SLIs/ISTps and Extraverted feeling Fe PoLR

I'm finally starting to understand Socionics and have some questions.

I'm curious as to how SLI's Fe Polr manifests itself in real life. How do Fe environments feel to you? Do you actively avoid them? How do you react to those that display it? Why does it make you uncomfortable? Could you provide real life instances in which you found yourself in this environment and how both parties reacted to one another? Is it your main source of stress? What is a dead giveaway that your Polr is being "hit"? How can one differentiate between Fi polr and Fe polr...what are obvious signs? How does an Fe polr come across in real life?

I'm sure this has been done before but I want new answers. I'm also a bit curious about IEE's and their Polr so if you're IEE, feel free to answer the same questions.

I know I've used this example before a couple of times, but imagine you were dragged to this and you find yourself in this scenario.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKPQbNoP5_s

And channel that feeling into words.

Or imagine you were dragged to a taping of Oprah, and suddenly this happened.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSuGFxqOkPc

Channel that emotion into words

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Originally Posted by tereg

I know I've used this example before a couple of times, but imagine you were dragged to this and you find yourself in this scenario.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKPQbNoP5_s

And channel that feeling into words.

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No joke, this clip brightens my day every single time i see it. Thanks for this, haha. That guy is all kinds of awesome.

What bothers my husband the most:

Having to sit in a circle and discuss his feelings with people. We have friends who were going to some "couple's getaway" which was supposed to strengthen marriages, and it was mainly sessions where we'd sit in circles and talk about our relationships and how we feel, and as a group we'd all contribute to this event that would help everyone who was a part.

That is the most painful thing in the world to him. He doesn't mind if Fe comes up and it isn't expected of him - like if he hears other people talk about their feelings with each other or something like that. It's just when people try to drag it out of him, particularly in a group setting, and particularly if he's supposed to contribute to the overall feel of the group in his contributions.

He also hates work "team building" events. He really really hates that. He had one a while ago and came home a complete mess after it.

ROFL tereg - I think my husband would have just left at the pre-Ellen dance thing. He would have at least sat down and tried to ignore it.

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Originally Posted by Slacker Mom

What bothers my husband the most:

Having to sit in a circle and discuss his feelings with people. We have friends who were going to some "couple's getaway" which was supposed to strengthen marriages, and it was mainly sessions where we'd sit in circles and talk about our relationships and how we feel, and as a group we'd all contribute to this event that would help everyone who was a part.

That is the most painful thing in the world to him. He doesn't mind if Fe comes up and it isn't expected of him - like if he hears other people talk about their feelings with each other or something like that. It's just when people try to drag it out of him, particularly in a group setting, and particularly if he's supposed to contribute to the overall feel of the group in his contributions.

He also hates work "team building" events. He really really hates that. He had one a while ago and came home a complete mess after it.

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This sounds accurate...I don't think I could endure such a situation. That'd be a highly anxiety-producing event for me. I'd be a mess too. I give him credit for attempting it, I would have ran the other way.

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lol @ Fe :lol: :lol:

(Keep in mind I listened to these with no sound)
For the first video, I was thinking I would have just kept sitting down, and smiled at people. I don't mind if they want to do that, but don't expect me to do it just 'cause you are. Sure, I like to go out dancing, but clubs keep things dark - I never focus on the people around me, just the music itself. The other dancers are supposed to be my camouflage. That situation was extremely attention-seeking - the audience seemed more desperate to be seen as part of the dance effort rather than actually feeling something and expressing it spontaneously - and I would refuse to participate for that reason alone.

For the second video, I was thoroughly repelled. I have no idea what Oprah said to create all that gasping and hand-clasping, but it really seemed like people were trying too hard. If they actually felt that strongly from just some announcement, then they are unto aliens to me. You could tell me I just won the lottery, and I would be like "cool. thanks a lot." *Sometimes* I can tap into the excitement that someone I care about is expressing, and be able to show them some enthusiasm back, but that's more about helping my friend/family member maintain a desirable state (as opposed to bring them down by my normal non-outward reaction).

Channel that feeling into words? I have no idea what those people were feeling. Frankly, I feel uncomfortable just watching that kinda reaction on a tiny, blurry YouTube screen. It's actually a little weird to notice that I'm not even happy for them, just repelled. I'm fine for people to express what they're feeling in a strong fashion, but not *around* me!

This reminds me of a life coaching session run by my best friend. It was the worst thing ever. Don't get me wrong. It seemed very helpful for a lot of the people there to hash out their inner lives in front of an audience, but it just wound up making me feel incredibly vulnerable. There's something about going around in a circle talking about your deepest fears and having an old lady sobbing about how her son cut her out of his life that makes me feel helpless and useless in a gut-wrenching sort of way.

