EIEs/ENFjs feeling isolated and left out of groups

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Originally Posted by Kristiina

I have a problem when the pizza man arrives.
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Gah, you EIEs got everything switched around :p

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Originally Posted by Sunshine Lively

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Originally Posted by mm

Hmmm, I think introverts change extroverts a lot more than they realise.

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could be on to something...expand?

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Well, I dunno, but I've always had the impression I can change the way people see things. When there's a conflict for instance I can sort of detach people from the situation and their own part in it so they can have a look at all the feelings and opinions involved from a 3rd person point of view and to better understand how they all together cause a conflict. From there they can then use their own strengths better to find solutions or compromises or whatever it is they're after.

So I was thinking if extroverts can change the world, perhaps introverts can change how you see/think/feel about that world.

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Originally Posted by mm

Well, I dunno, but I've always had the impression I can change the way people see things. When there's a conflict for instance I can sort of detach people from the situation and their own part in it so they can have a look at all the feelings and opinions involved from a 3rd person point of view and to better understand how they all together cause a conflict. From there they can then use their own strengths better to find solutions or compromises or whatever it is they're after.

So I was thinking if extroverts can change the world, perhaps introverts can change how you see/think/feel about that world.

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i totally get this. and it is at the core of why introverts and extraverts need each other esp in a close relationship.

i can also influence people, but the influence is more on drawing their attention to things about the outside world that they hadn't noticed before rather than people. kinda weaving in logic vs ethics here, too.

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Originally Posted by Kristiina

When I'm not distracted by a computer game or something, I get a fairly good estimation what kind of pizza I want. "I want something fresh. mmhh with tuna. But no onion or garlic today, what are the options?"

I have a problem when the pizza man arrives. Like when I'm playing a computer game, I'm rather serious and concentrated on the game. When I talk with people, I just exchange information, I don't pay much attention to expressions. And then the pizza man arrives - I can't go to the door and not even smile to him? I can't talk with him in a dull voice! That would seem so rude! But I can't figure out if I should temporarily turn into: happy and cheerful (and get it over with fast), practical and calm, friendly and naive "ah, pizza? Great", etc. I could become any of those, but I don't know which one the pizza man would be the most comfortable with. :) And all those are different versions of me. None of them are fake.

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Why do you care what impression you make on the pizza guy? It's not like you're going to have sex with him, is it?

I often go to doors, and not smile at people. I just stand there. They give me what I ordered, I give them money. It's just a transaction.


It doesn't really matter if people are uncomfortable for a slight while, as long as they don't drop your pizza. And don't drop your change. And if they do drop your change, they pick it up. And if they do drop your pizza, they give you one for another customer, and a voucher. And apologise profoundly.