Favorable intertype relationships besides duality

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Originally Posted by Suomea

Yeah, same problem as Diljs. I'm probably going to be all effusive one minute and a little bit indifferent the next until I feel safe.... and probably even then some later too because to be honest I'll probably never feel 100% safe (Fi POLR). You guys are the one's with strong Fi.... use it to figure out the connection and the strength of it. Asking me to do it can be kinda dangerous.

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This all reminds me of a really good duality article I read on socionics.us
Read it all Here

It summed up "who does what" based on function:

Extravert: Adding new "food" (new material, situations, or facets) to the relationship. Expanding the relationship. Calling the other up and actively showing interest (in the beginning of the relationship).
Introvert: Keeping inventory of what ground has been covered in the relationship. Processing the relationship. Accepting others' invitations (in the beginning of the relationship).
Senser: Deciding when and how much physical contact and sensory pleasure will take place.
Intuiter: Establishing resonance with the other person's ideas and values.
Thinker: Deciding how activities should be organized, keeping track of plans and agreements.
Feeler: Deciding what kinds of feelings and emotions will be displayed, smoothing over misunderstandings.

So from this, the ILE has to provide new and interesting stuff (not a problem) and actively initiate/show interest. Also establishes "Resonance" with SEIs values (I do this with everyone) and plan things.

SEI has to maintain the history and accept my proposals, handle makeout time (yay I suck at the timing), and maintain emotional balance (again yay because I suck at it).

As far as how I see it playing out...ILE and SEI hang out a bit, and like each other. ILE eventually feels comfortable enough and goes "uh we should like go do X and then make out". SEI smooths over the awkward proposal, accepts and they go to the activity, where ILE makes random comments to entertain SEI, who finds food and pleasant sensations to make the ILE's random choices better.

So I guess ILEs just have to be really obvious with our attraction and charge in there, which is awkward and uncomfortable...yay.

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Originally Posted by Suomea

Yeah, same problem as Diljs. I'm probably going to be all effusive one minute and a little bit indifferent the next until I feel safe.... and probably even then some later too because to be honest I'll probably never feel 100% safe (Fi POLR). You guys are the one's with strong Fi.... use it to figure out the connection and the strength of it. Asking me to do it can be kinda dangerous.

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Ok, you stick with the randomness and I'll give the Fi stuff a shot. :-)

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Originally Posted by diljs

Chicken and the egg concept really. Yeah SEIs make me comfortable, and I dig them, as far as I can tell ILE has to be really overconfident about the relationship (as we are in general) for the SEI to go "yeah okay that will work". The problem is I never know if SEIs are serious or just telling me what I want to hear, I don't want them to get into a relationship with me because they didn't want me to feel bad :confused:

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We're not THAT nice! :-P

ISFp's are easy.

Feed em, fuck em, and let em rant.

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Originally Posted by LokiVanguard

ISFp's are easy.

Feed em, fuck em, and let em rant.

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You need to dig out the manual again. You've got it all wrong.

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Originally Posted by diljs

Chicken and the egg concept really. Yeah SEIs make me comfortable, and I dig them, as far as I can tell ILE has to be really overconfident about the relationship (as we are in general) for the SEI to go "yeah okay that will work". The problem is I never know if SEIs are serious or just telling me what I want to hear, I don't want them to get into a relationship with me because they didn't want me to feel bad

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Wow, do other ILE's agree that they feel overconfident about relationships? Personally I feel like a lost sheep. In making initial contact, I'm comfortable, and continuing in a steady pattern is also fine. But when it comes to intimacy of any kind, physical, emotional, I am definitely not confident. In fact, if anything I need someone to suggest to me that we move our relationship to a different level, because I will be perfectly content to drift along the way I am. Hell even then, I walk on eggshells.

Perhaps the difference lies in that I can have tons of male friends and be happy. Heck, I live with 5 male friends. I'm not the most comfortable person with physical relationships yet, because I have yet to have one that does anything for me. Therefore I won't ever be the one to say something like "uh we should like go do X and then make out." Perhaps the issue is a mix of Si suggestive with "girl, conservative family, bad experiences." So it definitely takes someone to man-up and show me what's what before I'll do anything.