When it was finally done, people were chit chatting and my friend asked me if I was going to stay. I was polite, but inside my head I was thinking a) I need to get out of here stat, and b) after feeling forced to share things I didn't really want to, that I would be perfectly fine never seeing these other people ever again (to date: success). Walking out of there felt like a crab escaping from a room of hammer-wielding starving people. Well, except that the food they were after was the core of my very soul.

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Originally Posted by iAnnAu

For the second video, I was thoroughly repelled. I have no idea what Oprah said to create all that gasping and hand-clasping, but it really seemed like people were trying too hard. If they actually felt that strongly from just some announcement, then they are unto aliens to me. You could tell me I just won the lottery, and I would be like "cool. thanks a lot." *Sometimes* I can tap into the excitement that someone I care about is expressing, and be able to show them some enthusiasm back, but that's more about helping my friend/family member maintain a desirable state (as opposed to bring them down by my normal non-outward reaction).

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I agree with everything you said and had to chuckle a bit at the bolded part because that's exactly how I'd react also. This is the source of much of my problems, I've noted. I find people really take offense to this sort of response as they think I'm being "snobbish" or acting like i'm too good for them or some other nonsense when that isn't the case at all. People can be downright vicious when you keep your enthusiasm and feelings to yourself.

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This reminds me of a life coaching session run by my best friend. It was the worst thing ever. Don't get me wrong. It seemed very helpful for a lot of the people there to hash out their inner lives in front of an audience, but it just wound up making me feel incredibly vulnerable. There's something about going around in a circle talking about your deepest fears and having an old lady sobbing about how her son cut her out of his life that makes me feel helpless and useless in a gut-wrenching sort of way.

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I agree. I personally find it very odd to know people can benefit from such situations. Being in an environment like that would only make my "problem" much, much worse. I just don't feel the need to let everyone know my feelings--what business is it of theirs? It's almost like some people feel it's their right to know your every emotion and it's so very painful for me when people act that way towards me.

I've noticed with my SLI brother that Fe in moderation doesn't necessarily turn him off. Like my IEE brother and I can be throwing Fe around (though I guess I probably tone my Fe down when I'm around my brothers) - talking about emotional stuff, and he'll be really interested in the conversation and just sit there listening ... but just seems to have no wish to add his own two cents. I mean he can even be influenced by the Fe - be inspired by what we're talking about ... maybe even form a private resolution which he then carries out the next day or whenever. Not telling anyone until he's carried it out. I, on the other hand, wouldn't be able to sit there silently and not let someone know how I'm being affected. Providing I know and like the person :p.

Also, on the very rare occasions when he loses his temper, he really loses it. Not in a scary way, but you can tell he's not in control of his emotions at all. He can get super emotional about something when he's like that, but when it blows over, he doesn't want to ever bring the situation up or allude to it ever again. lol It's like it never happened - literally. I mean you know a lot of people who say things they're embarrassed about later, and they don't want to dwell on the issue later - but still - the evidence is there that it happened - a newly created tender zone being obviously avoided. lol But with my brother, it's just like nothing ever happened. No scars. No trace. No awkwardness. Nothing. Did I just imagine everything? :-p

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Originally Posted by munenori2

Well, except that the food they were after was the core of my very soul.

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:o Filthy carnivores!

Are you leaning back towards EII these days? :p

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Originally Posted by Jem

:o Filthy carnivores!

Are you leaning back towards EII these days? :p

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I have no socionics type. Pretty much given up on it really.

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Originally Posted by tereg

Or imagine you were dragged to a taping of Oprah, and suddenly this happened.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSuGFxqOkPc

Channel that emotion into words

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I've built up my Fe tolerance as this seems to happen whenever I walk into a large room or arena type thing.

Because I have Fe role, I just kind of "smile and nod".... it eventually dies out.

But it's still annoying. I have sensitive ears.

To be more serious, for "ME", it's more an inability to control my emotional reactions altogether. If they are positive they are positive, if they are negative I can't hide how I feel. It seems I have to "coach" myself into certain ways of thinking - at times.

Later on (or more recently), I'm learning more about people, so I can just sort of "understand" them, and kind of "not get in the way" of their emotions too much. Just like "yeah, yeah, that's good :)" or "Yeah... I see" or "Oh,.... yeah". So long as I can convince myself that I'm not pressured in a situation, I'm fine. If I just feel emotionally pressured to be a certain way I get even more ornery.


The Ellen thing wouldn't bother me that much as would probably start dancing. I would dance because I might actually enjoy dancing in that situation, esp sort of having fun with people I was at the event with (which is probably the only reason I'd go - if someone else wanted me to). It's not that threatening to me. You can have fun in those kinds of situations.

