that of his partner. -- But that isn't such a great big problem. It might not occurr at all. And even if it does, it's relatively easy to solve, provided your partner is willing to listen and cooperate.

@Topaz: thanks for the welcome.

Ah, I don't know...I lived with a rather and unusually disorganized and messy ISTp and had to be on top of things for both of us (not for everything) and it stressed me out at times. But I will say that an identical relationship sounds very appealing and I would certainly give it a go, if only to have someone who can keep up with the FUN.

[Topaz]

I think two mature, realistic identicals can get together and make a go of it. This is especially true if they have gone it alone at least for some time and they are self actualizing. This means that they take responsibility of themselves and their choices. They dont try to avoid their responsibilities or blame others for their falures. This is what I see is important in any real relationship though. After all, even if you found that perfect someone to do certain things for you, anything could happen to them. They could get sick and need care or die and then where would you be? If we learn to take care of ourselves (and others) the best we can then anything added will seem like a gift and not a requirement.

[jewels]

ENFP guy. Plus ENFP girl. Is that possible?

From everything I've read, I feel it's doomed to last no longer than two months. Thoughts?

[UDP]

Any two types can form a relationship. More importantly, you both are human beings - and capable of great wonders - failure and success. Like any relationship, the choices you both make are ultimately what determines its length.

[Slacker]

I've dated ENFps. It's great fun. Obviously those relationships didn't last, but I'm glad to have dated the couple of ENFps I've dated.

Until very recently, I had an ENFj/ENFj couple as neighbors, and they seem very happy. Identicals can have good relationships. I'd think it would work better between extraverts than introverts because two ISTps might just sit around the house and get bored. Of course with two ENFps you'd never actually get anything done. But you'll have lots of fun not getting anything useful accomplished.

[meatburger]

yeah it would be a hoot!

Honestly your right though Jewels the relationship is going to fail at some point. I have some feeling that it wouldn't be the most psychologically damaging of relationships when it did end though. They would both understand each others points of view and why it didn't work out.

[ScarlettLux]

I've dated ENFps. It's great fun. Obviously those relationships didn't last, but I'm glad to have dated the couple of ENFps I've dated.

Until very recently, I had an ENFj/ENFj couple as neighbors, and they seem very happy. Identicals can have good relationships. I'd think it would work better between extraverts than introverts because two ISTps might just sit around the house and get bored. Of course with two ENFps you'd never actually get anything done. But you'll have lots of fun not getting anything useful accomplished.

Actually, I rather believe the opposite -- two introverts would get along much better than two extroverts. That's just from what I've seen IRL. Extroverts tend to be bored of each-other even moreso than introverts... I find introverts have more a sense of compatibility and comfort just being together alone while two extroverts will get distracted by external stimulation and not be as intrigued by the other cause they both are already too open and burn each other out.

[meatburger]

Actually, I rather believe the opposite -- two introverts would get along much better than two extroverts. That's just from what I've seen IRL. Extroverts tend to be bored of each-other even moreso than introverts... I find introverts have more a sense of compatibility and comfort just being together alone while two extroverts will get distracted by external stimulation and not be as intrigued by the other cause they both are already too open and burn each other out.

I tend to agree yeah. It would last longer with two introverts. Better im not sure. Extravert's could have a great deal of fun together and would be more exciting but break apart quicker. Extraverts would realise their incompatibility a lot faster. Introvert-Introvert relationships can sometimes sadden me. They can be like those relationships where no one is happy but they just continue on with it just because.

[ScarlettLux]

Actually, I rather believe the opposite -- two introverts would get along much better than two extroverts. That's just from what I've seen IRL. Extroverts tend to be bored of each-other even moreso than introverts... I find introverts have more a sense of compatibility and comfort just being together alone while two extroverts will get distracted by external stimulation and not be as intrigued by the other cause they both are already too open and burn each other out.

I tend to agree yeah. It would last longer with two introverts. Better im not sure. Extravert's could have a great deal of fun together and would be more exciting but break apart quicker. Extraverts would realise their incompatibility a lot faster. Introvert-Introvert relationships can sometimes sadden me. They can be like those relationships where no one is happy but they just continue on with it just because.

Actually, you're totally right. I'm in a relationship with an very heavy introvert now and it is thankful that I am on the very side of the IEI spectrum, thus making me quite extroverted in comparison to him so it isn't that bad. However, I see the potential pitfalls of the two of us being together.. I can see that happening -- the continuing "just because" especially on my part.. eh. =[ I dunno man, sometimes I am not sure what I really want because whenever I have become too passionate about a person, it always ends in disaster and now it's always like I am holding myself back and not allowing "true" deep emotion to grow.

