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Thread: aversion to touch

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    Default aversion to touch

    I have always had somewhat of an aversion to touch. Well, being touched is more like it. At holidays my relatives would always want hugs, and that irritated me for as long as I can remember. While some people are allowed inside my personal "bubble", as I refer to it, for the most part I just don't see what would make another person think it's okay to touch me or even be within a couple feet of me. It's an intrusion.

    So this is somewhat of a pole I suppose. I'm looking for a correlation between type and how strongly people value their bubble. I realize that some of this is cultural... but let's give this a shot anyways. How much do you value your "bubble" on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being you hug every person you walk past on the street and 10 being you have a clinical phobia of being touched by anyone at anytime and shy away if someone even stands within a couple feet of you)?


    Type:
    Generally:
    With family and close friends:
    In a relationship:


    Type: ENTp
    Generally: 7.5
    With family and close friends: 6.5
    In a relationship: 1

    This used to be a big issue for me. Now I think my tolerence is pretty healthy.
    SEE

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    Type: SLI
    Generally: 7
    Close friends/family: 100000000000
    Intimate relationship: 0
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Type: INTp
    Generally: 3, if my paranoia doesn't detect any unconscious sexual desire
    With friends/family: 3
    In a relationship: -1, of course

    My INFj friend couldn't stand me touching him. It was the easiest way I could think of to annoy him. :wink:

    I think he did this because of the social maxim, "guys don't touch other guys."

    I personally cannot stand anyone who has a distinct aversion to touch. I find it synonymous with a repulsion to intimacy.
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    I personally cannot stand anyone who has a distinct aversion to touch. I find it synonymous with a repulsion to intimacy.
    That's so not true though! My INTj is at least an 8, but with me, a 1. He's great. It's just that it's only certain people/ a certain person who are invited into our (speaking for some people with aversions to touch) personal space. My space is just as much mine as my bed or my car or my anything else that's mine.

    It's all about assumptions. People should never assume it's okay to touch another person. They should wait for an invite. LOL, that's just my perspective though...
    SEE

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    Default Re: aversion to touch

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    I have a bad tendency to not want to be touched ... in my EMT class the othernight we had to do some exercises by where partners had to touch each other all over and do physical assesments. I could barely tolerate my partner touching me, I was that bad.

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    Yeah, it was the worst for me when I was bartending. Drunk people have NO concept of personal space!
    SEE

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    Interesting that so many people are saying 0 in relationships... when I said 2 it was because I still need a certain amount of alone time. I wouldn't want a guy hanging all over me all of the time.
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    Type: LII
    Generally: 8
    With family and close friends: 6 (4 for immediate family)
    In a relationship: 1.5

    W/ family and close friends I'll tolerate, but never initiate. Girl friends always totally catch me off guard with the hugging, the thought never occurs to me at all. With relatives it's more of a ritual. My male INTp cousin and I have always been close friends, it was funny during our teen years how we would avoid each other like the plague when saying-goodbye-and-hugging-time came around: it was just too awkward.
    TiNe, LII, INTj, etc.
    "I feel like I should be making a sarcastic comment right now, but you're just so cute!" - Shego, Kim Possible

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    Type: INFp
    Generally: 2
    With family and close friends: 2
    In a relationship: 0

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    Type: INFp
    Generally: 2
    With family and close friends: 2
    In a relationship: 0
    AAAAHHHHHHHH!! You and your Se! All you want is for a strong woman to physically dominant over you.

    And is it odd that I am the only one who is way mpre sensitive to family/friends touching me than people I barely even know?
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
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    With complete strangers: 10 (Excluding random jostling etc. in corridors)
    With close friends/family: 7
    In a relationship: ?
    Beware! Nerd genes on the prowl.

    INFj - The Holy CPU Saint
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    I agree with mcnew, stay away from me!

    Type: INFP
    Generally: 9
    With family and close friends: 3
    In a relationship: 8

    @Cone, I don't understand your answer. Every time I try to kiss you goodbye you freak out and get all tensed up and look like death would be a better option.
    <--- Me pouring out all my love on you!

    Some days its just not worth chewing through the restraints.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Artemis
    I agree with mcnew, stay away from me!

