Your "Enneagram Dual"

There are countless theories on the ideal Enneagram matches out there. Most of those theories are largely based on personal experience. Other experts argue that there are no ideal Enneagram type matches generally, and that it depends on the specific individual and their goals, desires, etc. While I tend to subscribe to the latter position (with the exception that I do believe that certain instinctual stacking pairings are significantly better than others), I have recently thought more about the ideal Enneagram type matches, or in Socionics-infused words, one's "Enneagram Dual".

The problem is, that Enneagram compatibility is not black and white. There are many nuances that must be taken into consideration. And also, the theory must be able to have its roots in reality – meaning, people need to actually be drawn to and experience satisfaction and attraction with those particular matches.

As I was looking up the properties and qualities of the Enneagram types (mainly the canon Harmonic Triad and Hornevian Triad distinctions), I started to see how each of those traits was unconsciously looking for or would at least greatly benefit from their complement.

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Before I continue, here a short overview of what the Triads entail:


Harmonic Triad
(how the type deals with life obstacles):

Competency: 1, 3, 5
Positive Outlook: 2, 7, 9
Emotional Realness/Reactivity: 4, 6, 8


Hornevian Triad
(how the type approaches the world and interacts with people):

Compliant (weakened Mind center): 1, 2, 6
Assertive (weakened Heart center): 3, 7, 8
Withdrawn (weakened Gut center): 4, 5, 9

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The complements would be as follows.


Emotionally Reactive with Positive:

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"(...) Emotional Realness types are probably best at working through their emotions as well as those expressed by others. It is just a matter of not over doing it, of being aware of how venting your own frustrations can significantly impact others."

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Positive with Competent:

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"One problem with the Postive Outlook types is that sometimes they can easily overlook the problem, even denying its existence. The focus on happiness and positivity can be used as avoidance of problems and so it’s important for people who react like this to acknowledge that can be good sometimes to face an obstacle as it is, working through the pain and difficulty with resilience."

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Competent with Emotionally Reactive:

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"The advice for the Competency group is that feelings, though messy and irrational, are necessary part of reacting to problems. Dealing with them, instead of denying or repressing, not only provides cathartic experience but also increases our empathetic connection with others, bettering relationships with all people."

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Withdrawn with Assertive:

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"Types of the Withdrawn Stance can all benefit from moving themselves into the world and really being present within it. Often the types can develop great skills and talents in their time by themselves but do not ever present these to the world, focusing rather on keeping it all to themselves. It is good to learn that using these skills and showing them to the world can be as rewarding as developing."

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Assertive with Compliant:

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"The general advice for the Assertive Stance types is to be aware of the other people. The types can often act without thinking about how their actions are affecting people, sometimes with very negative consequences. It the simple notion of thinking before acting but also thinking about others before doing."

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Compliant with Withdrawn:

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"For the Compliant Stance, sometimes its good to look inward at their own desires. Each type can be self-sacrificing in some way and so to be aware of how your own desires may not be in line with your society’s desires is important in acting in a way that can attend to both."

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As you can see, each tendency is looking for something else; in that manner, there is no symmetric and mutual attraction in the "Duality" sense, similar to the instinctual stacking matches. Even so, I still found this issue of Enneagram core type compatibility worthy of extra exploration and refinement.


Consequently, I went ahead and combined my findings with the types, and this was the result:

1's most beneficial type being 4.
2's most beneficial type being 5.
3's most beneficial type being 6.
4's most beneficial type being 7.
5's most beneficial type being 8.
6's most beneficial type being 9.
7's most beneficial type being 1.
8's most beneficial type being 2.
9's most beneficial type being 3.


You may say that looks fine, or you are like me and find that this overview does not truly reflect reality well enough. For instance, I cannot see all 1s gaining the most benefit from a relationship with a Type 4, or all 3s benefitting the most from being with a Type 6 etc. Mainly because those types are their disintegration points, which not all individuals of that particular Type would benefit from.

I kept thinking about this issue, and came to the conclusion that Tritype matters.
I discovered an intriguing "Enneagram/Tritype dual" connection in several long-term married couples, including my own parents (my mother is the "Enneagram/Tritype Dual" of my father), which lead me to believe that I was more unto something with including the Tritype.


So it looks like your "Enneagram Dual", the Enneagram core type you'd benefit from the most, is the opposite/complementary pole to your Enneagram Tritype's main orientation.


Each Tritype (e.g 125) has either one or two main orientations (here: Competent and Compliant) or none (meaning, they are Balanced), and its corresponding "Enneagram Dual" is the core type that is its complement (here: Type 4, who is Emotionally Reactive and Withdrawn). So if I knew someone who was 125 and they asked me what their "Enneagram Dual" was, I'd say Type 4. The order of the types in the tritype do not matter; the same would apply to 215 and 512 etc. The wing of the "Enneagram Dual" does not matter, either: here, their "Enneagram Dual" would be either 4w3 or 4w5.

Whether you will be strongly attracted to your "Enneagram Dual" or not depends on which Enneagram type(s) your Imago has. Just like you may not be that attracted to your Dual if they do not fit your Imago well enough – that does not mean that your Dual is not the most compatible with your personality type. On the other hand, just because you are in a relationship with someone who is your Enneagram Dual, or you are theirs, does not mean the union will be secured for eternity either. Having said that, one partner being the "Enneagram Dual" creates a special "glue" in relationships, which tends to keep partners together and attracted to each other for longer and better. Consider yourself lucky if you have found yourself in a good relationship with your "Enneagram Dual".

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Finally, here are the "Enneagram Duals" for each Tritype:


125 (The Mentor): Type 4
126 (The Supporter): Type 4, 5, 9
127 (The Teacher): Type 5
135 (The Technical Expert): Type 4, 6, 8
136 (The Taskmaster): Type 4
137 (The Systems Builder): Type 6
145 (The Researcher): Type 8
146 (The Philosopher): Type 9
147 (The Visionary): Any Type
258 (The Strategist): Any Type
259 (The Problem Solver): Type 3
268 (The Rescuer): Type 9
269 (The Good Samaritan): Type 5
278 (The Free Spirit): Type 1
279 (The Peacemaker): Type 1, 3, 5
358 (The Solution Master): Type 6
359 (The Thinker): Type 8
368 (The Justice Fighter): Type 2
369 (The Mediator): Any Type
378 (The Mover & Shaker): Type 1, 2, 6
379 (The Ambassador): Type 1
458 (The Scholar): Type 7
459 (The Contemplative): Type 3, 7, 8
468 (The Truth Teller): Type 2, 7, 9
469 (The Seeker): Type 7
478 (The Messenger): Type 2
479 (The Gentle Spirit): Type 3

So yes, if you are for example the 147 Tritype, then every Enneagram type could be your "Enneagram Dual". ;) Or rather, because of the inherent balance in your personality, there is no need for you to benefit from or have a preference for a specific Enneagram type.

