The Long, Unfinished Type Request [Questionnaire, Work in Progress]
Hey everybody!
I'm not quite done yet with compiling my questionnaire, but since I know myself (and my follow-through and staying put skills) and there is a lot of material to discuss (imho), here is the partial questionnaire answer. I'll keep it updated as I answer more and more of the ten remaining question.
For everybody who wants/is interested, have fun figuring out what I wasn't able to! (all classification are welcome, better with some arguments to back them up)
As for VI, I have edited my Facebook profile so that posts are public (I do not like to take pictures of myself), you can see them here:
https://www.facebook.com/s.e.perna
Some other random pictures from my phone:
IMG_20140801_083110[2].jpg404111_517608368256563_1465730309_n.jpgIMG_20140603_080552[1].jpg
WARNINGS:
a) Looooooooong post;
b) There might be a lot of self-consciousness and self-bias in this text, altough I tried to be both sincere and objective.
Enjoy!
What is Beauty? What is Love?
This first question is already very hard for me to talk about.
I guess there's two ways we can describe Beauty, either what it is for us or what it is for others.
Beauty in general is the rationalization of the idea that something appeals to each person more (or less) than everything else. "Beauty" as a fixed, immobile concept does not exist (i.e., there is no "most beautiful X in the world"): even the things, people or works of art which are considered "beautiful" are simply so because they appeal to a vast (?) majority of people, not because of some intrinsic superiority to every other members of their category.
What is beautiful for me? Nineteenth century Romantic painting, a woman which appeals to my aesthetic taste and makes me feel good, a movie or book or videogame which stirs up my emotions and makes me enjoy my time while delivering a story worth reading / watching / playing. Or heck, even having a fun time.
Love is the eternal ghost of my life, the damnation which pursues me, the One Damn Thing I'll Never Achieve!Joking. Love is again, the set of all emotions, feelings and pleasure we derive by having a direct, intimate and meaningful relationship with someone we like. Bunch of chemicals in the brains and hormones going all over, really, yet we can't really make without it, can we? Or maybe it is just me.
Oh, and Love for me is meeting the soulmate. The One that will stick with you no matter what, that will travel by your side and hold your hand and hug you during the cold nights of winter. The mother (or father) of your children, the travel companion. You know, the fantasy that doesn't exists, as I recently learned.
What are your most important values?
Another different question (not that it matters now, but all the feeling/values things are kind of complicated for me to explain. Not to know, maybe, but too explain. And this text might be a bit too self-conscious. And look a bit like a rant. But anyway).
I would say self-realization: I think everybody should always strive to be the best possible self they can be, find out the best possible companion they can
and live the best possible life they can. Possibly making the world better, in the process. So I guess helping others is also a value of mine, as well as improving society in general. Needless to say, I'm failing orribly at that.
Another incredibly important value for me is freedom: everybody should be able to be what they consider the best for themselves; I am well aware of the limitations that this line of thought brings, and the best answer I could come up with is, we have to impose a limit on freedom in order to guarantee survival of mankind and the planet. And this limitation is something that sounds like: my freedom is bounded by yours, it ends where yours begins. Not the absolute answer to all problems, but I somehow doubt there is a real best answer.
Doing the "right thing" is also important: sometimes I wonder whether what I do is right or wrong, "good or bad" (interpretations of it may vary with the context). More often I catch myself doing something not quite "right", and remember myself that's not the good thing to do. Altough I tend to fail in this regard. Whoops.
Final one I'd like to mention is coherency/trustworthiness. I mean, I value people who are coherent with their values and do not backstab others for personal gain, or maybe just people who do not screw up with my plans once I made them. I mean, it's okay to change your mind or have something step in your way, but make sure you do not cause problems for others as well!
... plus all the others I forgot.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
Finally an easy one! I have grown up in a Christian / Catholic environment and embraced the faith my parents thought me since I was young. I remember also having a deep curiosity for other religions and belief systems and never really understanding the whole concept of "religious wars": I always thought people should respect the belief of other and that forced conversion is ultimately foolish from a religious point of view (what kind of faith can one expect to find in forced worshippers who might hail from a different creed altogheter?).
