is it possible? has anyone here ever had a romantic relationship with their conflictor? did it work? how did it start? your responses will be gladly appreciated.
Printable View
is it possible? has anyone here ever had a romantic relationship with their conflictor? did it work? how did it start? your responses will be gladly appreciated.
uh, no.
most emphatically NO.
No, no, no, no.
Ewww cooties! My conflictor is always shocked at why I don't find them attractive, and they try to show off to me in the most ineffective ways... like they will be like... look at my legs, do you like them (in a condescending tone attacking my Fi). And I'm looking at their legs that they spent shaping in the gym, and instead of them being toned and shaped, they are instead powerful and nothing more than that. They present themselves sexually as if they were some kind of thing that they are trying to sell. And their sales tactics hit my POLR, because I have no idea if they are messing with my head or if they are seriously trying to impress me with their Fi.
I don't think that a romantic relationship with ones conflictor can work. Superficial friendship - yes, romantic relationship - no.
There's one INFj that I hang out with at university, sometimes, but it's just a friend, and nothing more/nothing promisingly more. We get along well :? Much much better than the way I get along with ISFj-Se.
No. Not at all.
I am always amazed when people say they get along with their conflictors so well. I would like to be able to and I try to keep myself open but they aren't budging anyway. They dislike me at least as much as I dislike them.
i had a thing for her but it wouldn't have worked for non-socionics reasons
Cooties? :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by .thursday
:lol:
I was good friends with an ISFp woman for some years. We met when she had come to town as a tourist, her ex bf could not/would not show her around, so he asked me to spend some time with her. I took her out for dinner, it was ok, so we kept in touch for a few years.
We never lived in the same city, so we never had a chance to spend much time together -- we would visit each other on occasion or meet for a day elsewhere. Later we just drifted apart.
In hindsight, we never understood each other; one one occasion she was really mad at me and I hadn't understood why. It only worked as well as it did because we didn't really see each other very often.
I was attracted to an ESFp once. It was strange as hell, as it was all presocionics, pre MBTI even.
I had known her somewhat for a few years, and then when we were in class together, we would flirt constantly. But then sometimes not. So it was completely irrational to me. I thought something was wrong with me at first. I thought there was some problem to fix. So I eventually considered, in my mind, a relationship with her, but thankfully I had enough sense to realize that this wasn't right.
So no, I never had a relationship. She taught me how to flirt, I will reveal that much at least. But I know we could never have a eal relationship.
She did have an amazing voice and amazing usage of her face, which impressed me most. I can't smile properly on command, but she could use her eyes with complete control.
I dated an ISFP for a few months. Like UDP, this was before any kind of psychology framework in my head that explained to me what was going on.
I should have known we weren't compatible, because we couldn't have any kind of substantial conversation. We would just flirt a lot and joke around but it got boring real fast. At least for me, I think she was kinda ok with it. We lasted as long as we did because I was away at school and only saw her every other weekend or so. Every interaction I had with her felt so unnatural and forced, I was very happy when I finally ended it. She's still a fun person to get drunk with though :D :D .
I get along superficially with ESTj girls. With S subtypes I can have decent conversations about things like clothes and do practical things with them like shop but they never truly even begin to understand me and vice versa.
I think ESTj guys are somehow intimidated by me, lol. This could be because when they talk to me I misinterpret their words as criticism and react by going on a long-winded abstract rant about why they're wrong that hurts their brain.
I think in general that ESTjs misinterpret me when I'm being sarcastic and think that I actually believe what I'm saying or that it's true whereas in reality it's meant as ironic commentary that they can't totally get their heads around... wow that's so patronizing i'm drowning in guilty pleasure
This is a fairly typical thing in these sorts of threads...If someone is unattractive in some way ("instead of them being toned and shaped, they are instead powerful and nothing more than that"), people assume that has something to do with them being conflictors.Quote:
Originally Posted by Slava
(I'm not saying that your experience isn't valid; I'm just making a general point. :))
Do LIE like people who look like that, then?