Note: Based on my observations, the crucial aspects in Enneagram compatibility are (besides health): instinctual stackings and sharing at least one type in the Tritype (e.g 496 with 631). (Following that, the "Enneagram Dual" is just the icing on the cake.) There hasn't been a long term couple to my knowledge that has NOT shared a type in their tritype; and whenever they claimed they did not, I discovered one of the individuals was mistyped. Psychological studies usually conclude that Similarity is very important when it comes to people matching up; similarity in attractiveness, in background, in values, and so forth. Sharing one type in the Tritype creates an added sense of Similarity. People who share one type in the tritype usually have more similar interests, goals, and even childhoods or upbringings.

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If you want to read more like this and be up-to-date, follow my blog here.

There you go @Chae :p
And @Adam Strange

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Originally Posted by Cassandra

There you go @Chae :p
And @Adam Strange

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:) Very interesting, Cassandra.

For the past two years, I've been mentally preparing myself for life with an e6, based on the chart I posted above and on Helen Palmer's description of an e6-e8 partnership. Yes, the e6's seem like they need more support than the e5's do that I'm used to, but who knows? Maybe I'm anticipating problems where there aren't any.

I was aware, from the chart, that male e8's also pair up with female e2's, but I figured that the e2's would be too boring for me. I have been talking to a secretary at work for the past five years who is an e2 EII, and she is a great helper and super easy to get along with and to confide in, but she just lacks a certain flair. Also, her desire to be helpful sometimes seems like a form of manipulation, and I like my manipulation right out in the open. She appears to be too sane to me, because I think I'm looking for someone who is a bit less of a Helper and more of her own random person. Someone with some level of unpredictability, artistry, and a lot of self-direction thrown in.

I'm basically looking for a person who has her own interests, with me being just one of them and not necessarily the main one at that.

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Originally Posted by Herzy

I'd rather off myself than land with a type 1, lol.

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Don't be so casual with suicide.

I wouldn't want an 8 for a wife, I don't like masculine girls. I'll take an sx 4w3 girl instead, that'll do nicely.

I think levels of health for the enneagram matters a lot more than any of this bullshit. It's a tool for growth and development, not some kind of astrological match-making chart. And if two people are healthy and their best selves how much does the rest even matter?

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Originally Posted by squark

I think levels of health for the enneagram matters a lot more than any of this bullshit. It's a tool for growth and development, not some kind of astrological match-making chart. And if two people are healthy and their best selves how much does the rest even matter?

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I agree, a lot of this feels like an end run negotiation around actually getting healthy, which is the only real answer... I think all types tend to converge at the top and you can only get true congruence in that way. trying to fit the pieces together any other way is just like a poor half solution

Well, this overview is just an attempt at getting closer to some kind of Enneagram type compatibility idea, or rather which type(s) would benefit your personality structure the most.

I do agree that health is quite important, however I've found this "Enneagram Dual" stuff applying to both healthier and less healthy married couples.
If you don't care for it, fine. This overview is not really supposed to be followed.

I have not mentioned it in the article, but based on my observations etc etc, the real importance in Enneagram compatibility are (besides health, but that is a no brainer): instinctual stackings and sharing at least one type in the Tritype (e.g 496 with 631).

There hasn't been a long term couple to my knowledge that has NOT shared a type in their tritype.
And whenever they claimed they did not, I discovered one of the individuals was mistyped.

Psychological studies usually conclude that Similarity is very important when it comes to people matching up; similarity in attractiveness, in background, in values, and so forth. Sharing one type in the Tritype creates an added sense of Similarity. People who share one type in the tritype usually have more similar interests, goals, and even childhoods or upbringings (yes, I believe a big part of Enneagram is nurture, @Viktor has explained the role of nurture for Enneagram types well recently).

Sorry, I wasn't trying to shit on your project; I realize now maybe it came off that way. Just trying to emphasize the importance of health in general

Oww yesss I live for this.

So the best relationship is a love triangle! Hello, 6s (the counterphobic ones) and 9s please apply right here.

Again i dont think there are good and bad matches with enneagram types. But i think you often are attracted to the opposite of you, for example I usually am drawn to 479 tritype and core 9 and 7, but I dont think they are better for me than any other types. Only a matter of attraction.

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Originally Posted by Slugabed

So, yeah, I'm really curious, I hope someone could explain how a 3 would be the dual of a 952/259…(please note that 2 is also a "helping" type, who with 9 would just reinforce the 9 tendency to accept, agree and else).

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The Type 3 can show the 259 how to be more assertive and goal-oriented; how to stand up for oneself and make their dreams a reality.

Of course an unhealthy Type 3 could easily push the buttons of a 259 and harm them in that way; but that applies to all "Enneagram Duals", in one way or another. Someone who is the balance to your weaknesses could in the worst case scenario be your worst enemy. To some extent, that could even apply to "real" Socionics Duals who for some reason cannot stand each other.

@Slugabed how about a healthier 3 with a 2-wing, they seem to be suited for what you look for. I think they can very well motivate someone else and make them succeed if only they are sober-headed and altruistic enough. Maybe hard to find among young threes, honestly most of us are completely fuqed in the head by circumstances of our time and the overvaluing of 3 characteristics. And we're stupid enough to buy into it so it's our fault. A 3 will only become less hungry for applause and resistant to failure/critique when life beats them down. Usually through illness, typical 3 scenario. And they realize it's not about pleasing others. You heard that right, 3s are already attuned to the standards outside of themselves. So they need to focus on themselves first. Sounds counterintuitive but the narcissism you talk about is essentially the defense to having other people devalue you. Hence 3 needs to care less about others and the expectations they imagine they have before being able to become another person's cheerleader. 3 doesn't see this role when young, they think they appeal through being the successful ones themselves. 2s know that role of sacrifice way better and already meet other's needs intuitively but again it takes time for a core 3 with this wing to manifest it, also integrating 6. That happens during adolescence when career gets tough so - pick someone who's older and through some really bad shit that made them grow.

I think you are confusing general Type 3-ness with "full-blown" narcissism.

Not every Type 3 has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

You very well may have had negative experiences with "real" narcissists. That doesn't mean you'd have that kind of experience with every 3.
Nor is every person with NPD Type 3 core. Some are 8s with a 3 fix.

You could argue that NPD is the unhealthiest level of a 3. Even so, the average 3 doesn't have NPD.

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Originally Posted by Slugabed

The ppl that I know irl dont have NPD, they are just average 3 (they have gone to psychologist and else, if you want to know why I'm so sure of it). The link doesnt talk of npd btw, its just ppl with narcissistic tendencies (and I know that there could be other types with narcissistic tendencies, but the ppl that I'm talking of, specifically are type 3).

I dont want to argue or anything obviously, but I dont see a real support for 259: 3 duality. If we are talking about "ideal" matches, on some ideal world, then, ok, this is right, but I guess that this personality stuff should have a real application to life at some point.

Anyway sorry for asking or making my point out.

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No need to feel sorry for voicing your concerns.
Things like that can help with refining thoughts, and trying to reach a better understanding or perspective on an issue.

As I have said before, health matters a lot. If someone's too mentally unhealthy, they can be any kind of "Dual", it is not really gonna work well with you two.

