IEI/INFp planning what to say, organizing thoughts
Whenever I speak in classes, I like to think and plan out what I say because often my mind sorta goes blank because I'm nervous or just haven't gathered my thoughts yet. I do that a lot, gather my thoughts together so I don't stammer or whatever. So then I either get called on or I raise my hand and I'd say whatever was on my mind and if someone stop me, it'd take me a few seconds to notice and stop. I'm slow like that. So I say everything and then I sorta lose interest like I accomplished my own thing, I can drift now so then I begin to notice the pretty design on the wall above my peer's head. Overall, I want to say that my attention span is pretty short but I can be focused when I want too, usually when it's something interesting or one of the people I care about is speaking.
Also, I have a short recollection of events, the most I remember is usually when it's highly emotional, climatic or like...the end and the beginning of something. I forget most of the details till someone reminds me and then I think back and say, oh yea. When I focus on something, I forget the other things. Like I now really wants to go to Atlanta but before I really wanted to go to Boston for college but I totally forgot.
My friend: You told me before that YOU REALLY WANTED TO GO TO BOSTON, ALWAYS WANTED TO GO THERE, LOVED BOSTON ETC, then you come home and you're like I DON'T WANNA GO TO BOSTON AND COMPLETELY DISREGARD WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE.
Me: Oh YEAH. I did say those things, didn't I?
I do the same thing with people. Perhaps this is like stringing together events/memories for logic/rationality? It's like I just don't remember everything that happened and I don't know how to react or think of something because I forgot what happened. I don't have the whole picture, only little pieces.
And I really hate the feeling of being trapped down by obligations and things I should do because my parents or my friends think I should. It drives me insane and I'd rebel given the chance. I just want to be free from everything, start over and do anything I want. I just want to be selfish. It'd be tragic if I look back and regard my life as meaningless to me.
Dumb parents. They make me feel so guility btw. They wouldn't let me fly away from the nest. :?
Anyone else feel the same way?
Also, I don't like it when people tell me what to do but when i get an idea, I need people's approval and support in order for me to feel good about carrying it out.