what do you guys think?
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what do you guys think?
my aunt and uncle are ENFj-ISFp couple. been married now for 35+ years, quite happily:) Not that there haven't been issues. I remember them fighting about how to discipline one of their children. Stuff like that. Yelling on the part of the ENFj. But overall, it's been good.
I can't function at 100% and my flow dies once i meet at ISFp, and i am 100% serious about this and there is no exaggeration. My work and my social skills kinda go down a little which i think it is becuase this type helps me to calm down. I work best when a little Se is present which helps me gain more energy. Though I think I need their peaceful aura or i will act completely way out of control, I dont know if it's something I need for the rest of my life, where as LSI tends to calm me down in a logical sense.
I say no, and I will tell you why.
A female colleageu of mine, is ENFJ. She has an ISFP boyfriend. They started to live together, and are at this moment I guess 3 years together.
From what I've heard, they don't have many fights etc.
BUT.... everytime that I meet them (although it's not often) it is VISIBILY noticable that the ENFJ is in trouble. That supervision thing works on her nerves a lot. She suddenly doesn't look so happy anymore, as she does when she is at my work. I was surprised by the way it is just obvious visible that people suffer from a supervision relationship.
I have been in these kind of relationships myself, as supervisor and supervisee, and everytime it's pretty clear the supervisee feels in trouble, although supervisee finds the supervisor really attractive. (because of the potential they seem to have).
From all the relationships I could choose from, being supervisee is last on my list. Nonetheless, I have to admit that a supervisor is always really attracting. Which is the trap you shouldn't fall for.
I say, why clinge to your supervisor, when there are many better choices.
Well that's it, I said my thing :-)
I think hooking up with an ISTp will be less tense and more easier than ISFp
lol
Personally I have a good number of friends who are SEI. My boss from work is SEI and we get along great. There are some awkward moments, and I do "feel supervised" sometimes, even though in terms of his position of authority over me he is very unobtrusive, undemanding, and low-key, but it's not really a big deal. If I were to be very attracted to an SEI girl, and the circumstances were right, I would not hesitate to date her.
It has never been said that you can't get along great. That's the trap I'm talking about. What you describe makes perfectly sense, although I would like to add a sentence after: 'I would not hesitate to date her'
'And later find out that it makes me feel lower in rank, unworthy, a lesser person, the submissive one, the slave, at unease, nervous etc when I'm in a romantically relationship with my supervisor.'
@mpiazza000: don't expect the SLI relationship to work out great. Conflictors are mutual attractive in the beginning and dangerously conflicting in the end...
ahem. I've been married to my supervisee for nearly 15 years, thankyouverymuch. so yeah, you could say I've been "into" supervision relationships myself.
And yes, I'm quite close with my aunt.
Supervision isn't as bad as some people make it out to be. It's not ideal, socionically-speaking. And if my husband were to die, I wouldn't go LOOKING for a supervision relation. However, if I happened to find someone and it happened to be supervision, that wouldn't deter me either.
Depends mostly on how well you guys communicate. I know I have had good relationships with my illusion- ENFp. But the biggest opstacle I felt, was that we didn't talk much. If you can get past that.. through personal interests or something of that sort, then it can work. A few dates definitely couldn't hurt anything
Oh, myers briggs confusion again.
Yeah, supervisor relations.
Ugh.......
waste of time.
I went to an ENFj's house the other day and it was absolutely spotless. She was into white, the walls were white, the cupboards were white, the couch was white with white sheets. It was minimalist with shiny pans and photos of her childhood all over the place. I felt scared to death i was gonna rub some of my filth onto something or spill my beer. Is this related in some way to a :Si: polr?
I actually kind of a agree with Jarno here. When i asked about relationships back in the day i used to get the socionics answers about supervision etc. If you just say "of course have fun", i think its denying why we are here (or at least why im here). I dont know about that particular supervision much. I do know an ISFp-ENFj couple who have been together a year now they seem ok.
Should you? - Possibly not..
Could you? of course
I think so; at least in a sense. I also am very concerned with cleanliness -- in the sense that I try to make a mess; dirt and clutter really...worries me? I like everything clean (almost in an empty/sterile sense) so that I don't have to worry about cleaning, about making something dirty into something clean. Does that sort of make sense?
now im definitely going to look into EIE for my sis' sis in law. her and my mil are/were VERY much alike. this cleanliness issue as well.
and all this time i thought a Si PolR would manifest as not caring about those things and completely let them go.