So, in that sense all those things are pretty relative. An unhealthy Dual is gonna be worse than a healthy Semi-Dual.
That's how those things play out in reality...

@Chae

Not sure if it would make a significant difference, tbh.

But thanks for your words, and I'm still loving 3s, failures and all, because natural attraction :love:

I love 3 for real but I don't think that we can talk about duality on enneagram as in socionics, since duality talks about mutual benefit/complementarily.

"Enneagram duality" is an awful idea. All of the type relationships are asymmetrical, so basically you have to make a value judgement and decide who should be prioritized over who. The closest thing to a dual would be same type but different wings, and tritype dual would be that you have to have one of your non-core centers integrate to another one of your partner's or vice versa, and that only works if they aren't actually prioritized beyond the first one, which people always argue over.

This also reminds me, when you said couples usually have one of the enneagram centers in common, that pretty much always just happens by chance. The chance of having one center in a tritype in common is 23/27, although I don't think self-typed :Te:-PoLRs care about that. So basically, people are just marrying random people. But with the divorce statistics, I'm not sure why anyone expects anything else.

Anyways, what is "healthy"? We're all mad here...

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Originally Posted by Wyrd

"Enneagram duality" is an awful idea. All of the type relationships are asymmetrical, so basically you have to make a value judgement and decide who should be prioritized over who. The closest thing to a dual would be same type but different wings, and tritype dual would be that you have to have one of your non-core centers integrate to another one of your partner's or vice versa, and that only works if they aren't actually prioritized beyond the first one, which people always argue over.

This also reminds me, when you said couples usually have one of the enneagram centers in common, that pretty much always just happens by chance. The chance of having one center in a tritype in common is 23/27, although I don't think self-typed :Te:-PoLRs care about that. So basically, people are just marrying random people. But with the divorce statistics, I'm not sure why anyone expects anything else.

Anyways, what is "healthy"? We're all mad here...

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My idea on "Enneagram duality" just stemmed from someone asking for whether there is Enneagram Duality, and I discovered that there is none because of the asymmetry (same for the instinctual stackings). I think I have made it clear that technically, there is no "real Enneagram Duality." I use the term because people are gonna look/search for it, trying to find an answer to that question, and because it is an attractive "buzz word".

Regarding the idea being awful and having to make a value judgment, that's your :Fi: speaking there, I guess. It is not like people will consciously decide what kind of "Enneagram Duality" to choose, I have seen that kind of thing happening without any of the people knowing about Enneagram.

Why would an "Enneagram Dual" be the same type with another wing? There is not much complementary action going on if both your main types are the same. Regarding the "tritype duality", maybe that is how it works, but as you said that is debatable and again brings up the issues of asymmetry.

Sharing similar tritypes "by default": I suppose that is true to an extent; as far as I know, the vast majority of people in the world have a 6 fix, so if you do too, your chances of finding or being with someone else with a 6 fix are very high. People like me who don't have a 6 fix will have more trouble finding someone to connect with on that tritype basis, and if you have a tritype that both lacks a 6 and 9 fix (the most common fixes, as far as I know), you are gonna have even less people to connect with on that level. The chance of 23/27 would be "real" if all fixes were equally distributed, which I doubt they are based on anecdotal evidence and this overview.

The divorce statistics are the way they are because previously, divorces weren't a common or tolerable practice in society (aka people divorced less because they couldn't), and also because we humans aren't naturally monogamous, but that's a whole other debate. I don't think that's Enneagram related.

At last, I suppose this forum (or the Internet in general) attracts more "mad" or unhealthy people, but that doesn't mean it's impossible to be healthy or at least have an average health level. My guess is that most people in the world are in-between Level 4-7. As a reference, 4-6 are the "average" levels. 1-3 is "healthy", and 7-9 is "unhealthy".

@Cassandra The reason this forum keeps going is that people use theories to run their lives. "Enneagram duality" is an awful idea because it's incoherent. You're just subjectively deciding who should marry who. Socionics duality has a theoretical basis, and it's not even about what's pleasant for couples or what "works well", it's about mathematical completion in the social economics system. Your system has no theoretical basis, it's just about what you think is healthier or unhealthier. You can't even type anyone correctly, so you just have these ideas of who "duals" are and you type people after looking at their relationships in retrospect. As far as your typing competency goes, you have a lot of explaining to do to justify me as a bubbly Ep type and I'll leave you to flounder at that.

The reasons the "wings" would be the closest thing to enneagram duality is that both people of the same type, say 4, have the same goal/values, but 4w3 expresses that through the 3 wing and 4w5 expresses that through the 5 wing, so that's vaguely complementary. Pairing 4 with 1 is basically like a supervision relationship, not duality. If you think that's what's beneficial, you have to go through and explain why, but you'll have the whole socionics community on you so have fun.

And it's no bad thing that we're all mad here ;) "Health" is an incoherent idea, people have different behaviors that are subjectively adaptive or maladaptive in different situations. But what is thought to be bad at one point can turn out to be good at another point and vice versa, so I'm not sure how much I can care about people's "health". Madness was a state desired by the ancient Greeks and Norse and basically every culture with "shamans", because you come out with something else that you couldn't get any other way. Poets had "divine madness" according to Aristotle, and people don't usually say "divine" to mean something bad last time I checked. Never mind what the original quote refers to...

I think there is a natural affinity between 469 and 478 tritypes because the 469 is quite anxious and the 478 a bit overconfident/zealous so they reassure while the 469 can ground and bring humor and lightness to the pair. The downsides are both are intense in their inner worlds/feelings but my experiences are with two F types. I've had close friendships/relationships with every 469 enneagram type. The other type that works well with 478 is 268 (with 6 as base type). i am still deciding which is better but I think there is something to be said for having the same gut type, as ultimately the intensity level is matched and the kinds of conflicts are even...if that makes sense.

Enneagram duality is based on the natural instinct associated with the types.

These groups belong together:
258 - sp
369 - so
147 - sx

Beyond that, the same stacking adds to duality. There's no need to invert or switch things around.

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Originally Posted by Aramas

Enneagram duality is based on the natural instinct associated with the types.

These groups belong together:
258 - sp
369 - so
147 - sx

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Where is this information from? It's very interesting.

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Originally Posted by chocolatte

Where is this information from? It's very interesting.

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Tbh I just memorized it years ago. I don't know where I got it from. I'm sure I got it from somewhere online.

Enneagram is very holographic. Patterns in patterns.

Yeah that post caught my eye recently

There’s also the hornevian groups

https://enneagramexplained.com/ennea...nevian-groups/

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Originally Posted by Bethany

There’s also the hornevian groups

https://enneagramexplained.com/ennea...nevian-groups/

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Yes, there are also object relations:

http://www.fitzel.ca/enneagram/Objec...20or%20touched.

that's why OP think some types are more balanced, in fact, every theory is symmetrical, there are no balanced types.

I am 268 and find myself involved with 9s for the most part, which correlates with the original post. Hmm.

I get on well with 268 in real life (and I’m e9)..and I remember enjoying some of your posts @voider. Coincidence? Haha

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Originally Posted by voider

I am 268 and find myself involved with 9s for the most part, which correlates with the original post. Hmm.

