Example of an INTp & INFj conversation (benefit relations)

I just had a convo with an ILI. I think it illustrates obvious Ni leading and Se DS on his part, and my blatant aversion to both.

Friday night the ILI calls me and wants to hang out. I say I don't feel like going out. He says, "you never feel like going out." I'm like "whatever. If it makes you happy, want to see a movie tomorrow?"

Saturday morning he calls at 9 AM! "Hi. I'm making plans for our movie day." We decide on a movie (8 PM). He has to figure out what we're doing beforehand- getting coffee. Then he spends approximately 15 mins. freely brain farting on how he has to occupy himself during the time before the movie, while I sit there "okaying" him and wondering why I need to listen to this?

He calls me about every 2 hours throughout the day to make sure I'm still on for the movie.

5 PM. He calls. I say "You're going to hate me, but I haven't slept in 2 nights. I am sooo tired. Can't we go see a movie tomorrow?"
ILI: But I have "plans" for tomorrow.
Me: Okay okay. see you at 7.

6 PM. He calls again! I had just spoken to my friend who recommended that we see another movie, which he loved and which the ILI had actually wanted to see initially.
Me: hey why don't we go see this movie instead? it's better and it's closer to both of us
ILI: what time is it playing?
Me: 10:30
ILI: <starts making pained noises>
Me: What? Oh god. You think I'm flaking on you! No. I am totally not. I actually prefer to see this movie.
ILI: I just don't think you're going to show up for A movie
<we talk for 15 minutes and I finally convince him this is not a "stalling" mechanism>
Me: Okay, so see you at 10. <gets ready to hang up phone>
ILI: whoa whoa. hang on. what are we going to do before the movie?
Me: huh?
ILI: the last time we were getting coffee. I don't just want to go to a movie with someone.
Me: oh I guess everything in that area will be closed by then
ILI: well, see, that's a problem..
<we sort of resolve this one. THEN...>
ILI: wait. what am i supposed to do to occupy myself during the next few hours?
Me: huh?
ILI: well I was planning to be in a movie now, so I didn't plan anything for these next few hours..
Me: What? Why do you need a plan for everything? Can't you just like do something?
ILI: <pauses in SHOCK> That's not the problem. The problem is that you never want to make plans.
Me: <laughs at how he considers this to be such an obvious "flaw." Like, how could I NOT value that in him?>
<30 minutes later I worked out a plan that would make him see me for 2 hours BEFORE the movie. LUCKY ME. He seems happy.>
Me: Okay now. Can I go? Please?
ILI: Sure. <hangs up phone>

that sounds more like a convo with an INTj. Maybe an ENTp. He seems like an infantile sexual type, wanting you to take care of him. The conversation is wanting Ni to be written out. ILI Ni is dynamic, and usually that means going with the flow of things and constantly directing them toward a goal / adapting your plans in light of circumstances. But not officially laying out a plan and sticking to it. If I go on a date and they ask me where should we go, ILI will generally say 'i duno, anywhere as long as it's convenient'. Unless there is a goal which can't be redirected and must be achieved regardless of any other circumstances. So maybe if he's really obsessed with you. But even then the victim sexual style will wait for you to make the moves / suggestions, then prefer to adapt to that. Either way it's generally a waste of time to date someone who isn't your dual unless you're just horny
I could be wrong. Do you know for a fact he is ILI? What makes you think this?

The relationship sounds uneven. Is this the guy from the video?

The conversation is only uneven in that he's an average frustrated chump and she's not interested in him. In terms of syntax, it isn't uneven. They both talk in equal turns, and seem to be equally frustrated with one another.
Wondering now if he's ISTj. This seems more like superego relations, and Ni hidden agenda would work well to describe this too.
A description of him would be useful in understanding this.
In benefactor/beneficiary relations usually the beneficiary really wants to please the benefactor, and doesn't know how. The benefactor will seem to be in the more stable position. You can go read about this. In my interactions with EIIs, it's like they turn on this circus entertainment mode and I just sit there going 'yeah.... ahh'. I will remain silent while they talk and talk, and demonstrate their ideas to me on how the world works. Talking about everyday happenings which are going on around us and how that shows what a person really thinks; or talking about the implication these happenings have for the world as a whole. They have all kinds of unique ideas which have to do with everyday reality. And I just sit there and kind of silently monitor whether they make sense, and when they go off track or I disagree, I say ...'no, blah blah blah'... kind of like what I'm doing right now. That is benefactor relations. I remember one time I told this EII he should of been a court jester in olden times, and he got kinda pissed

Uneven syntax isn't a problem if both people like it that way. Uneven desires for the relationship are a problem though.