It depends rather the person likes to protect his/her polr or not. Some SI polr really do care very much about their appearence but are very not naturally in tune to it so they over do it. I have seen ENTJ-Ni taking alot of care of their appearence and their health, and also EIE-FE tends to care alot about their health more so than EIE-Ni, I dont know how that works though but its just my observation on people with SI-polr.
thanks, i guess this is why the descriptions and stereotypes can be off and need to take many of these kinds of things into account. and i suppose why not to type based on them but the elements/functions themselves instead. for me, that's very hard, im kinda a stereotype person, even if i dont like them, they are what make the most sense to me. hubby and i have great funny names for all kinds of people we come across. not as a putdown but to help us refer and know what those people are like.
mpiazza000, if your house looks that pristine, i'm not sure dating an ISFp would work that well. my 2cents.
My EIE aunt used to be a nurse. She's really anal about health things and has a completely white kitchen. lol
I had a really surreal Si-polr experience which I'll tell you about:
I went over to this EIE-Fes house to buy some marijuana, and we ended up smoking a joint in his car outside his house. So then he gets hungry, and we go into his house. So we're in his room. His room had trash everywhere on the floor. Snot filled tissues, 3 different kinds of nutshells.. sunflower, pistachio, and more.. dirty socks and underwear all over the place. Probably an entire notebook worth of paper trash, wrappers; many of which had nasty secretions wiped onto them. little pieces of old food and shit all over the carpet. Skipping forward, we went up to his kitchen. His well equiped kitchen had about 30 dirty dishes piled up in the sink. He walked over to this crusted pot filled with spaghetti, which was sitting among the other dirty dishes. It had ground beef in it. He picked up the pot, smelled it, said "ah... still good", then filled it with some water and put it on the stove. About 10 minutes later he's like "I gota go to the bathroom". So I'm sitting there alone watching this pot on the stove, and I hear the gut wrenching sound of him hurling his guts out in the bathroom. Skipping ahead, we went down into his garage to smoke another bowl. His garage has about 12-13 pools of vomite on the concrete; and the whole garage has big wads of spit on the ground. Luckily I was wearing shoes.
There's more to the story, but that's the Si-polr part.
My EIE-Fe sister is about 120 pounds overweight and her house is also a complete wreck. She owns four small, obnoxious dogs who have pissed and shit their carpet so many times you're averted from even walking in socks.
I also knew an ISFj who had an EIE mother. She told me utter horror stories of her mothers house. Basically, that the entire house is like a maze of crap piled half up to the ceiling, and hasn't been cleaned in years. You can easily find three year old bags of burger king, according to her. She says it literally has never been cleaned, and that going in there is experiencing a new form of smell you never thought could exist.
The other day my EIE-Ni aunt brought down about, no joke, 30 tupperwear containers which had apparently been accumulating underneath her bed. Every one of them was filled with the remains of butter lathered popcorn. Some of them looked up to a year old, all were really crusted and nasty.
...
whoa, that's disgusting!
yeah it was pretty intense
I have other non-romantic relationships and before I married my husband, I had several romantic ones as well. Those all gave me a good sampling, thanks. There was a thread on this in beta recently. In any case, my point is that you shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the potential of a relationship based on socionics alone.
yeah, that was mil too. when i took care of her and she came out of her room in the afternoons, if ONE thing was on the counter, the looks of disgust and guilt...THAT was the stress i lost 20lbs over. hubby had to take over her care, she COULD NOT stand me and i COULD NOT stand her, as much as i still loved her. hubby knew how to let it roll off his back. i just wanted to strangle her. lol
edit: i just want to say that i respected my mil enuf to get away from her to allow her last days to be what she wanted them to be. i appreciate and understand her more now, more than ever...
i dated one for years and i'd say they can expand your mind but they can also leave you vulnerable. because despite the fact they supervise us...they can still be opportunistic and just not our dual. sometimes i think too in romantic supervision relationships the supervisor takes on too much and the supervisee gets enabled.
wow the extremes of Si PoLR. I think I'm healthy though. I do get an accumulating sink and my workspaces gradually get more and more messy, but every once in a while I just clean it up. I think it's all thanks to my ILI husband though. He likes things clean and empty, so I try not to make too much of a mess. I was pretty messy when I was living alone, but now that I've been living alone for a month I've been very clean. I make my bed every morning and usually wash my dishes after each meal.
I think an ENFJ-ISFP can be a fun relationship. One that organizes fun and the one that goes along with it. I think Introverts as Supervisors works better than Extroverts working as Supervisors.
Much better and rewarding than an ENFJ with an INTP. I've met a couple of those ENFJ-INTP pairings...the ENFJ makes lemonade out of lemons while the INTP is just staring away.