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9s are the easist enneagram type to get along to. I also find it easier to get interaction with them. I am 549 and I dont find myself get involved with assertive types (3,7,8) more than other ennegram types.

268 has no e type falls into competency (1,3,5), withdrawn (4,5,9), frustration(1,4,7).

For example, when 268 has a relation with 926, they could ofcourse get along. However, how they would support each other in competency and frustration department?

I dont think this is duality.

I think a e2 would make most sense for me. I usually attract e4's cuz the attention I can provide is like a laser to a moth. But I'm going to let go of trying to control every aspect and have some of that understanding I'll hand out so readily in return. Try it out for size.

Ok so even though I do get on with 268s..I’m not sure I could see myself with one, as a couple. 847, 836, 845 seem better..or an e3. 7s...well they are attractive (a 749, cute..) but are 7s too similar to e9s?
@myresearch btw I have a 549 friend and although we get on, it has an off/on quality to it. It’s like we’re too similar.

I’m not sure the enneagram duals in the article actually would work in reality (for duals at least). I think they work for friendship or non dual relationships or less serious romantic relationships.

Yes, @myresearch I guess you're right, it's not really "duality" as much as it is general compatibility, and probably on surface level at that.

The Enneagram describes neuroses. You shouldn't be seeking out any particular e-type, but someone who tries not to appear like any e-type.

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Originally Posted by Bethany

Ok so even though I do get on with 268s..I’m not sure I could see myself with one, as a couple. 847, 836, 845 seem better..or an e3. 7s...well they are attractive (a 749, cute..) but are 7s too similar to e9s?
@myresearch btw I have a 549 friend and although we get on, it has an off/on quality to it. It’s like we’re too similar.

I’m not sure the enneagram duals in the article actually would work in reality (for duals at least). I think they work for friendship or non dual relationships or less serious romantic relationships.

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Two of my oldest friends (LSI and IEE) have 147 tritype in different order, they are also friends with each other. IEE's boyfriend is SEI 954 and they are dating for years. He is nice and I relate to him a lot, although, we are similar I am drawn to 147 much more due to our differences.

Looking at my past relations and my friend's relations, I see that we are drawn to people who have triple condition in different triads. For example, I have triple condition (triple withdrawn type- 459) in hornevian triad, I am drawn to people who have triple condition in harmonic (135, 279,468) and object relations group(258, 147, 369). Because they are only exteremly bad in one area like me unlike double conditioned ones who are bad (but not bad as much as triple types) at multiple areas.

For example, 468 (triple reactive) types can have problem with dealing things, problems without reacting to it, which comes easy to me to control that area. It is easy for them to control where I lack, since they can be assertive, compliant or withdrawn and know how and when to move towards, away or against people.

People who double condition are more drawn to people who have double condition in other areas. For example, based on your own tritype (469), you can easily support and get supported by 127, 358, 368, 359, 458 as you mentioned some. If we were to cherry pick, we could order these according to your own tritype and socio type etc.

Some triple conditioned people (351, 378, 258) can also provide support and get supported by you but there might be less understanding between you compared to types listed above.

@voider 268 type would support and get supported by 125, 145, 146, 379, 458 (in different orders). Also would support and get supported by triple conditioned 459, 147, 135 types. I dont know if these types resonates with you or not.

@myresearch I like 379, 458, 459. The ones with 1 are on thin ice, and if they're 1 core I'm never going to date them. Too rigid for me, lol.

Ok so maybe it’s possible, that as a 9, I’m compatible with Estp 8s, 3s and 7s. But I’m thinking that I am probably compatible with more 8s than I am 7s or 3s..as a generalisation. They need to be 8ish maybe. (This is partly based on 7s not seeming interested in me (although they have been in the past), 8s feeling more ‘right’ as opposed to 7s who seem ‘exciting’ and partly based on observations of a few couples).


I think you can see tritype and instincts as measuring how much of the socionics functions we use..And you need someone who compliments your function ‘measurements’.


If I look at people of same tritypes, sometimes their personalities seem so similar. Same mannerisms, similar appearance, similar facial expression/way of expressing themselves..it’s actually amazing to notice it. Like we are all works of art reflecting each other.


Re instincts, I can also think of one other social 9 person I know, and even with them, they have similar mannerisms to me. We both don’t stop laughing :p


It’s nice when you can spot your tritype or instinct reflected in someone else- it makes you appreciate yourself.

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Originally Posted by voider

@myresearch I like 379, 458, 459. The ones with 1 are on thin ice, and if they're 1 core I'm never going to date them. Too rigid for me, lol.

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lol I figured but they were the types that get corresponded, I asked just in case.

@myresearch great post, I need to get my head round it..:p

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Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman

The Enneagram describes neuroses. You shouldn't be seeking out any particular e-type, but someone who tries not to appear like any e-type.

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I met a woman who was a 2 in her integrating process, I know she was because she described previous behaviors which sounded heavy 8 disintegration.
It was beautiful to witness.

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Originally Posted by Bethany

Ok so maybe it’s possible, that as a 9, I’m compatible with Estp 8s, 3s and 7s. But I’m thinking that I am probably compatible with more 8s than I am 7s or 3s..as a generalisation. They need to be 8ish maybe. (This is partly based on 7s not seeming interested in me (although they have been in the past), 8s feeling more ‘right’ as opposed to 7s who seem ‘exciting’ and partly based on observations of a few couples).


I think you can see tritype and instincts as measuring how much of the socionics functions we use..And you need someone who compliments your function ‘measurements’.


If I look at people of same tritypes, sometimes their personalities seem so similar. Same mannerisms, similar appearance, similar facial expression/way of expressing themselves..it’s actually amazing to notice it. Like we are all works of art reflecting each other.


Re instincts, I can also think of one other social 9 person I know, and even with them, they have similar mannerisms to me. We both don’t stop laughing :p


It’s nice when you can spot your tritype or instinct reflected in someone else- it makes you appreciate yourself.

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Definitely there are other factors that affect this. Some e types cant get along with other e types, since you are e9 that isnt a problem for you :D Ofcourse, your socio type makes things more selective.

If we want to combine enneagram and sociotype, for example, there is a slim chance to come across to a SLE with 127 or 359 tritype. SLEs would be more likely 358, 368> 458, 478. So your dual is probably 853, 835, 863, 836, 683, 638.

Besides all of this, I also like to observe the similarity even if people have very different socio types. For example 417 IEE and 147 LSI are very different in every aspect, but they are such an idealist, although they actualize their own idealism in different areas and ways. The main structure/skeleton is the same, it is truly like a work of art as you well put it.

Do we really can find enneagram duality? Good to remind why even ennea was created:
Oscar Ichazo: spirituality - getting ride of your ego. Find your ego fixations, understand them and free yourself. You are number but should be not.
Claudio Naranjo: science, but let be real - it ended as pseudoscience (what we, jung community, love the most <3). He adapted teaching of Ichazo (ignoring the core of it) and sold them without his permission to USA.
Palmer, Riso, etc (most popular) - money. Enneagram Manual: "What animal/celebrity/number are you?" CHECK IT OUT NOW!