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

I try to keep a certain distance from guys I talk to online for this reason as well. I avoid phone/voice conversations and don't use a webcam in one on one conversations (even though I often do with female online friends).

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Originally Posted by crazedrat

The conversation is only uneven in that he's an average frustrated chump and she's not interested in him.

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that's what I thought also.

he doesn't sound necessarily ILI but I suppose it's possible. good grief, I would be HIGHLY annoyed with him. what, do I look like your social director? your babysitter? you can't find something to do? sheesh.

I'd like to say I wouldn't tolerate that kind of clinginess, but honestly it would depend on the situation.

uneven syntax indicates an uneven thought process. A one sided conversation is a trademark of benefactor/beneficiary relations, with the beneficiary doing all the stunts. Go learn about it.

Some people just naturally like to talk more and others like to listen more.

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Originally Posted by Joy

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

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you said a mouthful there. *sigh* I think I may agree with you. but it's really sad that it has to be that way. makes me depressed cause I just feel like we're all people with a lot to offer, why can't we be friends? Plus I value the male point of view. it's just... they're so... susceptible to... feminine whatevers.

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Originally Posted by Joy

Some people just naturally like to talk more and others like to listen more.

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I agree. Doesn't necessarily mean it's an asymmetrical relation.

You're right. In assymetrical relations, though, it occurs that one person really can't find a way to give input into the relationship. And that isn't happening here. We see both giving equal input into the relationship, regardless of it being negative input.

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Originally Posted by redbaron

you said a mouthful there. *sigh* I think I may agree with you. but it's really sad that it has to be that way. makes me depressed cause I just feel like we're all people with a lot to offer, why can't we be friends? Plus I value the male point of view. it's just... they're so... susceptible to... feminine whatevers.

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I try to see it as a good thing... a biological process that ensures the survival of the species. There are a number of guys that I get along with really well and enjoy talking to, and that's fine. I just avoid spending too much time with or giving too much attention to them. It tends to keep the level of tension far enough away from that breaking point.

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Originally Posted by crazedrat

What type is he Joy?

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I couldn't say, based solely on that. If he's the guy from the video though, he's IP. He looks a little bit like my ILI brother, but not enough for me to say I think he's ILI.

So you're basing your responses on nothing as usual. Okay then

I'm basing my "I don't know" response on the fact that I don't know, if that's okay with you. :p

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Originally Posted by Joy

I'm basing my "I don't know" response on the fact that I don't know, if that's okay with you. :p

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:lol:

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Originally Posted by Diana

I don't see a problem with having guy friends personally. It doesn't have to be weird or turn out badly. Once you or they are married though, it's different. You can still be friends, but you switch to being a friend of the couple, not the individual.

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if you're both married and you see one another in a context where the spouses aren't available? what if you try to include the spouse and she doesn't want to be included? well anyway... I guess it should be obvious if there's attraction. And in that case maybe more distance is required.

*&^%$#@

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Originally Posted by Diana

I don't see a problem with having guy friends personally. It doesn't have to be weird or turn out badly.

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It's just a matter of avoiding that breaking point, I think. And it's difficult for me to tell when it's getting to a point of no return or whatever, so I just try to keep more than enough distance. I could see an ESI not having this problem though.

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Once you or they are married though, it's different. You can still be friends, but you switch to being a friend of the couple, not the individual.

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Yeah, that would actually be a lot easier, I think. Peter tends not to be interested in hanging out with new people though.

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Originally Posted by redbaron

if you're both married and you see one another in a context where the spouses aren't available? what if you try to include the spouse and she doesn't want to be included? well anyway... I guess it should be obvious if there's attraction. And in that case maybe more distance is required.

*&^%$#@

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My experience has been that even if there isn't an initial attraction, tension will still build in at least one direction over time if you allow it. Like I alluded to in my previous post though, maybe I shouldn't assume that such is the case with everyone.

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Originally Posted by Joy

It's just a matter of avoiding that breaking point, I think. And it's difficult for me to tell when it's getting to a point of no return or whatever, so I just try to keep more than enough distance.

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as in: "I can't be friends with you. I can't live like this anymore" sort of thing? uh, yeah.

