4 Types--but which is right?

Hi everyone,

I came here a few months ago and have been lurking the forums periodically since. I have some ideas about type, but I am just not 100% sold on the four I have considered for myself, as something just seems "off" about each one. A novel situation, I know.

I completed a survey that another user posted on here, but it turned out to be pretty long. The survey started with the question: What is beauty? What is love? I can post it, if someone thinks it could be useful. I am not sure about the veracity of VI, but I will definitely give it a try.

Of course, If anyone has other sure-fire ways of narrowing it down even more, it'd be much appreciated. Thanks for your help!

All of them are right and all of them are wrong.

Hi AbsurdEnough!

The four types I am considering are INFj, ISFj, INTj, and ENFp. I have read a number of type descriptions, but I am basing my impressions mostly off of the DarkAngelFireWolf69 descriptions.

I thought INFj because I mainly focus on relationships and the role in which I usually find myself is helping people understand their relationships and feelings about things and people better. It's really the only role I find myself enjoying, too, because I am good at it and the topic never seems to get old for me. I also want to help people find solutions to their problems; I can just be a sympathetic ear, but usually I am focused more on encouraging a friend and pointing her to an answer that can work for her and others involved. The problem with INFj descriptions when I read them is that the person just sounds too delicate, sweet, and passive to be me. Also, I am sadly not a very diligent worker and have trouble keeping focus and interest. Most INFj descriptions portray the type as being vigilant, duty driven, and precise. Not really me, to my chagrin. I am kind of a slave to my interest level, which led me to ENFp. The type descriptions seem to fit, but I am kind of reclusive and being around people for too long really tires me out. I also don't find everyone interesting and prefer a small circle of friends to a really large network of random acquaintances.

I considered ISFj because the type sounds a bit more closed and harder-edged than the INFj. I relate to the ISFj's skepticism, and I believe when my values are threatened, I tend to feel more roused and tense. However, I think I am more open minded than ISFj is described as being. I have many different friends from different walks of life and I accept them as they are. I have my way and my truth for how I want to be, but I don't try to force that on my friends. Unless I feel something is really morally repugnant, I try to understand how the other person feels and why he or she did what they did. Also, I am very unsure of my appearance and physical attractiveness. Apparently this is not a common ISFj problem. . .

INTj once again seems less dainty than the INFj description. I do not identify with the kinds of interests most INTj's are said to have, like math, science, computers, technical stuff, etc. That stuff just bores me to tears. I also think I can sense psychological distance quite well and don't have a problem understanding other people's motives, feelings, and beliefs at all. I am reserved when I first meet people, though, and I do tend to be shy until I get to know someone or a person makes me feel comfortable enough to be expressive.

I like reading and learning--anything that piques my interest, really, but some specific interests are psychology and health related articles. I like reading about different diets and foods and also illnesses (which I guess sounds a bit dark :o) For the record, I have trouble sticking to diets and exercising and have trouble not drinking my nightly wine quota! I also enjoy being outdoors and just walking, which is something that was really missing from my life for quite a few years. I am lately enjoying fishing, which I did with my dad when I was a little girl and just recently picked up again. I also like dog watching because I really need a dog in my life right now.

EDIT: I just remembered you asked what I don't like, and I think that's an important question. I don't like rowdy and noisy places and people and I don't like ditzy behavior or when people only care about appearances. I want to feel like I am around people who worry about more than surface things and can see people for more than just 'being hot'. I don't like when people are friendly and outgoing or act really nice but are mean behind people's backs. I don't like people who are not genuine. I don't like excessive or exhibitionist behavior, especially when it's sexual or attention seeking.

Thanks for reading my novel, and I hope this helps!

I will definitely try to post more, since what I am writing are just my impressions of myself and I suppose that can be misleading.