No....It's just that in all types, people range from ordinary-looking to beautiful.
I also see a similar thing on dual-related threads..."I and my spouse get along great. Therefore, we must be duals. Therefore, I'm an ABCd type."
There was an article someone posted...I think it was FDG, suggesting that people in fact are attracted to their conflictors and super ego types.
.
I don't think I know any ISTjs IRL.
If you don't mind my asking...what types do you think you and he are?Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana
yep, dated my conflictor for two months too.
It was okay at first, but kinda draining. We dated for a couple of months, it was rocky most of the time.
.
I just want to clear up, she was pretty damn hot but the way she carried herself made her unattractive to me. She openly advertised certain aspects of her body (ie. showing me her leg and winking) which made it seem as if her leg was something she owned and presented as a material good, and I would preffer that it advertised itself. She also drained the hell out of me when she would wink at me in a superficial way and blow me kisses, and then laughed at my reaction while looking at her friend, as if i was an object of experiment. Not only, not genuine, but mocking. She was very confused why I didn't find her attractive and kept trying to impress me, and then started to criticize me to her friend behind my back trying to make excuses why I wasn't attracted and how I think I'm smart and it goes to my head. I danced with her as well, and tried my best to follow her style but it also drained me to adapt to her. The most draining part of it was the constant Fi wich waranted an enthusiastic response back to her. When I tried to use my Ti with her she just didn't understand it at all and would then pretend that something else grabbed her attention.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan
the best way to get rid of them, if you have to, is to say something that is incorrect, they will then proudly correct you while trying to hide their prideful smirk, and they will get all high and mighty and ditch you for a while to spend the emotional profits. Then you can make an excuse for being angry due to them neglecting you. :D
I can add that I knew a m ESTj - f INFp married couple.
They got married when the INFp woman was in very difficult circumstances, they stayed together for 5 years and had 3 children. However, she was frustrated from the beginning "there is no love connection" and they ended up divorcing bitterly.
Wel,l I think that what Slava is talking about is a relationship between ENTp - ENFj, the relations of Ordering.
I think it's hard to tell from the description; I'd take be inclined to take his word for it regarding type, although I admit the description makes her sound ESF something. But naturally there are necessarily a lot of things he knows about the person that we don't.Quote:
Originally Posted by jsb'07
But it's an interesting study in how people are different, because I can't see why the things Slava found so bothersome would be so bothersome.
Just curious...in your view, what does ISFj+ENTp look like (or IxFj+ExTj)?Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana
You don't have to answer or get too detailed, but there's such a dearth of good "conflictor" descriptions out there. Most people assume that simply because of the name "conflictor," people in that relation would be diametrically opposed in every way. But I suspect the reality isn't so extreme.
I just reread what I wrote and noticed that I didn't convey the details that matter. You would have to see the feelings involved and the types of laugh and style to see the clash. It wasn't as much the actions, but the manner in wich they were carried out, wich I can't convey. It just felt like she didn't see me as a human, and didn't really listen to me, I felt as if we werent communicating well, but she kept trying, despite the discomfort it was causing me.
ENFJ actually do similar things, because they try to get into my head and play with my emotions. They try to make me laugh and smile, but look at me as an object. When I use Fe, they laugh mockingly. Then try to find flaws in Ne and go into detail about what Ne does and how its a crazy incorrect way to look at things. They claim they used to look at the world with Ne, but they changed their ways and life got better for them.
Also not all of my interactions with conflict are like that, this one in particular was the squinty eye type (in the photo shes the one with the wild star shirt)
http://photos-169.ak.facebook.com/ip...05169_3808.jpg
VI....INFp on the left, ESFj on the right...just my opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Slava
Darn. In this pic, you remind me of this guy in this class, that constantly wanted to show off his knowledge, and I would put him down all the time telling him that nobody asked (and, actually, nobody asked and he was wrong more often than not). But you're not like that :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Slava
Anyway the girl doesn't really look ISFj to me from the pic. The one on your right could be ISFj tho.
