Been made fun of at your expense

[eunice]

I'm fine with been made fun of occasionally, but I absolutely can't stand it when some people enjoy making fun of my weaknesses repeatedly and make tactless comments or/and give me a nickname over some minor mistake I have made. Worst still, they share the joke with everyone else and constantly remind me of it by bringing it up for a good laugh. I understand that they usually don't mean it with malicious intent, but I can't help it but take it seriously. I will try to laugh it off when I'm in the company of acquaintances, but I will show my displeasure when I'm with my friends since I know that they won't judge me.

Just curious to know if other Deltas feel the same way over such comments made by others.

[jessica129]

Yes. I'm one of the most sensitive people you could ever meet. Of course I don't show it, but it makes taking those forms of teasing very hard. I dealt with it entirely too much growing up, maybe that's why I'm so sensitive to every little comment about myself to this day. I usually let it slide and laugh at myself but it does get to me a lot. If it happens for a long period of time, i'll usually blow up.

[Mea]

I think many people don't notice how uncomfortable it makes someone feel until it happens to them.

[Slacker]

The curse of weak . If they thought you might get confrontational about it, they would be more careful.

Yeah, I hate that too.

[mikemex]

Did you know that modern torture rarely uses physical violence? It's all about psychological pressure.

My brother stayed in a mental hospital recently and I meet this patient who survived Pinochet's Chilean regime, whose mind was completely broken. I saw him for like 15 days and linking the random bits I heard from him they used to threaten him to kill/hurt physically, but more than than, they constantly humiliated him in front of other prisoners, which caused him isolation even when in presence of others. Isolation, in the case you are not aware, is one of the worst things you can do to a person, as it corrodes the mind and leaves permanent marks on it. I also know a Cuban who spent 4 years in a subterranean prison (lone confinement) and in his own words "the most beautiful part of the day was when I was allowed to speak to others".

It doesn't matter how innocent they think it is, when people uses you as a target for systematic humiliation they are committing the crime of torture. And it's torture because no matter what they say, when you're under psychological pressure -and it always happens when in presence of more than one person- you're unable to defend yourself from it. It is an asymmetrical relationship of power, like setting you for a fight with a martial artist champion and then wondering "why doesn't he defend himself?".

In socionics terms I believe it's a Fe thing. The attackers are experiencing positive emotions, amusement, and they feel some kind of bonding. The mindless group experience that takes away the rationality from its members.

[meatburger]

In socionics terms I believe it's a Fe thing. The attackers are experiencing positive emotions, amusement, and they feel some kind of bonding. The mindless group experience that takes away the rationality from its members.

Yeah i agree. Fe atmosphere can sometimes involve ribbing each other, they like it and think its funny. Ive often been out with a group of people i dont know well and you hear them say "Tom your a fat shit stop eating" and then Tom says "why dont you go screw bens sister again" etc. Its all fun and games to them and they dont let it get to them.

Deltas, perhaps delta NF's in particular can be very sensitive. I still remember when i hired an xbox game instead of a playstation one for this party and an ESTj made a very public announcement about how stupid i was to all his friends that i hadn't met. That experience has in a way marred my Fi relationship to this guy to some extent.

I think we need to develop thicker skins. The more you react the more people will be offensive to you. If you laugh at what they are saying you can infact integrate yourself into their group and soon enough it will get old.

Edit: Actually my ISFj mum is like this too she gets very deeply wounded

[jessica129]

I still remember when i hired an xbox game instead..

hehe

[meatburger]

I still remember when i hired an xbox game instead..

hehe

whats funny about that? rented? borrowed?

[Creepy-bg]

I'm Fe and I hate hate hate it. When I'm with friends, yeah, theres alot of it about like Meatburger described but nobody means it to be mean and we're all pretty close so it's good fun. Outside of my friends though it's god awfull and I'm always paranoid of it. Every laugh or discussion that outside of earrange I'm thinking is about me. Every little giggle and laugh that I'm not sure what it's about is like getting punched in the soul because I'm sure it's about me. I sometimes wonder if people who weren't teased alot in school feel the same way.

[Gilly]

The curse of weak . If they thought you might get confrontational about it, they would be more careful.

Yeah, I hate that too.