It's funny that you should ask if I am European. I am American, born and raised, but I moved to Europe about a year ago. I work for a company that places relocating business people with language teachers, and my European co-workers have always remarked that they think I am European at heart. I still have no idea know what that means. . .:o

I have two older brothers. It's not easy being the little sister, and I think this led to me developing some rebellious qualities. That being said, my brothers were my best friends growing up, even if we had our differences at certain stages. Now that we're adults, I certainly get along more with the eldest brother. We share some similar values and interests and both have a low-key, sarcastic sense of humor. My middle brother feels relatively artificial to me, which is strange since we grew up so close. He will ask me how I am doing and say he loves me, but it all feels as though he says it because he thinks he is supposed to. He is still a great person though and is very talented and artistic. He also had a really hard time growing up and has struggled with some serious emotional problems as a result, so I can understand why he might not appear the most well-adjusted socially. I don't talk to my brothers nearly as much since we live far apart, and we don't schedule calls or anything like that. I think we know we're always there for each other and the relationship is pretty much just assumed.

The popcorn emoticon just makes me think of this: http://th1063.photobucket.com/albums...h_f4e31c9f.gif

About the doggies, well, I always had a dog growing up and was always alongside animals of all kinds. This is the first time in my life that there has not been a dog in the household, and I really miss their company. Dogs are so innocent and they really just want to be loved by you and please you, yet they aren't ashamed of it the way people tend to be. My family back in the states has two Bassets, and if you pet Huckleberry, you must pet Deuce or else they will push one another out of the way for attention. I find their earnestness really endearing and humorous. I also have a real soft spot for abused/injured dogs or dogs who have been through trauma. There is a little Dachshund at the doggie park who hurt his spine, and whenever I see him bopping along and dragging his little back legs behind him I get so overcome by how sweet and adorable he is. I also love senior dogs and I think they are too often overlooked in shelters despite being really well-adjusted and wonderful companions. Too many people are drawn to the cute puppy at the pound and don't adopt the dog that is really in need of love and care. I actually think my boyfriend and I are going to be able to foster a dog from the rescue this week, so I am VERY excited.

I have to say that one thing I am having trouble relating to (which is said to be pretty standard in Delta quadra and especially among INFj) is this passive-aggressiveness. I tend to want to resolve any problems that come up because I hate the feeling of a close relationship being out of balance. I can be passive aggressive with some people, but they're usually people with whom I don't have as deep of a relationship. If I am really close to someone, feeling the harmony dissipate can be really upsetting for me. I try to understand the person better sometimes and will ask why he or she did/said something or ask why he or she feels a certain way. I don't do this so we can cry together or have some kind of dramatic conversation, I just want to resolve the conflict. Letting it fester for days and weeks can make me feel really hopeless. I am not sure how my experience compares to that of other Deltas. . .

Have you looked into ISFp?

INFj are delicate...um so can ISFp though. Yeah, if you have trouble relating to passive aggressive than you're not an Ij temperament.

I've looked into ISFp and I don't relate to it at all. I also do not think I am an Si ego for a number of reasons and I somehow get the sense that ISFp is kind of "Swiss" in his or her attitude toward things. I do not think this type's reactions to people and things are as strong and decided as mine, but that's just the sense I am getting. I also do not put on a happy face and try to ingratiate myself to people if I do not otherwise feel happy or positive about said situation or people. I can be civil, but I am not going to be nice and will more likely than not come off as cold and unengaging if I don't like someone or if I am upset. I used to have a boyfriend that would pretend to be really nice, outgoing, and engaging to everyone, only to be angry and spiteful when they were gone and this behavior is such a turn-off to me; why not be honest and at least (somewhat) represent your real self and sentiments to people?

Anyway, ISFp just sounds all around too light-hearted to fit me.

If I were to stick to one for sure, I think ISFj is the best fit.

This is an INFj like myself:

Notice how she speaks...with an emphasis on the very end of things like "I think about God a loT" with the upwards speaking of "lot"!!! or "reported!" noticed the last words and how the person emphasizes it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RcOM9LHvzs

And watch my video too for INFj same way of speaking.

Thanks Maritsa for the input and the videos and thanks AbsurdEnough for explaining passive-aggressive Delta stereotypes!