    Type: INFP
    Generally: 9
    With family and close friends: 3
    In a relationship: 8

    @Cone, I don't understand your answer. Every time I try to kiss you goodbye you freak out and get all tensed up and look like death would be a better option.
    Yeah, that's why I think some people out there are lying when they say that they are more comfortable with family than general people.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Type: ENFP
    Generally: 5
    With family and close friends: 2+depending
    In a relationship:0 to 2
    I wish I was born in a more affectionate culture. Some people will only touch another person when its sexual. Thats just so wierd to me. Its not likely I would feel strongly about someone who does not like to be touched.

    Topaz the Human Teddy Bear

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    And is it odd that I am the only one who is way mpre sensitive to family/friends touching me than people I barely even know?
    Why is this, if you dont mind explaining?

    Topaz

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    Yeah, that's why I think some people out there are lying when they say that they are more comfortable with family than general people.
    Come on, what is the most creepy? If your mum or best friend comes over and gives you a hug or if a total stranger just suddenly without any warning came over and did the same?
    Beware! Nerd genes on the prowl.

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    My mom.

    Anyone else is fine.
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    Hey, your mum is Artemis, and she's nice enough that nobody'd refuse a hug .
    Even if it's over the web.
    *Hugs Artemis, just for the measure of it*
    Beware! Nerd genes on the prowl.

    INFj - The Holy CPU Saint
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    I tend to shy away from people who are more insistent about hugs. The more it seems like they want it, the more reluctant I am.

    I'm not just talking about hugs in this thread, though. As far as the general category, I'm talking about random bumping, people standing too close behind me in line, someone touching my arm while talking to me, etc. I don't like that. It's nice being short though because if someone is crowding me in a line, my elbow makes a nice deterent.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darklord
    Hey, your mum is Artemis, and she's nice enough that nobody'd refuse a hug .
    Even if it's over the web.
    *Hugs Artemis, just for the measure of it*
    Oh, you don't understand...
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    I've got a mum.
    I hug her.
    I know your mum.
    She's huggable.
    I understand better than you might think, though.
    Beware! Nerd genes on the prowl.

    INFj - The Holy CPU Saint
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    Quit pickin on cone.

    My mom gets offended once in a while because she's a huge hug freak and sometimes my son doesn't feel like a hug. I tell him that he NEVER has to hug anyone if he doesn't want to, and that he should politely say, "No thanks, I don't really feel like a hug right now."

    She's very offended by this. Oh well. He should not be obligated to allow a person to touch him in any way based on their feelings. I understand that hugging is inocent, especially in this situation, but regardless...

    Some people just don't like hugs. And relationship dymanics are too complicated for the people involved to understand most of the time, much less a bystander.
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    Thanks, Joy.

    And Darklord, she's plenty huggable, but I can't hug her.
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    Quit pickin on cone.
    Picking?
    Once again, my weird sense of humour backfires...
    Beware! Nerd genes on the prowl.

    INFj - The Holy CPU Saint
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    Or perhaps Joy's sense of humor backfired.
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    Type: ESFJ, ESE
    Generally: 4
    With family and close friends: 2
    In a relationship: 1

    I enjoy being close in relationships, but i like to have personal space. I've dated really obsessive guys who can't stop touching me and its creepy. So i'll have to say hugging and being intimate are good things, but you gotta know when to lay off.
    "this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke

    ENFp!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    And is it odd that I am the only one who is way mpre sensitive to family/friends touching me than people I barely even know?
    Why is this, if you dont mind explaining?

    Topaz
    Quote Originally Posted by Darklord
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    Yeah, that's why I think some people out there are lying when they say that they are more comfortable with family than general people.
    Come on, what is the most creepy? If your mum or best friend comes over and gives you a hug or if a total stranger just suddenly without any warning came over and did the same?
    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    And Darklord, she's plenty huggable, but I can't hug her.
    This is pretty much what I was talking about. Cone said general was worse, yet he also says he can't hug his own mother... hmm...

    @Darklord: I'd rather give a hug to the stranger.

    @Topaz: I think it's because of the emotional rather than the physical space. Hugging one of my friends or Mom just seems weird. I hugged one of my friends once, and thinking about it is still kind of uncomfortable. We were at a Yankee game last year. It was the one against the Redsox when Derek Jeter ran into the stands. After the Yanks won the game we were both excited, jumping up and down, etc... that I guess the energy just took over or whatever. Very uncomfortable. I still hate it when my Dad touches me; he knows this and finds my reactions funny for some reason. As for people who are not close to me, I have hugged them in the past and things like that and it doesn't really bother me.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Niether of my parents were affectionate. That always bothered me growing up. I wonder if that has anything to do with why I work in a morgue.

