What is off-putting about me? (Psychological growth/self-improvement help)

I've noticed people find me off-putting.

I start out pretty well-liked and fine in online social settings, and so many people think I seem interesting, but as time goes on, I'm increasingly ignored. (This doesn't happen in RL, but I mostly keep people at arm's length by joking around in RL because I don't mix work with play, coworkers and personal relationships don't mix imo.)

I know that it's most likely pertaining to my background resulting in me being how I am. Not being socialized to a healthy extent, being literally locked in my room at times, etc. Whatever friends I had, it was shallow friendships and I mostly had to run away from home or sneak out just to hang out, as permission to socialize was all too rare and my mother acted insane and invasive when anyone was at my place, gave us no privacy. It wasn't to prevent sex, it was even if it was a group of people just hanging out on the front porch. Nobody liked my mom, we all thought she was a bitch because she'd do things that were just intended to micro-control me just because she's mom (and say everyone needs to go if I "misbehaved" by not complying), break up my time with them out of paranoia, eavesdrop, complain about things, and so forth. Prior to age 12 (when my parents divorced) it was even more extreme. I wasn't able to hang out with anyone besides my brother's friends as a tag-along. I could count the number of times even that happened on one hand, and it was only because he is extroverted and thus pushed more than me as a kid, while I'm an introvert and I just adapted to playing by myself in my room or outside. I wasn't allowed to play with a neighbor girl that was my age, my brother and I weren't even allowed to go down to the end of the street to play laser tag outside with a kid that lived there. I had to ride my bike in a circle in front of the front yard, wasn't allowed to ride to the end of the street. My brother was, probably the whole "because he's a boy" thing (my parents did that a lot). Eventually, I started running away from home around age 13-14, partly to be able to have some sort of socialization, because my mom was starving me of it (this was after the divorce, so my dad wasn't around).

So, my lack of socialization was rather ridiculous, and that still affects me today. I know that. I'm trying to heal/recover ever since 3 years ago. Please help me out by being brutally honest, I want to know what it is that I do that is so off-putting to others that they begin to just ignore me. I want to understand what it is that is so different about me. I am blind to whatever it is, and I'm trying to repair myself after 28 years of abuses and damages. I can't even talk to my therapist about the things I'm blind to ("hey, I need some help with this thing I'm completely clueless about, please--but IDK what's wrong or what I need,") so I'm asking for help with social self-awareness.

At first, I found you rude, abrasive, dramatic, unstable, reactive, and overly sensitive so I basically avoided you for the most part. But I also could relate to you. My opinion of you has since relaxed and now I enjoy your rawness and vulnerability.

I am only being blunt like this because you seem to value and appreciate that level of honesty.

A note to everyone in general about my communication style...I will more than likely need you to be as specific/concrete as possible, by using examples and such. It's not defensiveness, I just have to be able to see that something being said is accurate, and I have to see how it all clicks together, in order for me to accept the input as valid or even simply just comprehend what is being explained. It's just how I process things. My LIE is different, he accepts new information and can change it as he goes. I know both preferences are covered and explained in Socionics somewhere, but I don't recall what it's called. Anyway, it's just my way of digesting information.

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Originally Posted by Foxy Grandpa

At first, I found you rude, abrasive, dramatic, unstable, reactive, and overly sensitive so I basically avoided you for most part. But I also could relate to you. My opinion of you has since relaxed and now I enjoy your rawness and vulnerability.

I am only be blunt like this because you seem to value and appreciate that level of honesty.

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I do value it, thank you ^^

Is it because of the way I got into it with a couple of people, or something outside of that?

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Originally Posted by Lady Lunacik

I do value it, thank you ^^

Is it because of the way I got into it with a couple of people, or something outside of that?

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Like 3 years ago, it seemed you like you were getting into some fight with someone at least like 3x a month... You may have almost gotten into a fight with me but I deescalated it quickly before it went further. As an outsider, it seemed like you were looking to get offended and pick fights.

However, to be fair, some of those individuals you got into a fight with were very sensitive and reactive. Your situation and struggles seem to have become more stabilized so I sense a calmness in you.