Oprah thing would just be annoying. I'd probably make fun of people going OMG OMG OMG. But it wouldn't make me want to kill myself. It's a good opportunity to tease someone.

What bothers me most is when people use "emotional involvement" as a means to figure out if you are "with us" or "against us". I'm going to be against you by default because it feels like I have to lie in order to gain your approval, and that's not cool.

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that's really terrible to basically put someone on the spot who doesn't want to be! coaching is suppose to be one-on-one and confidential, NOT in front of a crowd. And people who don't mind opening up to strangers should be the only ones up there...I would have really cringed in that situation!!

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Originally Posted by munenori2

This reminds me of a life coaching session run by my best friend. It was the worst thing ever. Don't get me wrong. It seemed very helpful for a lot of the people there to hash out their inner lives in front of an audience, but it just wound up making me feel incredibly vulnerable. There's something about going around in a circle talking about your deepest fears and having an old lady sobbing about how her son cut her out of his life that makes me feel helpless and useless in a gut-wrenching sort of way.

When it was finally done, people were chit chatting and my friend asked me if I was going to stay. I was polite, but inside my head I was thinking a) I need to get out of here stat, and b) after feeling forced to share things I didn't really want to, that I would be perfectly fine never seeing these other people ever again (to date: success). Walking out of there felt like a crab escaping from a room of hammer-wielding starving people. Well, except that the food they were after was the core of my very soul.

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Originally Posted by jewels

that's really terrible to basically put someone on the spot who doesn't want to be! coaching is suppose to be one-on-one and confidential, NOT in front of a crowd. And people who don't mind opening up to strangers should be the only ones up there...I would have really cringed in that situation!!

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Yep.

Now, to differentiate that to what I detect as Fi PoLR (and this is by no means the prime example or the only example to illustrate this, this is only one example that I see of it). There will be times when I will hear someone say something to the effect of, "Well, I don't care how you/they feel. That doesn't matter." Now granted, this alone isn't necessarily an Fi PoLR thing, but looking at it from the context of hearing someone argue or make a point and bringing in a person's personal situation or circumstances to build the case. I think that an Fi PoLR would be more apt to be quickly dismissive and simultaneously annoyed/frustrated at the lack of logic or wasting time making unnecessary statements about the nature of a given conversational topic.

So, think of the PoLRs in a directional sense.

Person A makes an "inwardly" focused statement about their own (or their own group) feelings or relative circumstances, and Person B hears it and dismisses that. From Person A's perspective, they are making a statement that is intended to be non-invasive and is not supposed to be directed towards Person B (i.e. "I'm not forcing my views on you, I'm talking about my own situation and my own personal experience", :Fi: POV) but Person B interprets it as them doing exactly that (i.e. "Well what do you think you're doing by saying I should think about this person's feelings?", :Fe: POV) It's a cross-up of interpreted directions. This is the Fi PoLR directional conflict.

The Fe PoLR conflict is when you have a situation where Person A makes an "outwardly" focused statement that invades Person B in some way. Person A intends for you to feel comfortable by promoting (in the emotional atmospheric sense) the people in the immediate area to do something together that will in turn make themselves feel comfortable (i.e. "All right, what we're going to do is we're all going to share a little bit about ourselves to strengthen our bonds.", :Fe: POV), but Person B isn't necessarily comfortable doing that (i.e. "This makes me really uncomfortable doing this, and potentially embarrassing", :Fi: POV). Again a cross-up of interpreted directions, in this case Fe PoLR.

So, Fi PoLR originates with an "inward" statement (or action), but an "outwardly" focused person interprets the statement as "outwardly" invasive.

Fe PoLR originates with an "outward" statement (or action), but an "inwardly" focused person interprets the statement as "inwardly" invasive.

Interesting. I'd like to hear more thoughts on that.

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Originally Posted by Slacker Mom

He also hates work "team building" events. He really really hates that. He had one a while ago and came home a complete mess after it.

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ah i feel for him... i dread the possibility of "team building"



and that zach guy, what a legend, good on him for sticking through it (however awkwardly) lol

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Originally Posted by munenori2

Interesting. I'd like to hear more thoughts on that.

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I think that the reason why misinterpretation happens is due to the PoLR being in the realm of things that are "foreign" to the individual. Their mode of thought or valuing naturally goes in the "direction" they expect and interpret information and when information is directed in the other way, then the concept is lost and misinterpretation happens.

So it's not that they don't understand cognitively what's happening, it's just that it's difficult to relate to or understand the motivation of said "direction".

