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I think we should talk about defense mechanisms. I’m sure you have all noticed my own over active one. I curl up inside at any hint of a perceived insult and I become overly reactive, often times snapping at people.
So, what is your defense mechanism and how does it get turned on?
Another shitty thread by Sycophant. And another defense mechanism of mine insulting myself before someone else can.
My most commonly employed defense mechanism is repression; I repress my desires, my feelings, in order to continue to function as I desire.
I also employ your latter tactic from time to time.
dfgd
Passive aggression.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocky
If I feel threatened, I turn on my "firewall" and "Sarcasm-bot: Search and Destroy". All of this while under the influence of "BadAware".
hmmmmm top choices include:
- over-rationalization
- ADD bahvior (changing the subject into an enthusiastic yet unrelated tangent)
- going into a related tangent in order to make it seem humorous
- detaching myself from my feelings
- playing dumb (I use this one the most IRL), which includes
--- the "grin like an idiot" tactic.... rarely fails
--- pretending not to know what is being implied
--- pretending that I think someone is kidding when I know they are not
- encrypting what I am saying
Nasty verbal attack designed to destroy and annihilate. And I'm good at it!
Then I feel terribly bad about myself and want to curl up and die . . . not because of how I made them feel but because of how they made me feel to cause the attack. Very fragile self esteem. Then of course I feel bad that I lost control . . . control is very important to me.
i have been minimizing emotional attachments for many years now.
I am kind of sick of it.
My ESTp husband is that way. Drives me right up a wall. Of course he is also of the opinion that the louder you yell the more right you are.Quote:
Originally Posted by discojoe
fdsafhsdjsa
Smile. :D
Lesseee . . . denial. Acting out aggressively. Acting out passive-aggressively. Humor. Intellectualization. Altruism.
My defense mechanism is like a circuit breaker. Something overloads it and all non-essential power gets switched off. So, I freeze up and close up and try to escape the situation asap.
Everything Sycophant said (normal INTp defense mechanism)
Over-rationalization, because I can't be wrong :oops:
Extreme competitiveness, because I can't lose. Some people see this as a highly-developed achievement motive, but most people just see it as annoying and arrogant.
Lying about things when it's obvious I'm lying.
Cone said everything I forgot to say. hahaQuote:
Originally Posted by Cone
Of course. :wink:
omg, epiphany
People tend to break around me when I worry that they will. I have to feel somewhat threatened in some way for people to break. This means that it IS my influence over the dynamics of the situation that triggers this response! When I feel threatened suddenly people are psychologically unraveled. I swear I don't do it on purpose and I certainly don't know how it happens!!! I never want people to break... they just do. :? This means that I have to trust that people won't break in order to prevent it. But that's waaaayyyyyyyy too scary because it seems that even when I allow myself to feel safe and think that I have made a connection with someone and believe that it will be okay, they STILL break and that sucks WAAAYYYYYY more than if I had seen it coming. :( I feel like such a monster.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joy
ahahahaahahah it all makes sense now. I don't make people break, I let people realize that they're already broken.
I have complained to a few people from this forum that for some reason people who are in the midsts of a personal disaster talk to me and then once their issue is settled they stop talking to me. I have also complained that people tend to break around me. I'm not sure if I have ever made the connection. Aside from a couple people who were just foolish assholes, I was talking about all of the same people.
This is how it goes down. A person starts talking to me and we get along well. They for some reason decide to tell me about the disaster they are experiencing in their personal lives, and because I have a talent for seeing many difference perspectives, I ask a few questions and make a few comments that really get them thinking. Then they "break", or like a I said above, psychologoically unravel. It is generally not pleasant for them, but then they fix whatever problem they have and stop talking to me. At the end of the day I have lost a friend and have witnessed a person breaking in my presence. I get frustrated and fear that it is my fault for somehow hurting them even though I was never anything but nice.
hmmmmmmm gotta go... still turning this one over in my mind... this theory explains why N types seem much less prone to breakage.