Actually, come to think of it, I used to be a lot more like what you're describing, diljs, but I usually over-thought my relationships and set myself up for a let-down. Because I'm so clueless with Fi and Si I have a really hard time recognizing attraction, so I would tell myself "This guy's cute, we have similar interests, I like talking to them. I should ask him out." Then we go out, he's into me, and I realize, belatedly, that I mentally convinced myself I was attracted to this person, but really I'm not interested at all, lol.

In anycase, I have a really hard time pin-pointing what SEI males are like. I don't know if I would know one if I met him. Therefore it's hard to say how things would go down at this point, lol.

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Originally Posted by Jem

You need to dig out the manual again. You've got it all wrong.

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Or maybe i've exposed you.

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Originally Posted by LokiVanguard

ISFp's are easy.

Feed em, fuck em, and let em rant.

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That's the ISFp's job, not the other way around.

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Originally Posted by LokiVanguard

Or maybe i've exposed you.

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I don't 'rant'. :-P

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Originally Posted by diljs

This all reminds me of a really good duality article I read on socionics.us
Read it all Here

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Good article!

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Originally Posted by EllaC

It's sold that your dual is the ideal romantic relationship. But what about other relations? In all of your lovely experience, which relations appear most in relationships?

I've decided I hate my dual more than any type, as for the first time they come out top, and I bottom. Perhaps my own typing, and their typing is wrong. But I don't think so.

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i am not sold on the dual being the ideal romantic relationship.

in my experience i see: Supervisory, Dual, Activity, Benefit, mirror.

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Originally Posted by Allie

That's the ISFp's job, not the other way around.

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Originally Posted by Jem

I don't 'rant'. :-P

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Hrmmmm.... maybe Allie's right.

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Originally Posted by mn0good

Wow, do other ILE's agree that they feel overconfident about relationships? Personally I feel like a lost sheep. In making initial contact, I'm comfortable, and continuing in a steady pattern is also fine. But when it comes to intimacy of any kind, physical, emotional, I am definitely not confident. In fact, if anything I need someone to suggest to me that we move our relationship to a different level, because I will be perfectly content to drift along the way I am. Hell even then, I walk on eggshells...

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Haha wow. Totally feel the same way on most of that.

So when I said overconfidence, I should have said we appear overconfident to others (I was surprised, but ask your friends, you appear that way too!). I'm extremely unconfident (is that a word...don't think so) with relationships, exactly the same way with the overthinking and general lack of Fi screwing things up. I think that, ideally at least, the ISFp loyalty and stickiness should make us feel confident enough to say "yeah this will work, let's do this thing", and win them over to the idea.

The problem is this takes time and I feel like SEI will run away. PLUS if it does work, I get all scared of the intimacy and wonder if I really should have chosen the SEI, which can scare her and it's just a big :(

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In anycase, I have a really hard time pin-pointing what SEI males are like. I don't know if I would know one if I met him. Therefore it's hard to say how things would go down at this point, lol.

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I hang out regularly with at least two. They're the quiet ones who everybody still likes and is always getting to hang out with them. They love food, and if they're confident enough they'll be smelling flowers and pointing out baby ducks (seriously) when out with friends.

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Originally Posted by diljs

Haha wow. Totally feel the same way on most of that.

So when I said overconfidence, I should have said we appear overconfident to others (I was surprised, but ask your friends, you appear that way too!). I'm extremely unconfident (is that a word...don't think so) with relationships, exactly the same way with the overthinking and general lack of Fi screwing things up. I think that, ideally at least, the ISFp loyalty and stickiness should make us feel confident enough to say "yeah this will work, let's do this thing", and win them over to the idea.

The problem is this takes time and I feel like SEI will run away. PLUS if it does work, I get all scared of the intimacy and wonder if I really should have chosen the SEI, which can scare her and it's just a big :(

I hang out regularly with at least two. They're the quiet ones who everybody still likes and is always getting to hang out with them. They love food, and if they're confident enough they'll be smelling flowers and pointing out baby ducks (seriously) when out with friends.

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Yes, appearing overconfident is definitely true. I can talk the talk but I CANNOT walk the walk, lol.

The time thing is definitely a problem. It takes me forever to feel comfortable in a relationship and a lot of people aren't patient enough for that.

I just don't know how to find quiet sensitive guys.