According to pickup artists if you don't approach a girl within 3 seconds of first making eye contact with her, it's difficult to form a romantic relationship. Also, if you don't touch her in some seemingly innocent way during your first interaction, it's difficult.

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Originally Posted by redbaron

as in: "I can't be friends with you. I can't live like this anymore" sort of thing? uh, yeah.

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There are a few different common outcomes.

First of all, too much tension builds and one or both people start to get uncomfortable, not sure they are behaving appropriately.

Secondly, there's the all too common scenario where one starts flirting with the other, then the other gets uncomfortable and shies away. Or the other may ignore the flirting, and then the one starts feeling resentful and being distant or unkind or just weird.

And then of course there's the situation one person suddenly comes clean about his/her feelings, which can result in either them not talking anymore or in things being weird after that.

Those are the most common ones I've encountered at least. The "point of no return" that I spoke of is the point where mild attraction becomes infatuation, I think.

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Originally Posted by crazedrat

According to pickup artists if you don't approach a girl within 3 seconds of first making eye contact with her, it's difficult to form a romantic relationship. Also, if you don't touch her in some seemingly innocent way during your first interaction, it's difficult.

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So according to pickup artists, it helps to have strong Se? Or at least to fake it? :lol:

In any case, we're talking about when things don't turn into something more than friendship.

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Originally Posted by Diana

Sigh, yeah. I've had that happen where they don't want to be included and make him stop talking to you. It sucks because it's not like you were going to try to seduce him or something. But, I guess if she was worried about him being attracted to me, then it's probably best to keep my distance anyway. I don't want to cause any friction in anyone's marriage.

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exactly.

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I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

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My two closest friends here in town are male and it's not a problem. I hang out with them all the time and we are nothing but friends and it's not awkward. They are INTp and ENTj, FWIW.

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Originally Posted by Kim

My two closest friends here in town are male and it's not a problem. I hang out with them all the time and we are nothing but friends and it's not awkward. They are INTp and ENTj, FWIW.

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I had a problem with an INTp years ago. :?

So right now my main concern right now is keeping an SLE at a far enough distance where we can be friends but where nothing weird develops (like it did with the SEI). Cause he's really cool and I've never known an SLE before. he's married to an IEI and I'm friends with her too. And he knows my husband and they're friends too.

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Originally Posted by Joy

So according to pickup artists, it helps to have strong Se? Or at least to fake it? :lol:

In any case, we're talking about when things don't turn into something more than friendship.

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Do not reply to me with this useless crap again.

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Originally Posted by Joy

The relationship sounds uneven. Is this the guy from the video?

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No, he's not. The guy in the video was the computer lab tech guy who I petitioned for help. I was thinking he was ILI, as well. Good catch!

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Originally Posted by crazedrat

The conversation is only uneven in that he's an average frustrated chump and she's not interested in him.

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I doubt it's uneven in this way. He's actually really good looking and smart. I doubt he even finds me attractive.
He's definitely ILI. He does this depressing, eyes glistening lament about his future thing that I've only ever see Ni leading types do. I can't even really begin to explain this characteristic. It's just very obvious when you see it.
He openly expresses frustration at people who attempt to manipulate his emotions or needing to display some sort of group emotion.
Trust me. He's ILI. Everything fits.

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Originally Posted by redbaron

that's what I thought also.

he doesn't sound necessarily ILI but I suppose it's possible. good grief, I would be HIGHLY annoyed with him. what, do I look like your social director? your babysitter? you can't find something to do? sheesh.

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lol. my thoughts exactly! I think i may have even said to him "i'm not your babysitter!"
usually my relationships with ILIs are very good. I have one very good ILI friend who doesn't expect much from me but my spaciness and inconsistent meetings with him. But a few others, particularly this one, seem to NEED me to be their dual. I really feel like he wants me to take charge of everything and socially connect him, but that's so not me!

Oh so the evening ended with me paying for our movie tickets. He also did one of those token ILI things where he's pointing something out about your physical appearance and unintentionally insulting you. I also fell on my ass as we were running to catch the last train. <shrug>

Ummm. Go see "Slumdog Millionare." REALLY GOOD.

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Originally Posted by Ritella

I doubt it's uneven in this way. He's actually really good looking and smart. I doubt he even finds me attractive.

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Perhaps it just sounds this way based on your description of the conversation?