The answer is YES.
Some types deserve to be supervised. ;)
I came back from the grave to ask about this.
To all the ENFjs out there, have you ever been in a romantic relationship with an ISFp? If so what was that like?
Actually, what I really wanna know is, have any of you been in a relationship with an ISFp where you felt like everything worked out really well and the supervision aspect of it didn't really matter all that much?
As an ISFp I actually really don't have all that much trouble with ESTjs (my supervisors) at all....definitely way less than the descriptions of supervision suggest. I'm really hoping it's the same way with ENFjs....or heh...I guess at least just one ENFj in particular ;)
My former female colleague ENFJ-Fe had a relationship with an ISFp.
They were together for about 3 or 4 years and then broke up.
I once met them outside of work, and she looked really supervised, very submissive as if she had no right to exist. I think the relationship sucks to be honest.
I wonder though if maybe going for it with Mr. Amazing ENFj is at least worth a shot....he actually MIGHT be an Fe-INFp anyway....I'm hoping he is...
you sure of your type? supervisees tend to be slightly boring
when I am the supervisor, things tend to go sour when my supervisee decides to make a contribution with their creative function ... I can't appreciate it, in fact have a knee-jerk reaction to run away from it as fast as I can, as a result they start feeling undervalued and frustrated
Oh hey you quoted that before I changed it....good thing too...you might be onto something.
I dunno. I'm pretty sure. I mean I guess...
I MIGHT (but probably not) be an INFp actually. Shindaiwa DID describe my behavior as intuitive-like when he met me IRL.
Mr. Amazing ENFj might actually be an ESFj? Which honestly ESFjs come across as well...good people but just....not people I'm usually all that interested in most of the time. I actually attributed it to possibly being BECAUSE we have the same functions.
Mr. Amazing ENFj might actually be an INFp.
But I dunno. Some people are just amazing. You know, like that one person that everybody likes.
ETA: I find my beneficiaries to be slightly boring. Which makes sense, their polr is Ne....which is what I'm after. But my supervisee's is Si which might be my dominant function but it's not what I'm after.
Just for the record, my brother, (ENFj) dislikes all of my ISFp best pals. He thinks that they're good people, (for the most part), but he feels like they're always judging him and he dislikes feeling judged. I personally don't get it, because I get along EXTREMELY well with ISFp's and these pals of mine are very awesome.
He used to love all of my ISFp pals. Then one-by-one he got close to them, and they ended up basically disliking each other. It's weird because I'll be with him and his pals, and my ISFp friend will come up and they'll completely ignore each other while I'm having a great convo with them.
The ISFp's think my brother is immature. My brother thinks the ISFp's are overly critical and finds just the way they stand intimidating. . .
My brother would never turn up his nose (outwardly) to anybody, no matter how much he disliked them. But I think the two types he generally dislikes most and that he generally has to talk a lot to, are ESFp's and ISFp's.
So in general: the relationship will seem amazing at first, but the closer you get the worse off your relationship gets.
I would be cautious moving into the relationship. . . I personally would never go for anyone that I thought was an INFp. I've been in close relationships with INFp's before and they were terrible relationships.
Also, your Supervisee will feel the effects of the relationship more then you. I doubt the ENFj will say yes.
I have only seen ENFj's in relationships with: ENFj's, ESFj's, INFp's, INFj's and ISTj's.
But I guess there's a first time for everything. . .
Dont let socionics make decisions like this for you.
That's really good to hear because that's actually how I know Mr. Amazing ENFj...we work together.
I think I'm gonna be more careful though when he asks for my opinion. I probably do come off as way too critical :(
ETA: Hi Starfall!!! :)
Double ETA: Thanks for all your responses, guys. :)
Hey the Mime. Wassup? I hope you remember me because I remember vividly a lot of who you are, lol I guess.
Man I could say a lot about this but I am not sure where to start. but for what its worth, I think ISFp woman are very attractive, I considered them the types to very the most feminine and sexiest of all socionics type. more so than my dual ISTj, ESTp, and somewhat ENFj and you can add INFp in there. I would definity considered being with one long term even if I know its supervision.
I will be fully myself when I first meet an ISFp, I am usually outgoing and am the one who keeps conversation going and what not. I will continue that as it goes on through with the relationship. One thing I noticed heavily is that I feel their :Si: very strongly, much more so than any types in socionics, ISTp, ESFj and Delta ST. I feel being "look at" from them because of it and especially when I get very close to them. I don't think that's really a big issues but i guess problems can start where it contradict my inner value and where it stems deeply toward intuition. ISFp seem to brush the unimportant of NI, they just don't value it, and that goes against value, their SI. That's the core for many enfjs and deep down for them if this value can fully form they can be themselves and complement them naturally, for a better dominant function.
