ISTp + ISTj Quasi-identicals (LSI-SLI)

[mr_maguoo]

Well so we've been 'talking' for quite some time now and I'm not sure how to interpret how things are going. I generally have no clue what others are thinking or feeling or where I 'stand' and what is normal behavior in a relationship, so some input would be appreciated. I get the impression he's not a phone person....as we can go 3 days without talking....? I'm generally always the one that initiates the contact. I'm not very comfortable with this as i need more obvious signs of someones interest. ISTJ's aren't phone people, are they? Normally I would take this as a sign he doesn't want much to do with me but whenever we are together, things are fine. I've been introduced to his whole family already. I dont know...I feel very...for lack of a better word, stuck. Things are fine when we hang out but it's just that...there doesn't seem to be any warm feelings or 'sparks'. He's a great guy and one of the more sane ones i've met and would like to give this a try but i dont want to be setting myself up for failure. I just wonder if it could ever work. No istj's here have had such relationships? I'm trying to take this one slow but he's very serious and traditional and say's he doesn't play games...i get somewhat of a paranoid vibe from him. Although I am very attracted to his maturity and 'no nonsense' approach to things, I wonder if it could work.

Where are the ISTJ's?? Come on, I need some advice....hard type to understand. I'm a relationship junky : (

If you were in regular contact with an ISTj and if he/she were interested in you - they would be proactive, so long as you make your feelings at least half-transparent. This can be hard for an ISTp. In short you have to be something you're not. (If the person in question is an ISTj. - Expat being the forum's most erudite poster is probably right and they're probably ISFj).

[jessica129]

And I can't do that anymore. I've done that in every single past relationship I've had and it hasn't worked. I wouldn't have even considered this guy a 'relationship' really, we were casually seeing each other. I just don't understand the guy. He introduced me to all his family and friends and said 'i don't introduce girls to my parents unless i'm serious about them', went thru a period of seeing each other heavily and now it's basically a casual call every now and then with ME doing the calling. Screw it, i'm sick of playing the 'do you want to talk to me or not' game. No wonder he's had more than a few ex's in the last year.

[Blaze]

you go jess. now find your enfp guy...

[jessica129]

Yeah, haha...come on meatburger, come fly to the US and we can pick up Michelle Rodriguez and have us a wonderful time.

[meatburger]

Yeah, haha...come on meatburger, come fly to the US and we can pick up Michelle Rodriguez and have us a wonderful time.

thats the best idea ive heard in a long time

[Sorc]

i still have'nt met dua but i guess that ISTj need someone who will be interesting and expressive for himself and ISTj both, that should warm him, he need that Fe, only it should be understandable for him and in bound of his strict and solid world perception.

It should be very intelectual and serious person not clown, reading books, working with his self, thinking alot.
I think ISTj should be kinda-self-sufficient people also ...

ISTp less intelectual but ... more material, pragmatic but in different plane
so yes both should appear to each other as very boring person.

also i readed at some place that ISTp can appear lazy and rigid without his dual at times same as ISTj very strict/unflexible/boring person. Which is not right. Its just matter of functions....

[HitmanISTP]

x

[Nostros]

I live with an ISTJ and it's cool. We pretty much understand each other in terms of what we do. Though, what I find lacking is the fact of emotions and activity that he exumes. He not expressive at all and for some reason he is always depressed. Sometimes it can be annoying, but I just dismiss it and let him be what he is.

[Exodus]

I live with an ISTJ and it's cool. We pretty much understand each other in terms of what we do. Though, what I find lacking is the fact of emotions and activity that he exumes. He not expressive at all and for some reason he is always depressed. Sometimes it can be annoying, but I just dismiss it and let him be what he is.

That's weird; I'd think it would be the other way around (that's how it is with my INTp brother and me).

[mikemex]

That's what happens when you take socionics too seriously: you start to see people as if they were the manifestation of a theoretical model instead of real people.

I know an ESFj who is totally negative. I mean, he hates the entire world and you can't hear him talking without getting all kind of crap. And ESFj are supposed to be positivists and the like.

Like I said a million of times before, socionics works fine up to the relationship level. At individual level it is rarely accurate. You're suffering from placebo syndrome.

[Sorc]

[quote="mikemex"]That's what happens when you take socionics too seriously: you start to see people as if they were the manifestation of a theoretical model instead of real people.
[quote]

there is some point, lets say socoinics can give you an bones - but "meat" is persona backround, education and life experiences.

Socionics isnt panacea


About ENFj - they need rules, moral rules mostly to be followed, they have hi pressure inside and all life they try to make positive from it, if they not it can be turned into destucting chaos (mmm ****** as example)
Thas why they need ISTj, he is one who provide "the rest" to gain it. Se/Ti, then straightforwardness and drive of ENFjs can be turned to very hi efficiency processes and thus results.

[jessica129]

How does one go about cheering up an ISTJ? My attempts to lighten his mood have not worked. My attempts to get him out and his mind on something else has not worked. His job has been in jeopardy these last few weeks. This is not a relationship, I'm asking on a friend level. Seems to just want to be alone...something I personally don't understand.

[Nostros]

*nods* I have the same problem. My buddy, whom is an ISTJ, is always depressed. I can't seem to get him to stop thinking about what depresses him and focus on what makes him happy. It really gets annoying. No, it pisses me off alot. Depression pisses me off. Usually when I'm depressed, I just sleep it off. He said that he can't do that. It annoys me to no end.

[ScarlettLux]

Just out of curiosity - what do you ISTps do when you say you "attempt to cheer ISTj up" ? I want to compare to what I would do or what I believe an ENFj would do.

[jessica129]

I guess I attempt to "get them out of their head". I've tried inviting him to various external "social" events and that doesnt seem to help at all. Movies, concerts, clubs, a night on the town, a restaurant, etc...nothing works. I've tried joking around to lighten his mood...nothing. I'm about ready to give up. You can only be around a depressing person so long before it rubs off on you. Maybe others have more patience but not I. You only live once...

[FDG]

I guess I attempt to "get them out of their head". I've tried inviting him to various external "social" events and that doesnt seem to help at all. Movies, concerts, clubs, a night on the town, a restaurant, etc...nothing works. I've tried joking around to lighten his mood...nothing. I'm about ready to give up. You can only be around a depressing person so long before it rubs off on you. Maybe others have more patience but not I. You only live once...

This isn't type related, my father for example is ISTj and he's one of the most cheerful people I know

[meatburger]

one of the most cheerful people I know

Yeah im sure its function related. My dads grumpy and somber quite a great deal. Probablly because my ISFj mum and i dont give him any Fe. When hes around his friends hes nice and happy tho.

[Expat]

Movies, concerts, clubs, a night on the town, a restaurant, etc...nothing works. I've tried joking around to lighten his mood...nothing.

Looks like you're using . Perhaps the most effective way is to always give him a huuuuuge smile as in "oh I'm soooooo glad to see you!!!!!" But that's probably be difficult for you.