In this case, to an Fi PoLR the idea of taking into consideration one's own emotions or circumstances in the face of inconsistent logic is a foreign concept. They know what the Fi valuing person is doing, but they don't understand why they choose to do it and the thought of doing it themselves is also foreign. Also, they interpret inwardly directed langauge and actions in outward ways because that is how they naturally interpret information.

To an Fe PoLR, the idea of having to outwardly emote or express themselves in a way that causes them inward discomfort is smothering and is also a foreign concept why people even bother doing activities like that or why they choose to go to those lengths in expression. They understand what is going on around them, but they don't understand why it happens and would never see themselves doing any sort of related activity. So they are interpreting outwardly directed language and actions in inward ways because that is how they naturally interpret information.

Fe PoLR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDbe0WD-aMI&fmt=18
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7cwHsN-fCc&fmt=18

:lol: Love it.

Jess i will read your questions in a few days hopefully, but Ti polr to me is very noticable when i try to explain something. If ive learnt something at uni that day i explain it really well but then ask me a week later and i can barely explain it. Could be due to poor memory though? If i actually went back and read the lecture i could flick my eyes over the page and understand it again in about 3 seconds lol. Not sure if other ENFp's experience something similar.

Anyway lets keep it to Fe polr. I cant really think of Polr hitting in this short time but ISTp's are typically pretty stony faced a lot of the time. They laugh and smile plenty but just dont get really expressive.

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Originally Posted by tereg

I know I've used this example before a couple of times, but imagine you were dragged to this and you find yourself in this scenario.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKPQbNoP5_s

And channel that feeling into words.

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I shouldn't be here i should be studying but dude that was fucken hillarious. How he was kind of slowly clapping :o, I instantly wanted to buy him a beer. If that happened to me i would feel like puking. I read in a type description once that ENFp's cant really jump up in the air and go YEEEEYYYYY!! very easily. I think thats why ISTp's like us.

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Originally Posted by meatburger

Jess i will read your questions in a few days hopefully, but Ti polr to me is very noticable when i try to explain something. If ive learnt something at uni that day i explain it really well but then ask me a week later and i can barely explain it. Could be due to poor memory though? If i actually went back and read the lecture i could flick my eyes over the page and understand it again in about 3 seconds lol. Not sure if other ENFp's experience something similar.

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Oh yeah, I definitely do too.

what about women screaming in a roller coaster??

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Originally Posted by jessica129

Why does it make you uncomfortable?

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Cause it demands me to do things that I'm not comfortable with.

Mostly situations, in which it is obliged you take part into something, with a group. And which has many Fe people in it, since if they weren't there, it would be an Fe thing anyway and we could have just relaxed fun instead of that anoying 'everybody plays its part thing'.

Collectivists vs individualists.

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Originally Posted by consentingadult

what about women screaming in a roller coaster??

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http://www.e-rard.com/woman%20screaming2.jpg

STOP POSTING

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Originally Posted by jessica129

STOP POSTING

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Ok will do.

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Originally Posted by jessica129

STOP POSTING

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Very soon :p

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Originally Posted by jessica129

STOP POSTING

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any minute now....

Sometimes it's an unawareness certain 'Fe' things are required, sometimes an over-compensation. Sometimes a dis-regard for it, sometimes a clumsy use of it.

Likewise have to careful not to get too dependent on hidden agenda, unless around familiar Fi type(s).

This is just stuff for me. Heh, hope it's not too vague. I think what I wrote is great haha ;)

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Originally Posted by tereg

I know I've used this example before a couple of times, but imagine you were dragged to this and you find yourself in this scenario.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKPQbNoP5_s

And channel that feeling into words.

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Hahahaha, that was seriously so funny that i watched it several times in a row. Thanks for the laugh! :-)

My favorite is the woman @ 38 seconds...w-t-f. That whole audience gives white people a bad name.

I'll give you another clear example of Fe in action.

Andy Kaufman. Watch these videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Enf3zyziKQM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL3Dp6Oh3Fw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bAQg-zWmsI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uQlB99WCuk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPKukN8Usmk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7NbtHtMJtQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkGV2SBLehA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVNW132q7P4

Every single one of these were pre-meditated. He knew exactly the reaction he was going to get at all times and he thrived off of getting people to react how he wanted. He was always in complete control of a given situation, no matter how bad of a reaction he'd get. It didn't matter how bad the reaction was, he didn't care, it was his lifeblood.

The Andy Kaufman/Tony Clifton bit is another extension of this idea

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Clifton

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XH53aawZ0gA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWG-xjQeZe4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viRVZQeRumQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKTR8Yj5hg4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsT9Mc_eh_o


Here's Judd Hirsch talking about Andy Kaufman. Notice how he says "The magician part is his act. If you could believe anything he does, he wins."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72iIEZ4WXN8

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Originally Posted by songofsappho

Someone reiterated the other day that Fe PoLR is about being businesslike rather than about being abrasive or about flouting Fe rules. I think that this is a very good way of putting it - "businesslike" - and I wanted to post here to maybe offer more clarity on Fe PoLR in action.

