Different attitudes in meeting people

[Rubicon]

What are the preferred ways for each of the quadras to welcome new people - how do they come across?

Maybe ...

Alpha: tries to create a feeling of already being friends - trust given (taken away if abused) - avoids formalities - aim is to create a feeling of camaraderie and equality

Beta: take a while to warm up while they size you up ... Idk ... ideas?

Delta: tries to establish a feeling of acceptance (made to feel part of their group) and easygoingness

Gamma: formal introductions - trust is withheld until earned - feeling of polite reserve

Not sure about any of these really....

[Park]

Beta: take a while to warm up while they size you up ...

LOL, this sounds like some sort of sexual foreplay.

[Satan]

i like it when someone else can welcome new people.

i prefer to be standoffish with new people.

every new person is a risk...

[Creepy-]

i like it when someone else can welcome new people.

i prefer to be standoffish with new people.

every new person is a risk...

Your avatar and this response are do not match up

[Park]

Your avatar and this response are do not match up

Ahahahaha...

[strrrng]

Beta: take a while to warm up while they size you up ... Idk ... ideas?

Depends. A lot hinges on e-type as well, but generally, I size people up with where they 'fit.' Like, this person has these qualities, this background, and then intuit a few things about them -- see what ideals they give me lol. Looks matter, but the demeanor with which they carry themselves is concomitant. But generally I assume a stand-offish and detached disposition - whether overt or not - so as not to commit myself too soon to someone who "doesn't belong." They are either in or out, and if they're out, it's a subtle wave bye-bye without a care in the world. If they're in, it's good to go (a few people I will strongly gravitate towards and want to form some sort of tag-team with).

[Satan]

Your avatar and this response are do not match up

When I meet new people, or even quite a lot of people I know well things will start awkward.

It's like I'm there - but I'm not saying anything. And that can make some more socially friendly people kind of be a bit bubbly or something. - and then it's like I can stop being so awkward -

And then it's like I'll keep kind of raising my energy level bit by bit, until someone complains or is uncomfortable about it, who is important to me.

It's like if someone is "tired" and you're "really intense" then they can easily be overwhelmed/overloaded. So it's easier to not be too much more energetic than them, and boost energy level up bit by bit as they start to wake up.

Although at the same time I can kind of spring awake at times. Which puts some people a bit on the defensive. And other people can kind of respond quickly, and kind of be "easy" about me being at a higher energy level.

Thing is - if I go into situations without holding back at all then it seems to make some people uncomfortable.

I suppose that's pretty passive on my part. The thing is, because I know I can raise my energy level, I don't necessarily feel the need to show myself to be excited, high-energy, enthusiastic etc.

Like - if someone says they have "low energy" or "can't get excited about anything", or they want people to be enthusiastic about what they want to do etc, it's like I can get other people to be more enthusiastic, I can get other people to be more excited, to have higher energy levels etc. And yet - it's normally as a secondary thing - for me - I don't really show excitement for no reason, I don't have high energy for no reason etc.

And so when my energy level rises, some people can kind of not be sure why my energy level rose, or necessarily feel comfortable with it.

I suppose I'm a bit of a slow starter - I reserve judgement. I kind of "wait" for a while, and then .. the thing is when I go on, my energy level rises real high - and it's like people can joke about it - it's not just slightly noticable, it's like really overt -

Anyway, even though I can be like that. I often lie low... I come across as "low energy", "uninterested", "in my own world" etc to a degree. The thing is that even when I'm like this, a lot of people seem to say "Hello" to me, lots of people seem to know who I am. And it's like I can kind of attract attention without really doing anything.

It's like I can not say anything - and people seem to somehow pick up on me. And be aware of me. And at times I can just not pay any attention to things that are happening around me. And then I can enter a new situation and it's like there's this moment of silence, and there's this kind of atmosphere of nervousness as people come to terms with my presence.

And it's like I remember sometimes how people kind of say "off" things, like "He's not saying anything", or "I'm nervous", or something, and it's like sometimes I just kind of approach situations in a way, that make people kind of anxious, insecure etc. Like some girls like to hide behind someone or something, and some people can kind of not trust me, get apprehensive, get all these "notions", "perceptions", "sensations", and not really be that grounded.

