Heh heh ya. And I feel it’s even worse for LIE than SEI, because deep down we know they are “nice” people, so WTF is wrong with US when we’re easily able to find a way to get along with SLEs and LSIs, and yet not be able to get along with SEIs??? Obviously WE’RE the problem! I have a SEI mom, ILE dad, ILE son, ESE son, and an LII ex-husband. For me personally, the LII is by far easiest to get along with, then ESE. It’s tough between ILE & SEI…I have a lot of respect for ILE, but they generally want to challenge for the “top dog” position and sometimes I’m fatigued from the incessant competition when we’re so different that we can’t usefully learn from each other. In contrast, the SEI will usually acquiesce … which ALSO doesn’t satisfy me, because then I lose respect for them and think “well don’t just collapse, show some spunk and present a counterpoint!” LOL.
As a girl I was in competitive sports and when I came out after a bad performance, I’d look to my mom and yet she’d just shrug—helpless & blank—as if to say “oh well, that’s just how it goes��”, and then she’d move on to wondering where to go and eat (in retrospect, I’m guessing that was her strategic way of diffusing the situation and refusing to engage in what would certainly have been my anger��). Her response would infuriate me though, because I wanted some constructive feedback ie. “next time try ____” or else “try to think of this experience in these terms….” As a mom with 3 boys currently in university, I give them ALL of my insights, attitudes and tricks that worked for me unsolicited, because I don’t want to bury my head in the hard times, I want to be USEFUL. In retrospect though, my mom DID drive me and sit through all my competitions, so that DOES deserve legit respect on my part.
Another thing I find annoying about SEI, and I’m actually embarrassed to write this because it’s so stupid and insignificant…however I’ll share it in case it is helpful theoretically. It’s their calm little unnecessary sensory movements: for instance when cooking with my mom she’ll give unnecessary attention to food prep. Now I KNOW SEIs are rated as the best cooks, however I want to pull my hair out at all the unnecessary spatula tappings, and gentle, loving thrusting of vegetables in the sauté pan. OMG I need another drink LOL….I admit my mom’s a better cook, but the onions, celery and garlic will sauté just as well without the 50+ pointless and minute love taps with the buttered spatula��.
There was also an incident after I had just given birth to twins and my mom came to my place in Pittsburgh for a visit. The kids were sleeping, so she & I were watching a movie. We had this stupid chair that my ex and I fell for and bought at Costco—a low rocking chair that looked kind of like a car seat. Anyways I was proud of its comfort, so I insisted that my mom sit in it. We were both having a beer and then she got the hiccups. Then she started her rhythmic deep cough that she’s always had. I was trying to listen to the movie… then she coughed multiple times again while deeply rocking back and forth, hiccuped, and then sneezed twice. I finally couldn’t take all of her sensory bodily function noises anymore, and in an outburst of frustration proclaimed “oh my god would you just STOP?!!! Then she burst out laughing and so did I, and we still joke about it today… likely because it’s a representation of both of us heavily immersed in the stereotypes of our sociotypes, yet having the sense of humour to embrace and own it.
I’m sure that SEI view LIE as unstable hotheads. This is because during LIE/SEI interactions, the LIE inner psyche tries so hard to keep our frustration under control…while cringingly viewing the puttering, plodding (and in our opinion) airhead demeanour of SEI with disgust. And this then leads to disgust for OURSELVES, because we objectively KNOW that this is an unfair assessment. In actuality, I have a lot of respect for my mother! She grew up on an Indian Reserve and was orphaned and raised in residential/ boarding schools…she became a school teacher and taught Native Indigenous kids in a railroad boxcar classroom. She’s tough, had 5 kids, and yelled at me maybe only 5 times in my whole life. There is NO VALID REASON for me to ever be annoyed with her! That is why I find socionics so helpful: it’s a tool to validate as well as absolve her as well as myself from any hard feelings by giving theoretical reasons for them. In fact on her next visit I will have her read the “Conflict Relations” description, and then ask HER to give honest examples of the ways that she becomes frustrated with ME.
I do love my mom and am lucky to have had a gentle caring person as a parent…I recently moved to the coast and upon visiting me last September with my sister, I took them to my favourite beach on the ocean and she asked if I would scatter her ashes there in the future when she passes. Given that she grew up—and lives—6 hours away by flight, I admit that that made me feel honoured and important to her. She has an annoyingly uncanny ability though, to ask the wrong question at the wrong time. For instance months will pass without incident, but as soon as one my kids or else my partner & I are having an issue, she will subtly text me “Oh I was just wondering, how is ____ doing?” As if she knows I’m trying to protect her by suppressing something.