When I'm talking, I'm focused on communicating the information as clearly as possible; it doesn’t even occur to me to consider the “emotional content” or what-have-you of the message. That’s not to say I won’t frame the way I say something in a way that [I hope] will not be offensive. In fact, in those situations where I think the topic is sensitive in some way, I can get so caught up on not offending anyone that my message suffers. That may be a decent example of why we shouldn’t focus too much on our super-ego functions, in fact, since it seems to hamper effective use of corresponding ego functions [Te vs. Fe in my case, but I’m sure every type has a parallel].

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I think you got that right. "Businesslike" is a good way to decsribe how I communicate, and as a consequence I often get "What's wrong?" "Are you mad a tme?" "Is something bothering you?" etc. And I'm just thinking to myslef "Couldn't you just fucking listen to what I'm saying?" or "Did you hear anything I said?"...

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Originally Posted by Winterpark

I think you got that right. "Businesslike" is a good way to decsribe how I communicate, and as a consequence I often get "What's wrong?" "Are you mad a tme?" "Is something bothering you?" etc. And I'm just thinking to myslef "Couldn't you just fucking listen to what I'm saying?" or "Did you hear anything I said?"...

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Your communication style can often come across, that where you in a business, you would be sacked.

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Originally Posted by Cyclops

Your communication style can often come across, that where you in a business, you would be sacked.

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Do you want to be granted an award for wittiness now?

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Originally Posted by Winterpark

Do you want to be granted an award for wittiness now?

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It was humour mixed in with a good point, which you may have missed.

I don't disagree with Songof in that she, and you see yourself as being businesslike, but being oblivious to the way of expression of things means that essentially you can come off as rude.

As can many Fe PoLR's, even though they don't see it that way-because they are oblivious, or at least unable to determine quite how they can come across to many people. Hence what you see as businesslike others easily perceive as rudeness.

Although to compare: I would say Songof generally comes across better than you, I don't think her Fe PoLR is quite as obvious as yours.

Edit: I can have same problem.

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Originally Posted by Cyclops

It was humour mixed in with a good point, which you may have missed.

I don't disagree with Songof in that she, and you see yourself as being businesslike, but being oblivious to the way of expression of things means that essentially you can come off as rude.

As can many Fe PoLR's, even though they don't see it that way-because they are oblivious, or at least unable to determine quite how they can come across to many people. Hence what you see as businesslike others easily perceive as rudeness.

Although to compare: I would say Songof generally comes across better than you, I don't think her Fe PoLR is quite as obvious as yours.

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Is this 2 ISTPs fighting ?....what are your subtypes ?

edit: ISTps

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Originally Posted by Cyclops

Your communication style can often come across, that where you in a business, you would be sacked.

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But I don't think Winterpark is talking about his communication skills being optimal in an actual business setting. And I think you know that. Getting along in a business setting doesn't necessarily imply your level of communication should be "businesslike" if you're using the generally acceptable definition of the word "businesslike". Sucking up to your employers isn't "businesslike" in the sense of the word he meant, but it would certainly be beneficial in a business setting that encouraged it.

Sapho said "When I'm talking, I'm focused on communicating the information as clearly as possible; it doesn’t even occur to me to consider the “emotional content” or what-have-you of the message." That's what Winterpark was saying. What exactly is your point, other than being a smartass and twisting semantics?

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Originally Posted by dolphin

But I don't think Winterpark is talking about his communication skills being optimal in an actual business setting. And I think you know that. Getting along in a business setting doesn't necessarily imply your level of communication should be "businesslike" if you're using the generally acceptable definition of the word "businesslike". Sucking up to your employers isn't "businesslike" in the sense of the word he meant, but it would certainly be beneficial in a business setting that encouraged it.

Sapho said "When I'm talking, I'm focused on communicating the information as clearly as possible; it doesnt even occur to me to consider the emotional content or what-have-you of the message." That's what Winterpark was saying. What exactly is your point, other than being a smartass and twisting semantics?

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what? LOL.

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Originally Posted by kensi

Is this 2 ISTPs fighting ?....what are your subtypes ?

edit: ISTps

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Perhaps a little bit of both-fighting and discussing. But mainly discussing (I think) I'm pointing out how Fe PoLR may see themselves as being businesslike, but another person could easily just interpret it and their 'busineness like' style as rude, is all.

