Re: How to dump Delta women
Quote:
Originally Posted by Expat
ENFp:
To part with the ENFp woman is complex, since on no account will she accept the fact that someone is tired of her. All her irresistable charm will be activated in order to bring to order the straying worshipper. So, what to do? We can advise only one thing: show her, that you use her, not she you. This she will not accept, and you, most likely, will attain the desired effect. But do not count on complete and final oblivion. With the random encounter your former friend will rush to your neck with a contented scream, to the big surprise of her new satellite.
:shock:
I am sitting here, wondering in all my previous relationships if I've ever acted quite as you suggest here. I sure as hell hope not!
The best way to end a relationship with an ENFp is to be blunt, straight forward, no pussyfooting around. Don't dangle her emotions, don't drop hints, don't gradually disengage yourself, just do it. Give her very clear cut reasons as to why you are ending it. Otherwise, the ENFp's mind will create all sorts of reasons why you are acting the way you are...and wonder which, if any, of these scenarious are correct, gradually driving herself crazy and finally, wondering if it ended because she began acting weird towards the end. What a horrible thing to do to her!!
Whereas bluntness has always been treasured. Mind, it doesn't mean that we don't get hurt, but more that the wound is a clean slice and can thus be mended more quickly and more cleanly than a jagged gradual rip.
Admittedly, yes, "do not count on complete oblivion". Mainly because of generalness to not maintain grudges rather than desire to resume the relationship. The cleaner the break, the less likely a grudge is held.
In an ENFp's mind, a friend is still a friend, even if something more intense/intimate didn't work out. However, you still have the ability granted any individual to state what your boundaries are. "Do not contact me", "Do not contact my family, and "Do not acknowledge my existence if we pass on the streets" are pretty straightforward statements. It might be difficult on the ENFp to hear those wishes as she would still consider you a friend and would still hope that things are well with you, if not improved, however, most ENFps will abide by those wishes. After all, it's what our friend desires. Heartbreaking, but abidable.
I am sitting here, trying to think of someone who has broken up with me. In situations where a guy has "broken up" with me, it was merely dating, and thus a gradual lessening of contact from them was no big deal. In most cases, it has been I who have had to set and enforce clear boundaries. Except for one case, and it was someone who kept doing a back and forth thing, unwittingly playing with my emotions as if a yo-yo. (ESFj) I finally had to give him the break he needed and so I started a very physical fight so that we would both have a clear cut ending to the relationship and thus we could both move on. Unfortunately, 3 hours afterwards, as I was packing up my belongings preparing to move out, he called up asking for forgiveness for being an ass. Even though I still moved out, and agreed to a friendship with him, he still kept pushing for a relationship.....The relationship was hell...the breaking up was hell...attempting to maintain a friendship with him was hell....because of 1) the fact that there was no clear cut decision on his part as to what he wanted, and 2) the instinct of the ENFp to avoid hurting others.
Expat, I acknowledge that it is none of my business, but I am very curious as to what type of situation/actions you were imaging/recalling when you wrote your thread. What you suggested regarding the ENFp, sounds like a very unstable ENFp.
On Breaking Up with ENFPs
This is an interesting posting. About 2 years ago I went through a bad break up with someone who was either INTj or INFj. They gradually disengaged over about a year, all the time keeping a smile on their face and continuing on as usual. When it was over in their mind, they simply said we didn't have a connection with no other explanation and moved on to their already lined up new girlfriend - which they denied on top of everything else.
Hell knows no wrath like a scorned ENFp let me tell you who would have far preferred a blunt, straightforward, honest and timely break up - not after a year of disengaging. Have courage and be assertive and honest and provide some explanation so that we don't have to mull over it.
I don't agree with the statement that you should show an ENFp that you're using them. If someone is using me then I don't want be with them because I find this unethical and, yes, I'll be happy to end it. But surely we shouldn't be advising such an immature and manipulative approach.
Re: On Breaking Up with ENFPs
Quote:
Originally Posted by enfpgirl
Hell knows no wrath like a scorned ENFp let me tell you who would have far preferred a blunt, straightforward, honest and timely break up
This makes me think you would love my break up style :P
Re: On Breaking Up with ENFPs
Quote:
Originally Posted by enfpgirl
This is an interesting posting. About 2 years ago I went through a bad break up with someone who was either INTj or INFj. They gradually disengaged over about a year, all the time keeping a smile on their face and continuing on as usual. When it was over in their mind, they simply said we didn't have a connection with no other explanation and moved on to their already lined up new girlfriend - which they denied on top of everything else.
Hell knows no wrath like a scorned ENFp let me tell you who would have far preferred a blunt, straightforward, honest and timely break up - not after a year of disengaging. Have courage and be assertive and honest and provide some explanation so that we don't have to mull over it.
I don't agree with the statement that you should show an ENFp that you're using them. If someone is using me then I don't want be with them because I find this unethical and, yes, I'll be happy to end it. But surely we shouldn't be advising such an immature and manipulative approach.
It's supposed to be funny. Not that people *should* do that, just that it would work. Which it would.
Re: On Breaking Up with ENFPs
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
It's supposed to be funny. Not that people *should* do that, just that it would work. Which it would.
Yes you were almost the only person to realize that from be beginning.