LIIs/INTjs social skills, meeting new people, shyness and leadership
I am an INTJ.I have tried acquiring social skills from my childhood.(My mother is an ENFP.She always used to push me into social situations and blame me for moving away from people.)I tried putting me in social situations continously.I am 27 year old now.I started losing my hope that I can have good social life.I feel like losing all my confidence in a social situations.This is killing me in my job too.In meetings I am silent eventhough I know many things.I feel like I am a peak INTJ.Can someone help me in giving very good practical tips to have a comfortable social skills?
INTJ social skills--can someone help ?
Thanks for the reply..
Wow...These were my old methods..This works only temporary.Moreover once I will have trouble after hangover.Any tips for long term ?without getting into these bad habits.
INTJ social skills--can someone help
XcaliburGirl,
Your comments are really valuable..Thanks very much..My above reply was for the 1st reply.
Justin
Re: INTJ social skills--can someone help ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin
I am an INTJ.I have tried acquiring social skills from my childhood.(My mother is an ENFP.She always used to push me into social situations and blame me for moving away from people.)I tried putting me in social situations continously.I am 27 year old now.I started losing my hope that I can have good social life.I feel like losing all my confidence in a social situations.This is killing me in my job too.In meetings I am silent eventhough I know many things.I feel like I am a peak INTJ.Can someone help me in giving very good practical tips to have a comfortable social skills?
this probably won't help much as i tend to have the same problems. INTJ's simply aren't social, if people could only read minds - but alas, their heads would explode.
i find that simply being myself works pretty well. this means, be saracastic, but do it with a smile. if they understand that it's sarcastic (or a friendly kind of mean), they will laugh. use humor, but don't tell jokes unless your good at it.
speak to everyone on your level, those under you, and those above you. i never talk up to someone. personally i don't think i have that many friends, however it seems i do - everyone knows who i am. and considering I'm at least 80% introverted, and over 200 people know who i am, i guess I'm doing well enough.
of course the hard part comes to talking to girls. this is where i haven't figured it all out yet. i know lot's of stuff. i can answer some of the strangest questions, go as deep as they want to pry. but people have to ask the questions first, and none ever do.
i've found that simply being myself for the other's though - many find me a curiosity. i don't say good morning (i don't see the point), i'm here, your here, the feeling of good is rarely there. if they want to say it, fine, if they don't fine. many say it out of custom, if you don't they won't. if they really mean it, they will say it regardless of you. many simply like hearing the honest truth. it's something very rare to find these days. so many pleasantries - i get right to the matter. and though abrupt, it seems many actually like that. and if they don't - tough.
Re: INTJ social skills--can someone help ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mike_INTJ
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin
I am an INTJ.I have tried acquiring social skills from my childhood.(My mother is an ENFP.She always used to push me into social situations and blame me for moving away from people.)I tried putting me in social situations continously.I am 27 year old now.I started losing my hope that I can have good social life.I feel like losing all my confidence in a social situations.This is killing me in my job too.In meetings I am silent eventhough I know many things.I feel like I am a peak INTJ.Can someone help me in giving very good practical tips to have a comfortable social skills?
this probably won't help much as i tend to have the same problems. INTJ's simply aren't social, if people could only read minds - but alas, their heads would explode.
i find that simply being myself works pretty well. this means, be saracastic, but do it with a smile. if they understand that it's sarcastic (or a friendly kind of mean), they will laugh. use humor, but don't tell jokes unless your good at it.
speak to everyone on your level, those under you, and those above you. i never talk up to someone. personally i don't think i have that many friends, however it seems i do - everyone knows who i am. and considering I'm at least 80% introverted, and over 200 people know who i am, i guess I'm doing well enough.
of course the hard part comes to talking to girls. this is where i haven't figured it all out yet. i know lot's of stuff. i can answer some of the strangest questions, go as deep as they want to pry. but people have to ask the questions first, and none ever do.
i've found that simply being myself for the other's though - many find me a curiosity. i don't say good morning (i don't see the point), i'm here, your here, the feeling of good is rarely there. if they want to say it, fine, if they don't fine. many say it out of custom, if you don't they won't. if they really mean it, they will say it regardless of you. many simply like hearing the honest truth. it's something very rare to find these days. so many pleasantries - i get right to the matter. and though abrupt, it seems many actually like that. and if they don't - tough.
True..Nothing will work for INTJ in social situations...better be yourself and leave everything to god....Avoid changing organization or locations frequently
Any tips to increase the EI of an INTJ
I was wondering is there any suggestions / tips to increase the Emotional Intelligence specific to INTJ .
Re: Any tips to increase the EI of an INTJ
Quote:
Originally Posted by joseph2505
I was wondering is there any suggestions / tips to increase the Emotional Intelligence specific to INTJ .
make him motivated to develop his Ethics (black and white)... but INTj's are nearly impossible to motivate lol
more seriously, INTj's are not really EI-based ; they are basically not interested by that. If one want a INTj to be freindly, he must deserve it (i.e. by respecting him).
LIIs/INTjs social skills, meeting new people, shyness and leadership potential
Over Spring Break I went to Washington DC with a group of friends in a campus organization. By the end of the DC trip, I had developed a reputation among the freshmen as an excellent conversation partner who can sustain an interesting conversation in which I would be genuinely interested in their lives. This past weekend I went on the annual beach retreat for the same campus organizations where a similar theme appeared as well. In fact, as I later was explicitly told by my friends during the beach trip, this quality had apparently made me a valuable and sought after road companion.
Over the course of these two retreats I slowly began to realize that the LII has a certain strength even in social situations through my own conversations and interactions. LII are for the most part are socially awkward. There is little getting around this basic reality. There is a great disdain on our parts for "small talk" which is a form (if not the main form) of social ritual that we for some reason have difficulties in overcoming. It baffles us because it is so empty and meaningless. It is saying something merely for the act of saying something; it is a ritual in which once completed the two parties go their separate ways in the satisfaction of appeasing the laws of the societal deities. Despite this social awkwardness, the LII does have a great (and often underflexed) strength in social interactions: analytical questioning. But how can analytical questioning be used socially?
When the LII uses analytical questioning in conversations and avoids (or bypass) the smalltalk, the LII is able to avoid part of the stigma for social awkwardness. Also by asking questions, the LII is able to avoid talking or revealing too much about themselves. The other key is that the LII focuses on one person at a time. So the LII lets people talk about themselves which is pushed further through LII questioning, which is far less harsh and more willing to entertain all ideas than the ILI. The question which I know I asked the most (and had pointed out to me by others) was the question why? Why do you think that? Why does that interest you? Why X and not Y? The what is not nearly as important (or memorable for the LII) as the reasoning behind the what. By doing such, the conversation partner believes that the LII has a sincere interest in them as individuals, since not only are you learning about them, but you are getting them to rethink their beliefs.
I may expand this later, but for now, I am just going to post this as it is.
Re: Any tips to increase the EI of an INTJ
Quote:
Originally Posted by joseph2505
I was wondering is there any suggestions / tips to increase the Emotional Intelligence specific to INTJ .
There are numerous texts on this issue. I always found Covey's works useful, especially concepts like "The emotional bank account", and so on (check out "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). Self-improvement literature & LIIs generally get along well.
Why LIIs have difficulty meeting people
LIIs get confused about how to contact people. They consider both old and new means and can't tell which will be the most effective. This is a big issue with LII PoLR. It's not that LIIs don't want to meet people -- they just don't know HOW.