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Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica

I read somewhere in a description of IEIs that you shouldn't listen to our words, but to our music. I just adore that description. It's all in the way we communicate. And that's how I see Fe. I talk with people to understand them, and when we talk, the words are just part of how I understand them.

Also I'm not sure I agree the dancing in the Ellen video is a good example of Fe. Well, it probably is an attempt of Fe (?), but I wouldn't feel good having to dance with everybody on command neither. I totally connect with that guy.

Fe for me is not about "collective fun" at all. It's about connecting with people and their emotions. Connect minds and make a good, relaxed ambient for whatever conversation we will have. I "read" people through their body language, their voice, their eye movements, their facial expression, etc. Words are just words, people can be mistaken, so I don't trust words nearly as much as I trust what I pick up in general. The words just complete the picture. Fe is a communicative function for me.

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Exactly! You said this so well. I had this SEI friend and we would talk about all sorts of things but the content of our conversations was nearly unimportant compared to everything else, the tone, the body language, eye movements, facial expressions, etc.

And... I don't like venues where I'm expected to talk about my feelings, especially not with strangers. yuck.

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Originally Posted by redbaron

Exactly! You said this so well. I had this SEI friend and we would talk about all sorts of things but the content of our conversations was nearly unimportant compared to everything else, the tone, the body language, eye movements, facial expressions, etc.

And... I don't like venues where I'm expected to talk about my feelings, especially not with strangers. yuck.

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This is the sort of thing that I mean when Fe PoLR can be viewed as rude by some-even if it isn't their intention. Lots of people look for the above and if it's not delivered in sufficient quality or correctly then, I dunno, I think it can come across like we're annoyed or trying to offend or something? (even though the rudeness or lack or subtlely etc may not be intended as the case) ;-p

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Originally Posted by Cyclops

This is the sort of thing that I mean when Fe PoLR can be viewed as rude by some-even if it isn't their intention. Lots of people look for the above and if it's not delivered in sufficient quality or correctly then, I dunno, I think it can come across like we're annoyed or trying to offend or something? (even though the rudeness or lack or subtlely etc may not be intended as the case) ;-p

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Yes, definitely. ALTHOUGH I will say that I don't normally look for this unless I know the person usually gives it to me. For example, with this SEI friend I had, when he would go all quiet and "businesslike" on me, I'd know something was up. I usually didn't ask him what was wrong but it was like a signal that something was on his mind and he didn't feel like interacting with me. gah. and he would (actually still does) go all hot and cold, sometimes using Fe and other times not at all, being very guarded with me. (probably this is a special case, there are issues) but anyway, that's an example of looking for Fe and not getting it and being like :confused:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_NhrdtRzdY

How would SLIs feel if they were interviewing him? I imagine Fe PoLR isn't so much about "hating" Fe as it is about feeling awkward in certain Fe-situations, not knowing how to react? At least that's how I feel when taking PoLR hits.

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That women is a droid. W-t-f. I'd feel much, much more comfortable in his presence than hers. Ew. Could she at least pretend to have a personality?

I'd find him slightly intimidating but that's about it. He seems likeable.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jessica129

That women is a droid. W-t-f. I'd feel much, much more comfortable in his presence than hers. Ew. Could she at least pretend to have a personality?

I'd find him slightly intimidating but that's about it. He seems likeable.

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Good call i was kind of thinking that. She could have also been nervous / language or culture barrier / inexperienced interviewer. I hate interviews where the interviewer doesn't actually seem like she is listening to what the interviewee is saying. Still was a good example i thought! At the end when he said that thing about the necklace, and she went all uncomfortable and didn't know what to say, i can relate to that. Theres something about an Fe type doing a big smile and prompting me for a response that can make me feel weird like that. I notice it most of all from ENTp's. I feel like i must keep the Fe going around them, however eventually i have to give it up.

Wow, that's the most awkward interview ever.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by meatburger

Good call i was kind of thinking that. She could have also been nervous / language or culture barrier / inexperienced interviewer. I hate interviews where the interviewer doesn't actually seem like she is listening to what the interviewee is saying. Still was a good example i thought! At the end when he said that thing about the necklace, and she went all uncomfortable and didn't know what to say, i can relate to that. Theres something about an Fe type doing a big smile and prompting me for a response that can make me feel weird like that. I notice it most of all from ENTp's. I feel like i must keep the Fe going around them, however eventually i have to give it up.

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I know what you mean. I've felt that way too, which makes me think my cousin isn't ENTp since I never feel like I have to keep the Fe going for him, but that's beside the point here.

Hi. I'm going to be SLI for a while. I'm just not relating to :Fe: lately and I know I'm IP so that only leaves two types (though not that I want a discussion about my type because I'm afraid of such things).

