chrys
Melodies from Mars~

Ephemera

If you're there, I'd like input on whether I should go through with getting a year-or-longer self-ban rn or not. May or may not change anything, I'm leaning toward it. Managed to snap out into a three-month and thought I'd sleep on whether or not I'd leave for good.
There's you and like two or three others that I stayed for and I'm feeling pervasively weirder and weirder about hanging around this place. It's been good and bad in ways hangin out in the chatbox's prime. Forums kinda do help me warm up the neurons when I have obligations and my brain really isn't in the mood to meet them. But I half feel like I'm on a porn site or something when I'm posting here from my school and there's someone behind who might look over my shoulder.
I asked you specifically because you just always came off as unassuming and friendly, and I guess I sensed that you were able to process the bullshit way I communicate like others couldn't, when most users vibed as too tryhard psycho or cold to me. I still can't understand why jailbait or whatever friended me unless he's the lolcow-farmer type and he wanted a direct link to all my spaghetti. Seeing grit in others just puts me into flight-mode.
Might've said it before, but I've had an SO for a while now and there's still other bits of social shit for me out there when I'm thirsty enough, so I'm not going straight to the void if I leave. And I never had an intent to actually stalk you or anything. The better a social situation feels to me, the more anxious I get about the creeper vibes I'm probably shooting off.


I'll grant, I have been a cunt, to all parties. I always have. It's what I was born to do. That, and its consequences, never bothered me before. But this time I can't tell if it's the place that's changed, me that's changed, or I'm just always hyper nostalgic.

If you or anyone else jumps in and says "lol stay" or anything else, bear in mind, this doesn't mean I'll necessarily stick around anyway. I'm probably going to get another month self-ban exclusively for obligations I need to meet.
Thanks for your time if you bothered to wade through all this trash.

To answer your first question, I am teaching myself to compose...at the moment, I am studying Bach's 14 Canons after the Goldberg Variations theme (which show well how a simple melody can be flipped around, embellished, augmented and so on). As for the second, I'm glad that you enjoy the way I express myself. I am taking a risk in being more authentic but I feel it's important to be proud of who you are and not lie in order to fit in. Resentful people on this forum will shame you and try to crush your spirit, as they do to me. You must endure their mockery and push onward, for they know nothing else. They are merely a painful test that has been set before you, a wall of despair that you must break through in order to taste the fruits of success. Never acknowledge them, and stay focused on your goal.

Thanks for the friend request. What piqued your curiosity?

No


How have you been?

It's festive. Haha.

Plus his eyes are tilted towards each other. He's shy.
Oh, the Elder Scrolls series. I find it interesting that the lore grew so close to your heart. It's something I'm envious of.
I like what you did with their name.
The Dunmer are sexier though.

Hey (why does that smiley seem so nervous)
What are the origins of your username?

ur not my mom >:'(

Uumm.... What?