Delta Lounge

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Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason

Oh dear you don't want to do that, Maritsa. An EII friend here did that and she sure got burned. The guy made promises to help her with things, too, and of course did not, just ran up her bills. He finally left, and left all his stuff, and she was not allowed by law to get rid of it because he had begun using her address. It can get so complicated. My dh's ex took in homeless teens, ended up get blamed for their drinking in her home, and did some JAIL TIME for it. Not to mention one got their teen daughter pregnant.... There are all kinds of reasons for homelessness and some are criminal and mental health issues. Support your local homeless community helping organization.

Its a good time to watch uplifting movies... or watch Funniest Home videos, or youtube cute kitty cat clips...

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I won't

I'll get movies

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Originally Posted by Maritsa

Thank you. I'll look into all of them. I know it's not related to the weather, my thyroid or vitamin D deficiency as all these things have been checked. It has to do with my feelings about relationships. And I've been increasingly internalizing and getting sad maybe even angry that we've had an alarmingly increased number of homelessness in my neighborhood. The city declared a state of emergency recently. How can one not feel the scale of this? I even considered opening my home to house homelessness teens but my mom would kill me and truthfully the country wouldn't let me (I called them). In any case I'm going to stick to helping my friends. But I've often just cried on my way home

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:hug: :love:

I'm used to the medication now. I have been reflecting on my life and choices and I'm still unhappy so I can now say for certain that I'm indeed not happy about some things although there are things that I am happy about. I just don't know about what to do with the things that make me so unhappy because I'm such a dedicated and committed person. I feel like I can't often live in modern circumstance because my values about love and relationship are so traditional. What should I do?

Medication?

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Originally Posted by Jeremy8419

Medication?

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I take anti depression meds

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Originally Posted by Maritsa

I take anti depression meds

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you shouldn't. Medication is a destruction of difficulties that we were born to overcome. They are your acceptance of chains.

I broke up with my bf today. He's not ready for a committed relationship with me and because of that he's not wanted to incorporate me in his life. He's kept me at a distance to things and people that are important to him that would initiate this commitment. This is what's been depressing me. Because I love connection and building a strong relationship I have been disallowed from doing so and in turn become more depressed. It's okay I'm available for another dual :) yay!

I know exactly what I want, but I have no idea how to get it... I need someone to push me into doing things all the time. It's seems like I have the fuel, I have the right navigation and I know how to turn the wheel, but I have been missing the engine.

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Originally Posted by Fay

I need someone to push me into doing things all the time.

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you want, not always need. and it's because of Se in suggestive, - the function we want care from mostly. "push" - is force, Se

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It's seems like I have the fuel, I have the right navigation and I know how to turn the wheel, but I have been missing the engine.

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Activation of superid functions gives inspiration. Weak valued functions have energy, but it's unconscious. When they are in consciousness and we express them, then this energy is felt in our consciousness as strong additional motivation. While the more a weak fuction is unconsciousness, then more it takes energy out of our will, also such function reminds a partizan wich protests about being forgotten and may sabotage our consciousness processes.

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Originally Posted by Fay

I know exactly what I want, but I have no idea how to get it... I need someone to push me into doing things all the time. It's seems like I have the fuel, I have the right navigation and I know how to turn the wheel, but I have been missing the engine.

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Are not happy about where you are at?

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Originally Posted by Maritsa

I broke up with my bf today. He's not ready for a committed relationship with me and because of that he's not wanted to incorporate me in his life. He's kept me at a distance to things and people that are important to him that would initiate this commitment. This is what's been depressing me. Because I love connection and building a strong relationship I have been disallowed from doing so and in turn become more depressed. It's okay I'm available for another dual :) yay!

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I am sorry. :( I didn't feel good about him from the beginning. From the beginning you shared with him as if you had a commitment relationship but you did not. Those things you say above, he was doing all along. Keeping you at a certain arms length. They are warning signs.

It is good you are available for a Dual. I really think these last two were NOT your Dual. As you know since I already said.

