Betas how do you feel about "being sweet"?
This may be a fairly staightforward Si/Se + erotic roles aspect
But, betas, we know you like intensity and passion in relationships. But how do you feel about being very sweet to your significant other? What would "being sweet" to someone mean? Would you want someone to be sweet to you? Why or why not?
I'm not saying "sweet" as in "nice" - because of course everyone wants to be treated well.
I don't want to say "lovey dovey", or like the whole "smoopy smoopy" sienfeld thing.
I want to get some specifics on what about infantile/caregiver interactions are unappealing to beta's aggressor/victim ways - and here it from beta.
If we can figure out something concrete here, perhaps it can be a major indicator in terms of alpha/delta (si) vs beta/gamma quadras (se)
Talking with some gammas, it was clear as to why I am not gamma very easily based on how I really want to act in a relationship.
Re: Betas and "being sweet"
Quote:
Originally Posted by UDP
This may be a fairly staightforward Si/Se + erotic roles aspect
But, betas, we know you like intensity and passion in relationships. But how do you feel about being very sweet to your significant other? What would "being sweet" to someone mean? Would you want someone to be sweet to you? Why or why not?
I interpret "sweet" as what I know as :Fi: type things. A kind of chivalry. Like dropping me off, but waiting for me to get my car started before driving away. Offering me a taste or sip of whatever food and drink he's enjoying. Overall, it's a particular "extra" consideration that I feel is a special care and concern for me. Affection in action.
For myself, it perhaps means sharing an news item or movie recommendation that he might find interesting. Showing my genuine admiration and concern with engagement, keeping in touch without being presumptious. Giving another "space" (that can be VERY difficult for me, so it's definitely a consideration). I like being thoughtful of someone I feel affectionate about.
Re: Betas and "being sweet"
Quote:
Originally Posted by UDP
But, betas, we know you like intensity and passion in relationships. But how do you feel about being very sweet to your significant other? What would "being sweet" to someone mean? Would you want someone to be sweet to you? Why or why not?
I don't want to be sweet. Basically because it just feels very much not me to be sweet. When I am being "sweet" I am lightly teasing someone. That is my way of being sweet. I don't think I can do better.
I am not as much bothered by someone else being sweet to me. I don't particularly enjoy it though because I am not sure how to respond and it makes me feel somewhat awkward. When someone is trying to be "sweet" to me I often accidentally respond with something that kind of ruins their mood but which I thought was funny. Like crack some joke or something when they are trying to be sweet in a "serious way" and getting too touchy feely. I tend to force some distance to people who try to get close to me by being sweet.
Re: Betas and "being sweet"
Quote:
Originally Posted by XoX
Quote:
Originally Posted by UDP
But, betas, we know you like intensity and passion in relationships. But how do you feel about being very sweet to your significant other? What would "being sweet" to someone mean? Would you want someone to be sweet to you? Why or why not?
I don't want to be sweet. Basically because it just feels very much not me to be sweet. When I am being "sweet" I am lightly teasing someone. That is my way of being sweet. I don't think I can do better.
I am not as much bothered by someone else being sweet to me. I don't particularly enjoy it though because I am not sure how to respond and it makes me feel somewhat awkward. When someone is trying to be "sweet" to me I often accidentally respond with something that kind of ruins their mood but which I thought was funny. Like crack some joke or something when they are trying to be sweet in a "serious way" and getting too touchy feely. I tend to force some distance to people who try to get close to me by being sweet.
well, you know, i read an interesting article about how being very nice is actually a way of distancting ourselves from others where confrontation breeds bonding. so its kind of ironic.
Re: Betas and "being sweet"
Quote:
Originally Posted by lefty
Quote:
Originally Posted by XoX
Quote:
Originally Posted by UDP
But, betas, we know you like intensity and passion in relationships. But how do you feel about being very sweet to your significant other? What would "being sweet" to someone mean? Would you want someone to be sweet to you? Why or why not?
I don't want to be sweet. Basically because it just feels very much not me to be sweet. When I am being "sweet" I am lightly teasing someone. That is my way of being sweet. I don't think I can do better.
I am not as much bothered by someone else being sweet to me. I don't particularly enjoy it though because I am not sure how to respond and it makes me feel somewhat awkward. When someone is trying to be "sweet" to me I often accidentally respond with something that kind of ruins their mood but which I thought was funny. Like crack some joke or something when they are trying to be sweet in a "serious way" and getting too touchy feely. I tend to force some distance to people who try to get close to me by being sweet.
well, you know, i read an interesting article about how being very nice is actually a way of distancting ourselves from others where confrontation breeds bonding. so its kind of ironic.
I can actually subscribe to that in a way. I'm generally nicer to people I'm distant with than to people I know better.
Re: Betas and "being sweet"
Quote:
Originally Posted by XoX
Quote:
Originally Posted by lefty
Quote:
Originally Posted by XoX
Quote:
Originally Posted by UDP
But, betas, we know you like intensity and passion in relationships. But how do you feel about being very sweet to your significant other? What would "being sweet" to someone mean? Would you want someone to be sweet to you? Why or why not?
I don't want to be sweet. Basically because it just feels very much not me to be sweet. When I am being "sweet" I am lightly teasing someone. That is my way of being sweet. I don't think I can do better.
I am not as much bothered by someone else being sweet to me. I don't particularly enjoy it though because I am not sure how to respond and it makes me feel somewhat awkward. When someone is trying to be "sweet" to me I often accidentally respond with something that kind of ruins their mood but which I thought was funny. Like crack some joke or something when they are trying to be sweet in a "serious way" and getting too touchy feely. I tend to force some distance to people who try to get close to me by being sweet.
well, you know, i read an interesting article about how being very nice is actually a way of distancting ourselves from others where confrontation breeds bonding. so its kind of ironic.
I can actually subscribe to that in a way. I'm generally nicer to people I'm distant with than to people I know better.
I don't know. I think this issue is truly personal. I've had relationships where I was very confrontational with my SO and it just killed love. I am way nicer to people that are my close friends than to strangers.