When ILE guys are doing the over-confident thing, first of all, it does look like real confidence (and though maybe a bit over the top, it seems just about everyone likes it and finds it charming). I dated one who within about 6 hours had me just about convinced that we should be together, etc -- I was like "wow" and that's rare for me. Later, after I knew him well, he told me how freaked out he was and that he didn't feel nearly as confident as he seemed -- but who cares? He pulled it off well and it was super charming. So just be your charming ILE selves and the SEIs will flock.

but, that said, that ILE did also say that (after meeting a huge amount of my friends at a party) he was totally exhausted from like putting on that show. He didn't say those words, but it was sort of an act. Of course, everyone was going on and on about what an awesome and brilliant guy he was -- so I guess it worked for him.

Oh, believe you me, there are no issues with flocking. I need male-repellent sometimes. The real issue is finding someone for whom your feelings are sincere. As much as we trick you into thinking we're confident, we can sometimes trick ourselves. It's that derned Fi-PoLR again, it's so hard to distinguish your own feelings that sometimes your Ti and some cleverly placed Fe pretend they're Fi and fool you entirely.

That ENTp 'confidence' doesn't fool me for a second!

Good, we need people to see through it every once and a while so they can lead us out of our own mass confusion, lol.

Also, I love how we ILE's took over this thread and made it ours. It's no longer about socionics and romantic relationships, it's all about ILE and romantic relationships.

Yeah wtf? There's more to socionics than you guys!

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Originally Posted by LokiVanguard

Yeah wtf? There's more to socionics than you guys!

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there seem to be quite a lot of ILEs on the forum, yes? Way more than, say, ESEs.

Yeah, "seem" appears to be the key word. I mean it isn't surprising to find ILE's in a place like this, because discussing theories is more or less our natural state. That being said, I think there are probably a few ILE's in these parts that aren't actually ILE's. Not necessarily in this thread, but I've come across a few who don't really strike me as ILE.

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Originally Posted by LokiVanguard

Yeah wtf? There's more to socionics than you guys!

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There is??? ;)

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Originally Posted by mn0good

Yeah, "seem" appears to be the key word. I mean it isn't surprising to find ILE's in a place like this, because discussing theories is more or less our natural state. That being said, I think there are probably a few ILE's in these parts that aren't actually ILE's. Not necessarily in this thread, but I've come across a few who don't really strike me as ILE.

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Socionics itself is somewhat Alpha focused, in that a lot of the information available is about or from alpha, with a significant portion within that majority being from ILEs. I've read some theories about Alpha bias which seem plausible, although its tough to say whether Alphas are more naturally attracted to Socionics, or people tend to be typed/type themselves incorrectly as Alphas. It could be a little of both.

Either way who cares, since we're so awesome! :D
(how's that for overconfidence?)

It's because everyone wants to be a fun-loving party-animal like an alpha with the ability to think with cool rationality, like an ILE. Ergo, everyone wants to be us.

;)

FAIL

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Originally Posted by LokiVanguard

FAIL

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Fuck off Luis!

Okay now guys, back to us.
Um... I agree with most of what you're saying actually.

I'm very confident in the beginning of relationships but whenever things get serious I'm not really comfortable anymore. And I HATE when someone shows too much interest in me like that too quickly. Because that to me is like skipping the whole beginning part of a relationship, which IS my favorite part...

So yeah, for some odd reason I'm drawn to guys that act like the couldn't care less. It's kind of annoying in that way. Like, if someone's not attracted to me it's more of a challenge. I'm interested, and I want them to be interested in me too. On the other hand, sweet guys that are nice to me always annoy me.

God, that's so fucked up :?

The sweet guys annoy me too. I know that I could crush them or wrap them around my finger with a thought, which is really boring to me. If anything it would woo me to have a guy who demonstrates an interest in me and from there they draw out the process of building up a relationship. That way I have tons of time to get comfortable with the idea and I don't feel like I'm stringing some guy on with my lack of feelings.

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Originally Posted by Allie

Fuck off Luis!

Okay now guys, back to us.
Um... I agree with most of what you're saying actually.

I'm very confident in the beginning of relationships but whenever things get serious I'm not really comfortable anymore. And I HATE when someone shows too much interest in me like that too quickly. Because that to me is like skipping the whole beginning part of a relationship, which IS my favorite part...

So yeah, for some odd reason I'm drawn to guys that act like the couldn't care less. It's kind of annoying in that way. Like, if someone's not attracted to me it's more of a challenge. I'm interested, and I want them to be interested in me too. On the other hand, sweet guys that are nice to me always annoy me.

God, that's so fucked up :?

