Seems to me,that one should also want to become a bit like it's dual. I guess that starting idealisation of your duals behaviour, life, emotsion and to become a bit like your dual is , can make it easier to understand it and atrrract one. Otherwise, you might end up fighting a lot. This is a case, where duals do the hard tasks for each other, and then fight still ahead. I haven't been in a relationship with one, but I get better along them, if I act like they are acting. One more interesting thing is that, yes, your dual understands you as well as you do your self, she still is a mistery to you and living with your dual is best, when it is typical men-woman relationship, where each one have typical roles. INTj female-ESFj male, relationship could be harder due to that.
Man is a bit feminite and his wife is a bit masculine.