And then as I start to talk to people, get to know them etc, sometimes people kind of gently come towards me. Sometimes a little cautious at first. They can kind of "experiment" a little. Sometimse people start acting weird. And sometimes people seem to somewhat try to compete with me.

Then it's like as I get to know people - I kind of stop holding back as much - and I'm just more open and free.

But then there's the weird side.

Where people can start telling other people not to trust me, that I'm dangerous. And then there are people who say things like "I've been warned about you" or "I've been told not to talk to you", or "I've heard stories about you".

I don't know if it helps, that sometimes when that kind of thing happens, and other people are around they can laugh. And kind of reflect on previous experiences.

Also some people seem to get this notion that they have to be careful with me.

Anyway,

I suppose I'm careful with people at first. And I expect people to be a little careful at first - unless there's a necessity to not be and then it's like firm boundaries can be made, and it's like there's a destination in mind and so forth.

But yeah as I go on, I get pretty excited. And often people can "feel" the excitement, and some people like it, some don't. Some people can kind of feel a little out of control. Or not safe. And it's like it can be helpful to have people around to reassure/level people as energy levels are rising.

And it's like also, at first often there's a kind of slowing down, before a speeding up. And it's like I want everyone to be at the same speed - but not to make a sudden jump from low to high. Although myself, I can jump pretty quickly. It's just I seperate myself from others when I do.

But yeah - I can get pretty high energy -

Like at times I can kind of maintain conversations with multiple people at once, and it's like I can kind of flip betwen multiple people, and then someone can say something like I find it hard to hold a conversation with one person, let alone ...

blah blah

anyway, ranting..

It's like as I raise up in energy, I can kind of continously have a lot of energy which can irritate some people who want to be more "intense" or "energetic" than me, and it's like I'll kind of cruise at high energy... and it's like they have to struggle to even keep up.

But I do know the flipside of low energy too.

hmm like today, I was being low energy, and some random girl seemed to know my name, and know who i was, and was acting kind of familiar. and i couldn't remember who she was. and she seemed kind of nervous, and i thought that i should try to have some kind of conversation or something. which kind of happened. but like it's weird when you don't even remember who people are. and they know who you are, and they act familiar. and it's probably partially because she was nervous, that i felt like i should at least try and have a conversation.

but yeah, if it seems okay with people, i can keep raising .. and i can be pretty intense/excited, and it can be a lot of fun. bah,

i need to meet some real live people .. who are really awake.

[strrrng]

Benny, you can raise the energy for me

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I agree with those quadra descriptions. Nice job.

[Rubicon]

Depends. A lot hinges on e-type as well, but generally, I size people up with where they 'fit.' Like, this person has these qualities, this background, and then intuit a few things about them -- see what ideals they give me lol. Looks matter, but the demeanor with which they carry themselves is concomitant. But generally I assume a stand-offish and detached disposition - whether overt or not - so as not to commit myself too soon to someone who "doesn't belong." They are either in or out, and if they're out, it's a subtle wave bye-bye without a care in the world. If they're in, it's good to go (a few people I will strongly gravitate towards and want to form some sort of tag-team with).

Also seems to me that if you haven't seen them for a long time, even having been "accepted" by them in the past, you have to go through the trial period again until they've assured themselves again of you.

[strrrng]

Also seems to me that if you haven't seen them for a long time, even having been "accepted" by them in the past, you have to go through the trial period again until they've assured themselves again of you.

lol, I would agree. It's like a refining process (which occurs fairly rapidly), where you just reevaluate them by the same criteria as before, comparing and contrasting, and making sure they "fit." Christ, it's like going down a checklist.

[Khola aka Bee]

Given this, I definitely fit Beta friendship values > Alpha.

See HERE http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ad.php?t=22540

[strrrng]

Bee, that thread was an illustration of how much of an enneagram 4 you are; it didn't necessitate an Ni preference.

[Khola aka Bee]

Then I'll swing both ways Hell, it's worked for me in other walks of life...