Maybe there is nothing you need to catch up with and thinking you have to only causes you more discomfort. What do you imagine your interactions will be like once you 'get there'?

I think I read in one of your posts that you want to have some sort of grace period with people so that they get to see you are good stuff eventually. Maybe having this kind of agenda can make us off-putting to ourselves. Maybe there is nothing good and nothing bad about us. Does this sound bland?

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Originally Posted by Foxy Grandpa

Like 3 years ago, it seemed you like you were getting into some fight with someone at least like 3x a month... You may have almost gotten into a fight with me but I deescalated it quickly before it went further. As an outsider, it seemed like you were looking to get offended and pick fights.

However, to be fair, some of those individuals you got into a fight with were very sensitive and reactive. Your situation and struggles seem to have become more stabilized so I sense a calmness in you.

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Oh dang, you're talking about way back then and on other forums. Yeah, that would be more than a couple of fights indeed, LOL.

Thanks for the help.

I think you keep it real @Lady Lunacik if it's not affecting your real-life relationships I don't think you should comprise your nature too much.

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Originally Posted by Lady Lunacik

(This doesn't happen in RL, but I mostly keep people at arm's length by joking around in RL because I don't mix work with play, coworkers and personal relationships don't mix imo.)

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If you dont have enough personal relationship, friendships in real life, it would be better to develop it there rather than improving your online relations. By the way, if that is the case, I also want to say that you cannot see how are you in relationships or how are you with people by assesing things online.

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Originally Posted by Foxy Grandpa

At first, I found you rude, abrasive, dramatic, unstable, reactive, and overly sensitive so I basically avoided you for most part. But I also could relate to you. My opinion of you has since relaxed and now I enjoy your rawness and vulnerability.

I am only being blunt like this because you seem to value and appreciate that level of honesty.

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Same.

I actually type you, @Lady Lunacik as LSI. You seem to prefer using logic, tbh.

You are a sweet kind young woman. Doing something like this I think takes a lot of bravery... as for most people it's too easy to just say what they don't like about others.

What stood out the most to me was how you seemed too unforgiving and harsh to people who have done fucked up things. Now to be fair- I have probably had the opposite issue of where I was too lenient with others when I should be like RAWWWRRR... ((and I have had a lot of pent up anger at times from my own abuse that can explode in scary ways as I don't work thru my anger in a good enough tempo)) but yeah this is a common thing about Gamma ethicals I've noticed.

People cannot 'earn' or 'deserve' forgiveness - it's given to us because we need it. For Te valuers I think maybe this can be like 'but ehh...' Forgiving others is often what heals social wounds and psychic conflicts and why str8 male NT types can often be so cold and sadistic with others because they cannot properly let go of grudges and their whiny wounds. Now what you choose to forgive and what you don't is up to you of course- but I would say to me it is your main problem area. And with the abuse you had to endure and living with narcissists- it's easy of course to understand why you don't wanna forgive. It's gonna be hard maybe but isn't that what makes it worth it? Maybe you don't have to forgive "them" per se- but learn to forgive and let go of some of your hurt. You are really sincere and soulful and Fi valuing. A bit different than me but it's cool.

I think you're pretty cool.

I have a similar problem though where I feel like people don't like me, and I feel like it's because of my nature, ie kind of enjoying intensity in human contact and such things. I don't know if people actually dislike you, but perhaps most people find the interaction style "too much" for their own tastes. But I don't think you should compromise your way of being for anyone. Just be yourself and the right people for you will come to you. Fwiw, Lady Lunacik, I relate to alot of what you write about yourself on here, even this thread lol.

I too suspect your type to be LSI, but perhaps I am not objective since I type you that way partly because I relate to you alot. You also seem to spend alot of energy breaking things down in a way that I do, ie break them down logically. I don't want to battletype you though, and I'm willing to admit I could be wrong but yeah that's my impression.

