ENFps gaining satisfaction in relationships and thinking of greener pastures

[sunflower]

Does anyone know how an ENFp can be satisfied in a relationship? I am not sure if every ENFp is like this, but I am never satisfied (mentally, not physically). I am always thinking there is something or someone that could be better...searching for greener pastures you could say. I get restless, overwhlemed, and aggitated with everything. Is there something that I just need to keep telling myself so I stop this, or should I just keep searching until I am satisfied enough? I don't like to keep breaking these boys hearts when they are wonderful to me.

[Rocky]

Well, there's always me. :wink:

(actually, duality does sound like a good idea for you... you could at least try it out and see if that works).

[Cone]

(actually, duality does sound like a good idea for you... you could at least try it out and see if that works).

We'd all try duality if it was that easy, Rocky.

Sunflower, why don't you become self-accusatory? That way, your partner will look perfect and you'll be the one who is lacking. Then again, he'll leave you because of your depressive attitude.

Ok, don't listen to my bad advice. I think everyone on this forum should just shut up and listen to Pedro. :wink:

[sunflower]

i've been wanting to find someone that might be closer to my dual, but the thing is that i have always dated extroverts. something about their spontinaeity always attracted me. the problem for me with finding an introvert to date is none have ever come up to me, and i don't particularly like making the first move. my roomie (and fellow forum member, dudeins) is saying that i should take a break from the current boyfriend (definitely an extrovert) and experience something new. i'm toying with that idea right now, and i may end up meeting someone that i can get along with better. but it always takes so long for those little things that bother you most to come out. but i do think that Pedro is right in saying that i will never be fully satisfied. i understand that. but i am having a hard time deciding between what to put up with because i wont find anyone better, and what not to put up with because there is someone better. aaahhhhh!!!

[Koneko]

An ENFp girl friend of mine could tell exactly the same story replacing all places and names. Cold yet sensitive, spontaneous cool people with their strong hidden to the public intellectual side, my mirrors -even if I personally wouldn't date them- have no difficult meeting plenty of people who are -really- sure to like them and that -really- find a gasp of satisfaction with them. Among that people are both intraverts and extraverts~

I wouldn't really be scared, since that seems to be a phase on all IEE's lives where they wake up every morning feeling older, guiltier, colder, smarter and nostalgic with every story that ends until the deltaness that's eating their strenghts shows and asks them to take a break and meditate.

Any type combination -can- fail when one of both lost their thrill to continue, be them duals or conflicts, or anything.

It sounds a little rare to me that you can't find any intraverts~ Isn't the EII's favorite hobby that thrills them so much (and makes me so exhausted ) to crack intraverts out of their shells ? Go nag an SLI, they're really waiting you to pull them out and give them some adventure on your side It won't be difficult to find them~ EII's really -collect- a zoologic of people of all kinds, ages, social groups, nationalities, and even if you say you don't probably there's a dozen SLI's among them but what will make your thrill true there? Is that they're the HARDEST to pull out ^_^. If you don't just -love- that, are you really sure you're an EII ?

Just take a look at your love mottos, you'll see what i mean

ENFp "CHARMING INDIFFERENCE"
ISTp "HATEFUL COMFORT"

When you two first meet you say

ENFp: Hey! So what's your name? *psycho smiling*
ISTp: Get outta here... *know-it-all glance*

Then you both grin and the story begins ^_^

So just keep your journey as much as your strenghts ask you to do, write a book about how you dumped 10 emperors to have fun when you grow older, smile to how skilled you were and when you really feel you need it, take all your love to a single person =^^=.

[Topaz]

but i am having a hard time deciding between what to put up with because i wont find anyone better, and what not to put up with because there is someone better. aaahhhhh!!![/color]

I kinda know what you mean sunflower. I always wonder how some people hook up so quick, sometimes with almost irrelevant types. They seem to be happy but when I do something like that right away I start to feel uncomfortable.
I was seeing an enfj not too long ago. We were on and off for awhile. Then finally I said enough. I felt like she was confusing me and making me unsure of myself, undermining all my thinking. As friends we were fine but as soon as we started to get closer then the J/P issues started to arise. Also she kept insisting that I divulge my feelings on everything, even when I didnt know how I felt. At first all our friends were mad at me for breaking it off with her but now I think they see how intense she really is. Nice girl but oh so intense.

topaz

[Topaz]

Thanks Koneko, for some reason what you said is comforting

Topaz

[Koneko]

Thanks Koneko, for some reason what you said is comforting

Topaz

thanks for recognizing my effort~~
really gladful, after all it's my job ^_~ *blink*

[sunflower]

Thank you so much to all of you that have responded. You really gave me a lot to think about and also made it easier for me to make up my mind. Now I just have to figure out a.) the write way to break it to the boyfriend and b.) start finding some introverts! Okay, maybe I should have some time off from the dating. We'll see about that....