Hmmm. I converse with you whether I'm having problems or not. :?
right, but three thingsQuote:
Originally Posted by Blaze
1.) N types seem less prone to breakage to begin with
2.) we have not conversed privately
3.) you really don't strike me as one who would break anyways
I know you have talked about this before, but I still don't understand what you mean by "break." Perhaps I'm just slow...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joy
lol, I'm not sure what I mean either!
nm, this thread is about defense mechanisms and here I am rambling... sooooo
another defense mechanism is isolation
Do you mean that you tend t o cause a stir in peoples lives Joy? Hmm. I wish I had a better way of explaining this. But perhaps by breaking you mean that the natural sway of their lives becomes interrupted. Or someone is able to keep their emotions in check where they had bottled things up in the past.
I'm mostly likely wrong though.
LOL, wow you're perceptive. No, I never wish to cause people unnescassary hurt... Unnecessary being the key word... Yes, it's often people who really needed to be broken. They hate me and continue their lives in a much better state than they were in before we became acquainted. I whine that they break when in reality they realize that they're already broken and then in fixing themselves end up breaking off communications with me, or vice versa. It's an important role but it sucks when I want carne asada and margaritas and there's no one there to go to the restaurant with me. :?Quote:
Originally Posted by Sycophant
I would like to add to this by saying that another defensive mechanism of mine is to act like a “meanie” because if I pretend like I’m mean people will be scared to hurt me. I’m very protective of my feelings because I like to pretend that I don’t have any.
I’m not mean, I swear. :wink: Sorry if I put off a mean “hardass” vibe.
dsfs
Umm, yes. That is very likely.Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve
Well, it's a defense mechanism right? so it's automatic.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sycophant
Exactly it’s second nature.Quote:
Originally Posted by XcaliburGirl
dfsd
Granted. My point is that there's no thought behind it really, so that's why it's not effective.Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve
Most defensive mechanisms are, in fact most of the time we don‘t really have anything to be defensive about. Human perception, it's a bummer. It might not be very useful but it is not as if we can modify such behavior, and if we do it seems very unnatural.
Do I sense strife here Steve? You seem somewhat snappy.
fdfdf
That is the point though. You expect them to react that way. That way it is your own doing and you do not feel rejected when it happens. I call it rejecting rejection. It allows you to keep an emotional distance that would otherwise be difficult.Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve
This is a manifestation of my theory that unnecessary hostitily = insecurity. Only hurting people can behave hurtfully. Likewise only people with a very healthy sense of self-worth can truly appreciate others. This is why people are naturally drawn to truly confident people (not people with inferiority complexes, mind you). It is also why I tell single people who whine about being lonely andd miserable and not finding the right person that no relationship, no matter who the partner, can make tehm secure and happy. Those things are internal. A relationship can only be as healthy as the least healthy person in it.
And yes, defense mechanisms are changable. You just have to reprogram your brain. I would argue that it's not so much difficult as it is extremely deliberate. It's not something that you can wish for on a whim and it doesn't happen by itself.
You people are sooo negative. Why can’t we all just be friends.
I’m just glad I don’t have the smartass complex. :lol:
Edit: Oh, and I’m not insecure. I don’t have anything to be insecure about. I’m not unintelligent I’m not unattractive, in fact I’m pretty damn close to being a perfect human being. I might just have to make myself behave in a mean manner so that I am not a perfect person. Haha. Narcissistic perhaps but not insecure. :P
That was an exaple of my shity sense of humor. But most of it was true anyway.
oh i dont think anything was meant by the above discussion.
yeah its true that mechanisms can be hurtful and yeah people should try to change them if they are counterproductive to what's really in their best interest or what they really want.
and yeah its understandable that the mechanism exists for a reason, and people shouldn't be beat up about it.
*two cents clatter in the pot*
lol, I wasn't directing most of that at you, Sycophant. I just sorta went on a tangent, that's all. And I don't think that insecurity is the result of being ugly or dumb or anything like that. Those are external things (at least as they apply to this post).
What does insecurty come from? I think it comes from trauma.Quote:
Originally Posted by Joy
dsdfs