[redbaron]

mercutio, I hereby pronounce you SLE.

you just really really remind me of my SLE friend. (that's a good thing)

[Joy]

i like it when someone else can welcome new people.

i prefer to be standoffish with new people.

every new person is a risk...

A risk in that you may not be able to control them?

[Satan]

A risk in that you may not be able to control them?

it's all about control with you, isn't it.

[Joy]

Hmmm... formal introductions...

In some ways I do this a lot. I introduce myself to people as though I'm being introduced to a new business acquaintance, hand shake included. But then again, I don't meet new people in purely social situations all that often.

With relatives, I tend not to formally introduce people that I bring to family gatherings... except Peter. I formally introduced him to everyone, and my EII aunt told me that her LSE husband really appreciated that. I guess he had commented in the past that I (and probably my brother and sister) had never done that. But then again, my last relationship was with someone who had attended previous family gatherings as a friend of my brothers... and now he attends as my sister's boyfriend. I don't think they've realized that it's the same person and/or that he's now with a different sister.

[Joy]

it's all about control with you, isn't it.

No, it's all about control with you. (that's why we've bickered at times in the past, fwiw)

[crazedrat]

Really very pleased that you've finally come back, Joy, and I'm sure discojoe is soon to follow.

[Joy]

I didn't realize he'd left?

I'm not really back though, seeing as how I never left. Just had stuff going on. And will continue to do have as much if not more stuff going on in the very near future (seeing as how my color has returned and I'm not feeling nauseated anymore).

[redbaron]

I guess he had commented in the past that I (and probably my brother and sister) had never done that. But then again, my last relationship was with someone who had attended previous family gatherings as a friend of my brothers... and now he attends as my sister's boyfriend. I don't think they've realized that it's the same person and/or that he's now with a different sister.

wait, are you serious? Your old boyfriend is now dating your sister? Is that weird?

[munenori2]

Also seems to me that if you haven't seen them for a long time, even having been "accepted" by them in the past, you have to go through the trial period again until they've assured themselves again of you.

I do this too, but in an entirely different way for entirely different reasons. Sometimes I wish it wasn't so, because when I tell friends that it usually makes them feel bad.

[redbaron]

I didn't realize he'd left?

I'm not really back though, seeing as how I never left. Just had stuff going on. And will continue to do have as much if not more stuff going on in the very near future (seeing as how my color has returned and I'm not feeling nauseated anymore).

I don't think he left. He posted that great Star Trek trailer just the other day.

How did the move go? Are you feeling relatively settled in?

[Joy]

wait, are you serious? Your old boyfriend is now dating your sister? Is that weird?

My old husband, actually. I'm fine with it though.

I don't think he left. He posted that great Star Trek trailer just the other day.

How did the move go? Are you feeling relatively settled in?

Moving is always sorta stressful, but yes, we're pretty much settled in now. Just about everything that needed doing is done. Thanks for asking. (:

[Bardia]

I think those descriptions are really good. I definitely act polite and reserved when meeting new people and usually do some sort of formal introduction. I try to act friendly but I just am not very good at dealing with new people so I end up being quiet. I am also repulsed by the alpha way lol. When people act like we are really good friends when we are not I find it extremely intrusive and creepy. I notice that ESFjs tend to do this a lot.

When I lose contact with a friend and then have contact with them again I kind of test to see if the friendship is still the same and if it is I pick up right where we left off. If not I revert back to polite and reserved.

[redbaron]

I think those descriptions are really good. I definitely act polite and reserved when meeting new people and usually do some sort of formal introduction. I try to act friendly but I just am not very good at dealing with new people so I end up being quiet. I am also repulsed by the alpha way lol. When people act like we are really good friends when we are not I find it extremely intrusive and creepy. I notice that ESFjs tend to do this a lot.

When I lose contact with a friend and then have contact with them again I kind of test to see if the friendship is still the same and if it is I pick up right where we left off. If not I revert back to polite and reserved.

yes they do! and I actually think it's really nice To each his own.

[Rubicon]

I think those descriptions are really good. I definitely act polite and reserved when meeting new people and usually do some sort of formal introduction. I try to act friendly but I just am not very good at dealing with new people so I end up being quiet. I am also repulsed by the alpha way lol. When people act like we are really good friends when we are not I find it extremely intrusive and creepy. I notice that ESFjs tend to do this a lot.