It's nice and so ISFp "let go" a lot of their problem and this goes with the saying that if you don't think about your problem you would have no problem, or that if you worry you seem to die one thousand time but if you don't worry you die once. that's a very refreshing forms of philosophy for MANY ENFJ that worries way too much. ~ it's this way that makes me feel at odd and temporary good about my self when I am spending my time with the ISFps. But then I noticed that when I see a long term implication this seems to change a lot of who I am and I seem to alter myself in an unhealthy way as it goes against my healthy form of manifestation. I don't know how to explain this to be percise and I at this point wanna distance myself from them. I and a few ENFj wants to solved the problem instead of ingoing it, while of course if you ignore little problems, it's always good but it can also go at odd with SE hidden agenda too.
I know that thur my experiences that Supervisee will always be bothered my the supervisor's Polr and supervisor will try to explain its way through their Hidden agenda. SO maybe this is a problem too.
what you mean here is when they switch mode and starting using :Ti: right? yeah I definity know what you mean there.
I mean they are all pretty laid back but the stubborn one carries this way to far to protect their hidden agenda they can also bomb you with weak :Ne: ;-(.
I don't understand how ENFjs could find ISFps intimidating. I would think it would be the other way around (even though it goes against the supervision concept).
I mean I suppose the supervisor does have the upper hand. Fe is well known to SEI and so large displays of it are not terribly impressive or important (and I suppose that could be intimidating).
@ Ryene Astraelis:
Haha. Either you have a really good memory or I had that gummy worms avatar up for a loooong time.
@ Loki:
Hi! :)
Yeah! Lol ISFps usually are very non-intimidating! We're like skittish little bunnies a lot of the time lol.
@ Numbers:
Yeah I remember you! How could I forget you. :) Thanks for your reply!! And thank you for starting out by saying what you like about ISFps. Hehe that's sooo...what are the words I'm looking for?...nice? sensitive? thoughtful? considerate?...not sure but you catch my drift. Lol honestly when I read your post I kinda smacked myself on the forehead and was like "Deng. That's how I need to talk." Like lol I feel like what I said about ESFjs and ISTjs could have been said way better [more nicely].
@ Detail and Numbers:
I don't ignore problems...and I especially don't ignore problems in relationships. I face them head on. Actually, I'm usually the one to initiate talking about things if I feel like the air needs to be cleared.
I'm a 4w5 sx/so btw.
I have strongly held moral beliefs and I'm pretty political. I'll be open to hearing other people's moral philosophies/beliefs because I'm addicted to perspective and understanding people (a 4w5 thing?) but I probably won't share my beliefs with most people...I'm pretty selective and private about that.
Not that I haven't run across an identical of mine or two that was very um...haha...morally permissive....or the opposite...morally rigid...just felt the need to set the record strait when it comes to myself. ;)
Yeah they can become :Ti: in the most "let's count the grains of sand one by one" possible way. I think this is why i generally have problems with them even though they are my dual. They don't seem to understand the relative position of things in the universe. So it's either "let's ignore it all" or "let's do it methodically" and both are not meaningful at all to me. BTW it doesn't mean they are not fun company.
I've pretty much come to a decision already.
Thanks again, guys. :)
No, I know that ISFp doesn't ignore problems and even more so if you are a 4 than 9.
What I should say is that they might ignore Ni or not looking at it the way ENFj will which is natural in other inter-quadra relationship anyway.
When I wrote what I have written above was based on ISFp 9, I think this totally changes if you said you are a 9. to me 4 and 9 might look similar outside, but inside they are completely different people.Quote:
I'm a 4w5 sx/so btw.
^^^ yea that is good, E-3,4,5 does work well, I believe.Quote:
I have strongly held moral beliefs and I'm pretty political. I'll be open to hearing other people's moral philosophies/beliefs because I'm addicted to perspective and understanding people (a 4w5 thing?) but I probably won't share my beliefs with most people...I'm pretty selective and private about that.
Not that I haven't run across an identical of mine or two that was very um...haha...morally permissive....or the opposite...morally rigid...just felt the need to set the record strait when it comes to myself. ;)
yep. pretty much. everything looks all peachy, it seems good, but your lifeblood is slowly being drained until there's just a crunchy exoskeleton left. Happens so gradually that you hardly notice it. That's speaking from a supervisee's point of view though. The supervisor has it a lot easier.