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Originally Posted by crazedrat

Do not reply to me with this useless crap again.

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I'll post whatever I want to post, thank you.

This is very true. If a guy WAITS more than one single date to make a move (you don't even have to kiss, you can hold hands) it gets incrementally harder to attract the woman because it makes her think too much whether you like her or don't. But when you make your intentions known from the start she will be more receptive. People tend to like people when they like them back.

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Originally Posted by crazedrat

According to pickup artists if you don't approach a girl within 3 seconds of first making eye contact with her, it's difficult to form a romantic relationship. Also, if you don't touch her in some seemingly innocent way during your first interaction, it's difficult.

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From what JOY is stating, seems like ENTJs want someone stronger to order them around to be aggressive towards them.

Where are you getting that from? :lol:

*cackles*

Oh my goodness. This is exactly the kind of experience I've had with ILIs. I read this conversation and was blown away at how accurate a description it is of how I tend to interact with ILIs as well. My mom is the worst, prompt to the point of perpetual earliness. If something goes off of her proposed schedule or order of things it's a way bigger deal to her than it is to most. Not necessarily because she can't adapt, rather it's no longer what she had projected and therefore somehow "wrong". My ESTp step-dad is great for her in that sense, because he not only adapts well but sets out exactly how ridiculous she's being by fussing over something so inane.

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Originally Posted by Ritella

5 PM. He calls. I say "You're going to hate me, but I haven't slept in 2 nights. I am sooo tired. Can't we go see a movie tomorrow?"
ILI: But I have "plans" for tomorrow.
Me: Okay okay. see you at 7.

6 PM. He calls again! I had just spoken to my friend who recommended that we see another movie, which he loved and which the ILI had actually wanted to see initially.
Me: hey why don't we go see this movie instead? it's better and it's closer to both of us
ILI: what time is it playing?
Me: 10:30
ILI: <starts making pained noises>
Me: What? Oh god. You think I'm flaking on you! No. I am totally not. I actually prefer to see this movie.
ILI: I just don't think you're going to show up for A movie
<we talk for 15 minutes and I finally convince him this is not a "stalling" mechanism>
Me: Okay, so see you at 10. <gets ready to hang up phone>
ILI: whoa whoa. hang on. what are we going to do before the movie?
Me: huh?
ILI: the last time we were getting coffee. I don't just want to go to a movie with someone.
Me: oh I guess everything in that area will be closed by then
ILI: well, see, that's a problem..
<we sort of resolve this one. THEN...>
ILI: wait. what am i supposed to do to occupy myself during the next few hours?
Me: huh?
ILI: well I was planning to be in a movie now, so I didn't plan anything for these next few hours..
Me: What? Why do you need a plan for everything? Can't you just like do something?
ILI: <pauses in SHOCK> That's not the problem. The problem is that you never want to make plans.
Me: <laughs at how he considers this to be such an obvious "flaw." Like, how could I NOT value that in him?>
<30 minutes later I worked out a plan that would make him see me for 2 hours BEFORE the movie. LUCKY ME. He seems happy.>
Me: Okay now. Can I go? Please?
ILI: Sure. <hangs up phone>

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:lol: This kind of phone exchange would surely drive me iNsAnE.

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Originally Posted by incognito

This is not true. I don't believe your mother is like this. :wink: Actually, what's more frustrating is the fact that others can't see what's ahead, where I'm right but I have to wait for others to 'see' what I have predicted is true. Until such time, I'm labeled as 'wrong'. This happens more than you wish to admit, right? A perfect example is developing at the moment. I've forewarned but my prediction was dismissed. So, I'll sit back and wait for the event to unfold and witness the squirming and complaining.

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Pffft, I think this is a case where I'M right and YOU'RE wrong. With regards to the promptness etc, that is.

And see, I think you think that people think you're wrong. Where people actually don't think that you're wrong, rather they think that you think that they haven't taken to account what you're saying but really they've already thought about that. It's not that you're wrong, it's that you're annoying "people" with stating what they already know and making it a stance rather than moving on to a mutual understanding. At which point they become annoyed and ignore you on principle :P

Everyone, everyone, look! Contrasting mother-daughter! Someone should do a study, lol.

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Originally Posted by mn0good

Pffft, I think this is a case where I'M right and YOU'RE wrong. With regards to the promptness etc, that is.

