Dismissing good-looking people on basis of socionics types

[Hugo]

When I see an attractive girl, I subconsiously dismiss her if she does not appear to be an ESFj.

Before, I used to consciously think "Is this girl ESFj or not?". Now it's become a subconcious process for me.

(I am INTj)



In your mind, would you dismiss a visually appealing girl/guy, if they are not your dual?

[Rocky]

In your mind, would you dismiss a visually appealing girl/guy, if they are not your dual?

Hell no...

[Artemis]

In your mind, would you dismiss a visually appealing girl/guy, if they are not your dual?

Hell no...

I second that!

[Olga]

You might be too rational and this is dangerous. Your partner, your other half may be not this type but the other type. I have been married to my ideal socionical match but it did not work. Socionics is not an approved science yet and there is a lot of hypotetical statements about the relationship between different ypes. Go for you heart. Do not let your mind to step inbetween. If it happens to be a mistake - than you will learn and will get wiser.

[Ms. Kensington]

no

[Joy]

I am never instantly attracted to a person. Generally it's something that just sorta appears at some point or another. Of course I can tell if a person is attractive, but that has nothing to do with my level of attraction.

If someone is to attract me, the very first step is for that person to appear interesting. This is not something that they are aware they are doing. Hehe, the whole concept of attractive is quite amusing...

So while any type can be interesting, I'd say that ISFps are not the most interesting... in fact I think I would prefer most N types... so anyways, no I do not find non-duals unattractive.

You know.... I ought to look at pics of ISFps so I can VI them when I meet them.... not that it matters anyways...

[Slacker]

I think my initial attraction has generally been to ENTj guys - at least most of the guys I've dated in my life have fit that general description. Or been close to it. I think my husband is the first ISTp I've dated. Though there was this one sweet guy in high school I dated who was also into fixing cars and had the same quiet way about him . . . but I wasn't thinking marriage back then by a long shot.

Anyway, I think it would be kind of sad if I hadn't had the relationships I've had, even the bad ones, because they made me who I am. And while most turned pretty nasty, they were all fun for at least a while and fun is a good thing. Plus we learn about ourselves through our relationships.

I think you should allow yourself to be young and date whoever strikes your fancy, and if you run into a dual at some point along the way then maybe things will work out between you.

[Topaz]

I think my initial attraction has generally been to ENTj guys - at least most of the guys I've dated in my life have fit that general description. Or been close to it. I think my husband is the first ISTp I've dated. Though there was this one sweet guy in high school I dated who was also into fixing cars and had the same quiet way about him . . . but I wasn't thinking marriage back then by a long shot.

Anyway, I think it would be kind of sad if I hadn't had the relationships I've had, even the bad ones, because they made me who I am. And while most turned pretty nasty, they were all fun for at least a while and fun is a good thing. Plus we learn about ourselves through our relationships.

I think you should allow yourself to be young and date whoever strikes your fancy, and if you run into a dual at some point along the way then maybe things will work out between you.

This make sense to me. I wouldnt tie myself down to an unpleasant person but theres no harm in getting to know people to see if there is a good fit.
Saddly though, I have been probably been in the company of my dual a number of times but because more assertive, attentive girls were around I didnt take much time to get to know them. Only later in reflection did I wonder what I may have missed. So Im glad I know about socionics now. I dont know if it really, really works but if given the choice I would be inclined to give those shy, mysterious girls much more of a chance than I would have in the past.

[Creepy-Partner]

LOL.

My first partner was Napoleon. On the way to my second partner Experimentor I was in love with Communicator. So I would say I was mainly attracted to extraverts but at the same time I also liked sensitivity in men. So I did end up with INTJ type.

[diamond]

I think my initial attraction has generally been to ENTj guys

All women are attracted to ENTjs. They just don't all admit it

Guess it's that "Gamma male" stuff. Heh.

[baydog]

I don't think of types intially when i am attractive to the opposite sex. I'm just hoping she digs me like i dig her. Maybe after the romantic infatuation ends i might start thinking how compatible type wise we are so i can rationalize the conflicts we may have mentally but i dont go looking an for ideal type like it's a prerequisite. I'm kinda glad we didn't have this type of knowledge when i was growing up or i may have fell into the trap of over analyzing every potential romance instead of just enjoying what comes.

[MySaviour]

I have noticed one thing.. it takes longer for me to see a good-looking person for who they are, as opposed to average or ugly people (harsh, eh?), who I get vibes on right away. I guess for a little while at first, I'm caught up in the beauty. There is a delay, but I'm happy that I do eventually see everyone for who they are, whether or not they choose to put themselves on display.

