INTj: it burns in my heart when never have a gf

[Creepy-Fry]

I went to shopper drug mark for a conditioner, I saw a very cute cashier there. It kills me instantly, I wanted her. But I don’t know how to strive up a conversation with her. I was too shy; being shy and impotent frustrated me like someone scratches my heart with a knife and i coudlnt' do anything about it. I feel the pain so much, it is a chronical torture.

There is not way I can become a player instantly, I need to have a outgoing personality. Living like this is meaningless, and wasting life.

[discojoe]

Sorry to hear that, Fry. Maybe Dr Zoidberg can give you something for that depression.

[Rocky]

Have you ever considered a prostitute? Maybe just to get started...

[snowyc]

I don't know about you but INTj's are the Don Juans' of Cyberspace

[diamond]

Gee, if I was Fry, I'd feel really welcomed here.

[Creepy-Fry]

Looks like we have a future rapist posting here. Someone please report this before he goes on a rampage.

okay, i am surprise you would say that... Probably you dont know about me.

I have thought about prostitute, after serious thought, I dont think i will try that. Because of health risk. Forget about being a rapist, intj doesn't natually hurt other people's feeling like other jerks doe. We are the nice guys i guess.

thanks for the advice, i was expecting some sympathy from you guys just to make me feel better.

I guess i am not truely a man, until i can actually go up to a girl and express my admiration to her. It bugs me when i have all the answer but never actually do it. i wish that i am more extrovert, expressive about myself, and spontanous.

[Creepy-Fry]

I don't know about you but INTj's are the Don Juans' of Cyberspace

explain please.

I know who don juan is. however i have never experience of any of his love fairy tale in the cyberspace. :wink:

[Expat]

Looks like we have a future rapist posting here. Someone please report this before he goes on a rampage.

okay, i am surprise you would say that... Probably you dont know about me.

I have thought about prostitute, after serious thought, I dont think i will try that. Because of health risk. Forget about being a rapist, intj doesn't natually hurt other people's feeling like other jerks doe. We are the nice guys i guess.

thanks for the advice, i was expecting some sympathy from you guys just to make me feel better.

I guess i am not truely a man, until i can actually go up to a girl and express my admiration to her. It bugs me when i have all the answer but never actually do it. i wish that i am more extrovert, expressive about myself, and spontanous.

First, forget about "marcus the maniac" -- he's just trying to appear funny and/or mean and failing miserably.

Second, being "extrovert, expressive about myself, and spontaneous" has no correlation to being "truly a man" (whatever that may be) -- that description sounds rather gay to me.

Third, if you're an INTj, concentrate on your strengths -- you know that (1) no real harm will happen if you express you admiration for a girl, no matter how she reacts; (2) only by trying it a couple of times, and failing, will you find it easier. You know this. Good luck.

[Rocky]

Fry, have you ever heard, "Confidence looks good on anybody"?

[Creepy-ms k]

Looks like we have a future rapist posting here. Someone please report this before he goes on a rampage.

okay, i am surprise you would say that... Probably you dont know about me.

I have thought about prostitute, after serious thought, I dont think i will try that. Because of health risk. Forget about being a rapist, intj doesn't natually hurt other people's feeling like other jerks doe. We are the nice guys i guess.

thanks for the advice, i was expecting some sympathy from you guys just to make me feel better.

I guess i am not truely a man, until i can actually go up to a girl and express my admiration to her. It bugs me when i have all the answer but never actually do it. i wish that i am more extrovert, expressive about myself, and spontanous.

First, forget about "marcus the maniac" -- he's just trying to appear funny and/or mean and failing miserably.

Second, being "extrovert, expressive about myself, and spontaneous" has no correlation to being "truly a man" (whatever that may be) -- that description sounds rather gay to me.

Third, if you're an INTj, concentrate on your strengths -- you know that (1) no real harm will happen if you express you admiration for a girl, no matter how she reacts; (2) only by trying it a couple of times, and failing, will you find it easier. You know this. Good luck.

ditto

[Slacker]

A guy who is quiet gets a mysterious air about him, which can be very attractive. But yes, you need confidence.

[Rocky]

I agree... being an introvet isn't really a handicap, but not showing the confidence to DO anything, is. Like Expat said, who cares if you get rejected? And I don't think women are generally offended if you show a hint of interest in them (think about if a women showed a hint of interest in YOU...). I think the only real problem is fear... and fear is just irrational fear most of the time, anyway.

One more thing, ignore Marcus, like other people said. He's immature.

[Angel von Himmel]

Looks like we have a future rapist posting here. Someone please report this before he goes on a rampage.

okay, i am surprise you would say that... Probably you dont know about me.