And see, I think you think that people think you're wrong. Where people actually don't think that you're wrong, rather they think that you think that they haven't taken to account what you're saying but really they've already thought about that. It's not that you're wrong, it's that you're annoying "people" with stating what they already know and making it a stance rather than moving on to a mutual understanding. At which point they become annoyed and ignore you on principle :P

Everyone, everyone, look! Contrasting mother-daughter! Someone should do a study, lol.

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i think you think that people think don't think they think that you think what you're saying they've already thought you're wrong you're annoying they know they ignore you on principle

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Originally Posted by mercutio

i think you think that people think don't think they think that you think what you're saying they've already thought you're wrong you're annoying they know they ignore you on principle

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Why must you hurt me so?

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Originally Posted by mn0good

Everyone, everyone, look! Contrasting mother-daughter! Someone should do a study, lol.

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Um, okay, I'll do a study. Oh wait! I can't use this sample because the familial relationship will create uncontrolled variables in the results. OH NOES! All that grant money will now go to waste.

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Originally Posted by mn0good

Why must you hurt me so?

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it's the only thing that's real

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Originally Posted by mn0good

Why must you hurt me so?

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Because it amuses him.

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Originally Posted by redbaron

you said a mouthful there. *sigh* I think I may agree with you. but it's really sad that it has to be that way. makes me depressed cause I just feel like we're all people with a lot to offer, why can't we be friends? Plus I value the male point of view. it's just... they're so... susceptible to... feminine whatevers.

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It rather depends on the guy, and how you act towards him. We're easy creatures to confuse, particularly when a girl starts making flirty jokes towards us despite previously claiming that it was just a friend thing. Your average guy will assume that the situation has unintentionally changed; this may lead him to flirt back in turn. This tends to confuse the girl in turn, and the wierdness continues from there.

At least, that's how it happens with me. I tend to have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people displaying romantic interest in me, so I've taken to assuming there's nothing there unless she specifically says something. *shrug*

In my experience, you're better off just talking to the guy when you feel something going a bit wierd. Don't just let it happen and ruin your friendship. Conversation is the mortar and spackle of friendship boundaries.

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Originally Posted by mn0good

*cackles*

Oh my goodness. This is exactly the kind of experience I've had with ILIs. I read this conversation and was blown away at how accurate a description it is of how I tend to interact with ILIs as well. My mom is the worst, prompt to the point of perpetual earliness. If something goes off of her proposed schedule or order of things it's a way bigger deal to her than it is to most. Not necessarily because she can't adapt, rather it's no longer what she had projected and therefore somehow "wrong". My ESTp step-dad is great for her in that sense, because he not only adapts well but sets out exactly how ridiculous she's being by fussing over something so inane.

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Thank God someone thinks this an ILI thing and not a him-liking-me thing. ;) And, yes, it's exactly as you said: It's not that they're not easy going, it's just that they get strongly tied to this "perfect plan." As I said, though, a lot of ILIs I know do this planning thing, but aren't as demanding on the other person.

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Originally Posted by Ritella

Thank God someone thinks this an ILI thing and not a him-liking-me thing. ;)

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yeah, it's funny to see everyone focussing on what type he is, instead of answering your question, even funnier is that everyone knows immediately which type he is or is not, when having read 4 sentences. While you know this guy from let's say 1000 sentences. So everybody thinks they are about 250 times as smart as you. Which is pretty naieve and arrogant.

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Originally Posted by Jarno

yeah, it's funny to see everyone focussing on what type he is, instead of answering your question, even funnier is that everyone knows immediately which type he is or is not, when having read 4 sentences. While you know this guy from let's say 1000 sentences. So everybody thinks they are about 250 times as smart as you. Which is pretty naieve and arrogant.

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hahaha. There's a correlation between ignorance and arrogance.

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I feel a need to protect the ILI ego, but now that i look back on it, this seems like a petty thing to do .. and looking back he does seem ILI, and it's irrelevant if some dumbass hates on the type ILI. It really is

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Originally Posted by Errant

It rather depends on the guy, and how you act towards him. We're easy creatures to confuse, particularly when a girl starts making flirty jokes towards us despite previously claiming that it was just a friend thing. Your average guy will assume that the situation has unintentionally changed; this may lead him to flirt back in turn. This tends to confuse the girl in turn, and the wierdness continues from there.