The more I grew up, the more I kept questioning various parts of the doctrine which were not clear, or simply did not feel "right" (such as the violence of God in the old Testament, or the whole myth of the creation, or the opposition of the Church to same-gender marriage or divorce); I always found an explaination which made them fit into my larger framework of "things which are ok to believe in" (which most of the time did not fit in the "accepted" or "mainstream" doctrine itself). Around the age of twenty, however, I began to loose my faith. The reason I gave to myself (and the people who cared to ask) was there was simply too much crap happening, both to me and in the world in general, to keep on believing in the existence of a benevolent, superhuman entity devoted to having good win in the end. Clearly, I can point out many more mundane reason (sex, fun, lazyness), but I remember the massive paradigm shift in my beliefs that happened in that period.
I remained atheist/agnostic for a five year old time [cute, I just changed the world "period" to "time" in order to avoid repeating]: in recent times I approached Buddhishm which always fascinated me (even in my Catholic ages). I found its teaching to be enlightening as its culture of non-violence to be a valuable basis for a utopian society which I'd wish I could contribute to making. Plus they have meditation techniques, and meditation always fascinated me!
Why do I hold beliefs? Well, when I was young I believed because I was thought, but mostly because I needed an anchor, something that helped me have faith that all my efforts had a meaning, or reason. That everything wouldn't simply wash away at the time of my death - such idea would be dreadful at best.
Now I have renewing my faith (altough in a different creed) because I believe it is an important part of myself which I have been missing, in a sense. I changed my faith - I wouldn't be able to follow Christianity or the Church anymore, but the act of having a spirituality and following a code of morals makes me a better person. I cannot rationalize right now why, but here it goes.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
Real-Life war (as apposed to books, videogames or movies) is the glorification of the old struggle for survival, resources and domination which has always existed and will always existed in nature. Nothing mythical or super fancy about it. Wars can be analyzed, discussed, predicted or calculated, but the reasons behind them are always the same: one or more parties wants or desires resources or territories that the other party wants and does not want to share (possibly in a manner suitable to the first party).
My opinion on wars? The degree of our civilization can be evaluated on the basis of the number of inevitable wars that happen.
I'll explain a bit further: as I mentioned, wars are nothing but struggle for survival and resources. So it's hard to describe them as "wrong" in a natural term:
they happen everyday in nature, between animals. Animals fight for mating opportunities, food, water or dominance.
What distinguishes humans from say - lions (no offense meant to these beautiful animals), is that:
a) humans are way more destructive in their wars and
b) humans can actively work to avoid wars.
Sharing resources, controlling births (to reduce overall population and therefore resource consumption), actively working towards resolving conflicts in a peaceful way - all of these can help reduce useless gruesome wars and work towards a peaceful world. Why does this not happen, one might ask. Simple answer: it's hard. Harder, expecially for the wealthy privileged people to give up on their privilege and accept that the only way to avoid wars is to equally share resources and work towards a brigther future, together. It's easier to stick to the guns and claim everybody else is the monster, launching bombs and polluting the land. Easy, simple, maximum gain in the short term. Long term effects? Reverberation of violence, destruction of resources in long-term perspective, dehumanization of both the offender and the offended.
But the real tragedy of wars, in my opinion, is that struggle and fight exist in nature for a reason: they help cull the population of "weaker" (evolutionary speaking) individuals, reduce overall resource consumption, and stimulate evolution and change. All of this are general "good" things, if one doesn't consider the suffering and devastation which they bring in their wake. I do not have a firm stance on this particular side of the matter, as of now.
Militaries? The warriors / guards of modern societies. Not much to say about that, apart from the fact that modern warfare is becoming for about "who has the biggest gun" than "who is the better fighter", which partly counteracts the point I made just above.
Power, as a famous Italian contemporary singer once sung, is "the trash of human history". Power is the ultimate necessary evil, for absolute absence of control only begets injustice and suffering of the weaker parts of society. I do not like power myself and do not strive for it: I think true leader leads by example and inspiration, rather than an iron hand. I detest people who seek to impose themselves on other using force, violence, "shouting" or threatening: to me, this is a sign of both weakness (if you can't convince me or lead me by making me your point and why I should follow you, I do not see the reason to listen to you. I'll do what you want only if forced by your threats, real or implied) and insecurity. However, I have been told and realize that sometimes I can be rash and imposing / bossy myself, altough it does not come natural to me (*wink* Shadow? *wink*).
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
[Work In Progress]
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
I'll happily discuss medicine advancements and diseases, as well as discuss health-care pratices and fitness. It wouldn't be my first topic should I meet someone new, I'd say, but it's all good to talk about health and related things. Not really much to delve into it tough.
