The presence of your fellow qudra members - delta
Inspired by this quote, I am reminded of specific instances where the simple addition of someone from my quadra had drastic take on my social situation.This quote sort of reminded me of some
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Rebelondeck
EIIs have the ability to detach from a situation or person, and often prefer this position because it permits better objectivity. This ability doesn't impact on the EIIs commitments or feelings toward someone or something whatsoever but it does give an (false?) impression of aloofness and or ambivalence. LSEs don't seem to allow people to detach whatsoever (often, in an in-ones-face type of way) and they certainly don't ever seem to be ambivalent. The EII will frequently address the LSEs aggressiveness with a passionate "sermon" delivered in a deflective (generalized, not aimed at anyone) sort of way, which has an unusual soothing effect. The dynamic does seem to soften each others outward appearances when in group situations - the EII becoming more animated while the LSE dials it down.
The most stark situation I can think of is when an EII friend of mine visited for a weekend and stayed in my apartment that I was sharing with a ESE. This ESE was someone I didn't particularly see eye to eye about in terms of morality or how to go about things, so that's part of the problem. I imagine if the same EII visited one of my BFF ESE, it would not be nearly as drastic. Or, on the other hand, if my BFF ESE visited my then-apartment situation, it might have a positive impact. But the presence of the EII in this situation was extremely notable. Also, for comparison, the visiting of LII or SLI friends had much lesser change in my "feeling" of the situation.
What changed feeling-wise?
Maybe its because I'm social-instinct first in the ennegram that I'm aware of these things so much, I'll note that. Nevertheless, the addition of one other person, whom I had great trust and sense of moral security about, immediately changed the dynamic of the apartment, for me. It was a sense of pressure being gone - because, with the other person, who I knew and trusted less, there was a sense of being able to have confidence about certain relational or moral interventions, should they arise, or should I need to be able to comment on them. When it was just me and the ESE, there was a significant amount of unspoken tension about how to handle "Si stuff" and how to handle "EJ" stuff. I hate it when people rearrange my stuff without telling me , which happened a few times. And I significantly hate it when people leave isolated messes that inhibit functionality. The ESE was more concerned with presentation, "smelling good", and putting a lot of effort into things I found trivial or superficial. I also really disliked how they went about their relationships, but we never spoke about that openly.
I've felt this sense of social/relational reinforcement mostly from delta NFs, although I realize I tend to gravitate towards the person with the strongest Fi (as in dimensionality here) - whatever situation I'm in. SEI IEI ESI and EII, which many of my "good" friends are, and by good I mean, reliable and durable ; although I have better other kinds of chemistry with other people, etc. I even relied TOO MUCh on this talent from delta NFs I had been in relationships in earlier in life. I've always felt very competent at task-oriented things, but mitigating interpersonal tension, much less so.
But for me, there is such a strong difference between having nobody who has these qualities (that I trust in a relational sense especially about their ethical ... aptitude), and being equal or outnumbered by questionable people. I think it makes me a lot more hostile, and a lot more stiff and rigid about things. With SLI or LII, or other non-ethically strong types, I can do some mitigation and I do feel better, but I often feel like I'm posing, basically, or faking it.
You have any experiences like this?