I have thought about prostitute, after serious thought, I dont think i will try that. Because of health risk. Forget about being a rapist, intj doesn't natually hurt other people's feeling like other jerks doe. We are the nice guys i guess.

thanks for the advice, i was expecting some sympathy from you guys just to make me feel better.

I guess i am not truely a man, until i can actually go up to a girl and express my admiration to her. It bugs me when i have all the answer but never actually do it. i wish that i am more extrovert, expressive about myself, and spontanous.

This may be a typical ENTp response, buy why should you express your admiration to the ladies when they can express their admiration to you?

Of course, I am only saything that because I am thinking with a PoLR, which you probably are not relating to very well. ENTps are not really the best people to seek any sort of relationship advice from ...

I will say one thing. There are women out there who can cause you loads of trouble if you get involved with them. Most of the girls I have liked have turned out to be major users, hoes, or really horny, unfaithful, and willing to cheat on their relationships for some quick loving. Honestly, you really really do not want that. And yes, all of that has happened to me and I have some horror stories I can tell. In some ways, you may be more fortunate than you think. Having no woman is definatelly better than having the wrong woman!

Anyhow, I am actually trying to learn how to do the things the right way with girls, because I am typically very defunct at relationships myself in probably a totally opposite way. I am not really sure how to help you other than to say to not do what I have been doing, it will mess up your life and you will be pessimistic about women and relationships. I am, and I seriously doubt you want that either.

[Joy]

As an extrovert I can say that I am quite irritated with forward men and intrigued by shy men. They are more fun to get to know. But while it is true that there are women who will find your timidness enticing, it's important for you to carry yourself with self-respect because if not you'll end up with insecure extrovert girls who just want a plaything. (I believe this is what rmcnew was talking about.)

Appearance is at least 90% in how you carry yourself, don't forget that! Don't feel like you need to be an extrovert. Just be healthy, and an opportunity for a healthy relationship will appear.

[Creepy-cute little kitten(mew)]

Fry, most of the people here are being assholes or have other issues.

You have a confidence issue, you know that, so you have to realize where your problems are.

Do you socialize alot? Do you have hobbies, or interests? Do you go to school? Some people have trouble warming up to other people, and it might be difficult to push yourself into doing things like this because you have had what you perceive as failures in your past.

From my own experiences the quiet person tends to get ignored if they aren't in the presence of a sympathetic person. Everyone starts talking and the quiet person just sits there and listens. No one really ever knows what that person is thinking, either, so no one wants to be their friend. So what you have to do is get over that hump and make some friends. The best way to do that is not to give up when you enter a social situation, just stick with it and keep coming back. It isn't middle school forever and most people with respect your persistence without going "what the fuck is this fag doing here again?" people have enough respect not to say stuff like that anymore, and also not even to think it. But eventually you'll get a catch if you stick with it. You'll make a friend, you'll find someone that likes your company. I have met plenty of people that I have not liked at first just out of the impression that they seemed in some way ridiculous. over time this perception goes away once you get to know them. Just don't withdraw and don't give up.

But as for this girl at the check-out. I see little hotties like that all of the time. They are a dime a dozen. Don't make a fool out of yourself by saying anything, and don't waste your thoughts contemplating it and never doing it. Meet people, NETWORK, get a nice girl with a good personality that cares about you. Far too often good people expect the "best" and they go on a first impression, which is usually just looks. There is beauty in everyone, and we all have something to offer, so don't get obsessed with cashiers that don't say anything more than "hello... your total comes to... [and] hava nice day " its silly.

but enough of this "I am not a man" stuff. You've got the plumbing between your legs. just get yourself together and take things one step at a time. If you want to expect the ultimate return(love) you have to put the work in.

[Angel von Himmel]

rmcnew, so is it fair to say that ENTps want to get close to someone but don't know how to?

Yes ... that is totally my problem ...

[Kim]

I will say one thing. There are women out there who can cause you loads of trouble if you get involved with them. Most of the girls I have liked have turned out to be major users, hoes, or really horny, unfaithful, and willing to cheat on their relationships for some quick loving. Honestly, you really really do not want that. And yes, all of that has happened to me and I have some horror stories I can tell. In some ways, you may be more fortunate than you think. Having no woman is definatelly better than having the wrong woman!

To run into the wrong people is part of the game. Women or men, it's all the same. What good is it to freak out over it and not approach anyone at all? I've had some bad luck, but it showed me what I really need and want, so it was all worth it in the end.

And I would really appreciate if you could refrain from refering to women as "hoes." Thanks.

[Angel von Himmel]

And I would really appreciate if you could refrain from refering to women as "hoes." Thanks.

I do not refer to women as hoes, I refer to hoes as hoes ... I think there is a vast diffrence between a hoe and a woman, and the former I would rather avoid for that very reason.