In pure enneagram teaching, you are supposed to get yourself free from your number, not embrace it. There is no place for duality.
From my perspective: we can talk about ennea duality only if its connected with other pseudoscience systems. For example (Socionic):
As a merry 7, I cannot see myself with 1. There is no trust and respect here. No trust: I would be manipulative (trying to destroy her ego - what she belive is right and wrong; with my demonstrative Fi, I can even be succesfull here). No respect: she would despise my hedonism and rejection of social values.
Trying to picture 7 ENTp (Fi-polr) man with 1 woman is even more crazy.
So:
Merry 7 (A lot of ENTp, ESTp; sometimes ISFp, INFp): 1 will end as disaster
Serious 7 (A lot of ENFp, ESFp; sometimes ISTp): 1 is rational/good/right/accepted/fair/divinechoice

I’m most attracted to 8s and 9s.
9s like my self motivation and 8s I won’t let walk all over me.
7 would be another type I enjoy just because they are so fun and warm!

@myresearch Thank you for sharing your ideas and explaining them. Very helpful/insightful :) The thing about triple/double condition is super interesting. I should have some more comments to come lol.

This is a good resource, to keep in mind as well.

Enneagram Relationships - Do Opposites Attract? | 9types (table showing how common different enneagram matches are)

There seems to be some patterns, but it's quite varied really.

Hmm not sure either. Could be good as friends..according to the chart it seems much more common when the female is the 4. Could see that.

I mean I def enjoy the company of a 4 :p of course

I think 4 and 9 could be likened to super-ego relations.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by aciaradh

Do you have any ideas on why the male 4-female 9 relationship seems to be so much more uncommon (aside from there potentially being fewer male 4s overall)? I find that really interesting.

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Not sure..I suppose it’s to do with gender roles and expectations. I suppose e-types will look a bit different in women/men. Also it might be to do with the likely sociotypes of men and women which these e-types are. Tritype might come into it, if you believe in that! Tritype could change the energy of someone’s e-type to more masculine/feminine?

I don’t know many male 4s, but I think if I had a friendship with a male 4, it might look quite different to a friendship with a female 4.

@myresearch I've been thinking more about what you said. Have been scribbling down numbers in a note pad and will try to share some of it now..they are just some ideas, for people to ponder.

I have looked at a few tritypes that I think might be compatible for me. I looked at all of the tritypes actually but it is too much to type out for the moment. I had Estp in mind, so for the examples I have selected types with 3,8 or 7 in the tritype as Estp are often e3/7/8.

I wrote out all the conditions for each tritype. Each tritype has 6. You work this out by finding the condition for each number in the tritype, from BOTH hornevian triad and harmonic triad. For example, for 946: 9 is withdrawn (hornevian triad) and positive outlook (harmonic triad), 4 is withdrawn (hornevian triad) and emotionally reactive (harmonic triad) and 6 is compliant (hornevian triad) and emotionally reactive (harmonic triad).

So let's take a look at a few tritypes. I have selected 847, 845, 739 and 826. These all share a number in common with my tritype-946. I don't think you necessarily need to share a number for romantic compatibility but I think it is common that couples will share one. I have also chosen examples which only share one number in the tritype. (perhaps having 2 might be too much and you might feel too similar..)

I've looked at a few examples to try to think about why they might be compatible.

Examples:

847 - 847 is emotionally reactive x 2, assertive x 2, withdrawn x 1, positive outlook x 1.

847 and 946 (mine) between them cover all the conditions except competent. They share positive outlook, emotionally real and withdrawn.

This seems like it could be a good match as they share 3 conditions in common. This might mean they have good understanding/chemistry/similarity. However, they don't cover all the conditions between them -neither have 'competent' in their conditions, so might find it hard to cover/support each other in this area.


845- 845 is emotionally reactive x 2, withdrawn x 2, competent x 1, assertive x 1.

845 and 946 (mine) between them cover all of the conditions. They share 'emotionally real' and 'withdrawn'.

This seems like it could be a good match as they cover all the conditions, meaning they can support each other in a range of areas. They share 2 x conditions meaning they would have good understanding/similarity.


739- 739 is positive outlook x 2, assertive x 2, withdrawn x 1 and competent x 1.

739 and 946 (mine) between them cover all the conditions. They share the condition of 'withdrawn'.

These seem like they can be a good match as they cover all the conditions. However, they only share one condition in common.


826- 826 is compliant x 2, emotionally real x 2, positive outlook x 1 and assertive x 1.

826 and 946 (mine) between them cover all the conditions except competent. They share 'emotionally real' and 'positive outlook'.

Similarly to the first example, 826 could be a good match as it covers all the conditions except one. They have two conditions in common.


All of the above seem like good matches, but 847 and 845 seem like they could be slightly better.

Hope this makes some sense..

@Bethany

I think duality is more about complementing each other than being similar to each other.

Lets cherry pick all the way :lol:

For your tritype, 946:

Core type 9: Positive Outlook, Withdrawn, Attachment

Core type is bolded below since it has more affect on individual's psyche.

Tritype:
Harmonic - 2X Reactive 1X Positive Outlook
Hornevian - 2X Withdrawn 1X Compliant
Object relations - 2X Attachment 1X Frustration

Both your tritype and core type require assertive and rejection type. Only type which has assertive and rejection qualities is 8. Hence you must feel drawn to 8 core types the most. Even in your previous post, you selected 4 types and 3 of them were a core 8 type. Most SLEs are 8s btw, maybe there are no coincidence :p

You also need support in competency (1,3,5). Since 8 is a gut type, 1 is eliminated. So that leaves us with 83x, 8x3, 85x,8x5 types.

258 and 378 tritypes have triple condition, which would be too much for your double conditioned type, hence eliminated.

That leaves: 836, 863, 853, 835, 845, 854 types.

836 (863 eliminated since it fails to support competency, too much nitpicking you can add it back)
Harmonic- 2X Reactive 1X Competency
Hornevian- 2X Assertive 1X Compliant
Object relations- 2X Attachment 1X Rejection

835/853
Harmonic- 2X Competency 1X Reactive
Hornevian- 2X Assertive 1X Withdrawn
Object relations- 2X Rejection 1X Attachment

854 (845 eliminated since it fails to support competency, too much nitpicking you can add it back)
Harmonic- 2X Reactive 1X Competency
Hornevian- 2X Withdrawn1X Assertive
Object relations- 2X Rejection 1X Frustration

Every single of these types have three condition common with your tritype.

If you believe you have to share at least one e type then 854, 836 would be a way to go.

However, since we are cherry picking hardcore, here are the notes of the little downsides of these pairings:

Downside of 854 and 836, they dont support you enough in competency department as much as 835/853. Both 854 and 836 are very reactive, since you also have 2X reactive, conflicts can create fires at times may not resolve due to lack of competency. However, the burden would be on their shoulders, since they are going to be SLEs, this wouldnt be such a burden.

