I can't quite remember the first time I realised I had fallen in love with myself, I couldn't help it, i'm just so great AND i'm my identical.
I can't quite remember the first time I realised I had fallen in love with myself, I couldn't help it, i'm just so great AND i'm my identical.
HALL OF FAME'DQuote:
Originally Posted by Cyclops
Dude, I think I'm in love with you. Come back to Delta to be with me :redface:
Where is this article?Quote:
Originally Posted by jxrtes
So are emotivists more likely to 'choose' whom to fall in love with? Or is it the other way around?Quote:
Originally Posted by Brilliand
Agree 100%Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolanzon
I can't control who I fall in love with or the circumstances when it occurs. I can't will myself to love someone I don't love. Either I have the feelings of love or I don't.
You're an LII! You're not meant to think dangerous things like that! Feelings are bad and must be controlled!Quote:
Originally Posted by warrior-librarian
I was thinking emotivist.Quote:
Originally Posted by warrior-librarian
I can't stop myself from liking someone (unless I decided to cut off all communication or something) but I think I can have some influence on making myself like a person, mostly in the case of that person would be good for me but the interest isnt necessarily there.
Try copy-pasting someone else's. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubicon
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Diana.... ISTj! :D
I can probably will myself to love someone but the problem is... the willing. I can't will ANYthing unless my heart's in it. So there's this sort of catch-22.
I think the real question is "do you want to?"
I think this about all your posts, quite honestly. I secretly want you to let go and start enjoying yourself, but you're so burdened by rational thought.Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana
+1Quote:
Originally Posted by redbaron
I very much relate to this. It's exactly the way I used to feel. I even said that anyone would be crazy to be in a relationship with me. Never knowing what I want or how I feel has made it extremely difficult to know when I should be getting into and staying in relationships.Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana
Fortunately, now I have someone who knows me better than I know myself. If I'm upset about something, he usually knows it before I do.
Wow. I can't remember the last time I related so much to one person's attitude towards relationships: I feel like I know everything about them, but I don't know if I could actually be in a successful relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana
I give all of my friends relationship advice, and it's good advice and I help people through their rough times and it all works out hunky dory, but I'll be damned if I could even take my own advice in a relationship. I have serious doubts that I will ever actually have a "successful relationship;" I'm willing to make the sacrifices, I accept people I am close to implicitly, but I don't have the initiative and I'm incredibly insecure about what those close to me think of me; relationships and close friendships usually turn into this torturous game of wanting to be seen for who I really am, but also wanting to be seen as admirable and worthy and amazing, and I wind up spending all my energy walking this emotional tight rope and being SO fucking frustrated that people won't just see me as I see myself. This basically amounts to my only successful close friendships being with people who just sort of take me at "face value," who don't really try to get to know me on a way deeper level or help me deal with my emotions, but instead help me with problems on a concrete level and let me writhe in self-torture on my own time. It's almost like, once I've shown someone a certain side of myself, I've dug open the ground over this gaping wound in my world, and as soon as they see it I have to cover it up and pretend like they never saw it. Some people stop and look at the wound, and in my mind I'm saying "Yes, treat my wounds!" so they stoop over and try to fix it, but then I want to move on and they just want to sit there bandaging my wounds and I get frustrated and try to fill in the hole while they sit there and plant a fucking monument over it so they don't ask any more goddamn questions. But some people just sort of waltz right over the wound, and it's obvious they saw it and felt it but they just smile and keep walking around on my surface like nothing ever happened, so I stand there dumfounded for a moment, hardly believing it, then I hastily rebury the wound and then bound after them.
Maybe you need someone who will slap your ass and tell you to fucking relax? Tell you that you're fine and you should stop worrying so much?
I can't choose to fall in love with somebody I am not falling in love with, but I can stop myself from falling in love with somebody I am falling in love with. I don't like to do it anyway, I've only done it once when the girl had a boyfriend and they were obviously happy toghether, yet we were attracted to each other and some fuckup could have caused grief in her relationship without giving us any chance of being 2ghether. I think every girl could easily fall in love and be in a relationship with me anyway, I'm Italian...
Yet you still manage to fuck up everything.Quote:
The answer was that most of them are focused on what's best for themselves while I'm focused on what's best for everyone, what's best for the customers, and what's best for the business.
lol Does it piss you off when I act like that? I don't know....I know from personal experience that doing things and living life is better than just psychoanalyzing shit though, even if I'm not following my own advice at the time. You're right, I'm most likely just talking myself into something than anything else, but it feels better to focus on others rather than yourself, it makes you feel too insecure and self-conscious just always focusing on yourself. I think though realistically we're all too generally smart for that, so we have to have a life of ideals and theories. Idk it's just I've always liked being on the internet constantly I'm not sure if it will change?
I have the same issues you do Diana with how people feel about me, cause it's just usually too complex to think of a simple answer.
