There is no test to determine which style you are – only the following descriptions.Quote:
Gottman has proposed that there are 3 functional styles of conflict management in couple relationships, labeled Avoidant, Validating, and Volatile, and 1 dysfunctional style, labeled Hostile. Using a sample of 1,983 couples in a committed relationship, we test the association of perceived matches or mismatches on these conflict styles with relationship outcome variables. The results indicate that 32% of the participants perceive there is a mismatch with their conflict style and that of their partner. The Volatile-Avoidant mismatch was particularly problematic and was associated with more stonewalling, relationship problems, and lower levels of relationship satisfaction and stability than the Validating matched style and than other mismatched styles. The most problematic style was the Hostile style. Contrary to existing assumptions by Gottman, the 3 matched functional styles were not equivalent, as the Validating Style was associated with substantially better results on relationship outcome measures than the Volatile and Avoidant styles.
Quote:
Avoidant Style:
I avoid conflict. I don’t think there is much to be gained from getting openly angry with others. In fact, a lot of talking about emotions and difficult issues seems to make matters worse. I think that if you just relax about problems, they will have a way of working them- selves out.
Quote:
Validating Style:
I discuss difficult issues, but it is important to display a lot of self-control and to remain calm. I prefer to let others know that their opinions and emotions are valued even if they are different than mine. When arguing, I try to spend a lot of time validating others as well as trying to find a compromise.
Quote:
Volatile Style:
I debate and argue about issues until they are resolved. Arguing openly and strongly doesn’t bother me because this is how differences are resolved. Although sometimes my arguing is intense, that is okay because I try to balance this with kind and loving expressions. I think my passion and zest actually leads to a better relationship with lots of intensity, making up, laughing, and affection.
Quote:
Hostile Style:
I can get pretty upset when I argue. When I am upset at times I insult my partner by using something like sarcasm or put downs. During intense discussions I find it difficult to listen to what my partner is saying because I am trying to make my point. Sometimes I have intensely negative feelings toward my partner when we have a conflict.
P.S: I've found a pdf of this study some time ago. I cannot find a link to a free version at the moment.