At least, that's how it happens with me. I tend to have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people displaying romantic interest in me, so I've taken to assuming there's nothing there unless she specifically says something. *shrug*

In my experience, you're better off just talking to the guy when you feel something going a bit wierd. Don't just let it happen and ruin your friendship. Conversation is the mortar and spackle of friendship boundaries.

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well it's different when both parties are married. I don't think there's been any misinterpretation in the case I'm thinking of. No status or intentions have been changed. it's just underlying feelings.

I generally think talking about it can be a good thing, as you said. but sometimes, there can be too much honesty.

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Originally Posted by crazedrat

I feel a need to protect the ILI ego, but now that i look back on it, this seems like a petty thing to do .. and looking back he does seem ILI, and it's irrelevant if some dumbass hates on the type ILI. It really is

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LOL. But I don't hate on ILIs; I don't dislike him for being like this. It's just....frustrating and makes me feel shitty.

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Originally Posted by Ritella

LOL. But I don't hate on ILIs; I don't dislike him for being like this. It's just....frustrating and makes me feel shitty.

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I really like my ILI friend. Very much. Not sure I'd want him all the time at a very close distance, but he's great.

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Originally Posted by redbaron

well it's different when both parties are married. I don't think there's been any misinterpretation in the case I'm thinking of. No status or intentions have been changed. it's just underlying feelings.

I generally think talking about it can be a good thing, as you said. but sometimes, there can be too much honesty.

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Eh. That's a fundamental problem with relationships, in my opinion. Just because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, why the need to spend EVERY SINGLE MOMENT together? I just can't understand it. I have friends who've been with their SO for years. For example, one tries to bring his girlfriend of about four years along to our parties, she doesn't have fun (geek parties are admittedly rather boring if you aren't into gaming, but STILL) and whines until they go home, an hour or two later at most. If he came by himself he'd have a ton of fun, but by bringing her along she doesn't have fun, he doesn't have fun, and we lose our friend. :(

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Originally Posted by Errant

Eh. That's a fundamental problem with relationships, in my opinion. Just because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, why the need to spend EVERY SINGLE MOMENT together? I just can't understand it. I have friends who've been with their SO for years. For example, one tries to bring his girlfriend of about four years along to our parties, she doesn't have fun (geek parties are admittedly rather boring if you aren't into gaming, but STILL) and whines until they go home, an hour or two later at most. If he came by himself he'd have a ton of fun, but by bringing her along she doesn't have fun, he doesn't have fun, and we lose our friend. :(

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Tell him he's not allowed to bring her if she's not going to participate.

Wouldn't work. Poor dude has a bedtime, for god's sake :( Totally under the thumb.

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Originally Posted by Errant

Wouldn't work. Poor dude has a bedtime, for god's sake :( Totally under the thumb.

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whoa, that's like intense control. No way. We have a lot more independence than that in this marriage. We're certainly allowed to have our own friends.

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Originally Posted by Ritella

I just had a convo with an ILI. I think it illustrates obvious Ni leading and Se DS on his part, and my blatant aversion to both.

Friday night the ILI calls me and wants to hang out. I say I don't feel like going out. He says, "you never feel like going out." I'm like "whatever. If it makes you happy, want to see a movie tomorrow?"

Saturday morning he calls at 9 AM! "Hi. I'm making plans for our movie day." We decide on a movie (8 PM). He has to figure out what we're doing beforehand- getting coffee. Then he spends approximately 15 mins. freely brain farting on how he has to occupy himself during the time before the movie, while I sit there "okaying" him and wondering why I need to listen to this?

He calls me about every 2 hours throughout the day to make sure I'm still on for the movie.

5 PM. He calls. I say "You're going to hate me, but I haven't slept in 2 nights. I am sooo tired. Can't we go see a movie tomorrow?"
ILI: But I have "plans" for tomorrow.
Me: Okay okay. see you at 7.