[Slacker]

Well, here is an entry from Rick's blog about relationships between two introverts, two extraverts, or one of each. The two extravert one sounds better to me, personally. But it's probably partially just that I know more relationships like this than the other. I'll have to think whether I actually even know any introvert/introvert relationships.

[meatburger]

Well, here is an entry from Rick's blog about relationships between two introverts, two extraverts, or one of each. The two extravert one sounds better to me, personally. But it's probably partially just that I know more relationships like this than the other. I'll have to think whether I actually even know any introvert/introvert relationships.

Could be just personal preference. That was an excellent post by Rick, it basically mirrored exactly what i believed. He just has such a way with words. My parents are Introvert - Introvert look-alike partners. They do get on quite well and communication is quite good but really what keeps them together is they are just content living their lives. They have their own little quirky interests which keep them occupied.

I think this line however seals the deal for me "most often, relationships between two extratims lack "glue" and seem to have little that keeps them together". The biggest sadness and fear for me in a way is breaking up. If i could find a relationship where i or the other person didn't feel compelled to break up, thats what im looking for.

Activity partners could be the exception though. I think they function in a way as Introverted - Extraverted partners as you kind of seperate into your own world for a time before you come close again.

[Creepy-bg]

...They have their own little quirky interests which keep them occupied...

I really think thats one of the keys for long lasting marraiges... my parents are coming up on 50 years sometime soon and I think that's why it works so good. They've got enough seperate interrests to not crowd eachother but enough shared interrests to not drift apart. Balance... it's a good thing. Personally I can't stand being in/around clingly "gotta be together as much as possible" relationships, not sure if that's just me or something I learned from watching my parents.

[redbaron]

...They have their own little quirky interests which keep them occupied...

I really think thats one of the keys for long lasting marraiges... my parents are coming up on 50 years sometime soon and I think that's why it works so good. They've got enough seperate interrests to not crowd eachother but enough shared interrests to not drift apart. Balance... it's a good thing. Personally I can't stand being in/around clingly "gotta be together as much as possible" relationships, not sure if that's just me or something I learned from watching my parents.

I agree. My parents are both introverts and have been married (mostly happily ) for 40 years. They have a good balance between together time and alone time. Their own interests and shared interests. I don't like clinginess either.

[Blaze]

Actually, I rather believe the opposite -- two introverts would get along much better than two extroverts. That's just from what I've seen IRL. Extroverts tend to be bored of each-other even moreso than introverts... I find introverts have more a sense of compatibility and comfort just being together alone while two extroverts will get distracted by external stimulation and not be as intrigued by the other cause they both are already too open and burn each other out.

I tend to agree yeah. It would last longer with two introverts. Better im not sure. Extravert's could have a great deal of fun together and would be more exciting but break apart quicker. Extraverts would realise their incompatibility a lot faster. Introvert-Introvert relationships can sometimes sadden me. They can be like those relationships where no one is happy but they just continue on with it just because.

i agree with meatburger. me and my extravert ex lasted 15 years. my introvert man and his introvert ex lasted 30 years. just by way of example.

[jewels]

hmm, all interesting insights guys

So far it's going pretty well. But I can't help but notice the looming shadow of socionics in the background (dun dun dun....) J/K LOL

makes me wonder if it's a blessing or a curse to know about this stuff.

[meatburger]

hmm, all interesting insights guys

So far it's going pretty well. But I can't help but notice the looming shadow of socionics in the background (dun dun dun....) J/K LOL

makes me wonder if it's a blessing or a curse to know about this stuff.

I feel terrible now. I didn't think you were referring to yourself Jewels. There is definitely an attraction there i have almost hooked up with ENFp's a few times. I find ENFp girls very attractive.

Knowledge is power Jewels

[jewels]

hmm, all interesting insights guys

So far it's going pretty well. But I can't help but notice the looming shadow of socionics in the background (dun dun dun....) J/K LOL

makes me wonder if it's a blessing or a curse to know about this stuff.

I feel terrible now. I didn't think you were referring to yourself Jewels. There is definitely an attraction there i have almost hooked up with ENFp's a few times. I find ENFp girls very attractive.

Knowledge is power Jewels

LOL, no worries meatburger! Your input was great. I agree w/ all you peeps about the two extroverts thing, but you know, nothing's for certain. :wink: I mean, I'm sold on socionics and can't ignore that, but I guess everything can't be predicted all the time. Or else we'd never be without an umbrella, right? And how many times is the weather wrong? often. But I guess we'll see...