Relationships between introverts

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Originally Posted by misutii

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Originally Posted by redbaron

And I do. I'm just greedy. Yeah, extraverts. Where do I go to meet them? Out, I suppose. :lol:

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you just have to meet one and they'll lead you to throngs. you'll have to put up with going to a few social gatherings but you can use alcohol as a socially acceptable way to maintian the facade that you're having fun. This will lead to you getting to know people better and soon you'll have an extrovert bothering you to hang out in no time. so long as you maintain an occasional appearance at these gatherings you'll acquire more and more until you realize you can actually choose who you want to be friends with on your own time.

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Sounds quite likely. We just joined the tennis club in our town (it's a summer-only club) and this summer was our first year. I did meet tons of people but it takes me forever to make real friends. So maybe it will happen. There was actually one woman who did call me to play tennis and we did and had a great time. I'm just in this stage right now where all my friends have little kids and they don't have much freedom.

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Originally Posted by misutii

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Originally Posted by redbaron

And I do. I'm just greedy. Yeah, extraverts. Where do I go to meet them? Out, I suppose. :lol:

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you just have to meet one and they'll lead you to throngs. you'll have to put up with going to a few social gatherings but you can use alcohol as a socially acceptable way to maintian the facade that you're having fun. This will lead to you getting to know people better and soon you'll have an extrovert bothering you to hang out in no time. so long as you maintain an occasional appearance at these gatherings you'll acquire more and more until you realize you can actually choose who you want to be friends with on your own time.

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that's so funny, yeah we'll make all the arrangements don't worry bout it. hahaha

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Originally Posted by Blaze

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Originally Posted by misutii

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Originally Posted by redbaron

And I do. I'm just greedy. Yeah, extraverts. Where do I go to meet them? Out, I suppose. :lol:

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you just have to meet one and they'll lead you to throngs. you'll have to put up with going to a few social gatherings but you can use alcohol as a socially acceptable way to maintian the facade that you're having fun. This will lead to you getting to know people better and soon you'll have an extrovert bothering you to hang out in no time. so long as you maintain an occasional appearance at these gatherings you'll acquire more and more until you realize you can actually choose who you want to be friends with on your own time.

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that's so funny, yeah we'll make all the arrangements don't worry bout it. hahaha

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awww see!! isn't that so nice of them!?! lol

:D

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Originally Posted by misutii

like "we should chill", the other will then respond "yes we should blah blah blah" and then a few weeks after continuously agreeing and admitting how much we miss each other and discussing scheduling (purely in order to procrastinate while flattering the other's ego) one of us will get off our lazy asses and make it happen and the other will make sure that it's appreciated. The most important thing I think is that we accept each other enough that we no longer expect anything or depend on each other for anything except acceptance. Like honestly I've lost most of my introverted friends from the past (or did they lose me?)

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i was like :lol: :lol: at the first part of this and *cry* at the second part. It's true and ps you did make it pretty because you're INFp.

I can't maintain relations of any sort with other introverts. I've tried and failed many, many times and take it too personally. It just requires entirely too much especially when you're not comfortable having to be the more 'extroverted' of the bunch. Like you said, it feels forced. It get's too stressful when there's been that period of time when neither of you has spoken and you're wondering what the other is thinking, if you should call first, what you should say, if they're angry with you, etc....with extraverts, there's none of that.

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Originally Posted by redbaron

While I actually tend to be drawn to and prefer other introverts for friendships, I have found lately that after awhile (say, a year or two) I get very tired of having to usually initiate in these relationships. To the point of it really hurting my feelings. I just don't see why it can't be 50/50. Maybe because I like a lot of chatting/contact, more than the other friend(s), I don't know. I have one friend (I think she's identical) where it's more 60-40 me or 70-30 and that's okay. I have another friend where it's like 95-5 me and that has been driving me crazy. With my brother it's maybe 85-15. I don't know, it just makes me feel like crying, like every single person in my life is merely tolerating me. Am I the only one who feels this way?

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I'm totally right there with you...! (And I thought I was the only one that did that ratio of effort thing too!) :shock:

I need to feel like the effort is balanced. If I begin to feel like I'm "bothering" them, I withdraw. If it's a chronic thing that never corrects with time, I usually gradually give up and see if they come after me eventually.