It seems like you need to play it cool a bit when you starting a relationship. Socionics Duality gives you too much hope and you are too quick to go all-in, feet first. You were writing somewhere about a three-pronged approach to relationships - romance, intimacy, commitment, maybe? I skimmed your Wikipedia link, and I found something lacking in that philosophy. Basically its better if the three develop more together, more simultaneously. The last, particularly - commitment. You have to see sure signs of it. And sure signs of commitment-avoidance should be what makes you automatically and quickly back OFF. Do not let romance and intimacy keep growing while commitment sits at a stand still and more clear signs of reluctance pile up. Is it true the vast majority of guys are happy with the first two, and are willing to procrastinate or not even visit the idea of commitment if the first two are there in full swing? Probably way more than woman do in general because we women have way more to lose with this approach. So much! You can come up with your own list pretty quick, but one thing is just the time and hope wasted on someone - time with them, then the long time getting over them. When they decide to just be themselves, not the romantic guy they were playing, but not meaning. It is a lie, it is a deceit, when a guy chooses to just indulge and take from the intimacy you offer and chooses to be willing to ignore that you desire commitment. Particularly when you've made clear signs, gestures, and words signifying your desire for commitment. Yup, that pretty much makes him a selfish liar. Yes, and that's him on his BEST behavior he has for you. Yup, he is a dud. A loser. A lemon.

I think this is just a truth: A guy tends to need a few hurdles to leap over. A good example of a natural hurdle: Your need to see signs of commitment before getting in too deep with the other parts of a relationship - that's a positive hurdle, IMO. It seems to work that way. It slows things down naturally. Slowing down means he has time to think and consider if he really wants to commit. It takes time. More time for some types than others. My guess is that in the EII/LSE Dual its the LSE who needs more time to be sure he wants to commit. Just like in the IEE/SLI Dual its the SLI that needs more time. Someone I care about is a SEE girl in a developing relationship with an ILI, and for that Dual team its the ILI that needs the time. That means there is a period of time where you and I and she KNOW we want to commit to our Dual, but our Dual is not even thinking along those lines yet. At least, not that he has any desire to talk about. It may be a seed of an idea but he needs time to have it grow - to grow so much that it gets to the point he HAS to talk about it. Yes, they need time, and the pace of the developing relationship needs to slow so they can have that time. Think of it as a dance, and you are letting him lead. Your intimacy and romance are all tied into commitment, and cannot proceed separately. You are waiting for him to lead - with signs of commitment.

I know this idea of slowing down intimacy is unpopular and probably seems impossible and maybe it IS - except all things are possible with God. Like what Jesus said of the rich man - it is harder for a rich man to get to Heaven than a camel through the eye of a needle. His apostles were astonished and said, "Who, then, can be saved?" Jesus answered that "With God all things are possible". So keep that in mind with this next thing I say.

Pope John Paul II in "Theology of the Body" explained that to have intimacy without commitment is like lying with our body. It is an act that says "I love you exclusively forever". So if one or both don't mean that, then, its act of a lie. Well, many explain JPII's words much more eloquently than I just did. Dawn Eden is one of many, in her book The Thrill of the Chaste*. But that's the bottom line.

And it probably seems as impossible to carry out IRL as a camel going through the eye of a needle but its something to think about. The impossible things can only be done with the help of God. The idea is worth considering. Thinking about it might help you apply the brakes a bit, and that will only benefit you, IMO.

EII's seem to be a bit of hopeless romantics. You all seem capable of locking and chaining your heart into a guy too soon, or, even after they have given clear indications they aren't worth it. At least, this is true of all the EIIs I know. One was a romance writer! Three pined for commitment-phobes. For ages! My sis-in-law seems to have gained some wisdom (even though she married her conflictor). A guy she dated back when she lived and worked in NYC she used to take the train from NYC to Albany to see. Now that's quite a lot of effort on her part. They were intimate, and, when you get intimate you tend to want to stick with the guy because, well, we don't separate our bodies from our souls and we get attached. So she was attached, and he started to be not available. I think because she was too available. It wasn't her lack of beauty, that's for sure. I think he just wanted another conquest, having conquered this one. She kept calling, and even coming, till he cut it off. But he told her, "You were a fool." That was for keeping on trying when he backed off. Its true, and she learned her lesson. She learned to be the first to "cut off" when a guy started showing disinterest. And she truly backed off, it was not just a game. She did not want to be a fool again. A side effect is this tends to make the guy more interested. It's like they need a hurdle.** It gave her the upper hand, anyway. Which a woman should have, I do think. We do have the most to lose.