I want to add something about neuroatypicality, since I think you may identify with that category (as I do). In one post you described yourself as relating to the HSP profile, and I do as well. You may not actually like this explanation, but being neuroatypical can feel like there is a gulf between yourself and most people (since most are neurotypical and have no interest in understanding people who are different in this sense). Also, being HSP can give you high expectations of people and relationships (which is normal for that profile), make you more sensitive to how you are being treated, and give you an obsession with trying to understand other people, and expect the same in return, which many people just will not get, since they just don't do any of this so it feels alien to them. Edit: you said you don't feel this way with people IRL so maybe this doesn't apply.

I read all your posts because you're intelligent and never boring.

victim blaming - that u cant seem to understnad those complex vulenrable emotions, that it also seems to me u repress and handlge by replacing with anger
hypocrisy and taking things as a presonal attack - when dead said u shouldnt let negative things drag u down and u accused him of invalidating ur feelings. he was saying it as a logical reaction not that ur feelings dont matter but u shouldnt let the negativity hurt u. its also hypocritical bc u actually do invalidate other's vulnerable experiences
defensiveness - u may start reacting bad to someone who never meant to invalidate u with what they said and struggle to let go

all of this is issues ive observeed with ESIs in general. its a bit like they're entitled to their own feelings and experiences in their mind more than other ppl are to their own. maybe something wiht Ne PoLR where they dont connect the different perspectives

maybe the vulnerability/repressed emotions that invalidates others has to do with failing to "accept" the cruelty of the world. as if theres nothing so bad that could happen to someone as long as they can walk and talk and shit that would justify them being "weak" that u hold this as ur standard for urself. theres this thing seemingly with ESIs about not letting go of feelings/past perspectives. maybe has to do with authenticity and refusing to change? like once traumatised always traumatised so they just repress it and thats ur only options

i think holding an open mind requires being true to urself and allowing urself those experiences. which requires getting in touch with urself which means u will struggle to process all that which will make u weak when ur doing it and u dont allow urself to be weak

oh also seeing things literally/a certain way as if all the other ways dont exist aand as if the way u perceive it is what's intended, while also urself saying things a certain way that other ppl may take the wrong way/too personally.

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Originally Posted by myresearch

If you dont have enough personal relationship, friendships in real life, it would be better to develop it there rather than improving your online relations. By the way, if that is the case, I also want to say that you cannot see how are you in relationships or how are you with people by assesing things online.

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Yeah, I agree with you, but I am waiting until I get to Greece to try making more friends. I dont want to meet some cool people, grow attached, and then leave them behind after August.

It's also partly important to me due to the fact that I will more than likely write a book and I don't want that to blow up in my face because there were things I should'vedone differently when I was communicating to others.

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Originally Posted by VewyScawwyNawcissist

when dead said u shouldnt let negative things drag u down and u accused him of invalidating ur feelings. he was saying it as a logical reaction not that ur feelings dont matter but u shouldnt let the negativity hurt u. its also hypocritical bc u actually do invalidate other's vulnerable experiences
defensiveness - u may start reacting bad to someone who never meant to invalidate u with what they said and struggle to let go

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Im pretty sure Ive said already that I was just in an emotional place and crying at that time, so I was feeling sensitive. It's not as if you stalk every post of mine, though, so it's understandable you didn't read it. Im not sure how Dead intended it, but what I have against him is not that. Im not that petty, thatd be ridiculous. He is on my bad side for more serious offenses I will not publicize for everyone else to judge him for.

You have this “I'm not like other girls” approach, but to me you seem like a typical Se ego. Constantly on edge. Macho posturing. Cling too much to your wounds and identify too much with your past experiences, which ironically is what prevents people from healing/growth/change. I thought you are a teenager from the way you carry yourself. I like to live life hassle free, so someone like me who doesn't appreciate any of that intensity will think "what is the point of interacting with that person, we will never get along". I'm sure everyone feels that towards someone at some point. The thing is, you don't have to please everyone. People who find you off putting are probably not the type you should be associating with anyway.

But you are capable of being likeable, that much is obvious. For instance, I like your current avatar, since it radiates peace and serenity, which is not something I could say about any of your previous ones.

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Originally Posted by Rune

Same.

I actually type you, @Lady Lunacik as LSI. You seem to prefer using logic, tbh.

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Thanks for the input.

As for type, I'm open to discussing it in my type thread if you want to. (I saved a link to it in my blog as a shortcut, if you do decide you want to discuss it.)