I've gotten accused of not initating enough, but how do you know what's acceptable and what's not? I could comfortably go about about 3days with no contact with a significant other and not think anything of it but I guess that's not...normal? I don't know, how do you know these things? Are you supposed to contact each other everyday? Why? The current bf calls me everyday without ever giving me a chance to call but yet complains that i'm never the first to call. wtf...phones suck.

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Originally Posted by jessica129

I've gotten accused of not initating enough, but how do you know what's acceptable and what's not? I could comfortably go about about 3days with no contact with a significant other and not think anything of it but I guess that's not...normal? I don't know, how do you know these things? Are you supposed to contact each other everyday? Why? The current bf calls me everyday without ever giving me a chance to call but yet complains that i'm never the first to call. wtf...phones suck.

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how can you go so long?

i like to talk to infp man every day and we did for a long time but now he's in this mode of kind of treading water in the relationship so we don't plunge in too far too early. i know his thoughts make sense esp in the context of our recent divorces, but to me going a few days without talking kind of takes the gas out of the relationship. like it makes me less interested and also insecure. since i don't like feeling insecure, i start to want to break up.

Unless something life changing has happened in a three day time period, I guess I just don't see the point. I really, really despise feeling obligated to call someone just to 'check in' and see how they're doing. I think it just stems from the fact I hate phones and think catching up with someone should be done in person.

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Originally Posted by jessica129

Unless something life changing has happened in a three day time period, I guess I just don't see the point. I really, really despise feeling obligated to call someone just to 'check in' and see how they're doing. I think it just stems from the fact I hate phones and think catching up with someone should be done in person.

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Agreed! I really don't like talking on the phone because I think everyone should be done in person too .. I especially hate talking over IMs or anything (I never do that in my current relationship and it has been such a great asset that we never have) .. settling everything in person makes a relationship grow, and you become much more comfortable. I used to date a guy ... we talked on the phone every single night for hours... it totally killed everything because in person, it would be so damn awkward meanwhile we said everything on the phone like best friends. It was strange, and I never want that kind of thing to happen again which is why I avoid talking on the phone until the relationship is well, well underway.

I think communication in general should be really limited to face-to-face interaction. I don't think people do enough of that nowadays, especially in my younger generation ..we are becoming accustomed to solving problems online, actually and it is very upsetting to see such things like Facebook, Myspace, MSN messenging .. become the pivotal place of relationship drama n such. It's very sad actually.

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Originally Posted by ScarlettLux

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Originally Posted by jessica129

I think it just stems from the fact I hate phones and think catching up with someone should be done in person.

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Agreed! I really don't like talking on the phone because I think everyone should be done in person too ..

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Oh you two are rare and precious.

I agree that it's better if everything can be done in person but what if you can't? For example, my friends and I have families, we can't just hang out together all the time. We are busy and limited with the time that we can spend together. (those of you who are young and not limited, take advantage of this time in your lives!!) The limits make me sad but they are there. I never talk on the phone but email fills in the gaps. It's not ideal but sometimes all I have. :(

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Originally Posted by PotatoSpirit

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Originally Posted by ScarlettLux

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Originally Posted by jessica129

I think it just stems from the fact I hate phones and think catching up with someone should be done in person.

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Agreed! I really don't like talking on the phone because I think everyone should be done in person too ..

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Oh you two are rare and precious.

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Oh man, just realized I typed 'everYONE should be DONE in person" .. :lol:

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Originally Posted by ScarlettLux

Oh man, just realized I typed 'everYONE should be DONE in person" .. :lol:

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Oh, so you didn't mean to state your preference of real sex over cyber/telephonic sex?
I guess that makes you even rarer but maybe less precious (c:

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Originally Posted by ScarlettLux

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Originally Posted by PotatoSpirit

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Originally Posted by ScarlettLux

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Originally Posted by jessica129

I think it just stems from the fact I hate phones and think catching up with someone should be done in person.

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Agreed! I really don't like talking on the phone because I think everyone should be done in person too ..

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Oh you two are rare and precious.

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Oh man, just realized I typed 'everYONE should be DONE in person" .. :lol:

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shit you caught it before I could respond :P

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Originally Posted by PotatoSpirit

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Originally Posted by ScarlettLux

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Originally Posted by jessica129

I think it just stems from the fact I hate phones and think catching up with someone should be done in person.

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Agreed! I really don't like talking on the phone because I think everyone should be done in person too ..

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Oh you two are rare and precious.

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lol