Downside of 835/853 and 836, they dont have a frustration e-type, your relations may lack idealism and improvement compared to 854. This time this burden would be on your shoulders since you are IEI again this wouldnt be such a burden.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bethany

@myresearch I've been thinking more about what you said. Have been scribbling down numbers in a note pad and will try to share some of it now..they are just some ideas, for people to ponder.

I have looked at a few tritypes that I think might be compatible for me. I looked at all of the tritypes actually but it is too much to type out for the moment. I had Estp in mind, so for the examples I have selected types with 3,8 or 7 in the tritype as Estp are often e3/7/8.

I wrote out all the conditions for each tritype. Each tritype has 6. You work this out by finding the condition for each number in the tritype, from BOTH hornevian triad and harmonic triad. For example, for 946: 9 is withdrawn (hornevian triad) and positive outlook (harmonic triad), 4 is withdrawn (hornevian triad) and emotionally reactive (harmonic triad) and 6 is compliant (hornevian triad) and emotionally reactive (harmonic triad).

So let's take a look at a few tritypes. I have selected 847, 845, 739 and 826. These all share a number in common with my tritype-946. I don't think you necessarily need to share a number for romantic compatibility but I think it is common that couples will share one. I have also chosen examples which only share one number in the tritype. (perhaps having 2 might be too much and you might feel too similar..)

I've looked at a few examples to try to think about why they might be compatible.

Examples:

847 - 847 is emotionally reactive x 2, assertive x 2, withdrawn x 1, positive outlook x 1.

847 and 946 (mine) between them cover all the conditions except competent. They share positive outlook, emotionally real and withdrawn.

This seems like it could be a good match as they share 3 conditions in common. This might mean they have good understanding/chemistry/similarity. However, they don't cover all the conditions between them -neither have 'competent' in their conditions, so might find it hard to cover/support each other in this area.


845- 845 is emotionally reactive x 2, withdrawn x 2, competent x 1, assertive x 1.

845 and 946 (mine) between them cover all of the conditions. They share 'emotionally real' and 'withdrawn'.

This seems like it could be a good match as they cover all the conditions, meaning they can support each other in a range of areas. They share 2 x conditions meaning they would have good understanding/similarity.


739- 739 is positive outlook x 2, assertive x 2, withdrawn x 1 and competent x 1.

739 and 946 (mine) between them cover all the conditions. They share the condition of 'withdrawn'.

These seem like they can be a good match as they cover all the conditions. However, they only share one condition in common.


826- 826 is compliant x 2, emotionally real x 2, positive outlook x 1 and assertive x 1.

826 and 946 (mine) between them cover all the conditions except competent. They share 'emotionally real' and 'positive outlook'.

Similarly to the first example, 826 could be a good match as it covers all the conditions except one. They have two conditions in common.


All of the above seem like good matches, but 847 and 845 seem like they could be slightly better.

Hope this makes some sense..

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According to object relations group 739 doesnt have rejection element so is your tritype.

According to harmonic group 826 and 847 doesnt have competency element so is your tritype.

845/854 is the winner in these types imo.

Besides these types, 359 also complements your tritype. You also share one e type with this type. However, SLE probably wouldnt have these tritype. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I think 8 core type is more complementing to your tritype.

@myresearch thank you, more to consider :D amazing.

It’s interesting because I think I have recently attracted the following Estps: 836, 845, 835. (Could have been 825, hm) There might even be an Estp 359 too.. (Don’t know about order of tritypes). But..there is this other Estp I have noticed, and I believe he could be 847. His face is calling to me lol. Though I don’t know whether he is available. I don’t know if it’s just that I find him attractive..it’s kind of that feeling of- I feel like I know you! After only seeing their face across a room :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bethany

It’s interesting because I think I have recently attracted the following Estps: 836, 845, 835. (Could have been 825, hm) There might even be an Estp 359 too.. (Don’t know about order of tritypes). But..there is this other Estp I have noticed, and I believe he could be 847. His face is calling to me lol. Though I don’t know whether he is available. I don’t know if it’s just that I find him attractive..it’s kind of that feeling of- I feel like I know you! After only seeing their face across a room :p

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If there is a strong appeal, there is no reason to not consider it. Yes, you may feel that way because he is hot, but again I would say go for it :D

Ennegram wise, he still has core 8, if it turns all right, you can get advice about competency issues from other parties.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by myresearch

If there is a strong appeal, there is no reason to not consider it. Yes, you may feel that way because he is hot, but again I would say go for it :D

Ennegram wise, he still has core 8, if it turns all right, you can get advice about competency issues from other parties.

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Haha I will be tempted. It’s so interesting to think about the tritypes this way! About what they can/can’t help with. Can be a useful tool for knowing who to approach for help. If you’re not sure who to turn to. And how you can help other people too. :)

For some reason enneagram has been a pretty big constant for me in terms of personality (whereas Socionics has so many existential problems that it becomes harder and harder for me to take seriously in any way). But as a "triple withdrawn" tritype, any of the assertive types 3, 7, or 8, I'm usually drawn to (as long as they are healthy or good-intentioned or good-natured people). I've always admired people of those types to various degrees; compliments/criticisms are easy to accept and encouragement usually feels real and purposeful.

So that's probably true that withdrawn are drawn to assertives. But then I guess assertives are drawn to compliant types, so I guess this isn't really a dualizing idea when what you are drawn to is drawn to something you aren't. ...and that does sound pretty realistic actually.

Also, just want to say that there is something very interesting about tritypes 369, 147, 258. You guys seem to take on characteristics of each other sometimes. You also sometimes appear to take on characteristics of sociotypes, other than your own. Mostly I find you guys to be a very comforting presence, but I can feel a bit like you have some strange power over me. Maybe this is because my mum is 258. My brother is 693, but I don’t notice this stuff as much with him. I notice it in friends though. I probably notice it more since figuring out their tritypes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nobody

So that's probably true that withdrawn are drawn to assertives. But then I guess assertives are drawn to compliant types, so I guess this isn't really a dualizing idea when what you are drawn to is drawn to something you aren't. ...and that does sound pretty realistic actually.

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This made me think about the fact that 7s are often drawn to me..and I am often drawn to 6s. I do quite like a 7 though, also occasionally I can’t stand 6s.

Also, separately..

I think perhaps 6s are drawn to 3s and 3s are drawn to 9s..

But supposedly 6s are good for 3s, 3s are good for 9s and 9s are good for 6s (in a general way, not considering tritype..according to the article at the top of the thread)

Explains all those unrequited crushes lol

I still believe 6 and 9 have an interesting spark though :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nobody

For some reason enneagram has been a pretty big constant for me in terms of personality (whereas Socionics has so many existential problems that it becomes harder and harder for me to take seriously in any way). But as a "triple withdrawn" tritype, any of the assertive types 3, 7, or 8, I'm usually drawn to (as long as they are healthy or good-intentioned or good-natured people). I've always admired people of those types to various degrees; compliments/criticisms are easy to accept and encouragement usually feels real and purposeful.

So that's probably true that withdrawn are drawn to assertives. But then I guess assertives are drawn to compliant types, so I guess this isn't really a dualizing idea when what you are drawn to is drawn to something you aren't. ...and that does sound pretty realistic actually.