    Topaz

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    LOL, Josh's family torture's him. Like his sisters will sit on his lap and fart or something. They don't understand (he's also extremely disgusted by all bodily functions). One time one we had a few friends over and they brought some people with, and one of them wanted to hug Josh as they left. Josh literally screamed and ran! It was so funny.

    But no, I was not joking when I stood up for you Cone. I think it's rude to bother someone about something that makes them uncomfortable. Like sometimes my mom makes fun of me for being sooooo disgusted by raw meat and so fussy about sanitation and food handling (but I'm not as bad as I used to be).

    I understand where you're coming from Darklord your intentions were noble and you were half joking anyways... but it's like I said...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    I understand where you're coming from Darklord your intentions were noble and you were half joking anyways... but it's like I said...
    I'll still probably lose sleep over it, and it will go into my "Register of Unforgiveable Mistakes". I'll be knocking myself over the head with it in ten years' time. Damned hypersensitivity...
    Beware! Nerd genes on the prowl.

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    I'll still probably lose sleep over it, and it will go into my "Register of Unforgiveable Mistakes".
    You have one of those too? I thought I was the only one...
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    I think its kind of sad that parents and children and so forth are not always in agreement on this subject. I would be grieved if I had a child that couldnt stand to be touched. I think I would have to fight feelings of resentment The worse part is the istp is my dual. I would be like, 'AT LAST MY DUAL DARLING, oh wait it seems she's incased in a block of ice "

    Topaz

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    I'll still probably lose sleep over it, and it will go into my "Register of Unforgiveable Mistakes".
    You have one of those too? I thought I was the only one...
    Sure.

    -The time I carried a joke too far on my father's birthday
    -The time I forgot my costume for a play and had to use a girl's dress (And screwed it up even worse in a way I shall not mention )
    -The time I refused to believe a girl's name
    -The time I got my hand stuck in a pool table
    -The time I got a piece of apple stuck in my ear channel ( Don't even ask...)
    -The time I carried a joke too far in an online chat
    and several others.

    Every time I remember one, I remember the others, and I just want to sink into a hole in the ground.
    And, now, the list has a new addition:
    -The time I carried a joke too far on this thread
    Beware! Nerd genes on the prowl.

    INFj - The Holy CPU Saint
    Dishonorary INFp
    Baah

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    Quote Originally Posted by Darklord
    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    I'll still probably lose sleep over it, and it will go into my "Register of Unforgiveable Mistakes".
    You have one of those too? I thought I was the only one...
    Sure.

    -The time I carried a joke too far on my father's birthday
    -The time I forgot my costume for a play and had to use a girl's dress (And screwed it up even worse in a way I shall not mention )
    -The time I refused to believe a girl's name
    -The time I got my hand stuck in a pool table
    -The time I got a piece of apple stuck in my ear channel ( Don't even ask...)
    -The time I carried a joke too far in an online chat
    and several others.

    Every time I remember one, I remember the others, and I just want to sink into a hole in the ground.
    And, now, the list has a new addition:
    -The time I carried a joke too far on this thread
    Pool table! That had me laughing...

    Seriously though, DON'T FEEL BAD! If I truly wanted to scold you I would have sent a PM since I do not confront people in public unless it's absolutely necessary. I wasn't scolding you, just arguing Cone's (and the rest of us who don't feel we owe people an explanation as to why it's uncomfortable or not okay to touch us) case. No one's feelings were hurt, right Cone?

    And like I said, I could tell what you were doing and it was a noble effort. There is a perspective here that you weren't getting quite yet, that's all. And who knows! I could be dead wrong about all of this. Just putting in my two cents.

    The reason we type ourselves and eachother is to understand our differences. How can we begin to do that without risking the occasional misunderstand?

    And don't get me started on my list... the top two things are jokes I made about death to the WRONG person at the WRONG time!!! Trust me, nothing on your list looks as bad as the stuff on mine... and have you ever said something when you were cranky and then later found out that someone cried over it??? That's happened to me more times than I care to admit to. There was this one girl that I used to be friends with who would call me crying and begging for forgiveness... and I'd yell at her and then hang up on her... and I wasn't even mad anymore! Okay, I gotta stop...
    SEE

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    I've learned more about Cone on this site than I have in the past 18 years.
    <--- Me pouring out all my love on you!

    Some days its just not worth chewing through the restraints.

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    writing has a way of doing that...
    SEE

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