ENTj driving friends and co-workers away
OK I'm new to this board, so if this topic has been discussed previously, I apologize for not finding it:
I'm a 26 year old ENTJ who's beginning to wonder about everyone around me, and whether or not I'm doing/saying/acting certain ways that would drive people away. I've always been the kind of person who enjoys having lots of friends, and being very friendly with everyone around me. Lately (i.e. last year or so?), it seems like several friends of mine have withdrawn, and there seems to be a negative attitude floating around amongst them towards me, based on tidbits I've heard here and there.
In addition, I've noticed almost during the exact same time frame that my workmates have gone in the same direction. I don't get the interaction from them that I seem to remember having, such as not getting invited to go out to lunch, quiet falls over their conversation when I do approach, etc. When I do talk to them it's almost as if everything is fine, but I can't help but notice or pick up on subtleties that would imply otherwise.
I can't seem to pinpoint an exact event that would have caused this, if it is in fact true, and not just paranoia on my part. My approach with some has been to just directly ask them, but that's not gotten me anywhere, and in a way, may have contributed towards their feelings or conversations towards/about me.
I am a typical ENTJ, very self confident, always in the leadership role, and always more than willing to share my advice to them on personal or business matters. In several cases I've seen it succeed and have helped numerous friends & workmates better themselves as a result of the guidance I have offered. So what's with the seclusion I'm suddenly feeling from them, and how can I approach it or repair it without driving them off further? These aren't just acquaintances, I'm talking long time friends and workmates. Are they worth the trouble (my first reaction is no, but my wife (INFS) disagrees. Thoughts? Help? Recommendations?
Thanks for any and all advice. And please be as blunt as necessary to drive the point home. I'll provide further details without getting too personal if requested. This board is a great resource, just from my past several hours of browsing the forums I've found it very helpful. :wink:
Human forms of dramatic persuasion
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100% right and spot on for me Wink Darn, as a kid I was a hopeless romantic. Really. I'd fall in love with these overly complicated girls that never knew what they wanted. It would drive me mad! One of them, she was sooo complicated. She seemed to really like me, but was unsure. So I was just cracking jokes all the time and trying to make her laugh. I went to her and said "Look, I'm in love with you". And she didn't believe me... So I decided to make up with her at that moment. Hahaha Smile The next day she dumped me because "I was treating her like an object" Shocked Another time I had this relationship with a girl that was platonic in the beginning. She was an IxFJ. Darn, she liked to be pursued! I really had to insist for us to finally make out. It was all ups and downs after. I've found out that the girls I've ended up as a kid were always extremely ambivalent - showing strong emotions one day, retreating the other... push/pull... they wanted to resist me yet when I'd go away they would come back nearly "crawling" and asking me "please don't let me down!". Finally I found a nice ISFJ, and although she's complicated and moody, it's been going ok since a long time now.
Actually Eidos, what that would be is what I describe as a lodb. You were right to tell her that, and since she essentially rejected you, it didn't surprise me what you said one sentence later. Also, the "push/pull" mentality is common, but undesired. Female forms use it because they like to feel needed. Technically it all derives from the chauvinistic mentality that prevailecd for approximately 5 millenia, where female forms were often ignored until the desire came. However, this is something for another argument. Basically, however, back in the "day" (caveman era through to pre-modern times (say the 1800s), female forms realized that they had control over male forms based on their own form. Because of the afformentioned chauvinistic mentality towards women, it was their way to control men, secretly. They realized that once male forms became attracted to female forms, they must have as much time as possible with them (it all ties in with pheramones and chemical properties thereof). Anyway, the "push/pull" relationship is essentially her manipulating you because she knows you'd be unwilling to be without her for an extended period of time. However, she realized later that you would be willing, and that she became dependant on you (for the pheremonical secretions of your presance).
Alternately, without getting into the immensive (and almost completely still unknown) processes of the human brain and the chemical processes influincing it daily, you could just reason that she was a "drama queen", and needed the constant desire created by constant breaking up and re-joining to fuel her (rather insane) desires. The fact that you had to "insist for us to finally make out", means that she really wanted it to remain platonic. Also, it means that you set the precedent of constantly persuing her. This connects to the above mentioned statements.
Overall, I'd say they were pretty much lodbs, unworthy of my time. Anyone who would be like that to me would be immediately discarded (for lack of a better word), simply because there are 6.1 billion people in the world, and assuming that 50% are female and (because of the constant reminders by homosexuals, I have to compute this) of those 50%, roughly 70% would be straight. That makes 2.3 billion female forms for me to be with. Of that, we'll separate folks from foreign countries, where the possibility of me meeting them is less than 1% (since I don't travel and have no desire to, so I'd have to meet foreign people by the airport. If I did that, I'd be very desparate, and would possibly find myself depressed), so eliminating them, we'll go with the fairly accepted standard of 30 million Americans. Using the same 50, 75 calculations, we come up with roughly 11.25 million female forms. Of that, we can safely eliminate about 10 million based on the fact that I'm not going to travel domestically, hitting ever bar (or any other social event I'd find) in America. Still 1.25 million female forms who may or may not be interested in me is still far superior to the one who wants to drag me around like a mound of dirt just to satisfy her whims.
PS Eidos, 7 years and you're still not married? Wow, of all the human friends I have known, most cut the line at 3 years before they'll leave on the basis of "non-committal". Either you have a very understanding human friend, or she may be the one afraid of the committment (still, stay with her, she's obviously devoted to you (as are you to her)).