ILI but expressive? idk help
Okay, so I consider myself to be ILI-Ni, but when I read the description of poLr Fe, something doesn't fit.
And yes, I am aware that I might be mistyped, but I just like to have decided on something.
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The individual tries hard to never let himself "come apart at the seams" emotionally
Yes, I hate doing this, it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Sometimes even nauseous.
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or even let out strong feelings publicly,
What are strong feelings? If laughing, then I don't mind it, unless I am the only one. I feel vulnerable then. I am very careful with expressing anger or sadness. Crying makes me feel very ashamed, and I just don't know how to express anger.
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because displays of passion do not come naturally and make him feel self-consciousness and vulnerable to painful criticism.
I very much relate to this - I want to avoid being vulnerable at all cost, unless I really trust someone, which rarely happens. I can tell people I love them, but it doesn't come confidently. I have to push it, even though I do mean it. The same with compliments or when talking about problems. And yes, I know that having to talk about your problems or complimenting people isn't necessary, but I try to do it more as a way of developing. I want to be more capable of expressing what I think or feel at the moment, even though it makes me uncomfortable.
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This makes the individual generally seem emotionally neutral and politely indifferent to excitement and agitation around him.
I wouldn't say I seem emotionally neutral - I am capable of expressing emotion. However, people being too excited annoys me a lot. Like, just leave me alone. Stop being so loud.
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The individual deeply dislikes attempts by others to get him to "cheer up" or "join the fun", especially in the context of group activities with loud emotional expression.
Yes, I dislike that. If I want to be cheerful and expressive, I will, but no one can decide that for me. Loud emotional expression quickly exhausts me, though I can laugh rather loudly when I'm hyper or in a good mood. I just want to be myself and not express myself in the ways people want me to.
The reason I doubt it, is because I frequently laugh and smile, but more because of manners than because I actually want to. Most of my smiles are fake.
Sometimes, when something really nice happens in my daydreams, I can smile in real life to myself, and when I chat with online friends, I can't control my smile at all. I quickly stop smiling when people comment on it, though. I only really epress myself in private. Normally, I guess I can come across as angry or cold, but I try to act friendly and mannerly towards everyone when talking, unless they have annoyed me.
ILI seems to be pretty unemotional in real life, but I don't really know if I'm unemotional. When I'm stressed, I smile and laugh, but not because I want to. It's uncontrolled and a reflex, a defense. On the inside, I can be very emotional. I have a lot of mood swings and can feel quite strongly, but at other times, I am not aware of my own feelings. When I feel bad, I tend to withdraw even more than normally. If I'm in a good mood, I can laugh and tell jokes.
Would this lead more to Fe poLr or not Fe valuing in general, or could this seem more like INTj?
By the way, I'm also a teenager, so poor control of mood/emotional expression is pretty common, I think.