I won't lie, there are a couple types I'd probably shy away from, if I were perfect at VI and could thus recognize them at a distance, but I wouldn't dismiss anyone that's not my dual.

[Joy]

I do tend to distrust very good looking people and it takes them longer to earn my trust than most people.

[Joy]

And I have trust issues to begin with!

[Elizabeth]

I do tend to distrust very good looking people and it takes them longer to earn my trust than most people.

I'm the exact same way, Joy.

[Joy]

I don't distrust them as much as extremely flirty people, though. There have been times when I have refused to date a person based on their flirtiness. I guess I am more possessive than I like to think I am. See, it all comes down to this:

I have never cheated on anyone nor have I ever been cheated on (and I KNOW this to be true). It's EXTREMELY important to me. That is why I have always been sooooooooooooooo fussy about the people I'm willing to commit to. I was so in love with the ISFp that I dated but I refused to "be with" him because I knew I couldn't trust him not to cheat on me.

Anyways... like I said before, I can tell if a person is attractive right away, but I am just about never instantly attracted to a person. It's the truth! People have to grow on me. It is VERY much a personality thing.

[Elizabeth]

I don't distrust them as much as extremely flirty people, though. There have been times when I have refused to date a person based on their flirtiness. I guess I am more possessive than I like to think I am. See, it all comes down to this:

I have never cheated on anyone nor have I ever been cheated on (and I KNOW this to be true). It's EXTREMELY important to me. That is why I have always been sooooooooooooooo fussy about the people I'm willing to commit to. I was so in love with the ISFp that I dated but I refused to "be with" him because I knew I couldn't trust him not to cheat on me.

I think there can be SO much deception in flirting. Seriously. You can't always tell what a person's true motives are. I'll be honest, I've been bad about it in the past, but I've also learned valuable lessons from it. People get very hurt when they don't know what your motives for flirting are.

Anyways... like I said before, I can tell if a person is attractive right away, but I am just about never instantly attracted to a person. It's the truth! People have to grow on me. It is VERY much a personality thing.

I actually avoid attractive people...particularly attractive guys. I really don't pay any attention to them. I think this might come from the fact that I'm so afraid of being deceived by charm and good looks that I avoid it. For example, this guy might come along with good looks, charm, and a lot of money and it all LOOKS so good, and from outward appearances, it does...that's what society has led us all to believe. Even friends and relatives will look at these traits and think, how could you find anyone better? But that's just what society has labeled as the ideal. I don't want to be fooled. Yes, it is VERY much a personality thing. There has to be a click, a connection. It HAS to be there.

[Creepy-ms k]

I thought Si dominant types have to have an attractive partner-- well it would please them a lot.

[Elizabeth]

I thought Si dominant types have to have an attractive partner-- well it would please them a lot.

Well, in hopes that I'm not contradicting myself, I do have to be reasonably attracted to the guy. Though I do not expect the guy to be outrageously georgeous...that's what I don't trust. I'm always suspicious when a very attractive guy seems to like to be around me.

[Joy]

I've heard people say that they want someone who doesn't know that they're hot... I disagree personally, but is that what you're getting at?

[Elizabeth]

I've heard people say that they want someone who doesn't know that they're hot... I disagree personally, but is that what you're getting at?

Hmm...I've not heard that, but, no, that's not really what I'm getting at. Maybe I'm just not explaining myself well enough. Perhaps I'll give it more thought and come back later to explain things a little better.

[Rocky]

What's with all this distrust towards attractive people? I feel left out and unloved...

[Slacker]

I'm not at all a visual person. I've dated very attractive men but it didn't do much for me. It wasn't a negative, but it wasn't really a positive either. It just doesn't mean much to me.

[Elizabeth]

Aww...Rocky and Herzblut, you're exceptions. :wink:

[Artemis]

There's a lot to be said for GOOD PERSONALITIES!

There's hope for us ugly people.

[Kim]

There is no such thing as an ugly person...at least not physically.

[Artemis]

There is no such thing as an ugly person...at least not physically.

It is a strange thing that beauty effortlessly receives love, even if it is possessed by the unworthy, while a noble soul in frequently disdained if it lives in an unprepossessing body. -- Taylor Caldwell

[Slacker]

I've read that there is a universal concept of beauty as far as how far apart eyes are, shape face, that kind of thing.

But our societal concept of beauty is much narrower than that and I would agree that is subjective.