Somehow, now, you need to get your dignity back, and know your worth. Being with this guy was a big lie in more than one way. Another way was that it made you forget your worth. Its a diminishing experience. And that in itself is a lie, as you are not diminished. I am going to pray for you to know your great worth. Dawn Eden's book might be good food for thought at this time, too. She has been there, done that, and she came out the other side with a strong feeling of dignity and self-worth. You can get a used copy on Amazon for pennies, plus shipping. So, focus on getting reclaiming the wonderful you that you are. Anyway, the right guy tends to come along when you are not looking for him.

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*There is three books by that name. Its not the one about Amish romance novels! Its that one that I linked above, and there is also a new Catholic edition of it, which I prefer.

**case in point, I think it helped her nail down her SLE she married! That willingness to turn him down made him more determined to jump hurdles. This was not her intention, but she did see it was working that way.
If one followed a set of rules to snare a guy, this hurdle-thing would be on the list, I do think. I think following certain rules can win a guy, but I would not recommend it. To me, the most important thing is sureness that this is the one God wants for me.

For a teaser on Dawn Eden's wisdom, scroll down on her blog page linked here to where it says "Why it's misleading to say 'love is love' " for a 3-minute video of her speaking some wise words on what Chastity is - a positive thing - a virtue. She says that "Virtues are positive things that enable you to do things that you otherwise would not be able to do". I love that. That is wisdom. She has a lot of powerful things to say about love in that 3 minute video, and I want to hear the whole lecture later.

Oh, and please listen to her next 3-minute clip after that: "Freedom vs. false freedom". Excellent!

Oh, and editing to also add, be sure to listen to the next one, too - "I speak on finding meaning in suffering". I think this will bless you in this time of suffering, that you cannot hurry through or make go away, its a just a time you are in and it will pass in its time. This one is a bit longer - 6 minutes - and its deeper. But these words on how suffering has meaning can bless you on this difficult road.

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Originally Posted by Maritsa

Are not happy about where you are at?

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I am never happy about where I am at... There can always be more, and more...and moooree.

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Originally Posted by Maritsa

I broke up with my bf today. He's not ready for a committed relationship with me...

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http://www.digitaltrends.com/computi...k-graph-shows/

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Originally Posted by Sol

you want, not always need. and it's because of Se in suggestive, - the function we want care from mostly. "push" - is force, Se



Activation of superid functions gives inspiration. Weak valued functions have energy, but it's unconscious. When they are in consciousness and we express them, then this energy is felt in our consciousness as strong additional motivation. While the more a weak fuction is unconsciousness, then more it takes energy out of our will, also such function reminds a partizan wich protests about being forgotten and may sabotage our consciousness processes.

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She wants to make all decisions herself, sol. :) we should just let her take her time and explore.

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Originally Posted by Fay

I am never happy about where I am at... There can always be more, and more...and moooree.

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Such happens when people shift what they really need to other things. They can't satisfy themselves by such strategy, but instead of better understanding of themselves and solving really important tasks they prefer continue wrong direction.

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Originally Posted by Fay

I am never happy about where I am at... There can always be more, and more...and moooree.

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More what? Lol

@Sol

You type as LSE?

I had to stop taking these meds because I got feelings of fainting coming on and lost my appetite suddenly and wasn't able to eat well for a few days.

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Originally Posted by Fay

I am never happy about where I am at... There can always be more, and more...and moooree.

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You mean with job, career, financially?

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Originally Posted by Jeremy8419

You type as LSE?

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yes

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Originally Posted by Sol

yes

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Oh. You seem like an EII.

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Originally Posted by Maritsa

You mean with job, career, financially?

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I don't care about job, career or money. I care about achieving my own goals and ideals and I can see how I am getting further from the person I want to be and it is very disappointing. I have dreams and goals about being someone, someone better and doing something, that would be meaningful and only my own, something important, but I don't know if I ever get the chance to do and to be any of that

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Originally Posted by Fay

I don't care about job, career or money. I care about achieving my own goals and ideals and I can see how I am getting further from the person I want to be and it is very disappointing. I have dreams and goals about being someone, someone better and doing something, that would be meaningful and only my own, something important, but I don't know if I ever get the chance to do and to be any of that

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Whose in your avatar?