Other way around, I think. After the grade school stage of actually picking on people, most people who tease others do so because they expect to be teased back, and then it's not a big deal and everyone's happy and laughing because then it's in the open and there's no reason to feel insecure. If you don't, most people either feel bad, or think "God, that person is so hyper-sensitive..."

[Slacker]

The curse of weak . If they thought you might get confrontational about it, they would be more careful.

Yeah, I hate that too.

Other way around, I think. After the grade school stage of actually picking on people, most people who tease others do so because they expect to be teased back, and then it's not a big deal and everyone's happy and laughing because then it's in the open and there's no reason to feel insecure. If you don't, most people either feel bad, or think "God, that person is so hyper-sensitive..."

Hmm well I've definitely seen people get picked on specifically for having weak . But, like most things, different people probably pick on different people for different reasons, so I'm sure it happens the way you've seen it too.

[Gilly]

True, but I think lots of people take insults/teasing too seriously because they just don't understand the nature of what's being said and what it's meant to do.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I like light teasing and people mocking me, but I don't like it when it's group making fun of that way. You know the 'pack mentality.'

I don't mine one-on-one teasing, I get that they're just trying to lighten me up, but I'm just sensitive to group teasing. So I guess maybe beta teasing would just rub me the wrong way. I hate it when people keep going when I'm clearly just not in the mood either. Sometimes if I want it to keep going I'll make fun of myself. If I give kind of a disgusted look though that's a signal that you better stop or I will cry and get my dual to beat you up lol.

I seriously feel so psychologically helpless if I feel ganged up on. I will just start crying or I'll lash out aggressively even. It's not pretty. It's like one of my main weakpoints. I don't know why that is... but yeah. I'm not so sensitive that I can't be made fun of, just don't do the whole 'group against sam' thing.

If you see me doing something wrong then the best way to get me to stop is to tell me politely in private, don't ever try to get other people to agree with you I feel it's a sign of weakness that you can't take me on in a fair fight. Maybe it's just a weakness on my part but still, don't do that- or I will probably dislike you for a really long time.

[eunice]

I can never understand how can anyone condone ragging/hazing.

[olduser]

I usually laugh when teased but lightly and not showing too much positive emotion. I worry it puts others out. I don't tease people very often. I actually compliment people too much. Or when they say something derrogatory about themselves or a situation I try to say something insanely positive(try to find the tiniest positive aspect in the shittiest situation). My friend(22) likes to bring up his divorced parents at parties to create his wild emotional atmosphere. His mom's name is Diane and he was saying that John Mellancamp's song 'jack and diane' was one of his divorced parent's favorite songs. Then he says something really horrible,negative, and dramatic about the divorce("but yeah then they got divorced so it doesn't matter anymore!"). I say, "Your dad finally found out about jack, didn't he?" and he laughs a lot and everything is a little better.

another funny one:
I have an ESTp friend who i've been around a lot lately. He's really loud and obnoxious, but funny/excited. I went over to his house tonight and he yells very crudely at me, "what's up ******?!" I respond, "why hello jerry, how are you today?" I can't stop laughing about that. It's usually a good sign that the night is going to go well. I like him a lot. He has a good sense of comraderie, and won't betray his friends. Something I like a lot. He doesn't care about getting places in life or any bullshit like that. He likes to call people ******s and yell at televisions. Yes that's a good man.

[force my hand]

He doesn't care about getting places in life or any bullshit like that. He likes to call people ******s and yell at televisions. Yes that's a good man.

Haha, I can agree with this a lot. I think it has to do with the fact that it's somewhat overblown and therefore not insidious. What you see is entirely what's there, and what's there you can deal with entirely at that point in time. Does that make sense? What Eunice describes is something very relevent, but I think it bothers me more when it's coming from someone who I feel doesn't have a right to make an attempt to exercise that power over me. One of the few things that would ever inspire me towards violence. Thankfully, people usually refrain from acting that way.

[eunice]

I think many people don't notice how uncomfortable it makes someone feel until it happens to them.

Yeah. The funny thing is those who tend to engage in such behaviours are actually the most sensitive when the same thing happens to them.

