I finally started seeing a physical therapist for my back (after switching primary care physicians finally). It's been frustrating. I feel like they've just been giving me busy work, like they have a sequence of exercises that they hand out to clients, without bothering to fine tune anything to suit the client. The first day she did some spinal adjusting, then had me learn four stretches. Two days later she did an adjustment then gave me four additional stretches. The next week she did an adjustment and gave me four more stretches. And two days after that she just gave me four more stretches to do on top of the 12 other ones. No more adjustments.
That wouldn't be too bad, if it weren't for them not accepting feedback, or talking down to me, or invalidating my experiences. For example, some of the exercises involve twisting my back. I told her that when I do those ones in the morning, then i am down the rest of the day in level 8-9 pain. So I only do those at night, since i am going to be down anyways. Her response? "You cant go through life being unable to twist your back." Um...duh! That's part of why I'm here! But needing to be able to twist and turn doesn't stop it from hurting!
Or while trying to do a stretch they want me to learn, I let them know that its very painful for me. Her response? "It shouldn't be, it should feel good." What do I say to that?? Silence just hangs in the air.
It's gotten so bad that I'm wilting inside, constantly apologizing for daring to be in pain!
And then...ugh. They have a large room that everyone walks through to get to their smaller rooms, and all the doors of the small room opens out to the large room. Anyone working in the large room is seen by everyone else in the building. This room has the large equipment and the large mat where PT and client can work side by side. Anyways, my PT kept taking me out there. I had previously refused a few times to do anything that required me laying on my back. Because if Im on my back for more than a few minutes, something in my spine shifts and my ribs and all go out of whack and I'm in excruciating pain. But finally they had me feeling so insecure and invalidated, that pathetically I complied with their pressuring of me into trying some back excercises. So, I'm struggling to get into the position they want me in, with a ball under my head, and a ball on each side under my back. I'm also trying really hard not to panic, and again constantly apologizing for not being able to just get down on the balls so easily. Then some guy, another PT, walks past and stops to watch. He was bored, didn,t have a client, and possibly professional curiosity. I wound up freaking as soon as I finally got into the position she wanted me in. I just couldn't stay in it. So she tried another position, with another weird balancing act I have to do while trying to get onto my back which is super scary for me. And again that guy comes by to watch me, and then...tells me to smile. ....
To smile...because that's what i'm there for, to entertain you and to help you feel good about your job. Because I should be more concerned about how my face makes you feel than about my back pain, or my fear, or the fact that I still have to do shopping and drive 30min home even if this exercise fucks me up. (i KNOW he was just trying to be friendly, but there should still be some kind of boundary for the clients, to not having intrusions like that, I felt violated even though I knew he was just trying to be friendly.)
I was such a mess by the end of that last session. We had to set up a schedule for the next two weeks, but I was nearly in tears, I couldn't think. And when the receptionist kept asking me if I wanted a half hour or an hour appt, and some other qs, i couldn't answer, because I didn't have enough info or feedback from my PT to be able to make such decisions. So she called my PT over, who proceeded to give me a lecture about how it's only been three weeks, that it's too soon to see any improvements, and so I should keep coming in. Neither the receptionist nor I had the oomph to tell the PT that that wasn't what was in question.
I spent a week trying to figure out how to say something to the PT, both about there needing to be some client protection when in that big room, as well as about the communication problems with her. I couldn't figure out a way of approaching it that wouldn't likely lead to further miscommunication. I was a neurotic mess before the next appt.
And then....argh, and then my iPain broke. 5 years of my life, poof. All my research, notes, work, ideas, etc, poof.
That was the final straw for me, lol. i canceled the rest of my appts for the PT, and allowed myself to just shut down for a few days.
I still don't know what to do about the PT. I suppose I should ask my dr to switch it to another physical therapy place, if that can even be done. I dont think so, since my insurance only pays for 10 visits a year, and 6 have already been spent at this one place. I could just go back in after I've recovered emotionally enough to handle another two weeks of them. But frankly, I really don't want to put myself through that. Perhaps if there were signs of improvement from the stretches I've been doing at home, then it would be easier to consider. Ugh, every time I try to figure out what to do about this mess, I just want to withdraw from everything again. I hate having to make decisions.
I will probably just continue working on those stretches, modifying them to suit how my back feels as I'm doing them.
On the plus side, I got my ipain somewhat working, though the lcd screen is funky. And I found a shop that can fix it. I'm just still trying to salvage info before i take it in, in case they have to reset it. So far I've managed to get 840 pdfs/epubs off it. :D