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Originally Posted by Jeremy8419

Whose in your avatar?

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Violet Ell http://www.violet-ell.com/

She's a grunge/gothic fashion blogger and photographer. I love how she makes her dark and uniqe style make appear glamorous and fashionable.

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Originally Posted by Jeremy8419

Oh. You seem like an EII.

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thanks :) lol

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Originally Posted by Fay

Violet Ell http://www.violet-ell.com/

She's a grunge/gothic fashion blogger and photographer. I love how she makes her dark and uniqe style make appear glamorous and fashionable.

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Oh. She looks horny in your avatar lol

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Originally Posted by Sol

thanks :) lol

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You act Constructivist, Fe in Ignoring/Observant, and Ti is what you display as your social mask. Just figured I'd mention it lol

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Originally Posted by Jeremy8419

You act Constructivist, Fe in Ignoring/Observant, and Ti is what you display as your social mask.

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Interesting. :) To use Reinin's dichotomies was bad idea. As for Model A - it's doubtful and fuzzy in many things.
Generally for typing I use only: strong/weak functions, valued/nonvalued, dichotomies, IR. Use more of basic stuff and you should get better results.

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Originally Posted by Sol

Interesting. :) To use Reinin's dichotomies was bad idea. As for Model A - it's doubtful and fuzzy in many things.
Generally for typing I use only: strong/weak functions, valued/nonvalued, dichotomies, IR. Use more of basic stuff and you should get better results.

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Didn't know if you use Reinins or not, but included it anyways. It's still the same with Model A. People start with their Role until bridging psychological distance. You start with logic. What most people call leading is actually the Role function. Role is 2D and will be strictly adhered to. "I must be logical. If it's not logical, then it must become such."

Merry 2nd Day of Christmas everyone in Delta and everyone visiting Delta. :)

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Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason

Merry 2nd Day of Christmas everyone in Delta and everyone visiting Delta. :)

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Orthodox Christmas is almost here. I got my sister an adult coloring book, which I think she may enjoy and I got wool socks for my friends who I see. I got mostly very small and comfortable gifts.

Did you guys get things you liked?

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Originally Posted by Maritsa

Orthodox Christmas is almost here. I got my sister and adult coloring book, which I think she may enjoy and I got wool socks for my friends who I see. I got mostly very small and comfortable gifts.

Did you guys get things you liked?

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I got a huge pack of guitar picks. They're similar to socks in that they disappear.

My in-laws bought us a wood-burning stove. Our house can be very expensive to heat in the winter. It was built in 1913 and made for coal heating, but has since been switched to a heat pump. During the polar vortex a couple winters ago, our heating bill went as high as $750, which was almost as much as our mortgage. It was awful, and we weren't the only ones. I'm really grateful for the stove and hope it cuts our bill down this year.

What kind of coloring book did you get her? Was it characters, or more of a mosaic / pattern?

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Originally Posted by Maritsa

Orthodox Christmas is almost here. I got my sister an adult coloring book, which I think she may enjoy and I got wool socks for my friends who I see. I got mostly very small and comfortable gifts.

Did you guys get things you liked?

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My nicest gift was being here with my dh, and my son, who came for a few days, and his family, who were in and out. :) Dh's daughter gave us the nicest present EVER - some homemade credit-card-size cards for a "day" and "evening" a "Sunday morning", and more, of "free time" - in other words, she will watch my Mom for free so we can go out together. which we do very little outside Sunday Mass (we have a regular sitter for that). We do errands separately even though we'd be inclined to do them together often, so that one of us can be here with her. It really was the most thoughtful gift ever, and I am touched. Plus she gave us a gift card for Appleby's, which we will use one day before Lent while she sits. :)

I think I remember my husband telling me that Orthodox Christmas is our Feast of the Epiphany. Is it both days for you? That is tomorrow, also the 12th day of Christmas. We have all lights and decorations up til Thursday morning. Dinner guests tomorrow.