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This is called immaturity. ;)

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Originally Posted by mn0good

The sweet guys annoy me too. I know that I could crush them or wrap them around my finger with a thought, which is really boring to me. If anything it would woo me to have a guy who demonstrates an interest in me and from there they draw out the process of building up a relationship. That way I have tons of time to get comfortable with the idea and I don't feel like I'm stringing some guy on with my lack of feelings.

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Yeah...

I don't know. I get bored when someone gives me that kind of control. Like, if I feel like I have power over someone, I'm not really interested in them at all. It's very boring. Don't like me unless I like you first. Otherwise I'm not going to give a shit about you.

Eh, this stuff always looks worse in writing than in my head.

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Originally Posted by qbsirena06

This is called immaturity. ;)

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Fuck off qbsirena06!

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Originally Posted by Allie

Yeah...

I don't know. I get bored when someone gives me that kind of control. Like, if I feel like I have power over someone, I'm not really interested in them at all. It's very boring. Don't like me unless I like you first. Otherwise I'm not going to give a shit about you.

Eh, this stuff always looks worse in writing than in my head.





Fuck off qbsirena06!

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Yeah, that too....

As an ENFp, it's really hit or miss with my dual. We have to have common interests or it goes dead, where with other types we can generate our own shared experiences and it will go smoothly.

I also have a thing for ENTjs, but it only goes well once we really get used to each other, mostly that I have to realize they have a work in progress Fi-wise and same with me Te-wise. It's only in arguments really when things can get fishy, because most ENTjs I know seem to want to come off as right all the time and rarely will back down, and if they do, will have some last word and it hurts my feelings. I also tend to expect ENTjs to pick up on when I'm upset or in a bad mood and do something about it, but they are either oblivious or turned off by it.

I feel like I would also get along with ESTjs and INTps, but I have little experience with both. Though, most of the ESTjs I've met are hard to pry away from their responsibilities and I always feel like I have to kick an INTp in the ass to get up and do something lol So who knows.

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Originally Posted by Allie

o yeah, for some odd reason I'm drawn to guys that act like the couldn't care less. It's kind of annoying in that way. Like, if someone's not attracted to me it's more of a challenge. I'm interested, and I want them to be interested in me too. On the other hand, sweet guys that are nice to me always annoy me.

God, that's so fucked up :?

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Naw, it's totally normal. And I don't think it's immature either. When you're ready for something serious, the right guy won't ever bore you or stop being challenging in some way.

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When you're ready for something serious, the right guy won't ever bore you or stop being challenging in some way.

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That's good to know. 'Cause I was beginning to think I have permanent non-interest in dating in general. It's starting to scare me.

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Originally Posted by tiny_dancer

That's good to know. 'Cause I was beginning to think I have permanent non-interest in dating in general. It's starting to scare me.

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Seconded, sort of. I've been ready to try something serious for a long time, but the right guys has been an issue.

You girls are funny :lol:

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I always feel like I have to kick an INTp in the ass to get up and do something

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Um, I think you do.. my dad's an INTp. I'm not sure the apocalypse would pry him away from whatever he's reading at the moment. :)

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Originally Posted by LokiVanguard

You girls are funny :lol:

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You're funny....looking.

I am hilarious.

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Originally Posted by mn0good

You're funny....looking.

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Yeah sorry I make that face when I look at you.

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Originally Posted by LokiVanguard

Yeah sorry I make that face when I look at you.

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He's so witty.
:8*

You girls are funny :lol:

well I think "you girls" would like a male ISFp. The one I was friends with was kinda mysterious and not one to fawn (over his wife or any woman). He constantly kept me guessing about what he thought about stuff yet it was clear to me that he enjoyed the friendship (without being at ALL clingy or obvious). I found him intriguing and I loved how understated he always was. One of the great things about SEIs is their desire for independence and alone time. Keeps them from being needy or demanding in their relationships. but I guess all of this has been said before.

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Originally Posted by redbaron

well I think "you girls" would like a male ISFp. The one I was friends with was kinda mysterious and not one to fawn (over his wife or any woman). He constantly kept me guessing about what he thought about stuff yet it was clear to me that he enjoyed the friendship (without being at ALL clingy or obvious). I found him intriguing and I loved how understated he always was. One of the great things about SEIs is their desire for independence and alone time. Keeps them from being needy or demanding in their relationships. but I guess all of this has been said before.

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Actually that sounds nice.