Identicals in relations taking on Dual roles

[PistolShrimp]

I dated an IEI for 2.5 years, and it was annoying playing the dual and having to come up with fun things to do all the time and then pushing both him and myself to do them in order to get us out of his apartment. Not my strength, but I got pretty good at it over those two years, while my ex's only real efforts seemed to manifest in his neurotic obsession with going to the gym.

Also, Victim-Victim relationships are way too much of a mindfuck for my liking, like an amplified version of the hedgehog's dilemma.

[ashlesha]

my first serious relationship with an esi and i could pick it apart and say "this is where we both lacked te" or whatever but those issues were so incredibly miniscule compared to the non-type related factors in our relationship that i couldn't discuss "this identical relationship" in any meaningful way, really.

[redbaron]

identical relationships feel like incest. they're gross. no thx.

I went out with an IEI once. He was adorable. Amazing guy. But... we read each other's minds and it was like too much of a good thing and not enough of the other things we needed. We did kind of take turns playing the duality role but in the end I just wasn't attracted to his personality. And it did feel a bit incestuous. Like, I wish that guy were my brother, but not a romantic partner.

[redbaron]

Socionics styled relationships are illogical because they don't conform to the natural order of things. If one were to consider a relationship a equilibrium equation between different molecules or compounds, the interactions that take the longest to reach equilibrium state are those that are more complex. When I think of the idea of duality, I think of this couple that sort of just sits and reads the newspaper together. It is a highly flawed abstract concept that it seems this entire forum clings to like its some wisdom of the gods. The whole idea of balance is contradictory to the transformation and change that is necessary to keep a relationship interesting.

I disagree bc there are lot of other things that keep a relationship interesting. Like shared experiences! children! travel! Sex! I mean, really, you need conflict in order to keep a relationship interesting? How boring does that make the individuals?

[redbaron]

Meh, I'm tired of people relishing in their type's fallbacks and weak spots.
You don't have to be inept at Si, or Ti, or Ne, or anything. Work on that stuff and stop celebrating weakness just because Socionics gives you a cover for it.
Take some responsibility for these things and work on them.
A dual might take over these weak spots for you, but what reason does that dynamic then give you to grow? Seems like stagnation to me.

I agree that people should work on their weak spots BUT not at the expense of their strengths. Because you'll never be as good at your weaknesses as you are at your strengths, and that's what you have to really offer the world, and other people. That said, I do think that duals can help you with those weak spots, not just cover for you. Because you get used to it and when they're not around, you cover for their absence. I've done this, even though I only have duals as friends. It's actually very helpful to me.

[ashlesha]

my first serious relationship with an esi and i could pick it apart and say "this is where we both lacked te" or whatever but those issues were so incredibly miniscule compared to the non-type related factors in our relationship that i couldn't discuss "this identical relationship" in any meaningful way, really.

i guess theres one thing that comes to mind that feels kinda meaningless but might be relevant, w/e. as far as providing te i could say he felt it was his responsibility more than i felt like it was mine. and would get soooo sensitive about it. whenever we disagreed about something (the specific examples are long and boring), if he was right he would gloat for weeks and if i was right he would get extremely butthurt. i don't think that i ever felt it was my responsibility to provide te. more like i just expected it and made things difficult for him in that regard when i criticized his incompetency i guess.

it never felt "incestuous" and it never felt like "we could read each others minds." maybe because he was such a macho type and there was very much like a yin/yang in that regard, masculine and feminine. the sex was amazing, i definitely don't mind playing the victim and he was very much an aggressor in that area. i guess i took on the dual role in that way lol.

[Trevor]

haven't identified a single such relationship yet

[Creepy-Snaps]

You don't need an SEI around to remind you to bathe. You are an adult and can bathe yourself.

Oh crap...

@songofsappho Yes, I've observed this to be true. And yes, it can be fairly awkward for identicals. However, I'd imagine the identical who acts as their dual could possibly feel more 'complete' as a person, although conflicted in trying to be something they're not.

[Ningyo]

I'm in a relationship with my identical, but he's Ni-IEI and I'm Fe-IEI. Like the description, we got to know each other really rapidly in the beginning and then things sort of mellowed out. I know two identical marriages, and I think the biggest factor in their success was that there was an emphasis in each on constantly learning about the other person. You have to be ready for a level of intimacy you're just not going to get elsewhere. You also have to be prepared to basically be 100% supportive and not give them shit for sucking at things you also suck at.

I was friends with an identical for years and that relationship wasn't healthy, but I think there can be many different variations of the identical relationship. Each person's circumstances make a huge difference too.

Identical romance probably has a better chance of working out (more work expected to be put in to maintaining it) than identical friendship imo. IME, identicals are usually very critical or very nurturing/supportive of each other.

[shakealittle]

Well I liked my identical relationship. It was nice to understand them so well, especially when you're with a group of people and you both look at each other, thinking the same thing. Lots of trust and having one another's backs. It was very intense - interaction and attraction.

So I'll miss it.

But I guess dual relationships, more than any other inter-type relationship, have the advantage that they are easy. I can't stress this enough. It's just easy to be yourself and I guess thats where all other relationships have their downfall - whether it be by suppressing some things or acting out things.

[Gilly]

Socionics styled relationships are illogical because they don't conform to the natural order of things. If one were to consider a relationship a equilibrium equation between different molecules or compounds, the interactions that take the longest to reach equilibrium state are those that are more complex. When I think of the idea of duality, I think of this couple that sort of just sits and reads the newspaper together. It is a highly flawed abstract concept that it seems this entire forum clings to like its some wisdom of the gods. The whole idea of balance is contradictory to the transformation and change that is necessary to keep a relationship interesting.

Constructive

[Nowisthetime]

Meh, I'm tired of people relishing in their type's fallbacks and weak spots.
You don't have to be inept at Si, or Ti, or Ne, or anything. Work on that stuff and stop celebrating weakness just because Socionics gives you a cover for it.
Take some responsibility for these things and work on them.
A dual might take over these weak spots for you, but what reason does that dynamic then give you to grow? Seems like stagnation to me.

Seems to me that you don't really understand socionics yet, or don't have enough experience of relationships with different types, duals etc.

[JWC3]

Are you trying to be dualized?

Are you tired of all that tedious sifting through boring topics of inquiry in the hopes that you might find your dual?

Do you wish you were the you you want you to be yesterday?

Relationships with identicals. For the man who doesn't have time to dick around with duality dualization.