Yeah... it's about changing your mind. Can you change your mind? Only to something that you believe in the first place! So deliberately falling in love with someone isn't about having control of yourself... it's about changing your emotions to match something that matters more to you than emotions.Quote:
Originally Posted by redbaron
If you don't know what you believe and if what you thought mattered most no longer matters most, then you're vulnerable to your emotions taking control.Quote:
Originally Posted by Brilliand
(try to avoid finding yourself in this position if you can help it!)
I'd be more worried about thinking that something matters most to me because other people think that it should matter most to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by redbaron
yes, I agree with that also.Quote:
Originally Posted by Brilliand
I don't think I can say I've ever been in love.
However, as far as falling for someone and whether or not I can control with whom I fall for, is something I cannot do at all. There is also never any sort of correlation it seems between who is good for me and who I fall for. In fact, I'm pretty sure I fall for people who are horrible for me.
Oh well.
Fuck, half the time I can't even understand if I like the person. I have weak emotions.
i'm an NT. since I discovered dating sites I have much more control with who I date.Quote:
Originally Posted by jxrtes
Before that, it was indeed pure luck/coincidence etc.
Pretty much.Quote:
Originally Posted by Joy
I don't think I can make myself love someone. I feel what I feel. My feelings are very important to me. I want to know what I feel, not change my feelings, especially if I don't know exactly what they are in the first place. Also I think that trying to make myself love someone who I don't love would be betraying myself and really unfair to that person who deserves someone who actually does love them rather than someone who is trying to force themselves to have feelings they don't have. I'd much rather just be alone than do something like that (though I don't think it would be successful in my case anyway).
People can grow on me though... I can come to like people that I didn't think I would ever like. But that too involves my feelings about them changing on their own (I just mean friendships mostly) and then my realizing my feelings have changed.
I do think I can prevent myself to some extent from falling in love with someone if I distance myself and my mind from them before it's too late. After it's too late, there really isn't any going back and I will be stuck (because I can't change my feelings). This is why I try to be careful now. I've been in love with someone for years before (though I don't know if I can say "in love" or not - I'm not sure now that I'm looking back) and I was rather stuck and I don't really want to go back to that (I want to be even more careful).
The biggest revelation for me, and the most surprising one - is that being in relationships with people made me realize that I am actually a very shallow person, I'm really not as deep as I thought. =/ And it made me feel guilty, cause I kinda always beefed up and respected my 'human depthness' but it was all a load of shit. I am SO superficial, and the most important thing to me is if we 'look good.' I am very image focused. And really, the stereotype tends to be true, very good looking people are usually arrogant because they can afford to be, so I feel kinda pulled/conflicted inside. I just easily notice image problems people can change, even if I'm a hypocrite and I know I'm average myself. I guess it's a gay thing. ;p
I know the pattern and can theoretically control the "Who" part. "Why" is easy to control. "Where" and "How" don't make any sense. I can't control "When."
Huhwhat? You mean "don't make any sense"?Quote:
Originally Posted by Director Abbie
Fall in love at the park? In the kitchen? Driving to work and suddenly realize you're in love? Bonkers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Brilliand
How many ways are there to fall in love?
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Really? Please list them.Quote:
Originally Posted by redbaron
I was mainly correcting your grammar.Quote:
Originally Posted by Director Abbie
Sit on a pin, jump up in surprise, crash into someone and knock him flat... and suddenly you're in love. Shall I continue? :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Director Abbie
No, you were correcting my spelling. My grammar is excellent as usual.Quote:
Originally Posted by Brilliand
...that's bonkers too. That's what happens in cartoons because they don't want to bother taking the usual amount of time. Does it ever happen that way in real life? If so, my answer would be that I can't control how.
I can influence it, but I can't choose the Who.
I always know why, when, and how. I can subvert it with some brakes if needed, but I can't force myself to luv anyone.
At this point (after having fallen for a few people that I didn't want to and been unable to convince myself to stay with someone who made sense in my head), I don't think we get to decide who we love. We can decide who we're with to some extent though. It's easier to leave someone you love than to stay with someone you don't.
The only think I could have done to avoid falling for the few I did was to completely cut contact. That didn't feel like an option to me at the time though because I was sooooo drawn to them.
Falling in love is just a chemistry, the smell and the imperfections in the aesthetic spectrum. You can't choose when, with whom, or how your body works and conscious choosing of falling in love is not really falling in love itself. It's more or less just a rational decision.
My trouble kicks in once I get too close to some of them physically. The last two times I fell in love was with Betas. One was my IEI ex, who kissed me in an unique way hitting me against a wall. The other was a recent affair with this SLE or EIE I met online, the type I was totally not looking for: mad, drunkard, strictly into literature/writing, unable to have a relationship. However, what I felt that first night with her marked me for life, and made me go through all that shit the last few weeks. :lol: This does not mean I fall for any woman I fuck with: quite a few of them were too "heavy", fake, bland, or something like that. I suppose I can choose, just my criterion is eroticism, which is irrational (relationships don't necessarily work).