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Originally Posted by
silverchris9
I just want to reformulate what you said a little. I think it's more accurate to say that Fe valuers have a strong dislike of fakeness in close relations. With Fi-valuers, the closer you are to them, the nicer they are to you, the more accommodating they are to you, etc. (especially Gamma SFs and Delta STs). They consider this a sign of love. With Fe-valuers, the closer you are to them, the more emotionally open and reactive they will be towards you. The closer we are, the less I have to hold back, and that goes for you too. And Fe-valuers consider this to be a sign of love. Summary: Fe-valuers are less likely to hold back their emotions they closer you are to them; Fi-valuers are more likely to hold back their emotions (or at least negative opinions) the closer you are to them.
Fix for Fe-PoLR:
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The reason I wanted to add that caveat is because I quite like being fake. It's 100% necessary. I can hate my boss all I like, but I'm sure as hell gonna be nice to him/her until I can change jobs, or, better yet, somehow get around them/get them kicked out/get promoted, etc. Or if I'm a reporter, I can think Joe-Schmo is a dumbass, but if I need him as a source for my story, I'm going to cajole him and be as kind as possible.
Especially for betas (but definitely for alphas too) "fakeness" is an essential tool in achieving one's goals. An SLE can learn to be quite socially adroit and polite and avoid offending people (although the radar will never quite be perfect, but ya know, Fe-HA; if you keep avoiding things that weaken the emotional atmosphere, eventually you'll manage to at least avoid offending the wrong people), as can any other type, if it suits their goals.
I know that personally, I see people that I'm close to as deserving to actually see me, good parts and bad. It means I trust them. I feel like the other people, who I'm not my real self with, I'm manipulating or deceiving in some way, and while I'm comfortable with that for people I don't really care about/trust/love, I would hate above all to feel like I was being dishonest with the people I care about most.
You're speaking of both taking on roles and emotions here. I would say the former is far more Ni related; I recall a description that put an emphasis on it that resonated very much with me early on, so maybe I'm biased towards this, but I seriously see it as more of a Ni thing. Fe gives an advantage of controlling emotional expression, of being convincing, I suppose, but it doesn't seem related to the mindset. Seeing how often it is mentioned by Beta NFs, I suppose it might be hard to separate the concepts, but neither does branding it all as Fe work.
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Now, I will say, I also know some people who are 100%, however-you-feel-express-yourself. They consider it oppressive to live your life being fake, not expressing your true self, serving the man, smiling for Mistuh Charlie, etc. A lot of betas are that way, and either they're so talented that they can do whatever the hell they want (Kanye West) or they live sort of on the fringes of society, or at least find a way to avoid the rat race (somebody like the Kate Winslet character from Eternal Sunshine, perhaps). But I would say that the majority of Fe-valuers are likely to use Fe both to express their emotions with full force with those they are close to, AND to tamp down their emotions and project a completely different emotion for the sake of achieving goals. In fact, it is more alpha NTs and beta STs who don't know how to do that.
I happened to be thinking about it earlier today, before reading your post. What if you don't know what is your true self?