I watched these videos a while back, and the Oprah one is a little foggy...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tereg

I know I've used this example before a couple of times, but imagine you were dragged to this and you find yourself in this scenario.

And channel that feeling into words.

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I would feel intensely uncomfortable in this setting and might flee the room. If it was dark I would feel better with it maybe. But also it's the entire idea of it... that everyone is "supposed to be" doing it... I mean this isn't like one of those things that I feel scared to participate in but I really long to inside... it's instead something that I wouldn't even want to participate in. And I remember when I was watching this video that I started feeling locked up inside and mortified (though more mortified because I really related to that guy, especially to the self-consciousness aspect). Anyway, it's really hard for me to do something like break into spontaneous dancing, though there have been times that I have really wanted to, or wished I could, but felt some sort of block that I can't get past. (It's more involved than that, but I don't feel like saying more.)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tereg

Or imagine you were dragged to a taping of Oprah, and suddenly this happened.

Channel that emotion into words

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I don't remember being "bothered" by this one... I thought it was kind of annoying that the audience had mis-interpretted her and erupted into unnecessary cheer when it didn't apply... but I think I thought it was funny. But it's one of those things where it carries, so it starts somewhere and everyone begins doing it... and why doesn't matter anymore. There have been times that I've longed to be able to lose myself in something like that (though not in this example... I think I would be looking around confused)... and other times where I've feared the idea of losing myself in a crowd energy... but I think the former longing outweighs this.

ETA: But it was also "unwarranted excitement" because what is so exciting about it?

Hi Loki! LOL - jessica might have decided she's LSI, and you've decided to be SLI for a while. Enjoy your foray into delta-land. :D

I'm thinking anyone would feel uncomfortable in that Oprah setting. We're gonna need a new youtube clip for Fe.

Loki, good to have you in Delta! Stay as long as you like. Can never have too many duals around. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tiny_dancer

I'm thinking anyone would feel uncomfortable in that Oprah setting. We're gonna need a new youtube clip for Fe.

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That's what I'm thinking. I mean, clearly no sane human being would act like that or enjoy that.

Well, they ARE all rabid Oprah fans. :)

DeAnte shared an Fe-POLR moment in another thread recently which was hilariously AWESOME, and mentioned he has more examples.


So SLI's I am eager to hear more Fe-POLR stories, so please share!! :thumbsup:

Fe-PoLR is hot. I think I find it more interesting than Te creative.

I had a Fe polr moment, sort of, when I spoke about Galen's name in the lounge.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Galen

Fe-PoLR is hot. I think I find it more interesting than Te creative.

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I like both. I have to say I :love: Te, so ILIs, LIEs, LSEs, and SLIs are all appealing! And of course Si. I think with Si it's more that i have intense gratitude for it.

Come on Fe-POLR's dont be shyyyy. . . :hug:


(ILI's welcome to contribute too!)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ryu

I had a Fe polr moment, sort of, when I spoke about Galen's name in the lounge.

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lol no it wasn't Fe-POLR b/c u knew it might come across offensive. And u showed Fi-valuing by asking if it did.

We all know u were kidding!! (I hope. I know i did).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon

lol no it wasn't Fe-POLR b/c u knew it might come across offensive. And u showed Fi-valuing by asking if it did.

We all know u were kidding!! (I hope. I know i did).

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I have an ESFj coworker, very creative and fun, but Oh, the ups and downs! She goes off on some customer or co-worker about twice a week. She just hates me, know-it-all, that I am. I do tend to torpedo her fantasy-facts from time to time, but she just makes stuff up. I can forgive mistakes and enjoy the flights of fancy, but then she has to insist she's right and demand her way in a very Fe way. I just can't help but ask her to back up her wild suppositions with a fact from time to time. I don't do it to embarrass her, but if left to her own, she would blow the place up. Once she complained enough to force my boss to have a sit down with us. Her complaint was that I was doing work she felt should be hers, made her feel disrespected. Of course I had no clue that she felt that way, but I'm happy to let her take on all the work she wants. :wink:

Fe polr is hot, especially because when Fe polrs smile/laugh, it's f**ing dazzling.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by inabox

Fe polr is hot, especially because when Fe polrs smile/laugh, it's f**ing dazzling.

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Yes, the smile!! When my SLI hubby laughs / smiles, it's like a beam of sunshine straight into my heart. Whenever I want to get a rise out of him, I'll reach my hands toward him and say, "Let's talk about our feelings!" This prompts him to run away. Instantly.

Also, the Andy Kaufman stuff makes me extremely uncomfortable.

My hubby and I stayed at my parents' a few weeks ago. He was looking extremely handsome that morning, so I amped up my emotional response as a joke with him.