I favor the ages-old tradition that This Feast of the Epiphany is truly the date that the 3 wise men came to Bethlehem, one year after Jesus' birth. The Holy Family had moved to a hospitable house near the Inn and stable soon after the birth, and that's were the star came to rest that Holy night. This is a link to my favorite story of the Adoration of the Magi. I believe this vision of that momentous day is entirely true, every single word, as it is impossible to explain how Maria Valtorta got so much else perfectly right outside miraculous intervention. I love the description of the Magi, their caravan, and the star, and their reverence. Also included at the end of the story are Jesus' further comment on Maria's vision, explaining where the Magi came from, how they got there, why they were given this great privilege. It is too wonderful, too out-of-this-world for anyone in this world to make up...

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Originally Posted by applejacks

...
My in-laws bought us a wood-burning stove. Our house can be very expensive to heat in the winter. It was built in 1913 and made for coal heating, but has since been switched to a heat pump. During the polar vortex a couple winters ago, our heating bill went as high as $750, which was almost as much as our mortgage. It was awful, and we weren't the only ones. I'm really grateful for the stove and hope it cuts our bill down this year.
...

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This reminds me of the best gift ever we got ourselves in December - installation of spray foam insulation in the porch-to-room conversion my husband is building. The insulation is amazing! I really recommend looking into this for your house! You will need far fewer trips to the wood pile, and far fewer stove clean-ups. Also, you will need less air-conditioning in summer! It is what your freezer/fridge has, that's why it does not feel cold to touch. So likewise will your house. It is truly amazing. You use the soft not hard foam on an old house. They do not have to remove all of the existing siding to do it, either. They can put it on even with existing siding. Ours is asbestos on top of clapboard. They take off parts of the siding every 3 or 4 feet in scattered places and spray it in like it was a new-build. Then they put the siding back on. Good as new! Amazing to have an old house that is no longer drafty! So we are going to do this with most of the rest of the house!

We are amazed how the new porch/room holds heat in these few icy windy days we've had. My husband did not expect to be able to work on the interior of the room this winter, but now he knows he can. And we are saving to keep going with insulating the rest of the house. The next installation will be my Mom's bedroom floor, which has no basement under it - it was another porch re-do when my husband did not know about the AMAZING properties of spray foam, and used regular fiberglass insulation instead. It is drafty! Also at that time we will do the entire south side of our house which has no insulation at ALL now. And its drafty! We are very motivated to have another installation before next winter.

Its really amazing, applejacks, so you should look into it for yourself. You already have the great advantage of the heat pump, but what is really going to make a huge dent in your bills is the best insulation - and that's spray foam - nothing beats it. They use it on "This Old House" a lot.

. . .

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Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason

This reminds me of the best gift ever we got ourselves in December - installation of spray foam insulation in the porch-to-room conversion my husband is building. The insulation is amazing! I really recommend looking into this for your house! You will need far fewer trips to the wood pile, and far fewer stove clean-ups. Also, you will need less air-conditioning in summer! It is what your freezer/fridge has, that's why it does not feel cold to touch. So likewise will your house. It is truly amazing. You use the soft not hard foam on an old house. They do not have to remove all of the existing siding to do it, either. They can put it on even with existing siding. Ours is asbestos on top of clapboard. They take off parts of the siding every 3 or 4 feet in scattered places and spray it in like it was a new-build. Then they put the siding back on. Good as new! Amazing to have an old house that is no longer drafty! So we are going to do this with most of the rest of the house!

We are amazed how the new porch/room holds heat in these few icy windy days we've had. My husband did not expect to be able to work on the interior of the room this winter, but now he knows he can. And we are saving to keep going with insulating the rest of the house. The next installation will be my Mom's bedroom floor, which has no basement under it - it was another porch re-do when my husband did not know about the AMAZING properties of spray foam, and used regular fiberglass insulation instead. It is drafty! Also at that time we will do the entire south side of our house which has no insulation at ALL now. And its drafty! We are very motivated to have another installation before next winter.

Its really amazing, applejacks, so you should look into it for yourself. You already have the great advantage of the heat pump, but what is really going to make a huge dent in your bills is the best insulation - and that's spray foam - nothing beats it. They use it on "This Old House" a lot.

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Homes need good insulation. That's quite a big job. I'm sorry that your mom has to put up with it but hope you guys can get your projects done. Honestly that is one reason why I purchased a wool rug because my apartment building was built in the 40s and though it has a lot of charm it can get extremes in weather. The wool rug was not expensive but it's down side is that it gives off a lot of fuzz in the beginning I would say a few years or until it's been washed a few times. It's warm under the feet and I may invest one for the kitchen and the bedroom.

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Originally Posted by Maritsa

Homes need good insulation. That's quite a big job. I'm sorry that your mom has to put up with it but hope you guys can get your projects done. Honestly that is one reason why I purchased a wool rug because my apartment building was built in the 40s and though it has a lot of charm it can get extremes in weather. The wool rug was not expensive but it's down side is that it gives off a lot of fuzz in the beginning I would say a few years or until it's been washed a few times. It's warm under the feet and I may invest one for the kitchen and the bedroom.

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Well, we have an extra space heater (the kind that looks like a radiator) in her room so its on ALL the time, so her room is the warmest in the house. Too warm for the rest of us Its when we tried using the forced air vent alone that we could see the insulation was inadequate. The times in between the furnace running you could feel the draftiness of the room, especially in icy or windy weather. So the extra space heater solution works; its just not very energy efficient to have the two heat sources going in there all the time. So when we can afford to do more spray foam we will then be able to use the house furnace, and her vent should be more than adequate to keep the room toasty. It will make a big difference in our bills.

Here is what you need, Maritsa! A heated pad for under your rug! This was our plan for Mom's room originally. But she has some serious mess-making issues so everything in her space most be designed for constant deep cleanings. Making any area carpet out of the question (in addition to the danger that she could trip on it). But if I were you, I would get this! Heat rises so heat coming off the floor is more comfortable than anything you could imagine. You could even set it on a timer so that you could count on walking into a warm, inviting house as soon as you get home!

We were thinking of this easier solution (heated carpet) for the new room, but I like hardwood floors throughout because its easiest to clean and easy on the feet (vs. tile, i.e.). And Dh was willing to learn how to lay a heated floor under the hardwood, so that is still the plan.

P.S. The trouble I had with the nice wool oriental rug I had in my son's room is it became the cat's favorite place to sleep. So the nice deep reds and navys red would be marred with kitty's gold and white hair too often!...

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Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason

Well, we have an extra space heater (the kind that looks like a radiator) in her room so its on ALL the time, so her room is the warmest in the house. Too warm for the rest of us Its when we tried using the forced air vent alone that we could see the insulation was inadequate. The times in between the furnace running you could feel the draftiness of the room, especially in icy or windy weather. So the extra space heater solution works; its just not very energy efficient to have the two heat sources going in there all the time. So when we can afford to do more spray foam we will then be able to use the house furnace, and her vent should be more than adequate to keep the room toasty. It will make a big difference in our bills.

Here is what you need, Maritsa! A heated pad for under your rug! This was our plan for Mom's room originally. But she has some serious mess-making issues so everything in her space most be designed for constant deep cleanings. Making any area carpet out of the question (in addition to the danger that she could trip on it). But if I were you, I would get this! Heat rises so heat coming off the floor is more comfortable than anything you could imagine. You could even set it on a timer so that you could count on walking into a warm, inviting house as soon as you get home!

We were thinking of this easier solution (heated carpet) for the new room, but I like hardwood floors throughout because its easiest to clean and easy on the feet (vs. tile, i.e.). And Dh was willing to learn how to lay a heated floor under the hardwood, so that is still the plan.

P.S. The trouble I had with the nice wool oriental rug I had in my son's room is it became the cat's favorite place to sleep. So the nice deep reds and navys red would be marred with kitty's gold and white hair too often!...

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I understand :love:

My dual neighbor and manager of the building helped me decorate my apartment by going to Idea with me. We got some wall decor, a fixture for the kitchen, lots of kitchen and house plants, candles, and she also rearranged my painting to make it look homely and aesthetic. :love:

It's always so comforting having a dual.