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Originally Posted by Ryan

You have this “I'm not like other girls” approach, but to me you seem like a typical Se ego. Constantly on edge. Macho posturing. Cling too much to your wounds and identify too much with your past experiences, which ironically is what prevents people from healing/growth/change. I thought you are a teenager from the way you carry yourself. I like to live life hassle free, so someone like me who doesn't appreciate any of that intensity will think "what is the point of interacting with that person, we will never get along". I'm sure everyone feels that towards someone at some point. The thing is, you don't have to please everyone. People who find you off putting are probably not the type you should be associating with anyway.

But you are capable of being likeable, that much is obvious. For instance, I like your current avatar, since it radiates peace and serenity, which is not something I could say about any of your previous ones.

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Hey, do you mind if I ask what gave you these impressions? It's a little confusing to me because it isn't how I actually see myself at all. I like other women (as more than friends as well, and would only go for women if I wasn't in love with my male partner), I don't have any desire to feel unique or different. If anything, I generally try to meet them and that entails finding things we have in common with each other. I try to make female friends, but I feel like I am oddly masculine around them, but I was always insecure about that and never liked it. That is a trauma wound as well, one I'm trying to understand so I can resolve it. I'm uncomfortable with expressing my femininity, as I feel like it doesn't suit me...which I find upsetting, since I want it to.

Also, do you believe that changing and growing requires you to forget about everything and live like it never happened? I approach things differently. I believe diving in, analyzing, understanding, then correcting damages, is what it takes. Is this where the disparity between our views of me lies?

I am capable of being likable, yes. If I wasn't, I wouldn't like myself or be getting married in the not so distant future. That isn't the same as interacting in healthy ways. Even abusive narcissists are lovable to some people, so that doesn't mean much to me. That is not the standard I hold myself to. Liking an avatar isn't the same as liking someone, either, tbh. My goal here isn't for everyone to like me, though. If I wanted that, I wouldn't be authentic as a method for trying to get it. My goal is being healthier.

Anyway, thanks for the input. Even if it turns out to be misunderstandings, it'sstill helpful for understanding how I come across to people by being open about deeper levels to those who don't really know me enough to be ready to hear what I open up about. I can still use it to improve my communication and people skills.

I dunno, typed you as IEI and you were very direct towards me so I avoid you. life is complicated as it is so I don't like to interact with people who aren't kind towards me. irl, would you go out of your way to keep in contact with people that don't seem all that inviting? I wouldn't

Very similar story (almost carbon copy except for a few things where yours seems worse) here to mine; Unsocialized person with a mother restricting movement and socialization, although I'm also very stupid (in the sense of hostility) by nature (other forum members might confirm xD).

"Please help me out by being brutally honest, I want to know what it is that I do that is so off-putting to others that they begin to just ignore me. I want to understand what it is that is so different about me. I am blind to whatever it is" I have asked this to a lot of people, although I don't tend to say what happened to me was on the "abuse" category, but I really got it a little better than you, also I had no friends except for one year and didn't put the effort to "go out".

And also almost exact response from others (ignoring when I speak etc) as well as the well-founded intuition of being generally disliked, lacking some social touch everyone has except for me, that I'm not "normal" in that sense. I have also searched for answers to that question all my life and got none. I sincerely think that way not only online where the effect gets exagerated but IRL as well.

So we can start theorizing whatever problem there is isn't a result of personality proper (well, I know my own personality is not that much likeable to begin with but that's related to another topic) but probably a result of upbringing?

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Originally Posted by Lady Lunacik

Hey, do you mind if I ask what gave you these impressions? It's a little confusing to me because it isn't how I actually see myself at all. I like other women (as more than friends as well, and would only go for women if I wasn't in love with my male partner), I don't have any desire to feel unique or different. If anything, I generally try to meet them and that entails finding things we have in common with each other. I try to make female friends, but I feel like I am oddly masculine around them, but I was always insecure about that and never liked it. That is a trauma wound as well, one I'm trying to understand so I can resolve it. I'm uncomfortable with expressing my femininity, as I feel like it doesn't suit me...which I find upsetting, since I want it to.