[Froody Blue Gem]

I like being laughed with, and can be self deprecating. I have a broad sense of humor, and am a silly hooman in many ways, but I don't appreciate the whole of my person just being a joke to people. I find it funny if we're all friends, we all like each other, and it's clear that there's no malice lying underneath it. This component is what gets me when stuff like this does bother me. But there is only so far being laughed at can go, and I admit I can be very sensitive with this.

I am very self-critical in general, and I'll take constructive criticism. But there is a certain way of wording it, or if people just make it like it's a joke, I can't stand that. I have trouble letting things like this go, and I find that I feel that I'm not completely a part of a group, if that's my role among the people.

Things like my creative projects and my intelligence or my integrity being made fun of, or people claiming that I lack these qualities, are where the line is drawn.

[sbbds]

I’ve told this story before on this forum but when I was in high school, I had an INTX classmate named Eugene who was kind of a friend too (we liked each other platonically). One day I just randomly started to do wordplay with his name and called him “Eugina” (rhyming with vagina of course), and then our friends and classmates picked up on it, and soon enough it spread through the whole school. I’m unaware if, and I highly doubt, he was ever group mocked or exiled for it, although I did hear some loud, popular SEE guy calling him Eugina in the hallways from time to time. But Eugina ended up stealing my friend’s bike and never giving it back, and disappeared largely for the final year of high school. I’m not sure if that was related to the name, but I wouldn’t discount it. I don’t feel bad though, because a) it was unintentional, and b) people need to learn to deal with these situations. That’s what high school is for.

I don’t think I’ve been in a situation like this since high school though lol, nor was I really in a similar situation before that either. Generally I see group mocking as juvenile and monkey-brained.

Okay, maybe I feel a tiny bit guilty.

[cry]

It's ok if I'm close with the person... if they just don't understand me and half assedly make labels about me then it's kinda lame and I disregard the person entirely lol.

I think the democratic mindset of "everyone's opinion matters" is stupid as fuck, only some people's opinions matter and when it's an opinion about you, then really only you can verify it's true, unless you lie to yourself.

And if it is true but you find it annoying, then uh, idk just tell them to shut up.

[cry]

oops this was posted in Delta Quadra I'm not allowed here

[Northstar]

It's ok if I'm close with the person... if they just don't understand me and half assedly make labels about me then it's kinda lame and I disregard the person entirely lol.

I think the democratic mindset of "everyone's opinion matters" is stupid as fuck, only some people's opinions matter and when it's an opinion about you, then really only you can verify it's true, unless you lie to yourself.

And if it is true but you find it annoying, then uh, idk just tell them to shut up.

Kinda curious as to why you changed your type to SEI. I thought you were a pretty obvious IEI and this post is very beta.

[Rebelondeck]

Over the years, I've had to 'talk' to many about them poking fun at others in the workplace. Just about all who did it had issues of their own and usually did it for one of two reasons: 1) they were immature and insensitive like kids and 2) in some distorted way, putting others down seem to raise their esteem in their own eyes. Bullies seem to instinctively know the easy marks but were often unaware that their behaviour negatively impacted on others not in the line of fire. The few who were outwardly cruel by nature but happened to make it past screening didn't seem to last long.

a.k.a. I/O

[Adam Strange]

Over the years, I've had to 'talk' to many about them poking fun at others in the workplace. Just about all who did it had issues of their own and usually did it for one of two reasons: 1) they were immature and insensitive like kids and 2) in some distorted way, putting others down seem to raise their esteem in their own eyes. Bullies seem to instinctively know the easy marks but were often unaware that their behaviour negatively impacted on others not in the line of fire. The few who were outwardly cruel by nature but happened to make it past screening didn't seem to last long.

a.k.a. I/O

I had the second problem.

In 8th grade Art class, I sat at a table with two other people. One of them was a skinny girl, E.S., who was cute and smart and funny and in retrospect might have been an e9. I should mention that 8th grade was Hell for me in many ways. I was normally a model student, but in that year, I got into a fist fight with a guy in the men's room for no reason that I could understand, and I was just becoming aware that other people had inner lives, and that my mother was not the person that I had been telling myself she was. I remember showing up in homeroom class (the first of the day), day after day, with my eyes red and watering. If anyone commented that it looked like I was crying and was I OK?, I'd tell them that I had allergies and I just LOOKED terrible. Inside, I was fine. My face was not ME.

Right.

