Explicitly verifying other people's motives and ethics
This started to really interest me now.
Ok so this is related to how certain people seem offended if I request explicit confirmation of their motivations and ethics in order to feel more secure.
So let's say you are in a position power over someone. If this other persion wants you to confirm them that you will not misuse that power e.g. by asking:
"Can you explicitly promise to me that you will not misuse your power over me? I need that in order to feel secure when interacting with you".
Do you
a) Find it extremely offensive and think that you have failed your job or something if someone makes such "accusations". You think that everyone should be able to read your character well enough to not even suggest such things.
b) Understand how this person might feel insecure about themselves. After all you could, in theory, do something harmful if your ethics and motivations were not pure. So you proceed to confirm them e.g. by saying "No need to worry. I have pure intentions and my motives and intentions are of good nature". Or something.
I think I am way more like option b). It has come as a surprise to me that at least a couple of people are so much for option a). After talking with my wife she said something like "I'm all for option a) but with you I have used to option b) so it doesn't bother me anymore".
What I'm wondering is if this something related to Quadra values or are most people going to choose option a). If this is the case then option b) must be a personal preference of mine and I should really avoid bringing these kind of things out in the open. I wonder if personal values affect more than Quadra values in this question or is there a clear Fe vs Fi division (or some other division) in this matter.
Personally I'm interested especially because there have been claims that my behavior in this matter can be used to identify my Quadra but can it? Is it just a personal preference?
Re: Explicitly verifying other people's motives and ethics
Quote:
Originally Posted by Isha
Quote:
Originally Posted by XoX
Ok so this is related to how certain people seem offended if I request explicit confirmation of their motivations and ethics in order to feel more secure.
As far as I can see it, the offense comes from the assumptions, not the request for verification.
Precisely. In your mind XoX I'm already guilty of doing these actions because you assume my actions cannot be trusted without that actually being true.
Re: Explicitly verifying other people's motives and ethics
Quote:
Originally Posted by snegledmaca
Quote:
Originally Posted by Isha
Quote:
Originally Posted by XoX
Ok so this is related to how certain people seem offended if I request explicit confirmation of their motivations and ethics in order to feel more secure.
As far as I can see it, the offense comes from the assumptions, not the request for verification.
Precisely. In your mind XoX I'm already guilty of doing these actions because you assume my actions cannot be trusted without that actually being true.
How about saying that you have to prove you are trustworthy before I trust you. Why is that unreasonable? It comes down to whether one thinks people are generally trustworthy or not. Perhaps I'm a bit paranoid about people and this is why I prefer to initially take a suspicious chance. It might seem like an accusation but it certainly isn't a personal accusation and I think it is just reasonable. Hard to see how someone can take that as personal accusation. I'm more like "accusing the human kind" than that particular individual. How can anyone take that personally?
After "signs are good" I can start to trust this person. I have met quite many untrustworthy people when younger which might affect me. Who knows. My wife is very trusting because she hasn't really been betrayed ever and she haven't been involved with such people. It might come down to experience and psychological conditioning. I don't think I was born like this, lol. I almost think I have become "enlightened" about true faces of human nature and thus I find it hard to
let go of my view.
Re: Explicitly verifying other people's motives and ethics
Quote:
Originally Posted by XoX
So let's say you are in a position power over someone. If this other persion wants you to confirm them that you will not misuse that power e.g. by asking:
"Can you explicitly promise to me that you will not misuse your power over me? I need that in order to feel secure when interacting with you".
Do you
a) Find it extremely offensive and think that you have failed your job or something if someone makes such "accusations". You think that everyone should be able to read your character well enough to not even suggest such things.
b) Understand how this person might feel insecure about themselves. After all you could, in theory, do something harmful if your ethics and motivations were not pure. So you proceed to confirm them e.g. by saying "No need to worry. I have pure intentions and my motives and intentions are of good nature". Or something.
I will be puzzled but I know that there are those who have been through very negative experiences, and thus the need for such confirmations. On the other hand, I will "search" my mental archive and go through some possibilities regarding your character. I will also be more observant of you from then on (why did he ask me that?)
Most likely I will act according to option B and ask you if there is any agreement we can make to dispel your fears, in black-and-white if needed.