Also, do you believe that changing and growing requires you to forget about everything and live like it never happened? I approach things differently. I believe diving in, analyzing, understanding, then correcting damages, is what it takes. Is this where the disparity between our views of me lies?

I am capable of being likable, yes. If I wasn't, I wouldn't like myself or be getting married in the not so distant future. That isn't the same as interacting in healthy ways. Even abusive narcissists are lovable to some people, so that doesn't mean much to me. That is not the standard I hold myself to. Liking an avatar isn't the same as liking someone, either, tbh. My goal here isn't for everyone to like me, though. If I wanted that, I wouldn't be authentic as a method for trying to get it. My goal is being healthier.

Anyway, thanks for the input. Even if it turns out to be misunderstandings, it'sstill helpful for understanding how I come across to people by being open about deeper levels to those who don't really know me enough to be ready to hear what I open up about. I can still use it to improve my communication and people skills.

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It's hard to put in words but I will try.

Often whatever image we project, consciously or unconsciously, is not what we are like inside. This is especially harder for strangers to see. But if you want to learn more about that, ask a Ni ego.

I would highly suggest Renin descriptions of Ni

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Originally Posted by Lady Lunacik

Also, do you believe that changing and growing requires you to forget about everything and live like it never happened? I approach things differently. I believe diving in, analyzing, understanding, then correcting damages, is what it takes. Is this where the disparity between our views of me lies?

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I mean not entirely forget it, but essentially, yes. Pretty much opposing views of Ne vs Ni.

In this instance ask yourself what do you actually find unpleasant about this situation? Is it an internal or external struggle? You may be drawn to introspection but sometimes the answers are not there, especially when it involves other people. But if everything in your world revolves around you then you will not find it encouraging to step outside yourself and let go. This sounds more philosophical than I intended to but whatever.

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Originally Posted by RBRS

So we can start theorizing whatever problem there is isn't a result of personality proper (well, I know my own personality is not that much likeable to begin with but that's related to another topic) but probably a result of upbringing?

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I think you are an IEI as well by the way.

I don't think there's much of a need for an intense contact here anyway since most people are introverted and intuitive. it's not like irl where you have to compete for other people's attention or try to make an impression or anything. it's hard to diagnose a specific reason for certain behavioral traits but an abusive family is often a cause for dysfunctional social behaviour I guess. it sucks because people have no acitve influence over that. I do think that being an outsider often leads to insights that 'normal' people just don't have though.

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Originally Posted by RBRS

Very similar story (almost carbon copy except for a few things where yours seems worse) here to mine; Unsocialized person with a mother restricting movement and socialization, although I'm also very stupid (in the sense of hostility) by nature (other forum members might confirm xD).

"Please help me out by being brutally honest, I want to know what it is that I do that is so off-putting to others that they begin to just ignore me. I want to understand what it is that is so different about me. I am blind to whatever it is" I have asked this to a lot of people, although I don't tend to say what happened to me was on the "abuse" category, but I really got it a little better than you.

And also almost exact response from others (ignoring when I speak etc) as well as the well-founded intuition of being generally disliked, lacking some social touch everyone has except for me, that I'm not "normal" in that sense. I have also searched for answers to that question all my life and got none.

So we can start theorizing whatever problem there is isn't a result of personality proper (well, I know my own personality is not that much likeable to begin with but that's related to another topic) but probably a result of upbringing?

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Damn, it's crazy your experiences are so similar.

I think those who don't know much about psychology tend to be unaware of the stages of development people go through, and how all of that developmental psychology works, so they don't realize your childhood years are vital and impact you in the present tense. I know it's long, but this video is soooo good. You'll probably find it helpful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oicQ2xFiIc
I've listened to it several times just to process deeper what he says in this interview, but it was also really validating to me, as it was basically like..."yes, this is what I've been seeing all this time, I'm on the right path." Not that I knew it all. I learned a lot. Especially about addiction, as I'm not an addict but my brother is.