When I lose contact with a friend and then have contact with them again I kind of test to see if the friendship is still the same and if it is I pick up right where we left off. If not I revert back to polite and reserved.

I'm friends with this ESI/EIE couple ... and for a while, I thought the ESI had some sort of problem with me. There was such a stark difference btwn the way the EIE was sort of "all in" once he'd accepted me, and the reserve of the ESI. :-p But she seems to deepen our relationship all the time in a systematic way - like she's following a friendship manual. :-P I sort of feel like I've raced ahead, taking the shortcut ... and I'm standing here, watching her painstakingly take the correct path ... and I'm wondering why the steps are necessary when she'll eventually end up at the same spot as me anyway. Can't we just agree to pretend we followed the rules?

[redbaron]

I'm friends with this ESI/EIE couple ... and for a while, I thought the ESI had some sort of problem with me. There was such a stark difference btwn the way the EIE was sort of "all in" once he'd accepted me, and the reserve of the ESI. :-p But she seems to deepen our relationship all the time in a systematic way - like she's following a friendship manual. :-P I sort of feel like I've raced ahead, taking the shortcut ... and I'm standing here, watching her painstakingly take the correct path ... and I'm wondering why the steps are necessary when she'll eventually end up at the same spot as me anyway. Can't we just agree to pretend we followed the rules?

HA. I always take the shortcut with people I really like. that's funny.

[Joy]

The ESI's I've known did, too.

[Gilly]

Maybe they aren't ESIs.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[redbaron]

Even when I really like someone, it takes me awhile to warm up to them, feel comfortable around them, okay to relax my guard, etc. But ah, I may be a special case. I've been that way since birth, but it's probably a Diana-characteristic not a type-characteristic.

I used to be more this way, actually. when I was younger. But I think I'm a lot more open now. Partly it's cause I've watched my ESE husband and been amazed at how he can put people at ease and how most people will appreciate that and give his good intentions the benefit of the doubt.

[Gilly]

I rarely, if ever, really relax my guard completely; the nature of my guard just changes depending on how well I feel a person knows the "real me." My guard also tend to fluctuate towards the lowest common denominator in terms of my comfort level with all people present.

I can only think of a handful or so of people, including my family, around whom I am capable of relaxing completely, and even with them I don't always entirely allow myself to let it all hang out.

[Joy]

Er, I suppose I should say they did with me.

[Warlord]

Gamma: formal introductions

Definetly not. I've never met a gamma that was in to that. In fact I knew a ESFp, that thought it was funny that anyone would do that.

That probably applies best to beta's, especially ENFj's.

I personally just pretty much wait around for someone to do something. Or imitate what other people are doing.

[Joy]

Definetly not. I've never met a gamma that was in to that. In fact I knew a ESFp, that thought it was funny that anyone would do that.

That probably applies best to beta's, especially ENFj's.

I personally just pretty much wait around for someone to do something. Or imitate what other people are doing.

I read the Gamma description in this thread to mean something along the lines of "Gammas prefer to treat people in a business-like manner unless there is a relationship between them", which I've found to be true. Of course, for many SEE's, the way they treat people in business isn't necessarily all that different from the way most people treat friendly acquaintances.

[Warlord]

I read the Gamma description in this thread to mean something along the lines of "Gammas prefer to treat people in a business-like manner unless there is a relationship between them", which I've found to be true. Of course, for many SEE's, the way they treat people in business isn't necessarily all that different from the way most people treat friendly acquaintances.

Yeah, I thought about this more. And I think Gammas go straight to business/issue, and even skip the unnecessary formalities. But it also might be age / social status thing. Also one common thing is using excisting relationships as way to connect, even if the person that's the connection isn't really there.

Like: Hey, you know A, right? He told me that you are also intrested in... (that's how an ENTj introduced himself to me)

Or one ESFp that hadn't really talked before: Can I sit here? Your cousin B is a funny guy, he has these funny big eyes, I didn't mean in bad way...

[Joy]

lol

<3 SEE's