How types react to rejection

[jelly grass]

i would not get pissed off if someone told me "i just want to be friends." and i would not insult them. people's feelings change, and it's not like you really have control over your feelings...it's not someone's fault if they don't like someone anymore. so i don't see anything to get angry about.
in that situation: i would probably think for a couple seconds after they said it, and then say "all right". i would get really quiet, and try to hold back tears.. or just cry a bit. (assuming it's someone i really care about)

[meatburger]

I really need to learn how to let things go and move on.

*sigh* Tell me about it .............

Yeah. That seems to be a common ISTp theme ive noticed. I know of 3 ISTp's that all seem to be attached to someone and have incredibly strong feelings about it, even when the feelings are not reciprocated.

ISTp's need some of what i have to give lol. I get over the opposite sex in record time. I think its Ne that im just certian someone better is around the corner.

[Elf]

I think its Ne that im just certian someone better is around the corner.

Or it could mean that you have very high standarts. I don't think that I have a strong , but I can see that in myself too.

[FDG]

If you have high standards and you meet somebody that meets them and she doesn't reciprocate, then it'd be hard to forget, I think

[Joy]

I think it's about self-acceptance. You can't truly accept and appreciate others for who they are until you accept and appreciate yourself for who you are. Fears come from uncertainty, a lack of peace in this regard. (imo )

[ladyinred]

ENFj .. he can think or he was not good enough and will try to be better and if he havestill some things that can doubt him that refuser meant actually what he said he may persuade.
in other case he may just wish luck and dissapear being not hostile not friendly just indifferent without any desire to see that person.
In case something was done/said wrong by refusing person he even can completely erase the person, not being friends even, or even will do something to leave some mental stuff that will cause to have some disorder to person who refused such cute and open-hearted person.
In case all was good and refusing person said that sentence being clear and sure to ENFj he will only smile wish luck and will always think good about that person for being genereously straigt, open, righteous and friendly. ENFj will thank that.

However - Past is very important to ENFj so all depends of cause itself and background. If it bad - bad reaction, good - good reaction, Not clear - he will try to persuade things or just force them to fall into one of corners - bad or good to end uncleariness as fast as possible.

I should add somestuff about EIE (ENFj) at this point.
About wekneses - ENFj know that people have weakneses, and they have them themselves. They fight with own weakneses in Ni/Se style and with pure lacking of Si. To force, to make feel uncomfortable with them, EJ tempr - but with great Empathy, and great love , that really accepting people as they are at this moment in case ENFj see the person will "improve" with a time / can get positive lessons. Acting as "teacher" he have very big tolerance for those who want to improve, and uinderstanding for cases when current weakness is just current personality trait - in this case it should be understandable to ENFj.
They know mostly that no perfect people - only perfect motives and actions exist. The case with manipulating weknesses - i think in that case EIE just want some kind of same Se behaviour and he in care of his own weakneses (complex).

About "lets be friends"
EIE can tell it himself in case he notice that for some period his demands was not followed or just noticed he were not accepted in some "unpleasant" or "wrong" manner. At same time he knows that he can mistake and things he waits that refused will "understand, and come back" and will be accepted, ENFj will feel guilty for refusing, (victim behaviour) or just his refusal and suspision of "wrong" actions should be Se-forced in manner "heh you see how i act, how you dare to think i cant to that/i am bad"????. Really if he refusing he waiting for persuading and forcing him re-make his opinnion. In case it is not happen he will be dissapointed and then completely sure about righteousnes of his refusal.
In case he was refused he will act in same Se pattern.

yeah, true

Confidence or just plain sanity/common sense. Dwelling on these feelings is never too pleasant for people after awhile. And even the most shyest/awkwardest person eventually tries to see if the person still likes him depending on how big the crush is, so I doubt it has anything to do with confidence. Sometimes though I like to think about a crush for awhile, but I know I'll get depressed if I just dwell on the feelings with no actions so I just stop until I can ask him if he likes me too.

Look, I just think people should be a tad more optimistic. Yes, you could get rejected but prolly not for the reasons you're thinking of. The truth is if you really like a person chances are you have a good shot with them despite how much people like to play the my love is so tragic and helpless card. Otherwise you wouldn't be hurting yourself that way, as nobody likes to chase windmills. Yeah I think you hear about the kind of romance where two people fall in love that are from different classes and shit, but I think that is rare and besides, they will most likely turn you off that way anyway. I am tired of the cutesy games people play sometimes. As a few people already know, I will tell you (in private, one-on-one) if I have a crush on you regardless if it's returned or not. (which I believe it still is or it can be, the other person is just uncertain) I guess I wear my heart on my sleeve but I figure... look, real, special feelings between actually giving a shit about another person is rare. So I might as well go with what I've got. And I'm probably the most unconfident person I know. I think a confident person would just be happier by themselves anyway, though I know now that living alone is not for me.

An ESFj told me one time 'omg what if that person says he hates you and blablabla' - but chances are you see something special in him/her already so you wouldn't be having these lovey-dovey feelings otherwise, as what would be the point? You already know damn well the person you like isn't going to be screaming in your face 'I hate you omg' and start making fun of you and all that shit anyway. Yes some people are turned on by aggression and playing hard to get, but 'real love' isn't like that. You probably like them because you feel they treat you in a special way compared to others, or whatever reason...you just do. You sense an inner compatibility.