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What is your core type?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by myresearch

What is your core type?

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neen

Quote:

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Originally Posted by myresearch

If there is a strong appeal, there is no reason to not consider it. Yes, you may feel that way because he is hot, but again I would say go for it :D

Ennegram wise, he still has core 8, if it turns all right, you can get advice about competency issues from other parties.

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so I did some imagining...I think I might have got the 847 fantasy out of my system lol. Might go for the 845 instead..he is also hot (possibly available). 847 and 739 are my top Estp tritype crushes (this can probably be explained in some way by analysing the tritypes) but I think I am after something more solid :) I mean it's all hypothetical at this stage, but still super helpful to think about. Thank you again, for the cherries! haha :p The inner workings of an LII mind are a beautiful thing to me. (I never know how to say thank you to an LII, it always come out silly lol)

What I would like to do next is think about the dual couples I know/know of, and try to figure out their tritypes and see if it fits your above system. I do know one 268 girl and I believe her boyfriend may be 739.

Also, I think I may have known an Estp 835 in the past..I always thought of him as strange but incredibly nice (I think he's Estp? and lovely Estps exist?? Unless he wasn't Estp) But I wasn't ever physically attracted to him. Maybe he also wasn't the right 'instinct stack' for me. But then sometimes, I do think the instinct stacks are somehow something to do with physical attraction.

Also, back in uni there was an Estp 721 guy who liked me (didn't happen coz I wasn't in a good head space) but I was very attracted to him.

My sister has always said that my mum prefers ‘the boys in the family’ (my brothers)..over me and her. Well, both my brothers have triple condition tritypes, as does my mum. Makes sense!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bethany

My sister has always said that my mum prefers ‘the boys in the family’ (my brothers)..over me and her. Well, both my brothers have triple condition tritypes, as does my mum. Makes sense!

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What is her type and your brothers' types?

My enneagram dual is probably some active type that is somewhat optimistic. Maybe something like 8w9, 7w6, or 3.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nobody

For some reason enneagram has been a pretty big constant for me in terms of personality (whereas Socionics has so many existential problems that it becomes harder and harder for me to take seriously in any way). But as a "triple withdrawn" tritype, any of the assertive types 3, 7, or 8, I'm usually drawn to (as long as they are healthy or good-intentioned or good-natured people). I've always admired people of those types to various degrees; compliments/criticisms are easy to accept and encouragement usually feels real and purposeful.

So that's probably true that withdrawn are drawn to assertives. But then I guess assertives are drawn to compliant types, so I guess this isn't really a dualizing idea when what you are drawn to is drawn to something you aren't. ...and that does sound pretty realistic actually.

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If you mean triple withdrawn types are drawn to tritypes who have assertive types(3,7,8) in it, I totally understand.

If you mean they are attracted assertive to core types, some but not all withdrawn types could be depending on their core type and other typology types like socionics. However, I don't think this could be generalized, because although triple withdrawn types need some sort of assertiveness, they also need compliance. I think this should resonate more with you since you are LSI. Personally as 5w4-549, I am not attracted to assertive core types more than other types.

Again as a whole, Fe ego 7 or 8 type wouldnt be common, yes EXE 7 types exist, but they are generally heart types, when assesing the attraction as a whole, it again doesn't make sense why you are attracted to these types typology wise if attraction isn't caused by NTR variables.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bethany

What I would like to do next is think about the dual couples I know/know of, and try to figure out their tritypes and see if it fits your above system. I do know one 268 girl and I believe her boyfriend may be 739.

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I dont know if you mean they are socionics dual or enneagram dual, but they are definitely enneagram dual, cover each other's weak aspect in every sense. But if we cherry pick for them, their biggest downside would be that they are too positive as couple, would over look some problems and sweep it under the rug. Again other problematic areas in that duo, that there is too little competency, again problems and conflicts could be remain unresolved sometimes due that. On Hornevian aspect, none of them are really efficient at knowing when to back away.

268 Tritype:
Harmonic - 2X Reactive 1X Positive Outlook
Hornevian - 2X Compliant 1X Assertive
Object relations - 2X Rejection 1X Attachment

739 Tritype:
Harmonic - 2X Positive Outlook 1X Competency
Hornevian - 2X Assertive 1X Withdrawn
Object relations - 2X Attachment 1X Frustration

Quote:

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Originally Posted by myresearch

What is her type and your brothers' types?

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Mum is 258/285. Brothers are 738 and 693. Btw, I doubt I would ever date either of these tritypes. Had a lot of issues with both mum and brother, however.. I do sense that our relationships could improve with time.

@myresearch I think I am starting to get the hang of figuring it out :p still a bit slow but have more scribble in my note pad, ha.

Btw..

I was thinking about this SEI so/sx 639 guy I know. I liked him and he hurt me :/ and atm I’m not speaking to him. I always thought there was something a little about him which reminded me of my brothers (not in a creepy way lol). Anyway, my two brothers (both younger) are LSI so/sx 693 and SEE sp/sx 738. So there is a similarity to SEI guy.

This morning I was thinking about how much I would miss the SEI guy if I totally cut him off. I think it’s mostly the ‘6’ and the ‘3’ part I would miss :p I don’t have many other friends with these numbers in their tritypes. And then I thought about my brothers..how my LSI brother is a social 6 (with 3+9) and my SEE brother has sx 3 in his tritype. (Social 6= smart, sexual 3= entertaining) Made me think..I don’t necessarily NEED SEI guy, when I have two brothers, who remind me of him, and are not going anywhere :p It’s not the same, but it’s still cool :) Quite an empowering thought.

edit: 639 SEI needs someone with 'rejection' condition in object relations triad I suppose, someone with a 2/5/8 in the tritype. Seriously, the whole mess of our friendship was me basically putting up with his rubbish and rejection, when in fact, it should haven been me rejecting him (basically ignoring him) to make him realise how serious and hurtful the situation was, and perhaps make him care a little more? hm.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bethany

@myresearch I think I am starting to get the hang of figuring it out :p still a bit slow but have more scribble in my note pad, ha.

Btw..

I was thinking about this SEI so/sx 639 guy I know. I liked him and he hurt me :/ and atm I’m not speaking to him. I always thought there was something a little about him which reminded me of my brothers (not in a creepy way lol). Anyway, my two brothers (both younger) are LSI so/sx 693 and SEE sp/sx 738. So there is a similarity to SEI guy.

This morning I was thinking about how much I would miss the SEI guy if I totally cut him off. I think it’s mostly the ‘6’ and the ‘3’ part I would miss :p I don’t have many other friends with these numbers in their tritypes. And then I thought about my brothers..how my LSI brother is a social 6 (with 3+9) and my SEE brother has sx 3 in his tritype. (Social 6= smart, sexual 3= entertaining) Made me think..I don’t necessarily NEED SEI guy, when I have two brothers, who remind me of him, and are not going anywhere :p It’s not the same, but it’s still cool :) Quite an empowering thought.

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It is good that you cut him off, he hurted you so he deserves it :p but I don't know the length of the situation.