I'm not going to say that socionics is everything, and that it can never work, but ime all those things matching and working (dcnh, e type and stacking, etc.) just cover up the actual problems. I was in a relationship with an ILE for awhile, and was the last one to notice the kind of negative effect he was having on me.
Mime, maybe you're IEI. Which would also explain why things could go well with an EIE.... I dated an EIE for a short while once and I *greatly* admired him. He was extremely charismatic. I knew I couldn't be with him long term though because he was "out of sight out of mind" with people, seemed to enjoy the attention himself more than he enjoyed giving ME the attention (we beta NFs are attention whores sometimes), lol!
Supervision is to be avoided, if possible. It's very much okay on the surface but if you're looking for an internally substantial relationship that will help each of you grow in the long term, avoid it.
It could be so, although some supervisor couples do tend to work surprisingly well.
At least in terms of friendship - I'm friends with one of my supervisors, my girlfriend is, and my her friend is her supervisee. What we have in common is that we all get defensive/cutting remarks from our supervisees when around other people; maybe a kind of insecurity thing (since we feel somewhat insecure around our supervisors)?
How this manifests in the real world?
Do EIEs (aristocratic) form some kind of social cliques and power games and it goes against SEI's (democratic) values? I think I have noticed this. I know an SEI who is very reactive to that kind of behavior.
IDK, they seem to love me... ;D
Normal supervision. Everything seems cool to me, but the EIE gets internally nervous. And I don't know why. (well, I know now, but I'm not supposed to)
I've never been interested in EIEs. They seem a little boring to me.
I get too much power by simply being myself. It's an odd feeling, and sometimes goes unnoticed by myself.
Supervision truly is an assymetrical relationship, it feels very different depending on which end you are at.
Once an EIE got totally furious at me when we talked typology. I just told her she was EIE and in an semidual relationship with my LII friend. She started to intimidate me in different ways and telling me what I was feeling, trying to get under my skin. I got very intimidated but you can't fight supervision. The setting is always against the supervisee.
Best results we get if the type sinks into the background and we just try to talk as "normal human beings".
I'm currently involved in a friendship (i'm enfj) with my supervisory type ISFP. I told him this equates with supervision in socionics and he said he's my supervisory angel, because I posted a quote about angels:
“O smile, going where? O upturned look:
new, warm, receding surge of the heart--;
alas, we are that surge. Does then the
cosmic space
we dissolve in taste of us? Do the
angels
reclaim only what is theirs, their own
outstreamed existence,
or sometimes, by accident, does a bit
of us
get mixed in? Are we blended in their
features
like the slight vagueness that
complicates the looks
of pregnant women? Unnoticed by them
in their
whirling back into themselves? (How
could they notice?)”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Duino Elegies
How do you overcome the one way relationship that is a supervisee and a supervisor when the supervisors existence seems so much more consequential than our own? So infinitely more connected with abstract AND human reality than our own. Do parts of us mix in with them if we are able to offer them art or information that is new to them? Or do they simply absorb us:
“For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror
which we are barely able to endure, and it amazes us so,
because it serenely disdains to destroy us.
Every angel is terrible.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Duino Elegies
a video of SEI-Si (him) and EIE (her) couple - even not being fluent in Russian one can tell they are in supervision relations
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywvhTRr_CBA
Oh god you can already see the cracks. I’d bet they last 36 months tops if they are strong and there is love and their souls have something needing to be learned. They will crash and burn hard you can already see in the first 25 seconds of the video. How long will she go before she finally accepts to herself that she resents him? You can only fake Fe for so long.
He seems oblivious which is how I personally class many SEI.
This ISFp-ENFj relationship would have significant challenges at best: a lemming trying to supervise an angler fish - in order for them to be together, one would have to be starved of oxygen. :content:
a.k.a. I/O
They've been together for a little over a year up to date, and idk it might be him who will give in. He sounds like a nice guy but he's making way too many excuses for both of them, while not really receiving much feedback from her, like he's trying to pull the whole thing on his shoulders and she's there for the ride, which made some of their subscribers ask whether she's using him. Eventually the supervisor might decide that this is not worth it. But for now - they have similar work and hobby interests, YouTube/Insta/blogs, so they might stick together for a little longer imo.
These are normally pretty good. I think a romantic partnership could work here. I find myself relating a lot to SEIs, I think it's because we both have Dialectical-Algorithmic thinking, and both value Fe.
Si doesn't normally get in my way, but my mom is an SEI so I may be used to being supervised at this point.