I don't really have to 'do anything' when a person likes me in real life anyhow. I usually only feel obligated to 'formulate' my love when we're apart. All I do is kind of just send out good vibes and I notice they come to me (they'll make an excuse like they want me to help them with a problem but they really just want to get to know me better) Sometimes they'll ask me out directly. I've turned them down though before in the past as I'm still fairly young and I was SO not comfortable 'dating.' Now I wouldn't do that but yeah. Everything to do with me, nothing to do with them. That's what Jarno means when he says 'takes rejection personally.' Everybody I've ever liked has talked to me because I send messages that I am approachable and want to talk to them. If I don't want to get to know somebody, I just close off and I let them know discreetly I do not want to be bothered. That's why I believe there is no such thing as true unrequited love.

There's a quote I heard on Starting Over (yes I used to love that show, hehe) about how that unfortunately, people's fears are more powerful than their feelings of love, or something like that, and that's very true. Until a person conquers their own inner fears about themselves, they'll never love you, or anybody else for that matter.

Fuck. I type too much. ;p

[Cuddly McFluffles]

Meh. I'm not initiating enough to get rejected, as I have a high fear of rejection in the first place. I'm usually the one going, "He's into me? Aw, crap", and working to push the guy away from then on. I can think of two people I've rejected, one potentially ESE and the other probably some Fe sort (loud, vulgar young man) that I knew from a couple of college language courses.

The ESE apparently was interested in my physical and mental qualities (I commend him for the latter). He didn't seem to have any problem with the "I just want to be friends" rejection and still wanted to hang out, go places, etc. I did start pulling away, but we talk on occasion. We went out on Valentine's Day, because he asked and I found it nice actually doing something with a guy on Valentine's for once.

The other young man... well, "Nice ass, I'd take a bite out of it" is pretty indicative. After he asked why I had gone silent for so long, I informed him that "I'd tap that" is not an acceptable pick-up line in my books and that I was waiting for a man with my standards. He told me that women spend too much time waiting for that "right" guy, and when I said I was happy to wait, told me I'd be waiting a long time. Pissed me off. He contacted me once more on Facebook, and I eventually defriended him. Never really liked him anyway.

[Amber]

SLE -- chases you harder (rejection only means challenge)

SEE -- tries to make you like them, finds stuff they could bond over with you, gets charming and complimenting to have their way through you

EIE -- makes you jealous with the coolest dudes in town --- creepy triangles and intrigues, uses heavy Fe on the surface and hides real feelings

LIE --- tries to buy your love lol. tests the water a bit more to see if you're just playing coy, chasing them back, or you're for real and, if you don't respond, leaves.

LSE -- tries to seduce you subtly and pragmatically through their efficiency, caring attitude, and self-control, insists more than LIE, wants to prove you may actually need them

IEE - pulls off a show to charm your pants off, becomes a drama queen, carmen-style ("si tu ne m'aimes pas, je t'aime")

EII - withdraws and suffers in silence till they get even 1-2 years later; marries your best friend

ILI --- doesn't really know if they're rejected or not ... expects being chased; if they're not, they may get too passive and assume rejection or they can idealise a bit

ESE -- expresses feelings heavily and overtly to persuade you to like them, exaggerates, can get fiery and provocative

SEI -- retreats and says nothing

LII -- their ego doesn't accept rejection, rationalizes any feelings

ILE -- is prone to interpret signs of rejection as game-playing that they have to one-up, doesn't read real feelings well, can get twisted by a Fi valuer

LSI -- gets super-mean, chases you one step further, two steps back, wants to get even if they don't get their way

[ashlesha]

i wanna see ESI!

i have reacted like LSI, ILE, EIE, and LIE on that list to real or perceived rejection.

[Suz]

lol @ the EII one!

[Suz]

i would not get pissed off if someone told me "i just want to be friends." and i would not insult them. people's feelings change, and it's not like you really have control over your feelings...it's not someone's fault if they don't like someone anymore. so i don't see anything to get angry about.
in that situation: i would probably think for a couple seconds after they said it, and then say "all right". i would get really quiet, and try to hold back tears.. or just cry a bit. (assuming it's someone i really care about)

Ditto...personal tastes are personal tastes, can't help personal tastes....We all have our own, and sometimes they just dont coincide mutually. Nothing can be done about it but to accept, and move on.

[The Foundation]

ILI --- doesn't really know if they're rejected or not ... expects being chased; if they're not, they may get too passive and assume rejection or they can idealize a bit

This fits way too well.

I am overly cautious when I am interested in someone, and try to predict my standing with the other party so that I can find the answer without entering a shitstorm of awkwardness I don't want to deal with if they aren't interested. Usually I can't find anything, however, so I just simply fade into the background, hoping the other person will choose to interact with or engage me of their own volition.

I've thought about doing the LSI one several times, too.

[Amber]

lol @ the EII one!

based on more or less first-hand experiences.

well overall I interpreted rejection in broader terms, not strictly as "unrequited love".

[Amber]

i wanna see ESI!

i have reacted like LSI, ILE, EIE, and LIE on that list to real or perceived rejection.

lol maybe someone else should do that. Actually I doubted this type for me because it seemed implausible that Fi wouldn't have constant godlike control over the self and the world judging by what socionics says. I guess I discovered a version a bit closer to reality when I made this thread : http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...nrequited-love