@Maritsa, I do speak like the lady in the video a bit, but I can be a little bit more declarative in certain situations as well. The content of what she is saying definitely resonates with me, though (save thinking about God a lot, because I am a non-believer). Other than that, her comments about trying to figure out why people are acting a certain way or saying certain things are standard for me. She also talks about trying to work on her more negative emotional reactions and behaviors and looking down on herself for them, and that's something I often feel. I also often question whether a feeling or a response I am having is legitimate or warranted. The ant part was a little lost on me though. . .:shock: However, the woman's approach admittedly feels a little soft and fragile to me. Then again, your presentation in videos does not seem to match hers either, so maybe everyone is just a bit different in how they come across. You appear a lot more austere than EmilyJane does, as she is somewhat playful and relaxed while you appear more stolid. I also feel from watching EmilyJane the she has a particularly strong grasp of herself and her nature. I did not sense as much from your video about your childhood and what you do/don't like about yourself, etc., but I think it could just be due to the subject matter discussed.

I have a question about ISFj vs INFj: Do ISFjs tend to be more concerned with the practical needs of their loved ones while INFjs are concerned more with the spiritual and emotional health of loved ones? I definitely care about both, but I would say that my focus is more the latter than the former. I am (obviously) no expert with this typing thing, but I could imagine that ISFjs are more concerned with looking after people, getting people on track, and putting their loved ones in a good position (in the material sense).

@AbsurdEnough -- I do believe passive-aggressive behavior and repression are generally negative, and I am quite convinced that one's issues can cause a lot of health problems if they are not addressed and resolved. Apparently, there are people who live that way and somehow thrive in the world. In a sense, I feel that if one represses his thoughts, feelings, and misgivings and never tells them to people, that no one will ever really know him. Like you said, I don't become effusive when I discuss my feelings or problems--it's more straightforward and not very "exciting" so to speak. :lol: A friend of mine told me once that I seemed strangely both sensitive and dispassionate. Maybe Beta types just feel frustrated when Delta types seem "unmoved" by emotional appeals.

I get the idea from what you write that you are IEE. I don't know if maybe i am projecting my IEE on everyone but I just read a previous thread here (the one from Poland) and also thought IEE! So maybe I project. I have been interrupted a lot reading this so I can't explain it all but I thought I would share my impression anyway.

That early post here where you explained why you thought you might be the various types and why you might not be, I could relate to all those things that seemed like you in the other types and the things that did not seem like you. "Me, too", I was thinking. I also seem passionate and dispassionate at different times. To me, the latter is because of my need for Fi, to consider my feelings within myself to gain more understanding for myself, and also because in a crisis I will "put on a calm" to navigate it (and come to grips with feelings later, alone).

By the way you never wrote why you considered IEE (after all those J's). I recognize myself as "P" though professionally I needed to develop strong J.

However I do not relate to loving dogs (they take too much care and I have always had a lot else to care for when I was home and other times I worked a lot, and dogs left home alone a lot don't behave well) but I did not grow up with dogs, either. We always had a cat, and I still do. I relate to cats much the way you do dogs, though, with compassion for their emotions.

Some thoughts on EII passive-aggressiveness.

I relate, because of my EII sis-in-law (and close friend). Her SLE husband is a trial, and she always dealt better with him much more wisely than I did with his brother, my ex. I got run down, but she won't be. She has her passive aggressive ways of dealing with him.

Like you, my IEE way prefers to be direct, and communicate, not hold in. But my EII friend holds in and bides her time. She is wise acknowledging SLE does not care what she thinks, so she needs to press her point some other way. She does it creatively, its planned, and passive-aggressive. She is too aware the direct approach wont work (having tried it every way).

Because some people, like my ex, do not want to communicate, they want to manipulate. And when you are not dealing with a person of good will, the normal methods of communication don't work. When you are stuck in a relationship you cannot leave, you have to cope somehow and EII's ways, which were so foreign to me at first, have been instructive to me. I tried P-A "coping things" with my ex (whom is still connected to my life because of our son) that I never would have ever tried if it were not for her example (and tutoring!).

For example, right after divorce my ex moved 7 hours away and would come about twice a month to see our son, staying at another brother's house here in town. But he would never tell me (even though I kept asking) when he was going to bring our son home, and so I would not make plans on Sundays; I would just wait around. It was a way to manipulate; he knew I wanted to know and he preferred the "power-over" of keeping me in the dark. I felt helpless about this until I told my EII friend (and she came up with the following plan immediately, pro that she is. I never would have thought of it).

The next time it was his weekend, on Sunday I just left the house and went shopping, far away, just before the earliest time I expected him to bring our son back, and made sure the house was completely locked up, and prepared myself to stay away a long time. And I did not answer my cell phone right away, either. EII instructed me on all of this.

When I finally answered the phone I said, "I see you called." He was very annoyed (since I can always be relied on to do what he expects) and I said "Oh, I needed to shop and didn't know when you were coming." and told him that I was clear across town and still had to wait in line to check out. They had been trying every way to get in the house but couldn't so had to wait outside, and he does NOT like waiting. He was exasperated when I got there, having to delay a 7 hour drive, and I just gave a very calm, "Oh, I'm sorry" like I didn't plan it.

I actually had to go through this charade one more time. I had calmly asked for him when he would be bringing our son back on Sunday and he "didn't know", so I said for him to call me when he knew, and he never did. So I did the same thing, and he was once again frustrated, as I delayed coming home to be sure the wait was uncomfortable, and when I got back I simply said, "Oh, I'm sorry."

I also did not let my young son in on this, only telling him simply, "No one told me when you were coming back, so I didn't know."

He now always lets me know when he is bringing him back. Because he is looking out for himself now. He would not have done it for me. And he never guessed I did that on purpose, either.

So useful things like this I have had to learn from my EII friend's experienced example.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by senki

I actually think my boyfriend and I are going to be able to foster a dog from the rescue this week, so I am VERY excited.

---

Haha, good luck with that - my boyfriend and I fostered four dogs for a rescue (at different times) and adopted two out of those four. I suck at fostering. ;) Nah, it's great! <3

Hi Eliza!

I am inclined to agree with you. I actually think my temperament is more Ep than Ij; I regularly can't focus on anything for more than five minutes without getting bored. :lol: However, because I am more subdued and I am definitely a social introvert, it has been difficult for me to identify with descriptions that characterize IEE as being sociable and somewhat of a networker/schmoozer. I have two close friends, and most of my energy and care goes toward them, my boyfriend, and my family. I really create a barrier between myself and most other people, and even if I am friendly, I establish boundaries pretty quickly. It's not that I dislike people, it's just that I cannot get so in depth and personal with everyone. It will tax my reserves. If I do get really deep with someone and then cannot find the time and energy for them, I just feel terrible and guilty.

I think I used to be a lot more social and open a few years ago. I distinctly remember walking across campus with my best girlfriend and having a bunch of people stop me to say hello and talk. I didn't think anything of it, but my friend asked me after, "who are all of those people? How do you know everyone?" I was on good terms with these people we encountered, but I never considered them "friends". I have this internal tension all of the time between being friendly to people and keeping my distance in communication, lest I feel they want more from me than I can possibly give.

Anyway, I keep reading that Socionics extroversion is not the same and social extroversion, so maybe that's the issue. A lot of tests out there still seem to lump the two together.

About wanting a dog, you actually touched on something important. I definitely do have some hesitation and fear about fostering a dog, even though I have a deep desire to do so and a strong affection for dogs. I am concerned about certain questions: Will I have time to play with him and exercise him? Will I be able to give him the love and attention he needs? Will I be able to make him happy? When I was younger, the animals were not solely in my care, but in that of my parents. Thus, I have a lot of the same concerns you do about time and my commitment to the animal--but I am going to try my best to make him happy. Knowing myself and how distracted I tend to be, it is definitely a thought that crossed my mind.

@Kim --Hahaha, yes, I have thought that the same fate could befall us. I am already obsessed with the dog, just after seeing pictures and hearing about him! :content: He apparently carries the leash in his mouth when he wants to go out for a walk. It's overwhelming to me.

Eliza takes the gold on this typing; looks like ENFp...may I confirm now :D

There's a system I use for narrowing down multiple possible typings, which I posted in this thread. It has to do with the inter-type relations between the possible typings, and how easy or difficult it is to mistake them for each other.

In your case, the four possible types have the following relations with each other:

EII: Kindred, Lookalike, Mirror
ESI: Kindred, SuperEgo, Supervision
LII: Lookalike, SuperEgo, Supervision
IEE: Mirror, Supervision, Supervision

Since since types with SuperEgo and Supervision relations to one another are very noticeably different from one another, it's a fairly rare mistyping, making ESI, LII, and IEE all less likely than EII. An EII could easily be mistaken for LII, ESI, or IEE. However, an LII would be unlikely to be mistaken for an IEE or an ESI, and so on.

Anyway, it's not something I would base a 100% certain conclusion upon, but it is one piece of evidence pointing toward EII.

Quote:

---

Because some people, like my ex, do not want to communicate, they want to manipulate. And when you are not dealing with a person of good will, the normal methods of communication don't work. When you are stuck in a relationship you cannot leave, you have to cope somehow and EII's ways, which were so foreign to me at first, have been instructive to me. I tried P-A "coping things" with my ex (whom is still connected to my life because of our son) that I never would have ever tried if it were not for her example (and tutoring!).

---

Yes, this sounds about right, and I can relate quite a bit. I totally agree with what you are saying about having to find alternate ways of handling manipulative people or those who are just unwilling to communicate in a constructive way! I only begin acting passive-aggressive when I have basically written off the relationship or have lost complete faith in the other person's ability to act like an adult or be respectful toward me. For instance, my ex would make plans with me and then regularly blow me off the last minute. I would be all dressed up and ready to go and he'd call me up and tell me that he was tired/something else came up/he didn't feel like it/so on and so forth. This is a really big pet peeve of mine, and I hate when friends do it. We had numerous conversations about the issue, but he seemed unwilling to be thoughtful or considerate and actually went as far to defend himself by saying, "there's nothing wrong with being flaky." He left it insisting that he was going to do what he wanted, when he wanted, and that I needed to get over it.

Well, okay. . .

Meanwhile, I have this friend who I've known since I was 15 years old who happens to be a guy. There is absolutely nothing beyond platonic going on between us, but my ex seemed to have it in his mind that me and this friend were secretly in love with each other. I think it goes without saying that if this were to be true, something would have already happened a long, long time ago. . .but alas, the ex is still paranoid, despite any reassurances on my part.

One Friday night like any other, the ex calls me and asks to hang out. Not surprisingly, after a few hours once I am prepared and ready to go, he calls me to tell me that he doesn't feel like it anymore, and that he's staying home. This time, I don't say anything. Just okay, and see you later. Ex seems delighted by my sudden obedience. So, I call up my paranoia inducing friend and ask him what he's up to this fine evening. We go out and get a coffee together, walk around town. As I had expected, my ex called and asked me what I was doing. He wasn't terribly happy when he realized I found another way to spend my night, with his favorite person in the whole world, nonetheless. The relationship did not last long after that.

Anyway, this is not my natural way of being, and I would never do this to someone who had been respectful and who was sincerely interested in working together to solve a problem. I think it's like you said, it only becomes necessary as a last ditch effort to make a point to someone who is otherwise unwilling to listen.

I think I remember you and some of your postings about this friend and her ESTp husband--isn't this the couple that had the row over tiling for the kitchen?? I vaguely remember you trying to determine whether she was ISFj or INFj, but maybe I am wrong. Anyway, how unfortunate that she ended up with this guy. Is she still married to him? I wonder what drew them together if their relationship is ongoing and only consists of passive-aggressive, sub-textual communication!

@Krig the Viking-- Thanks for sharing your method and linking the thread, as I had not seen it before on the boards and it's really interesting that you spotted those trends and came up with this. I am just afraid that my typing considerations are way off in the first place, so any kind of comparison or system will fail me. :D

I think right now I will just assume Delta NF of some kind, and perhaps if I keep posting on the forum, more light will be shed on the issue.

William, you're a terrible horrible human being who will stop at nothing to push me around and upset me and I don't want to have anything to do with you now leave me alone.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Maritsa

William, you're a terrible horrible human being who will stop at nothing to push me around and upset me and I don't want to have anything to do with you now leave me alone.

---

Maritsa, do you really think this forum has such an unusually high percentage of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad people?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Scapegrace

Maritsa, do you really think this forum has such an unusually high percentage of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad people?

---

I'm quite amuzed that William was being playful and nice to Maritsa and she turns around and starts insulting him.

What a humanist.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by AbsurdEnough

2. I say Delta NF - even mention European!

---

Delta NF are European. Check.

hey senki, there is quite a lot to read so i just skipped all of it. i read your first post and i immediately knew it was Ixxj. so like i'd think you were INFj or INTj.. but your words are kinda soft so like you're probably not as evil as an INTj is.. ur not an ISFj for sure... i know that cuz usually isfj's dont know how to type properly (yeah.. i dont type properly either.. thats why im not an infj or intj) but you're pretty good with your words... ur not an isfj, unless u can prove me otherwise by drawing an awesome picture.. infj's are sh*t at drawing.. all the girl infjs i know.. THINK they draw well.. im not gonna say they suck cuz they'd take it SUPER badly cuz ya know..... haha, but everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, hence there's no best type. but yeah, infj's are really good with their writing.. while isfjs suck at that. (btw.. the bird my friend drew.. the head was like crooked) but you know... we all eventually be whoever we want to become.. in psychology, there's such thing as self perception theory. if you believe you are a certain type.. and learn more about the certain type... you'd generally do things congruent to that type since you believe you are that type... just believe me, i have a degree in psychology haha!

so just keep an open mind... it doesn't really matter what you are.. just enjoy learning more about yourself while you're here :) cheers... im gone now to wherever life takes me... i'll probably be back in this forum in like... who knows.. 6 months? give me a shout if you're still here and tell me all about everything =)

-Jason

You do dress like IEEs I know, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're IEE.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jason

if you believe you are a certain type.. and learn more about the certain type... you'd generally do things congruent to that type since you believe you are that type... just believe me, i have a degree in psychology haha!

---

That means you did the same.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Maritsa

Have you looked into ISFp?

INFj are delicate...um so can ISFp though. Yeah, if you have trouble relating to passive aggressive than you're not an Ij temperament.

---

Hey! HEY! Maritsa! I was called an DAMMIT I JUST REMEMBERED I forgot to buy tissues... and I just came back :(

I wiill finish my post to maritsa another time. Tissues are first priority.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Time

I wiill finish my post to maritsa another time. Tissues are first priority.

---

No time for socionics.

Primary issue is that you are confusing identity with type. Your type isn't really your identity in a general sense. It's not a neat box stored away at a russian's office.

Identity is like broken glass forged largely through darkness and pain. Other people will tell you who you are and what you are not your whole life, and if a lot of people tell you the same thing about yourself, this is your ego/identity/who you are, but it cannot so be neatly summed up as 'Okay I'm an estj that's why I like going to work every day.' Eh I suppose it can in a sense.

What were you like as a child? Were you one of those romantic and shy loner types, or were you a bully? Were you sporty and protective of those who were shy or were you the class clown? Were you practical and down to earth as a kid or did people say you were idealistic and starry-eyed? It's important to be objective here. Screaming that you're not emo when you are isn't really good, just own that emoness baby.

Kids have a purity to their nature. Then we get socialized to act more equal and alike to others than we really truIy feel. I mean that's why as a kid you had very strong emotional and personal reactions to whoever was in the room at the time, don't you remember that? That's intertype relationships in a more raw form.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by truck

Primary issue is that you are confusing identity with type. Your type isn't really your identity in a general sense. It's not a neat box stored away at a russian's office.

Identity is like broken glass forged largely through darkness and pain. Other people will tell you who you are and what you are not your whole life, and if a lot of people tell you the same thing about yourself, this is your ego/identity/who you are, but it cannot so be neatly summed up as 'Okay I'm an estj that's why I like going to work every day.' Eh I suppose it can in a sense.

What were you like as a child? Were you one of those romantic and shy loner types, or were you a bully? Were you sporty and protective of those who were shy or were you the class clown? Were you practical and down to earth as a kid or did people say you were idealistic and starry-eyed? It's important to be objective here. Screaming that you're not emo when you are isn't really good, just own that emoness baby.

Kids have a purity to their nature. Then we get socialized to act more equal and alike to others than we really truIy feel. I mean that's why as a kid you had very strong emotional and personal reactions to whoever was in the room at the time, don't you remember that? That's intertype relationships in a more raw form.

---

That is great advice. It took me a long time to realize that my behavior now as an adult was not necessarily an accurate reflection of my true personality. I think of myself as compassionate, valuing my friends and caring about them. I certainly act that way. And I have considered EIE for myself. And I have heard people describe me as sweet and friendly. But today I was getting ready to call a close friend who just had surgery to check on her, and I was putting off making the call for no good reason. I normally don't analyze my behavior much but today I did and I realized it was a chore. That I didn't really want to call her. This polite behavior is always automatic for me, but when I actually stopped to think about it, I realized that I did not value this act of what I assume is extraverted feeling. I have noticed that unvalued feeling on a few other occasions of polite behavior. So maybe Fe is more of an unvalued demonstrative function for me than a base function. Which might make me an IEE (which I don't really think I am...) So figuring out your type is a process of becoming more self aware, which for me is taking a long time.

I think the ethical conflict of selfishness versus compassion is probably not type related so be careful of that trap.

I just remember growing up, and what pegged me as IEI - is people always said how often I 'daydreamed.' (an obvious IEI trait) They said it in a pretty neutral way, not necessarily criticizing me or complimenting me for it. Sometimes people said it harshly, other times they were neutral about it, but niceness/cruelty was honestly kind of irrelevant in this circumstance. Look for more balanced neutral observations about yourself like that.

First question, I just want to know if you liked being around others as a kid or did you prefer to be by yourself? I like to think of myself as compassionate and caring, which I am, but I need A LOT of alone and "Me" time.

ENFPs are pretty notorious for liking both alone time and people time pretty evenly. IEIs are more withdrawn, purely speaking.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by senki

I have a question about ISFj vs INFj: Do ISFjs tend to be more concerned with the practical needs of their loved ones while INFjs are concerned more with the spiritual and emotional health of loved ones? I definitely care about both, but I would say that my focus is more the latter than the former. I am (obviously) no expert with this typing thing, but I could imagine that ISFjs are more concerned with looking after people, getting people on track, and putting their loved ones in a good position (in the material sense).

---

I have friends of both types and they seem to care equally about spiritual/emotional and practical needs. But the ISFjs are a little more effective in dealing with the practicalities. It seems a lot more effortless for them. With the INFjs, there is more worrying about perfectly taking care of whatever the problem is, and they expend more of themselves trying to deal with life.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by senki

However, because I am more subdued and I am definitely a social introvert, it has been difficult for me to identify with descriptions that characterize IEE as being sociable and somewhat of a networker/schmoozer. I have two close friends, and most of my energy and care goes toward them, my boyfriend, and my family. I really create a barrier between myself and most other people, and even if I am friendly, I establish boundaries pretty quickly. It's not that I dislike people, it's just that I cannot get so in depth and personal with everyone. It will tax my reserves. If I do get really deep with someone and then cannot find the time and energy for them, I just feel terrible and guilty.

I think I used to be a lot more social and open a few years ago. I distinctly remember walking across campus with my best girlfriend and having a bunch of people stop me to say hello and talk. I didn't think anything of it, but my friend asked me after, "who are all of those people? How do you know everyone?" I was on good terms with these people we encountered, but I never considered them "friends". I have this internal tension all of the time between being friendly to people and keeping my distance in communication, lest I feel they want more from me than I can possibly give.

---

That is very true of me. I really just like focusing on my immediate family and close friends. And I am not good at keeping up correspondence with people who live far away. Even though it is so easy to connect with Facebook, email, etc. I will think all of these warm thoughts about people and not take the time to actually say the nice things I am thinking in an email. That makes me mad at myself.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by truck

I like to think of myself as compassionate and caring, which I am, but I need A LOT of alone and "Me" time.