Edit: I agree with Johnatan INFp.
The one on the right is either isfp, or esfj... the one on the left is deff isfj, an outgoing and loud one. If you ever saw the truman show, she is similar to Truman's wife.
http://photos-519.ak.facebook.com/ip...13519_3048.jpg
http://www.ars.pl/images/filmy/truman_show.jpg
I think these two are conflicts. Movie is also similar to the matrix.
http://www.cs.uni-magdeburg.de/~blom...ren_Silvia.jpg
He knew he needed his duality, but society didn't want to allow it.
Boooooooo!! Evil ISFJ!!
http://www.gonemovies.com/WWW/Drama/...ewRatched2.jpg
From: One flew over a coockoo's nest
I royally dislike ISFjs and ISTjs, and barely tolerate ESFps ... ESTps I am a little unsure about.
Yeah, the one on the right looks Alpha SF to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Slava
If the one on the left is ISFj, she's the most INFp-looking ISFj I ever saw. Could be the picture; sometimes a pose in a single picture may be deceptive.
BTW, INFps can be loud and "act out" sometimes. Also, illusionary relations may sometimes lead to people confusing each other.
But I'm only going on one picture of course. There's just not enough other information to conclude ISFj.
The more general point: a disappointing experience with someone doesn't prove that it's a "conflict" relation in the socionics sense.
Shes too emotionally sharp and focused to be infp
The only ISTj I know well (better: I'm aware of) is my granny and I realized it because it's the dual of my mom.
She's perfectly squared. Deeply fanatic catholic. Incapable of any change and understanding point of views which are foreigner.
It's difficult to imagine a girl like that, much less having a relationship.
Well, I'm at a big, big disadvantage here. I'm going by a picture; you know the person.Quote:
Originally Posted by Slava
But I have known INFps who appear "emotionally sharp" and intellectually sharp as well....that sharpness apparently coming from strong Fe...although it may appear "introverted" depending on whether one defines things based on Socionics (expressive F being Fe) or MBTI (natural, unforced F directed inward being Fi).
I've known a number of ISFjs, and they never appear emotionally sharp; rather, their emotions tend to be more hidden. That's just my experience.
they all seem like thinkers to me. they are the hardest ones to peg as feelers, just by their actions. easier with ESFp, who still "acts logically until demanded to do so."Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan
.
man, that is one ISFj who chose the wrong path! reminds me of a guy in school. not my conflictor but i still can't stand the sonofabitch.Quote:
Originally Posted by Slava
isn't there something to a beautiful butt? :wink:
opposites attract like magnets do. i started this thread because i was thinking that, in theory, wouldn't one learn the most from his opposite? isn't there a connection in the dark which transcends oceans of difference?
By sharp I meant inconsiderate yet F at the same time. Spikes of F that seem like they were computed, but not for the pleasure of others. I think you may have interpreted sharp as precise and tuned-in. Sorry for the ambiguity. There are many subtypes of this type and I remeber posting some pics of three different ones. At this point I know about 5 or 6 subtypes of them, its hard to peg their cognitive differences, but my Ne recorded enough soul data to simulate them in my head. I'm starting to stary a bit from the symetrical socionics approach to this, until I can redefine a new symetry after untangling the current subtype asymetry.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan
This sounds much more like someone describing their supervisee than their conflictor.Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana
It seems to me that when people describe their conflictor, there is a certain bewilderment, an awareness of mutual lack of understanding. It's more a "I didn't understand that person, that person didn't understand me". If you got along well enough with your conflictor, you also realize that you weren't really all that close in terms of exhange of ideas and the like.
When describing their supervisee, people are likely to be more confident (rightly or wrongly) about understanding where the supervisee was coming from; you believe you understand the supervisee, there is more scope for exhange of ideas, but at the same time you see clearly what you see as the supervisee's weaknesses. What the supervisee might be not getting from you - what the supervisee might see as your faults - is something that doesn't cross your mind spontaneously.