Me: *GASP*
Him: What?
Me: SO HANDSOME!!! LOVE me!!
Him: *runs behind the curtains*


EDIT: This picture should be captioned, "SLI in the presence of Fe"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by inabox

Fe polr is hot, especially because when Fe polrs smile/laugh, it's f**ing dazzling.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEGvrgZuUbA

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Park

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEGvrgZuUbA

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Aww :); also their Ti demonstrative is really lovely, like yes explain that to me without being condescending or meeeean :) .

Quote:

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Originally Posted by inabox

Aww :); also their Ti demonstrative is really lovely, like yes explain that to me without being condescending or meeeean :) .

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUilUzH5kx8

(@Park, I think Ron's a LSI-Ti (he does seem to enjoy Fe-Se in his love life), his actor is 9w8 SLI but that's for another thread.)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by applejacks

My hubby and I stayed at my parents' a few weeks ago. He was looking extremely handsome that morning, so I amped up my emotional response as a joke with him.

Me: *GASP*
Him: What?
Me: SO HANDSOME!!! LOVE me!!

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Haha, this is like mine and my SLE husband's relationship all the time (except instead of running for the curtains, he run towards me like this :bighug:). I seriously think he would be completely confused and hopeless without these constant displays.

I know this is a really old post and I'm new-ish... but this caught my attention and I finally decided to jump in, because several comments in this thread encapsulate my experience with Fi-Polr, Ti and Te.

Fi-Polr
Person A: I hate it when you say things like you weren't smart at the time and have grown up and made a better decision... It's insulting to other people making the same decisions you made when you weren't smart, implying they're stupid.
Me: I'm speaking for me and me alone. Stop personalizing and applying my experience to yourself or other people. I never once said they, them, we, us, or you. Now here's a statement you can take personally: You're a terrible listener. Do you see the difference?

Ti-valuing vs. Te-valuing:
Person A: I don't have right things, I have reasons (comment made during a podcast).
Me: Screw your reasons, if they aren't right (immediate thought in my head).

Te-valuing: @redbaron - Listening to someone's "music" instead of their words makes no sense to me.
I MUCH prefer the clear communication style of Te. I don't know about other IEEs but I'm a walking encyclopedia, but I don't understand half of it. Knowing and understanding are 2 different things. Te doesn't just know, it understands and explains in perfect form. This IEE doesn't want or need any fluff, in fact, if you present information to me with fluff I'm automatically suspicious of it. I feel it's unnecessary and manipulative. Others can think the SLI business like approach in conversation is uncomfortable, but my antennae immediately goes up and I'm all ears. I don't want just another opinion based on a personal and biased set of rules... aka "reasons." Screw reasons. I want THE rules and no type does a better job of providing them than an SLI, imo.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mercuria

I know this is a really old post and I'm new-ish... but this caught my attention and I finally decided to jump in, because several comments in this thread encapsulate my experience with Fi-Polr, Ti and Te.

Fi-Polr
Person A: I hate it when you say things like you weren't smart at the time and have grown up and made a better decision... It's insulting to other people making the same decisions you made when you weren't smart, implying they're stupid.
Me: I'm speaking for me and me alone. Stop personalizing and applying my experience to yourself or other people. I never once said they, them, we, us, or you. Now here's a statement you can take personally: You're a terrible listener. Do you see the difference?

Ti-valuing vs. Te-valuing:
Person A: I don't have right things, I have reasons (comment made during a podcast).
Me: Screw your reasons, if they aren't right (immediate thought in my head).

Te-valuing: @redbaron - Listening to someone's "music" instead of their words makes no sense to me.
I MUCH prefer the clear communication style of Te. I don't know about other IEEs but I'm a walking encyclopedia, but I don't understand half of it. Knowing and understanding are 2 different things. Te doesn't just know, it understands and explains in perfect form. This IEE doesn't want or need any fluff, in fact, if you present information to me with fluff I'm automatically suspicious of it. I feel it's unnecessary and manipulative. Others can think the SLI business like approach in conversation is uncomfortable, but my antennae immediately goes up and I'm all ears. I don't want just another opinion based on a personal and biased set of rules... aka "reasons." Screw reasons. I want THE rules and no type does a better job of providing them than an SLI, imo.

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Redbaron is SEE

Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica
I read somewhere in a description of IEIs that you shouldn't listen to our words, but to our music. I just adore that description. It's all in the way we communicate. And that's how I see Fe. I talk with people to understand them, and when we talk, the words are just part of how I understand them.
[QUOTE=redbaron;462620]Exactly! You said this so well. I had this SEI friend and we would talk about all sorts of things but the content of our conversations was nearly unimportant compared to everything else, the tone, the body language, eye movements, facial expressions, etc.

That's fine. SEEs are cool. We just have different perspectives. :lol: