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That's some abstract wall of text laden writing there. Thanks, anyway.
Well, here's how my brain works:
It's like I have no ego. My ex said that's why he was attracted to me. I tend to see things very objectively actually, but I'm constantly emotional and I process them very subjectively. So I'm really aware of how my essence lines up with other people's in a romantic sense, I just am paying attention to that reality more than most other people, like a typical IEI.
It's like I don't really have any actual thoughts of my own. =( I don't really feel unique. Other people tell me I'm weird, but I mostly feel like that 'I'm in the heart of everything' like how you described Betas awhile back. I just feel like I'm sort of stuck in the center of it all, in an ubiquitous fashion.
My creative shtick is more about blending things that were already created, together, rather then coming up with something that is really new. I'm trying to be like purely innovative, like create a song like Fefe Dobson out of my 'own pure alignment', but it's just not natural for me, because I don't think that's how my essence really works. I think that's more how Se is, my dual-seeking function.
You said my story was original but to me it was just a combination of Buffy, Xena, Charmed and every fantasy magic adventure show I ever seen. I even repeated some of the dialogue lol. But somehow despite of that, it still came out original even if it was just a mixture of other people's shit.
Funnily enough I don't really feel like I'm in my head enough. I think that's what you were alluding to when you said 'head up in the air' but that doesn't mean I'm too much in my head, it probably means I'm not in my head enough. (Which makes sense why I like that Fefe Dobson song so much, because I already act like how she doesn't want people to act like, too much in their heads lol) And that sorta thing bothers me about other people anyway, like the non-romanticism of politicians and professors and other 'head-y' people.Quote:
It's akin to the Ni head up in the air thing.
I feel like I'm a rocket that's blasted out everywhere in all of reality, and I kinda just want to develop my own personal ego to survive in the world. Instead I feel like little kid's playdough that's just chopped up everywhere. I'm hyperaware of how mortal I am, and how much of a 'body' I have and if it gets destroyed I die, so the sort of artistic egotistic art has always been rather balancing for me. The right kind of make believe just gives me a sense of direction, otherwise I feel so body-vulnerable.
I've always felt so dead when I read things about how we're all one, probably because it's too much like my own essence perhaps, and there's like no yin-yang balance so it just feels off. Idk. But then I look at something unique and colorful, and it's not something I would create myself- but the egoic specialness of it is attractive to me, and it gives me this natural confidence. Cause I'm just a blah raw human goo that just wants love. That is not special or interesting in the slightest but that's okay. I mean I kinda make fun of that in my stories anyway, how everybody wants to be special and unique and be rewarded for doing something all bizarre, but all of that is evil and narcissistic like, 'omg look at meee I'm so unique and talented!!' But the Se from that does balance me. I probably wouldn't have gotten through high school if it weren't for the narcissistic brilliance of Joss Whedon himself. ((who is most likely an IEI , but so good at it that he can mock Se good enough for me to absorb lol. Cuz it's really the two sides of the same coin type thing anyway))
I like this. This is probably the most 'right on' thing that you said , not that everything else you said was false, but you pretty much nailed it there. Ne valuers jump around too much when I just want to like focus and zero in on this one thing lol. But nothing exists in a vacuum. If it's a Fe Ne-valuer, it usually works out well anyway. And if it's an enfp, the ep-ip energy is smooth enough where we get along okay as long as we don't try to get too deep and personal. But yes if I'm getting 'pure Ne' in some way or another.... it's not exactly annoying or hurtful (not my polr) but it's just rather cumbersome and disappointing.Quote:
You might be rolling your eyes and "d'oh"ing at this, thinking "Well, of course things are different, it's a different time", or I don't know. But it's just something that I've learned that I perceive. Perceptions are so information heavy that the Se person doesn't question what they're experiencing directly. That's what's annoying about Ne people. They offer an alternate viewpoint, but it's just this random alternate thought. It's not connected to anything. That's why Se and Ne conflict.
Intelligence is consciousness, which is not limited to any particular function. The function is just the direction consciousness is focused.
Dolphin you're making me think I'm SLE.
Can any SLE comment on this?Quote:
(hint: I imagine Ti can help, at least for dualized SLEs... (Ti reifies Ni conceptions into rules for how to interpret the self: if action x, then internal state y))
I really like Silverchris's characterization of how Ni and Se work, and it's actually bringing a lot of things into focus for me, particularly with regards to my current situation. The thing is, I like to use Ni in that sense, to be aware of the underlying forces; I am aware of them, on some level, naturally, but they're only like small blips or just gut feelings, I don't really process them out fully; most of the time they go unnoticed and it's not until something pans out that I go "Jesus, I totally saw this coming, and I totally did it anyways. The fuck is wrong with me?" It's especially hard because I always wind up making the same mistakes, my direct impulses to just do something are so much stronger than either my inhibitions or my conscious realization that I always wind up losing and making the same stupid mistakes over and over again.