Yeah, I add that in because it seems to help people understand that I am not just being insecure, and these things aren't my fault and I am genuinely striving to overcome some things I was a victim of. I think when people see it as genuinely helpful, they're more inclined to respond. Most people don't want to just come in and say brutally honest things to someone who seems to be seeking responses out of insecurity. At least, that's what I understand about it all. IDK, it's my way of saying, "I don't mean to be this way, there are reasons I have these struggles, this is what happened." Sometimes I forget to mention the more recent things, as my more recent memories are blocked out. I don't recall my early 20's at all hardly, but all the crap went on until only 3 years ago. I haven't had a chance to actually process it all until then; plus, after the abuse there were other things happening back to back as a trickle down effect from the earlier events. That's basically my way of saying to everyone else, "hey, I'm like probably 10-25 years further behind in social skills than the average person is, and here's why. Please help, I don't want to go around being damaged forever and I need to confront this if I want a better life for me and my loved ones."

Honestly as ive told you, you are a complicated person and prone to be misunderstood. People are prone to draw conclusions from assumptions even if temporary ones and they have this self gratifying habit of subconsciously needing to stick to those until they have satisfactory evidence to believe their hunch was correct. Really few are open minded enough to keep observing without being rash to form conclusions. You trying to patch up those misunderstandings most of the time results to creating more and bigger ones. The more you talk people see what they feel like seeing. Someone looking for attention, someone who likes to sell their story, someone who wants to be special and all their arguments have that purpose. Combine that with the superstition you get in typology forums where everything can be explained by your IE stack like a couple of funny arguments i read above and you get a chaos of misinformation spreading like wildfire.

If was you i would only explain my motives when asked because that effort is not going to be appreciated and the information is going to be worthless to ignorant, biased or close minded ears. Besides its not like you owe anyone here or elsewhere an explanation for their own assumptions. In most cases it doesnt even benefit you to reach out like that. But im not you and you already know i like how you dont back down and try to passionately not restrict yourself, your opinions and beliefs no matter the opposition or how unecessary it may be.

You shouldnt worry about In real Life misunderstandings too much. You are slower to be that through about yourself there and rarely with strangers. A level of closness and sometimes attachment is required to open up this much and by that point people will have seen what they need to see to trust your word. Forums is not a good medium for you to have friendships. Its not worth the drama that surrounds your openness. You dont deserve to deal with that anyway. You have too many concerns to be the object of rumors and curiosity and hostility of random strangers. Someday you will look back and laugh at trying this hard to be open to the wrong people.

yeah I kinda feel like threads like this are sorta an invitation to sadism, but Gammas have always had this kinda fetish for sadism that I don't really value. I think this is sorta how the quadras naturally progress- delta moralizing is annoying but it improves the gamma sadism etc. Alpha "innocence" improves the delta moralizing etc.

As a side note, I did relate a lot to how you react due to early childhood developmental trauma... We just seem to have different ways of dealing with it so I think I found the contrast rather jarring but, in some ways, quite admirable.

The openness of the horrible side of humanity was probably a bit triggering for me due to my own history. So, this could be a neutral reason as to why certain people may be put off but it is really on them, not you.

However, I found much of your writing regarding trauma theory, mental health, and your experiences to be very educational, insightful, and beneficial.

Hmm... fix your inner self first. Be misunderstood or not, edgy or not, your behaviours are affected by your mental state. It's hard to change your behaviours when your inner self is still fucked up.

(Taking other's opinions is a good sign though, our own perception about ourself could be bias)

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Originally Posted by Shazaam

yeah I kinda feel like threads like this are sorta an invitation to sadism, but Gammas have always had this kinda fetish for sadism that I don't really value. I think this is sorta how the quadras naturally progress- delta moralizing is annoying but it improves the gamma sadism etc. Alpha "innocence" improves the delta moralizing etc.

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I'm not into sadism, but the therapeutic processes can seem sadistic. I have to know the truth about my issues in order to address them.

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Originally Posted by Tarnished

Hmm... fix your inner self first. Be misunderstood or not, edgy or not, your behaviours are affected by your mental state. It's hard to change your behaviours when your inner self is still fucked up.

(Taking other's opinions is a good sign though, our own perception about ourself could be bias)

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I agree, and I already do that, but I'm also addressing social/interpersonal skills. Intentions don't match actions sometimes, I don't realize how I come off to people.

