ENFps and revenge

[Kim]

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[indigoroom]

people should be very careful with whom they share their secrets. we can become stars one day and someone could reveal some secret for $$$
anyway ENFps are good at the defense lines but yea they aren't good at the revenges on a more highly level than "yaa you see that was for calling me stupid *cute smile*. but who knows.. maybe I'll sing a different song soon (freakin` contrary relations)

[Slacker]

I've never taken revenge on anyone either. I've always thought, what's the point of it? I really don't think it would make me better and why hurt someone for really no reason at all? Actually, it would probably make me feel worse because if I took revenge on someone who hurt me I'd feel wronged *and* guilty.

[NeonMonk]

Yeah... I've thought about enacting revenge on someone, but only in the short term. I usually do a full circle, say, "that person just wasn't compatible with me" and leave it at that. I don't know what I'd do if that person wanted to carry on the feud though. Luckily that hasn't happened bad enough to actually make me plan out revenge.

[Joy]

I used to be quite vengeful. I was so awful. I have never been in a physical fight because to me the body is such a blunt object... and the mind is a pistol.

During those days I would say, "It's not revenge, it's justice."

These days I no longer push people off the slide. :wink:

[schrödinger's cat]

@Joy:

Most times revenge wouldn't fit into my value system. The harm is done, the bad thing is done - does that excuse my descending onto the other person's level and doing something bad as well? Even if the answer is yes - what good would revenge do? Either the person would suffer and be crushed, or they wouldn't care at all, or they'd retaliate
-- and none of these possibilities appeals to me.

But I love those stories of brilliant revenges. Like the woman who broke into her ex-boyfriend's car, took up the car seat covers, and covered the seats with a thin layer of raw minced meat. EVIL.

Still, it's nothing I'd do myself (see above). What I'm dreaming of: Italian-style quarrels where I get to scream and throw plates. Or duels. ENFPs make great duellists. We'd fight a bit, see our opponent bleed and suffer, feel remorse, bind up his wounds, crack a few jokes and invite everyone for a drink.

[diamond]

I like to fantasize about revenge but not engage in revenge activities.

When you try for revenge it's pretty obvious and then everybody knows how you feel. Better to let the person experience their own consequences in time. What goes around comes around.

Some people are more crafty though and might be able to get a revenge going that doesn't trace back to them, but I guess I'm not diabolical enough for that.

[NeonMonk]

Wow, I've had a relationship like that... but I really didn't think she was ISTp.

[Kim]

What was her type, you think?

[NeonMonk]

Well I'd never considered ISTP... But I still don't think so, really.

I'd probably take a guess at ESFP.

[Kim]

Well, that't another type to have water battles with. And I can see myself fighting with an ESFp in a relationship! As friends, they are great. But I can't see myself in a relationship with another extravert.

[P-chan]

I think revenge for the sake of revenge is useless since it costs you time/resources to do it but you don't gain anything from it.

(Except maybe personal satisfaction, but I'm an INTJ so I don't really go for that.)

[Topaz]

My revenge is normaly to just cut the person off ( for a while ) I usually cant stay mad for more than 5 minutes but if someone hurts me really bad then I just leave them alone. If I do have to interact with them I am polite and business like. Usually I make them suffer for a while or at least until Im satisfied that they really are repentant (provided they are truely in the wrong and its not me )

I have a SLI friend who pisses me off. He becomes moody and rejecting from time to time. For revenge I go about my business hang out with other people, do my school work etc. Days, even a week will go by and he wont try to contact me. Its a battle of wills but usually he'll come around looking lonely and sad, start trying to get my attention in some child like way. I dont have much patients for moody people.
It doesnt sound like much of a revenge but it does work. Usually I try not to go that route if I can avoid it. Id rather say whats bugging me and just clear the air. Sometimes though the person just doesnt seem to care how you feel in which case you just have to stop being so open and personal with them. Thats not passive aggressive is it?

[ENFperator]

What I'm dreaming of: Italian-style quarrels where I get to scream and throw plates.

Haha, I've done that (except the throwing plates part)! :wink: When I'm annoyed I say to them what is their problem in an open way, so that's impossible to misunderstand me. I can say that in a very harsh manner, but only when I'm very angry. That's my sort of revenge.

[schrödinger's cat]

About ignoring people instead of taking revenge - does anyone else do that? I've got a tendency towards that, but I didn't think it was to do with type.

[ENFperator]

I have ignored some people, but I don't think that ENFps in general have a tendency towards it. If there's a particular person I don't like I'll keep a large psychological distance and act formal rather than simply ignoring him or her.

[schrödinger's cat]

If there's a particular person I don't like I'll keep a large psychological distance and act formal rather than simply ignoring him or her.

That's what I do too. If people have crossed a certain line, I just cut them out of my life and try to get as much distance between us as possible. Being formal and polite is the best way of doing that. It's not "ignoring sb." in the classic sense of the word, but it works. And to me it's the same thing emotionally: conversation that's purely formal and chit-chatty doesn't feel like "proper" conversation to me, merely like marking time until the other person leaves or until real conversation begins.

[Topaz]

If there's a particular person I don't like I'll keep a large psychological distance and act formal rather than simply ignoring him or her.

That's what I do too. If people have crossed a certain line, I just cut them out of my life and try to get as much distance between us as possible. Being formal and polite is the best way of doing that. It's not "ignoring sb." in the classic sense of the word, but it works. And to me it's the same thing emotionally: conversation that's purely formal and chit-chatty doesn't feel like "proper" conversation to me, merely like marking time until the other person leaves or until real conversation begins.

Thats exactly what I mean.

[Slacker]

If there's a particular person I don't like I'll keep a large psychological distance and act formal rather than simply ignoring him or her.

That's what I do too. If people have crossed a certain line, I just cut them out of my life and try to get as much distance between us as possible. Being formal and polite is the best way of doing that. It's not "ignoring sb." in the classic sense of the word, but it works. And to me it's the same thing emotionally: conversation that's purely formal and chit-chatty doesn't feel like "proper" conversation to me, merely like marking time until the other person leaves or until real conversation begins.

I've done this too but it's on occasion gotten me in trouble because sometimes people interpret "formal and chit-chatty" as "friendly" and then think we're friends and I feel like an ass. So I get yet more formal and a bit less chit-chatty. But some people don't pick up a hint.

I am not good at confrontation.

[Expat]

I've done this too but it's on occasion gotten me in trouble because sometimes people interpret "formal and chit-chatty" as "friendly" and then think we're friends and I feel like an ass. So I get yet more formal and a bit less chit-chatty. But some people don't pick up a hint.

Yes, people with weak .

[schrödinger's cat]

I am not good at confrontation.

Me neither. My husband says when I'm angry he'd rather have me confrontational than "logically objective, collected and calm", because it makes me sound like I'm behind my barricade playing for time so I can load my gun.

[Creepy-]

Yes, people with weak .

For IEE takes a back seat to The IEE is psychologically compatible with SLI in this area. IEE will not put emotional pressure on others but will soften conflict. SLI cannot endure much emotional pressure.