ENFPs are pretty notorious for liking both alone time and people time pretty evenly. IEIs are more withdrawn, purely speaking.

---

@truck You seem like a person with strong convictions, as am I. But I often feel like I need to act on my convictions, (speak my mind or do something) in more of a EJ way. Am I correct in thinking that the IP temperament is a little more live and let live?

Yeah generally that's true.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Absurd

That means you did the same.

---

sure did! i am closer to the type i got as my result from personality tests than i was when i did the test!!!!!

edit: LOL AND LOOK IT'S ABSURD AHAHHAHAALOLOLOL REMEMBER MEE?!!! HAHAHAAA ABSURDDD

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jason

sure did! i am closer to the type i got as my result from personality tests than i was when i did the test!!!!!

---

Ah cool, take a few steps more and you're safe, then.

Quote:

---

edit: LOL AND LOOK IT'S ABSURD AHAHHAHAALOLOLOL REMEMBER MEE?!!! HAHAHAAA ABSURDDD

---

Haha, hihi, hehe, no I don't remember you. No offence, I have this condition where I forget about people I didn't interact with anymore instantly. It's a bit crappy I think. People come up to me in real life and and ask if I remember them. I have to improvise - honestly I don't know who they are and it's like meeting them for the first time.

Do I know you?

Oh, you don't 'sound' LSI to me, but I can be wrong.

hahaa of course you do absurd!!!!!!!!!! ur always joking around lol! it's only been a year... i remmeber you and guavadrink, you two were always the funniest.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jason

hahaa of course you do absurd!!!!!!!!!! ur always joking around lol! it's only been a year... i remmeber you and guavadrink, you two were always the funniest.

---

Of course I don't. I don't have any recollection of you even if I were to perform lobotomy on myself, so I wish I'd known you when you were alive and Guava is so IEI I blackout after logging on here.

Anyway, help me to help you Jason. The fact that you apparently had the pleasure(?) of loving me in the past doesn't really tell me much, I would rather ask for specifics of our first "date".

What subtype you self-type anyway - Se subtype? Name, gender, occupation?

Lol, i dont remember our first date, i think you were drunk though.. cuz you said you were drunk. im going to bed it's 6 am! i sent u a msg already like 20 min ago, good night absurd =)

...

Replied with my inbuilt Socionics device in my head. And I don't think I were drunk - I'm not that young anymore.

Woah, a lot happened since I was last here!

@truck - I am a little weary of using how I was in my childhood as a guide to tell me my type/valued functions. I have a number of pivotal events and relationships from my youth that I believe shaped me and the information on which I focus and care about. I will say I remember being far more outgoing and friendly than I am now. I was also quite wacky and playful. I connected more with adults than other children. . .in fact, I always had a lot of trouble connecting with people my age until my late teens. I don't think it was because I was really mature or precocious or anything like that, I just was kind of a strange, zany kid, doing her own thing, and I think adults appreciated that more than other kids who were probably more aware of things like fitting in and being cool or something. I also remember a handful of times that I was cruel to other people and feeling immense guilt afterward (there's one thing for which I still feel guilty to this day, and it happened when I was 4). Even though I was a little. . . eccentric, I wasn't loud or wild or anything. I was pretty creative too, and spent hours writing long stories about animals that talked to each other and drawing pictures of them. These are my memories. When I asked my mother about how I was as a baby and toddler, she said I was quiet, shy, and somewhat scared of people and noise.

Anyway, I don't know if I believe I have some internal "essence". I am not sure if there is a difference between my identity and my valued functions. I also have very intense reactions to people and things going on in a room still to this day! :content: I did read up a little on masks, but I would assume that it's something that someone develops later in life or only adopts in certain situations to preserve him or herself.

@Iris - It's an interesting observation about your lack of desire to call your friend after surgery. When I call people or I reach out to them, it's usually not because I want them to think I care or because it's polite, I more do it when I really am concerned, or upset, or I want to offer them support and care, etc. I don't really call people "just to chat" though. I consider that a chore, and I try to avoid it. Though I will admit there have been a few occasions that really insistent friends have called me to do just that and that I actually ended up enjoying the conversation. Imagine that.