6 PM. He calls again! I had just spoken to my friend who recommended that we see another movie, which he loved and which the ILI had actually wanted to see initially.
Me: hey why don't we go see this movie instead? it's better and it's closer to both of us
ILI: what time is it playing?
Me: 10:30
ILI: <starts making pained noises>
Me: What? Oh god. You think I'm flaking on you! No. I am totally not. I actually prefer to see this movie.
ILI: I just don't think you're going to show up for A movie
<we talk for 15 minutes and I finally convince him this is not a "stalling" mechanism>
Me: Okay, so see you at 10. <gets ready to hang up phone>
ILI: whoa whoa. hang on. what are we going to do before the movie?
Me: huh?
ILI: the last time we were getting coffee. I don't just want to go to a movie with someone.
Me: oh I guess everything in that area will be closed by then
ILI: well, see, that's a problem..
<we sort of resolve this one. THEN...>
ILI: wait. what am i supposed to do to occupy myself during the next few hours?
Me: huh?
ILI: well I was planning to be in a movie now, so I didn't plan anything for these next few hours..
Me: What? Why do you need a plan for everything? Can't you just like do something?
ILI: <pauses in SHOCK> That's not the problem. The problem is that you never want to make plans.
Me: <laughs at how he considers this to be such an obvious "flaw." Like, how could I NOT value that in him?>
<30 minutes later I worked out a plan that would make him see me for 2 hours BEFORE the movie. LUCKY ME. He seems happy.>
Me: Okay now. Can I go? Please?
ILI: Sure. <hangs up phone>

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Doesnt sound like INTp at all. Just the thought of having such a silly discussion over so long would be enough to kill an INTp

Rather than start a new thread, I thought I'd post this here in this aptly-named one:

Last night my INTp friend came over and we hung out... after he'd left I called him to ask a question. My neighbors are moving and they must have dropped something heavy, because there was a loud noise that he could hear over the phone.
ILI - What was that?
Me - Burglar.
ILI - Oh, okay. Need any help?
Me - If I did would you come fight them off?
ILI - Nah, probably not. I've got a lot to do over here.
Me - You'd feel pretty bad if you didn't help me when I asked, and then I got raped.
ILI - No, I think you'd feel pretty bad if you got raped. I would feel fine.
Both - [Chuckling]

I love ILI's.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by songofsappho

Rather than start a new thread, I thought I'd post this here in this aptly-named one:

Last night my INTp friend came over and we hung out... after he'd left I called him to ask a question. My neighbors are moving and they must have dropped something heavy, because there was a loud noise that he could hear over the phone.
ILI - What was that?
Me - Burglar.
ILI - Oh, okay. Need any help?
Me - If I did would you come fight them off?
ILI - Nah, probably not. I've got a lot to do over here.
Me - You'd feel pretty bad if you didn't help me when I asked, and then I got raped.
ILI - No, I think you'd feel pretty bad if you got raped. I would feel fine.
Both - [Chuckling]

I love ILI's.

---

nice. that's funny. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Starfall

This has been a big problem for me throughout my life. This is why a lot of my Male friends tend to be gay. I can feel comfortable with them without having to worrying about anything.

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gay male friends are the best! I don't really have any at the moment tho. :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by redbaron

gay male friends are the best! I don't really have any at the moment tho. :(

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all of my friends are gay males.
i'm not quite sure how this happens. i'm not exactly fag-haggish, "yay! gay guys!"
normally i befriend the guy, and THEN i find out that he is gay. I have really terrible gaydar, so it's not a conscious thing. I think, though, that on a subconscious level I'm "friend" attracted to the guy because I know I can be. I really think it's almost impossible to be friends with straight guys.
And females are a sort of different story all together.

EDIT: except for all the male ILI friends I have. they are straight. so, gay males and straight, male ILIs are my only friends.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ritella

all of my friends are gay males.
i'm not quite sure how this happens. i'm not exactly fag-haggish, "yay! gay guys!"
normally i befriend the guy, and THEN i find out that he is gay. I have really terrible gaydar, so it's not a conscious thing. I think, though, that on a subconscious level I'm "friend" attracted to the guy because I know I can be. I really think it's almost impossible to be friends with straight guys.
And females are a sort of different story all together.

EDIT: except for all the male ILI friends I have. they are straight. so, gay males and straight, male ILIs are my only friends.

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my condolences

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mercutio

my condolences

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LOL merky.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ritella

all of my friends are gay males.
i'm not quite sure how this happens. i'm not exactly fag-haggish, "yay! gay guys!"
normally i befriend the guy, and THEN i find out that he is gay. I have really terrible gaydar, so it's not a conscious thing. I think, though, that on a subconscious level I'm "friend" attracted to the guy because I know I can be. I really think it's almost impossible to be friends with straight guys.
And females are a sort of different story all together.

EDIT: except for all the male ILI friends I have. they are straight. so, gay males and straight, male ILIs are my only friends.

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maybe you're a lesbian on an unconscious level