I love the bolded part. It is beautiful and explains so much. You are using attachment (your core type 9 and maybe 6 in tritype) to create rejection condition.

aka I dont need you (rejection) because I already have associations (attachment).

I think we all do this all the time, for me it would be like this:

I can move towards (compliant) and against (assertive) you because I can move away easily (withdrawn).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bethany

edit: 639 SEI needs someone with 'rejection' condition in object relations triad I suppose, someone with a 2/5/8 in the tritype. Seriously, the whole mess of our friendship was me basically putting up with his rubbish and rejection, when in fact, it should haven been me rejecting him (basically ignoring him) to make him realise how serious and hurtful the situation was, and perhaps make him care a little more? hm.

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369 tritypes are very adabtable to their partner due to triple attachment, almost as chameleon like. Best partner for them, would be a tritype who is perfectly balanced in terms of objects of relations(126,459,378,135,279,468). They need tritypes who are master of object of relations since they aren't able to manage this area. These balanced types manage it so well. They are able to look ways to improve relationship further (frustration), control the direction of relations (rejection) and adapt themselves so they can associate with their partner (attachment).

Rejection is about creating some control in relations and they may even blind to this and reject this fact :D 2/5/8 types built their ego defense mechanism subconsciously thinking that they are rejected so they reject themselves first and then reject others because of that.

They reject that they may have needs and their own vulnerabilities. They keep their guards up to protect themselves from future rejection. On the otherside, they provide nurture /care(2), knowledge/expertise(5), protection/strength(8). They help and they reject. These things create some sort of hot/cold, push/pull effect some kind of control.

According to order and core type, their presentation changes. 5/8 types are more likely to be seem independent, literally say or think that they don't need people while 2s seem dependent on surface, even may scared of rejection openly on the surface.

Btw, I never met a 258 tritype, I am very curious about them.

369 tritype needs rejection since rejection types have different strategists to prevent themselves getting hurt due to future rejection, they control the course of events from the start. 369 need the control provided by these types. Otherwise, they can shapeshift in a way that their partner does not want.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by myresearch

It is good that you cut him off, he hurted you so he deserves it :p but I don't know the length of the situation.

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It was a tricky situation, a complete farce really. Now I know why! (basically I liked him, he didn't like me, but he found it hard to not flirt with me, then it felt like he pushed me away when I was at my most upset) I think at the moment, I still feel like I'd be too attached to him..yet, I have so many bad memories of him making me feel rubbish, it's just a bit too confusing to feel so attached to someone who upset me a lot. I think he needs to feel REJECTED by me, perhaps, and then we can start again as friends. Unless he feels the rejection, I don't think he'll understand the actual depth of our friendship. (Even if it's not good compatibility, it's a very fun one although I'm scared to even say this as I am having to fight hard to stop feeling attached).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by myresearch

369 tritypes are very adaptable to their partner due to triple attachment, almost as chameleon like. Best partner for them, would be a tritype who is perfectly balanced in terms of objects of relations(126,459,378,135,279,468). They need tritypes who are master of object of relations since they aren't able to manage this area. These balanced types manage it so well. They are able to look ways to improve relationship further (frustration), control the direction of relations (rejection) and adapt themselves so they can associate with their partner (attachment).

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Fascinating. Yes, I worked this out too, I was too curious lol. This is really well explained thank you. I need to read up on this more. Uh the 639 SEI is a true shape-shifter. It's what gives me doubts we can be friends again. There is something very freaky about how quickly his personality shifts from one moment to the next lol. My little brother is not obviously like this...and he is the same tritype. I think it's maybe something to do with the sx 3, with the SEI it's really 'in your face, look at me, let me stun you and put your under my thrall'. (I know an 369 IEE girl who is similar). But with the SEI guy, the next minute he could be be all soft and vulnerable seeming, and the next minute tough and stoically silent.

Will pm you about 258 tritype. Although I did have a date the other day with an SLE who could have been this type. He reminded me of my mum HA. He bought me loads of food, was a bit tv obsessed (like me) and he started off really shy on the date, before he came out of his shell. He made a comment, on the date that I seemed to have a 'defensive' manner lol. I mean I had my guard up pretty high, knowing he was SLE :s (still I felt bad telling him I wasn't into it).

@myresearch I've been thinking about some people I've met in the past (people who are compatible tritypes for me according to the above discussions.) I knew two guys- one was SEI and one was ILI. (sei was probs a 5 and ili was probs an 8) I believe they both could have been 853 tritype. I did get on with them, and there was attraction both ways. Also, earlier in the thread I mentioned that I thought I knew an SLE 853. Well, I realised he is LSE! We got on really well- this may have been due to his tritype. I also realised I have known a couple of 863s in the past too..I remember there was this e3 EIE guy I knew and I had this feeling about him- I fancy you but I don't want to really date you. (he sort of seemed interested too) Anyway, it was at work, and I think he also lost interested. It was like, the instinct was there, but I misread it :P Thought I would share this :) aaaand I have a lovely ILE friend who is 548. I do think there is truth in these ideas :) love it.

Here’s a tritype anecdote:


So out of my ‘compatible’ tritypes I think I like the sound of 712/721 and 835/853 the best.


I once had a crush on an Estp 712 (reciprocated). Really liked him. I recently looked him up on social media and looks like he has an EIE girlfriend. Oddly, I think she looks like me. Has the same pose/smile I do in photographs as well.


Also, I have a female SEI friend who is the same tritype as me (946 although she is E6). She also has loads of posey smiley pics like me. 946 is all about identity right..
I saw a pic of her new bf recently and I was like, oh he’s cute..he looks Entp.


Anyway I just found it interesting that we’re the same tritype and I found her boyfriend attractive. Also that the Estp liked me and ended up with someone like me..

Hi Olimpia, Thank you so much for giving more knowledge and tips of Enneagram compatibility! I just have one question for u, I'm a INTJ 5w6 583 sp/sx; I know you say that a relationship relies on health, the instinctual variant, and a similar type number in tritype of you and your partner. What do you think is a good enneagram tritype and instinctual variant that is compatible for a guy like me?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mally445

Hi Olimpia, Thank you so much for giving more knowledge and tips of Enneagram compatibility! I just have one question for u, I'm a INTJ 5w6 583 sx/so; I know you say that a relationship relies on health, the instinctual variant, and a similar type number in tritype of you and your partner. What do you think is a good enneagram tritype and instinctual variant for a guy like me?

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@Mally445, @Olimpia hasn't been here for a while, but you can read some of her work here: https://typevolution.com/2016/08/28/...es-in-romance/
and you can contact her on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh9...MxNsaOkAjXtjtA

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Adam Strange

@Mally445, @Olimpia hasn't been here for a while, but you can read some of her work here: https://typevolution.com/2016/08/28/...es-in-romance/
and you can contact her on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh9...MxNsaOkAjXtjtA

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Thx Adam, Bummer I didn't get to talk to her 😔 :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mally445

Thx Adam, Bummer I didn't get to talk to her  :(

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The first link has her contact information. I've talked to her outside the forum myself. She's very nice.