Part of it is, unlike a lot of people I know, I actually think in words, like my thoughts are actually like a stream of consciousness book; a lot of Ni egos I've talked to say that they are the opposite, that everything is sort of like these hazy globs they kind of jump to and the words just come to them when they have to say them. So to me, to really proces all of this, I have to interpret it in my fully fleshed-out inner monologue, and even then my recognition of certain "archetypal" situations, motivations of others, etc, is based on re-checking my little inkling of intuition with external factors. So I try, I try really hard, but its just too much to keep in my head without sort of roaming around like a zombie, and I run into so many goddamn internal conflicts and personal conundrums when trying to sort through all of this that I just almost can't be bothered because it totally gets in the way of keeping all of my shit together and doing what I need to do. So I take the hits when I'm conflicted, because I have to take care of my shit, but it's not enough, it's never enough, so what the fuck am I supposed to do.
So I dunno. I fucking try but its just too goddamn much to keep up with, at least with anything resembling true integrity, and it's easier for me to just plow through. I keep my finger on the pulse, because it's there whether I ignore it or not, and I have to feel it, because otherwise I'm nothing but a robot, but I can't keep up with it all, it just becomes this constant balancing act that
Even though you seem to play around with your identity and it seems very blurred in the sense that you dont have a fucking clue what you are. Expect for a moment and then its switched to the opposite. But dont you worry im the same. And i related to every word you just uttered from your cute mouth
Ya hace dos millenios desde que se mataron los huerfanos serviles de la peninsula de florida. Desde entonces, nadie ha dicho nada. Ni usted ni nadie. Aun si fueron ellos los hijos del matriarco, no significaria nada. O sea, en el ano Mil quinientos cinco, habia un grupo de soldados que dijo que no: no hubiera el almo; no hubiera el amor. Estos ideas falsos existen por el placer del rey. Existen los restos por sufrir. Desde entonces, cambia todo a la vez que cambia nada. todavia existimos por sufrir--si no, porque? No hay razon otro. Esto es. Lo mas pronto que acceptamoslo, lo mas facil que frentemos con nuestro destina: lo de vivir quemarnos en el los fuegos insufribles del infierno.
Is this a quote from someone? I feel like I've read it before.
These false ideas exist for the pleasure of the Lord. The rest exist for suffering. Spanish is such a pretty language. You can say very different things in Spanish than you can in English.
Also, shouldn't it be "alma"?
Dolphin, this post seems very cool, but I haven't read it all the way through yet, 'cause I'm in a play that's performing today. But I'm glad that you found something I said interesting enough to use as a springboard.
EDIT: En este, yo siento el fuego que no se, que no puedo descubrir. Pero aun que no pueda descubrirlo, puedo sentirlo dondequiera esta. Una corazon dice que, "Vivir es sufrir." Pero otra corazon dice que, "Vivir es amar." Y el tecero dice que, "Vivir es sentir." Y tocar, y saber, y controlar, y lo que quieres. Pero por que tenemos que dar un nombre a la vida? Por que la vida no puede ser simplemente si mismo? (Probablemente es espanol pobre, lo siento). La vida es la vida, lo que quiere; el fuego es el fuego. En el alma, el imaginaro alma, hay la repuesta: veemos como estamos, y cuando cambia la corazon, cambia el mundo. El fuego quema. Somos quemados, o curado soy.
Nope nothing is enough.
WE ARE GOD !
AND SOMETHING MORE!
DAMN
Oh, okay. I like this. So the idea (just to put it into my own words) is that Se is like perception overload and while you can just react to everything you perceive it's all on one level so to speak, undifferentiated.
Its like how I think about Te: Te is unorganized ("raw") mental data. Se is unorganized ("raw") perceptual data. I think in this case the terms rational and irrational are useful ('cause you can't really think of Te as judgment data, but you can think of it as rational, that is, pre-processed, data, rather than sheer perception; and insofar as it is processed, it has undergone a process of judgment).
Anyway, that was a total digression. I agree with your point about Ni helping to sort the maze of perception that Se finds itself in. I was always thinking about how Ni needs Se to tie down all the crazy perceptions of frameworks, and frameworks inside frameworks so that the interactions you imagine eventually are almost devoid of content, like watching two quarks circle each other for infinity. But it is only natural to assume that Se needs Ni to contextualize everything that they perceive. I will keep this in mind!