Originally Posted by
Gilly
"Can you please fill up the shampoo bottles for me? I've got the big jug sitting right next to the dispenser, so all you have to do is pour it in."
"But I never use your shampoo."
"So how did it get empty so fast?"
"You used it."
"Oh. Well, would you do it anyways?"
"No."
"Oh. Well, I'll just leave it there in case you change your mind."
I have arguments with my ISFj all the time exactly like this (even the 'so how it did it get empty so fast?' bit - it's irritant how she accuses me, and still expects me to do something, and then reverts back to her accusation when I don't do it - she doesn't seem to see logic - she seems to want me to do something for her out of a guilt that just isn't there. If that doesn't work she, calls me lazy - but what does that make her, not being able to do her own simple chores? Obviously, pointing out this flaw in her reasoning is just another sign of a guilty conscience or something. If I do something for her, it never seems reciprocal - it seems purely like an obligation, as though I am somehow servile. It's also extremely irritating when she goes into my room without asking - no matter how many times I tell her, she seems to 'forget'. It just isn't right - it's as though she wants me to complain, although I'd rather not have to bother. She can be irritated if I'm in the same room as her, for no explanation what so ever, and yet she wanders into my own private space without a care in the world.
There have been times when I was gonna do something, like wash the dishes, when she has come up to me and says 'HOW COME YOU NEVER DO THE DISHES?' etc. etc., and I just think 'fuck it, why bother?'. I don't want to think I only did the washing up because she 'forced' me to - I also don't like how she assumes that I have never done the dishes before - it's as though she doesn't value my work at all, or has never noticed - what she says is completely untrue - if washing the dishes many times a week is doing nothing, then why should I wash the dishes more, when that logically must be 'nothing' as well?
Also, another thing she does is if I am doing something such as washing the dishes, she will more often than not accuse me of getting in the way, or of looking at her, when it simply isn't true - I often have to look up to see if she is staring at me, which she usually is, which obviously means that I'm in the wrong, rather than her. If I'm staring out of the window absent-mindedly while doing the washing up, she'll accuse me of thinking 'bad thoughts' - I really can't win with her - if I try to resolve the situation, by saying something about 'that tree over there' she accuses me of desiring incest or some such nonsense. Five minutes later (if I haven't escalated the row or have somehow managed to say the right thing), she is back to 'normal' again - I find her extremely puzzling.
If I comment about how calm she is, judging from what she determined my intent to be only minutes earlier, she goes into a rage, and just goes on about how I'm making her unhappy by interrogating her etc. - she doesn't see the logic of me pointing out that she is more angry in these situations than I was when she accused me of incest or whatever - she thinks I am wrong, and that she is always right, regardless of who is the most logical. A logical argument against her is a 'hostile attack', an allegation of incest was just what she was feeling at the time, apparently - she sees me as being deliberately argumentative, while she was following her heart, and therefore she is more 'pure'.
I can remember when I was nine she accused my brother of breaking the aerial off her favourite radio, because 'Jesus' had told her in her heart that he had done it. I was actually going to admit to breaking the radio, but she seemed certain of her argument, so it wasn't my problem. I told her years later that it was I who broke the radio, to mock her self-righteousness and sense of always being right. Whenever an incident now occurs (e.g. she accuses me of hiding something, then later finds it where she left it), she blames it on me, sometimes saying 'YOU DID THIS, LIKE YOU BROKE THAT RADIO!'. This argument is unbelievably poor - not least because she only knew because I broke the radio because I told her - I could just as easily say that it was my brother who had done it - how is she to know? Why does she believe I'm telling the truth in that instance, when 'Jesus' initially told her otherwise? (I'm rather flattered). Also, the radio was broken accidentally - an important distinction when she accuses me of doing works of the utmost evil, such as hiding her keys, apparently.
(I'm sorry to bring up a radio that I broke more than ten years ago - it's frequently on my mind for some reason).