I'll get back to more of you soon. I'm having a bad day and also am busy today. Not ignoring anyone.

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Originally Posted by Lady Lunacik

I'll get back to more of you soon. I'm having a bad day and also am busy today. Not ignoring anyone.

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Do you think maybe it's making you upset to take other people's opinions so seriously? I don't know I just think things like this are a good way to remain depressed.

I actually did something similar once on the forum. Basically everybody just said 'stop talking about gayness so much.'

I clearly have not listened. LOLOLOL.

The most useful constructive criticism I ever liked about me was when ppl said I put a pretty ribbon on things too much- because I know I do that.

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Originally Posted by Lady Lunacik

I'll get back to more of you soon. I'm having a bad day and also am busy today. Not ignoring anyone.

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<3 no need to reply to my stuff

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Originally Posted by Shazaam

Do you think maybe it's making you upset to take other people's opinions so seriously? I don't know I just think things like this are a good way to remain depressed.

I actually did something similar once on the forum. Basically everybody just said 'stop talking about gayness so much.'

I clearly have not listened. LOLOLOL.

The most useful constructive criticism I ever liked about me was when ppl said I put a pretty ribbon on things too much- because I know I do that.

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Nah, I'm just super busy and caught up with deadlines for work. Stressed about meeting them. Being a Ni-less blob, sucky with time. Dealing with copyright infringement issues and other bullshit also. I haven't even gotten to read all of the replies yet.

The main issue I have with you is that you're probably not ESI (I think you're SLI). Other than that, you seem a bit narcissistic.

ETA: I think those types you have put are completely mistyped. I think you are: SLI-Si 3w2 so/sp, 3w2-6w7-9w8

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Originally Posted by roger557

The main issue I have with you is that you're probably not ESI (I think you're SLI). Other than that, you seem a bit narcissistic.

ETA: I think those types you have put are completely mistyped. I think you are: SLI-Si 3w2 so/sp, 3w2-6w7-9w8

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So far off it's sad. Especially the narcissism.

I have avoided defensiveness with all others, but with you, I don't like you and I have already called you out on your narcissistic proclivities. If you dig up the concrete facts - the actual words and events - your patterns are the ones that align with it, mine are far from it. It's projection.

Now please kindly fuck right off.

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Originally Posted by Ryan

It's hard to put in words but I will try.

Often whatever image we project, consciously or unconsciously, is not what we are like inside. This is especially harder for strangers to see. But if you want to learn more about that, ask a Ni ego.

I would highly suggest Renin descriptions of Ni

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So, basically, it's too hard for people to believe someone is actually both self-aware and authentic, so then I have to pay the consequences for being both of those things? That's just sad.

So, my solution is to be fake or be super closed off just because I'm not like most people, and most people can't process that? I hate this. Why do I have to be so fucking different anyway? This is bullshit.

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I mean not entirely forget it, but essentially, yes. Pretty much opposing views of Ne vs Ni.

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I don't think it's Ni vs Ne. I think the world is largely uneducated about psychology. There is a reason therapists have you take the same approach I take.

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In this instance ask yourself what do you actually find unpleasant about this situation? Is it an internal or external struggle? You may be drawn to introspection but sometimes the answers are not there, especially when it involves other people. But if everything in your world revolves around you then you will not find it encouraging to step outside yourself and let go. This sounds more philosophical than I intended to but whatever.

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About what situation?

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Originally Posted by Comparticularly Mental

Honestly as ive told you, you are a complicated person and prone to be misunderstood. People are prone to draw conclusions from assumptions

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I hate people because of this.

It's not worth it, why can't I just be closed off and reserved like most people? Why is my nature to be open?

Fuck

It's not rewarding whatsoever

I'm so sick of pouring my heart into people while being labelled the bad guy before people even take a second to try to know me

I'm so sick of people period

I fucking hate living in this world

and when I close off, I get "I cant figure you out"
yeah, I know, and it's fucking lonely.

So I get to be either fake or lonely because others assume. Awesome.

Isn't it rewarding on some level to get an "I can't figure you out" ?