[Artemis]

I've read that there is a universal concept of beauty as far as how far apart eyes are, shape face, that kind of thing.

But our societal concept of beauty is much narrower than that and I would agree that is subjective.

I saw a program on that once. It has to do with being symetrical. My face is lopsided.

[Artemis]

A wealthy older man I know once saw a beraggled middle-aged man along the road changing the tire of a beat up old car. As we drove by it started to rain. The man laughed and said, "the poor bastard." That is an ugly person.

[Slacker]

A wealthy older man I know once saw a beraggled middle-aged man along the road changing the tire of a beat up old car. As we drove by it started to rain. The man laughed and said, "the poor bastard." That is an ugly person.

That is absolutely true.

[MySaviour]

egads.

Are you all saying this (beauty doesn't matter) now because you are in relationships and it doesn't matter anymore, or because you are past the teenage years, or are you just trying to be cute?

It does. Matter.

Ugly people tend to have a harder life. Its true.

A good personality is a nice buffer, it can take you far, but without atleast a slightly attractive visual, you won't get past the last marker. heh.

I used to say what I've heard on this page, but now things have changed, and I no longer agree. Good looks matter.

You could say I've dumbed down, or became stupid, but never has something more repetitively proven itself to be true. heh.

Maybe its just me. But I'm even judged, silently, where I am, by the way I dress. I dress differently, more appealing, and I just shoot through the ranks. Its ridiculous.

Don't believe it.

I'm not ugly. I'm not drop dead gorgeous. I'm about average. And looks matter.

PS: If you are all not lying, then maybe you've wisened up, or are wise. fantastic! The rest of the world isn't like this...

[Joy]

I would argue that life is difficult for very attractive people too, just not in the same way. Being above average anything can be a very lonely place to be.

[MySaviour]

I would argue that life is difficult for very attractive people too, just not in the same way. Being above average anything can be a very lonely place to be.

Very true. I know alot who are extremely lonely because they don't know who's being genuine to them, as seperated from those just looking for something. Among other reasons.. They are part of the few who'd rarely see looks, and would look primarily at another's personality.

Looks still matter.

Believe it.

[Kim]

Looks do not matter to me. Period. Call me a saint or pathetic. Sure, yeah, looks matter in general, but they don't to me. I have been with quite unattractive men and thought they were beautiful.

People are different and to some of us, looks are not important. At all.



Given what Nicky said, it might be an ENFp thing?

I remember I once showed a friend a picture of a love interest and she started laughing and said: "You are not serious, are you?" To this day I don't understand how she could not see how beautiful he is...yeah, yeah, I'm cheesy....

[MySaviour]

Looks do not matter to me. Period. Call me a saint or pathetic. Sure, yeah, looks matter in general, but they don't to me. I have been with quite unattractive men and thought they were beautiful.

People are different and to some of us, looks are not important. At all.

My goal here was to make sure everyone remembers that this isn't global (looks not being important). In fact, its in the minority. If you agree with that, then great..

[HarryBottom]

I think the biggest issue with being excruciatingly attractive for me would be that, when getting attention, I would fear that I wasn't getting attention because of my personality but soley because of my physical appearence. That would be the issue with being a the top. Your probly best off to be right dead center... or maybe a little higher, and just to show a kickass personality. Or maybe I'm just full of shit.

[Joy]

No, you're totally right harrybottom. Plus attractive people often do not need to work as hard for what they want and don't need to develop interpersonal skills or character to the same degree as most people. They end up depending on their looks, and then once those are gone they end up very bitter and disillusioned.

LOL, I tell my son that he's handsome a lot, but I'm careful to praise him for other things more than that. The important thing is to understand that while presentation is everything, there are things that matter a WHOLE lot more than what someone looks like.

[Artemis]

For all us women out there . . .

There's nothing more demeaning than to be treated like a sex object. Just once be interested in me for my conversation, my wit, my charm, my intellegence, my personality, my morals, my values, my opinions, my openmindedness, my ability to listen, my honesty, my kindness, my willingness to lend a hand, my hard work and success . . . just me!

I'm not just a pretty face or a piece of ass!

[Artemis]

@Joy: I've spent my daughter's life telling her what a beautiful girl she is, as if that is all she is. It is only now that I realize the disservice I have done her. On a TV show a woman told another woman that when you are told you are beautiful all the time, that is all you have. Everything else doesn't matter and drops away and in the end when beauty fades, you have nothing . . . not even self-esteem.