[Cone]

This conclusion just seems a bit too easy...

[sunflower]

I know, it does seem easy. But I usually like the easy way out. I really also don't like making decisions myself. I always feel like what I am thinking isn't the best thing. So I reallly like getting other people's opinions to help me make up my mind. Like I said, I will think it over and figure out what to do in my head. I'm sure you don't want to read my thought process. It's a little....out there.

[Cone]

What I meant was actually that it seems too easy to work.

[NeonMonk]

Haha, welcome to the curse of being ENFP. This seems to be a running theme in everything in my life, not just relationships. My longest relationship so far went for a year (approximately, as it was on & off, on & off) it was a totally awful relationship, apart from that my relationships don't last longer than 4 months tops. I get bored / confused / resentful / etc etc. But it also happens with my interests. Currently and for the last 6 months (a record) I've been really into music production, but I know that soon my interest is going to wane.

Everyone here is going to tell you that the answer is an ISTP. Which maybe it is? Definitely stay away from the extraverts though, they get boring fast. Intraverts are the way to go. Such a challenge to get them out of their caves. Only frustrating thing is when they don't want to go out and do things, just want to 'hang around'. But ah well, you can never win.

[sunflower]

Intraverts are the way to go. Such a challenge to get them out of their caves.

yeah. now that i think of it, i have brought one introvert out of his shell, but that was a long time ago. still, his mom thanx me every time i see her, and that was like 7 years ago! and of course, i always do like a challenge...

[Topaz]

I like to have extraverted friends around but not for love interest. Even if I was married I would still have my extraverted friends around. They give me new perspectives, have lots of different interest that I can piggback off of and have energy when I run down. For home life its really too much though. At home Im rather quiet and reflective. Its nice to have someone around but not demanding or someone you have to entertain. Sometimes Im with another extravert and its like OK... now what? like one of us has to start this interesting conversation or come up with some activity or we dont know what to do with ourselves. With an introvert, particularly IXXP I dont have to perform or do anything, just do what comes natural. I had a friend who was ISxP and we just had a cool time hanging out. My enfj girlfriend was like " What do you have to talk about with him? I dont get it" I hadnt really thought about it. Then I said, "I guess hanging out with him is easy. I dont have to think so much "(as opposed to the time I spent with her).
For me EXXJs can be a problem because they want to know all plans in advance. "We're still on for next week right?" "What time will you be back?" "How long do you think that will take you?" "We should order this now. There might not be any in stock next month" AAAARhhahhaha
I dont know, I dont care. Too many questions. Lord Please! Lets just do it when we do it. They can sometimes pumel you to death!

Topaz

[sunflower]

People are not projects for us to test our people skills on. You cannot change them. When I felt restless and agitated in a relationship, it was because I did not deeply love the person anymore.

i agree with you Kim. i have long since realized that i can't change people which is why i am in this situation that i am in right now. i am not going to tell my boyfriend that he needs to change the things that bother me. i know that i can't deal with them very well because they aggitate me, and i don't think i should be in a relationship where more than half of the time, i am pissed off about something or the other, which is why i think i should see if there are other types of people that i can get along better with.
true, it is kind of like the MacDonald's of dating because in a way you are sampling in a short period of time, but spending an extended period of time with every person you date wastes your time and theirs if it is just going to end up badly. to me, there is no point to it.
i also have a hard time finding someone that i am deeply in love with because of my age. i am only 20 years old so i can't have that deeply in love experience yet. i can't even be sure if i have yet to be in love! currently, it could be possible, but any time i have thought that in a previous relationship, i always realize it wasn't in hindsight. i am still young and having fun and don't like to put up with people that bring me down.
so don't think that i am some sort of heartless bimbo, because i am not. i am a more freespirited than the average person because rather than try to fix people to fit what i like, i find new people that make me happy and that i can get along with better. there are so many people in this world, so i don't waste my time with those that suck.
the end.

[Megan]

I know the following is not socionics but an ENFp friend of mine found the following a little helpful in understanding some similar issues. I think it requires a very open mind because it is a bit critical and it is not intended to bring any ENFp down but I think personal negatives are better faced and dealt with. I also found it more helpful in understanding her than any socionics information for some reason.

http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP_per.html