[Kim]

And I would really appreciate if you could refrain from refering to women as "hoes." Thanks.

I do not refer to women as hoes, I refer to hoes as hoes ... I think there is a vast diffrence between a hoe and a woman, and the former I would rather avoid for that very reason.

No, there isn't. Just show some respect, that's all.

[snowyc]

Theory #1: Everyone can have fear towards doing something for the first or even second time, the cause of fear is inaction, the treatment of fear is action. There is no cure as such except to think less and act more.

Theory #2: Sensory types are more likely to be realistic about their fears i.e. they understand the process of what needs to be done. On the other hand, Intuitive types are more likely to fantasise about the task at hand thus producing fears of the fear itself. For example, when i'm applying for jobs or chatting to girls, for a very long time i used to be more concerned with all the possibilites of what may happen that I simply don't get on it with it.

[discojoe]

Okay, I apologize for my previous response. For some reason the OP came off as funny as hell, and I was unable to take it seriously. The advice offered in the topic has been on the mark, in my opinion. Just walk up to some random women on the street and throw a one-liner at em. After a few tries it'll get easier, and you'll never have to see them again. After that you'll have less trouble dealing with these situations.

[mike_INTJ]

I have thought about prostitute, after serious thought, I dont think i will try that. Because of health risk. Forget about being a rapist, intj doesn't natually hurt other people's feeling like other jerks doe. We are the nice guys i guess.

thanks for the advice, i was expecting some sympathy from you guys just to make me feel better.

I guess i am not truely a man, until i can actually go up to a girl and express my admiration to her. It bugs me when i have all the answer but never actually do it. i wish that i am more extrovert, expressive about myself, and spontanous.

[/quote]

so basically you think your not a real man because you didn't get any? if you went with a prostitute, you would get some - but you wouldn't be any more of a man then you were before, diseases aside. there would be no love, there would be no point.

as far as sympathy, i have no idea what to do myself. i'm hoping that there will be a nerd girl that will come along that's more extroverted then myself.

but you are who you are, the whole sex thing is a peer pressure related item. love should be the most important thing.

[mike_INTJ]

As an extrovert I can say that I am quite irritated with forward men and intrigued by shy men. They are more fun to get to know. But while it is true that there are women who will find your timidness enticing, it's important for you to carry yourself with self-respect because if not you'll end up with insecure extrovert girls who just want a plaything. (I believe this is what rmcnew was talking about.)

Appearance is at least 90% in how you carry yourself, don't forget that! Don't feel like you need to be an extrovert. Just be healthy, and an opportunity for a healthy relationship will appear.

out of pure curiosity, i've seen this confidence thing when doing research. what would it look like? what are things you look for to find that shy, quiet guy? is there a certain look? a smile? (i don't smile well, but i can laugh).

am i sending signals without even noticing it?

[Angel von Himmel]

Sex is actually pretty meaningless ... you feel pretty good once you know you are about ready to get it, then afterwards you are like *what in the world?!?!?!?!?!*

[mike_INTJ]

Okay, I apologize for my previous response. For some reason the OP came off as funny as hell, and I was unable to take it seriously. The advice offered in the topic has been on the mark, in my opinion. Just walk up to some random women on the street and throw a one-liner at em. After a few tries it'll get easier, and you'll never have to see them again. After that you'll have less trouble dealing with these situations.

it's not really the matter of a one liner - what comes next? i looked at players guides, shy guides, every type of guide. they all say the same thing you do. keep trying and one will say yes - but then they don't go into what's next.

you have the line set, they say your sweet - then ask you something else, now what? and if it's that hard to ask, what do you do afterwards? there are too many things to really think about. the guides never go into the rest. it's like a teaser.

[Rocky]

out of pure curiosity, i've seen this confidence thing when doing research. what would it look like? what are things you look for to find that shy, quiet guy? is there a certain look? a smile? (i don't smile well, but i can laugh).

am i sending signals without even noticing it?

LOL! You've seen the confidence thing through research?!

Sorry, I know that doens't sound funny to you, but... it sure came out that way.

Can't you see confidence in people all around you? Can you make a visual image of what a confident person looks like? Why don't you imagine a time when you really accomplised something great... something that can actually make you feel good, and you will know what confidence is.

[Angel von Himmel]

By the way, a girl's opinion is usually personal and often not very reliable in the general sense. Just a little forewarner there ...

[mike_INTJ]

out of pure curiosity, i've seen this confidence thing when doing research. what would it look like? what are things you look for to find that shy, quiet guy? is there a certain look? a smile? (i don't smile well, but i can laugh).

am i sending signals without even noticing it?

LOL! You've seen the confidence thing through research?!

Sorry, I know that doens't sound funny to you, but... it sure came out that way.