Anyway, on this one particular day in Art class, my secret crush, E.S., had made a piece of art that I thought was particularly beautiful and I started to tell her that I thought so, but she cut me off. She said, "Don't say anything about it. You're just going to criticize it."
That hit my like a ton of bricks. I started to protest, but instead kept silent and started thinking. If she immediately assumed that anything that came out of my mouth was going to be criticism, what had I been saying all these months? Was I putting everyone down in order to make myself feel better about my shitty life?
And I resolved never to denigrate anyone again.

I haven't always been able to stick to that resolution, as my comments about Trump show, but I do consciously try to stay on the sunny side of the street.

[cry]

Kinda curious as to why you changed your type to SEI. I thought you were a pretty obvious IEI and this post is very beta.

Hm, I was just trying it out. Clearly it is not for me.

[thegreenfaerie]

Absolutely. I'm very sensitive

[Lord Pixel]

This depends. If someone is just having a laugh at you about something that is totally exaggerated and not real, it's sometimes even funny to me. But when someone knows how to hit you were it hurts and they do that for their own pleasure just to mess with you even though they know it's a seroius topic for you, ie. death in the family, or something, then yea I hate that. The person can claim thick skin all day everyday that's just a defense they are putting up, once you do it to them where it hurts they react the same, and that' is something I extra hate. "I'm gonna treat you in ways I don't want to be treated." nothing pisses me off more than that.

[aciaradh]

I had the second problem.

In 8th grade Art class, I sat at a table with two other people. One of them was a skinny girl, E.S., who was cute and smart and funny and in retrospect might have been an e9. I should mention that 8th grade was Hell for me in many ways. I was normally a model student, but in that year, I got into a fist fight with a guy in the men's room for no reason that I could understand, and I was just becoming aware that other people had inner lives, and that my mother was not the person that I had been telling myself she was. I remember showing up in homeroom class (the first of the day), day after day, with my eyes red and watering. If anyone commented that it looked like I was crying and was I OK?, I'd tell them that I had allergies and I just LOOKED terrible. Inside, I was fine. My face was not ME.

Right.

Anyway, on this one particular day in Art class, my secret crush, E.S., had made a piece of art that I thought was particularly beautiful and I started to tell her that I thought so, but she cut me off. She said, "Don't say anything about it. You're just going to criticize it."
That hit my like a ton of bricks. I started to protest, but instead kept silent and started thinking. If she immediately assumed that anything that came out of my mouth was going to be criticism, what had I been saying all these months? Was I putting everyone down in order to make myself feel better about my shitty life?
And I resolved never to denigrate anyone again.

I haven't always been able to stick to that resolution, as my comments about Trump show, but I do consciously try to stay on the sunny side of the street.

Wow--that's really admirable. I know this is several months old, but such a great example of why I always appreciate your comments.

[nanashi]

I’ve told this story before on this forum but when I was in high school, I had an INTX classmate named Eugene who was kind of a friend too (we liked each other platonically). One day I just randomly started to do wordplay with his name and called him “Eugina” (rhyming with vagina of course), and then our friends and classmates picked up on it, and soon enough it spread through the whole school. I’m unaware if, and I highly doubt, he was ever group mocked or exiled for it, although I did hear some loud, popular SEE guy calling him Eugina in the hallways from time to time. But Eugina ended up stealing my friend’s bike and never giving it back, and disappeared largely for the final year of high school. I’m not sure if that was related to the name, but I wouldn’t discount it. I don’t feel bad though, because a) it was unintentional, and b) people need to learn to deal with these situations. That’s what high school is for.

I don’t think I’ve been in a situation like this since high school though lol, nor was I really in a similar situation before that either. Generally I see group mocking as juvenile and monkey-brained.

Okay, maybe I feel a tiny bit guilty.

when I feel a tiny bit guilty it's usually because *I* need to learn how to deal with these situations I've accidentally caused, and maybe using our charisma to talk it out and readjust the public free-for-all we ineptly started in the first place is an option.

extroverted thinkers fail pretty publicly and unfortunately with our less developed Fi, our outward actions can expose other people to the collective tiny aggressions of a mob, like the bites of a school of piranha.



No need to persecute yourself over it. The guilt's just a useful alert from your brain to learn from the situation and adapt.

[Alomoes]

Depends on how often it happens for me.