Can't you see confidence in people all around you? Can you make a visual image of what a confident person looks like? Why don't you imagine a time when you really accomplised something great... something that can actually make you feel good, and you will know what confidence is.

i know researching sounds a bit odd, but without many friends to reflect off of, i have to do something.

i see people all around, but what i see is mostly fakeness. there are very few confident people - or maybe i could say that i might not be able to spot confidence, because i don't know what i'm looking for.

i do many things that are considered great by others. but i'm always trying to improve, so what i did yesterday, pales to what i want to do later on. it's a belittling thing i tend to do to keep improving. i'll work on something, happy that i'm done, and i'll switch to the next project. the feeling good part lasts about an hour or so. i've mastered dozens of things in this manner. of course no one knows, because no one asks - and i rarily talk about myself.

[XcaliburGirl]

By the way, a girl's opinion is usually personal and often not very reliable in the general sense. Just a little forewarner there ...

Ahem. "Anyone's opinion" I think you mean.

[mike_INTJ]

I think the confidence thing is highly overrated...As I said in the other thread, I found the INTj's obvious nervousness and insecurity very charming and flattering.

but in what context?

i've been this way my whole life. it's really only been this past year or so where i'm rewriting my personality and learning social dynamics from the ground up.

no one has ever gone up to me and said anything nice (in that sort relationship kind of way). except some gay guy on a vacation. no one want's to talk to the quiet guy, most are scared because i'm silent. or they think i'm mad because i don't smile that much, it hurts to smile, and i have nothing to smile about.

it's nice to know there are those who like my type, but i have no idea where i would happen to stumble across one of these people. i wouldn't even know what they looked like (by personality characteristics).

[Angel von Himmel]

By the way, a girl's opinion is usually personal and often not very reliable in the general sense. Just a little forewarner there ...

Ahem. "Anyone's opinion" I think you mean.

I was speaking to the guys ... and it is common knowledge that getting advice from a women in this aspect usually gets men into hot water really quick.

And I can see a rolling eye smiling coming from one of the ladies ... do not bother, the guys know what I mean.

[Kim]

I was speaking to the guys ... and it is common knowledge that getting advice from a women in this aspect usually gets men into hot water really quick.

Oh, is that so?

[Cone]

Of course. You even said yourself that all women are different.

[Kim]

but in what context?

Well, it was the first real life date after much e-mailing and talking on the phone.

i've been this way my whole life. it's really only been this past year or so where i'm rewriting my personality and learning social dynamics from the ground up.

no one has ever gone up to me and said anything nice (in that sort relationship kind of way). except some gay guy on a vacation. no one want's to talk to the quiet guy, most are scared because i'm silent. or they think i'm mad because i don't smile that much, it hurts to smile, and i have nothing to smile about.

I can relate to being scared or intimidated by the silent quiet guy, so I will say this: Practice smiling. It goes a hugely long way. I see that the smile I get from an INTj is often somewhat forced, but it's a smile nonetheless. The smile is for the person, not a reflection of your feelings. I like the smile and the small talk, even if it seems unnatural sometimes (not all the time) because I know the person cares enough about me to try. People just don't know about personality types, so you will have to play along with the game to some degree...But don't think you have to be a confident and extraverted guy to find a woman. You just have to work a little harder.

it's nice to know there are those who like my type, but i have no idea where i would happen to stumble across one of these people. i wouldn't even know what they looked like (by personality characteristics).

It seems as if Internet dating works well for some INTjs. You can get to know women a little bit before actually meeting them. I have met several wonderful men on the Internet, one of whom was my partner of six years.
I also met said INTj online and it has been wonderful getting to know him.

[Kim]

Of course. You even said yourself that all women are different.

Men are, too. Why is my advice any more *dangerous* than a guy's??

[XcaliburGirl]

I think I partially misunderstood mcnew's tone there... but that perception was influenced by other posts of his. He made it sound like he thinks women are misleading on purpose, but perhaps that is not the case.

Kim never claimed to be speaking for anyone other than herself.

Edit:

Of course. You even said yourself that all women are different.

Men are, too. Why is my advice any more *dangerous* than a guy's??

Exactly my point.

[Cone]

Of course. You even said yourself that all women are different.

Men are, too. Why is my advice any more *dangerous* than a guy's??

It's not. Did rmcnew or I ever say that?

[Kim]

Ehm...yeah?

[Kim]

I think I partially misunderstood mcnew's tone there... but that perception was influenced by other posts of his.

I don't think you misunderstood his tone. It was another "don't trust the chicks' advice, most of them are hoes and will get you into trouble. The guys will tell you how to find the decent woman" post.

[diamond]

Alright how do I get those pix off that website, xcaliburgirl?