Am I focused on my body? Yes. In a good way? Noooo. I'm terribly self-conscious, judging myself unfit, ugly and not sexy in general. Only in the last year have I begun to work on my health and shape, sometimes up to an obsessive level. I tend to judge my worth based a grade deal on how I compare to other (most fit) males or stereotypes.
Physical health and body wellness is not a concern, however. I can skip lunches, avoid taking medicines and forces myself into painful activities or positions if I deem it right or relevant or serving a certain purpose. On the other end, I'm also the classical "fuck this, tonight I'm eating cake and massive pizza. After all, I've been a good boy/worked hard/it's my best friend's birthday.
What do you think of daily chores?
I usually let them pile up until they are no more manageable (as I call it, "until my room does not resemble a human being's abode anymore") and then sweep up the biggest share of the mess. I sporadically have periods (couple of days, maybe?) where I decide I'll be tidier and then force myself to clean up after my mess and keep my room in good shape (so to say), but it never last too long. Untill now, at least.
The situation is slightly different if other people are involved, as I do not desire other people to be forced to stay in a mess in order to visit
my room / live in the same house I live in. I have the firm idea that I should live on my own. *thumbs up*
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
I read way, way too little. I used to read a lot much when I was younger, when I discovered videogames... But that's beside the point.
I have a fondness for fantasy sagas, say Harry Potter (genre purists please do not kill me, I know it's debatable), Lord of the Rings, Eragon, and so forth. I expecially like to read about diablogues, battle description or plot developments - I can get quite bored landscape or environment descriptions. I also like to read essays - cultural, political or scientific essays work best.
As for films, I like animated movies *thumbs up* and no, I do not care if anybody thinks I'm too old for them. Dragon Trainer 1&2 were awesome. Fantasy movies are also high on the list, as well as superhero movies. Sci-fi movies are also great! (Star Trek and Star Wars FTW) and post-apocaliptic fiction, but that's more on the videogame side. Comedy is great - expecially the kind of nonsensincal or satirical parodies, such as Monty Python, Frankenstein Junior, or satirical shows by comedians.
Horror movie I generally do not like, I find them slightly scary. I can make a case for zombie movies and TV-shows.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
[Work In Progress]
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
[Work In Progress]
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
I have been told by multiple sources in different contest that I'm "rigid" and "not flexible". "Stubborn", maybe. I do not feel so "stubborn": I can be convinced of the correctness of someone else's opinion, altough I recognize that more than a few times I held on my opinion even if I knew it was kind of wrong, just because I did not want to concede defeat. This has lessened a bit over time.
I'm also being told that I can abrasive and harsh, expecially when angered or depressed, and that's unfortunately fairly true. If I feel wronged or otherwise treated poorly or with little respect, I loose much of my sense of relationships or kindness and go on the offensive with little to no mercy. I can shout, be rude or offensive if I feel like I'm being treated bad. I try to limit it in contexts where I risk consequences (i.e., jobs), but some of the people I held close to my heart have felt my wrath and didn't like it. Aggressive impulses also linger somewhere in the back on my mind/heart (altough it may simply be complexes of some kind).
Oh, and I'm bad with follow-through. I can make good plans that will bring great benefit to mankind and the universe, but then for one reason or another (read: my own faults, like lazyness or gluttony or spite) I deviate back on the old, not-so-good path. And then get angry at myself. Cursed diets.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
[Work In Progress]
In what areas of your life would you like help?
Personality Typing!
bring something good to the world while being satisfied and content; to do this, I need to know a lot more about myself, my personality and my true talents, and I feel/think I need help in this, as my effort have been mostly vain, doubtful at best. This I think is the place I need the most help with, and that I care about needing help about... Oh, and I'd say I need a bit of help with my so-called social skills [dejavù]. I find it hard to say the "right" things to people in order to communicate what I want without sounding harsh or imposing. I can do it, but it takes me concentration and effort, and this skills becomes non-existent when I'm angry, tired or depressed.
I could use some help with my self-esteem, actually. My self-esteem and confidence are kind of super-low and they have never been too high to begin with. I have been called on on this and altough I wouldn't define it as the top priority (that being what I mentioned first), it's something I'd really love to have but can't seem to manage on my own. I like when people compliment me for something, altough I usually shy away from it. I tend to focus on other people's merits and make them have the spotlight, altough I may subconsciously want it for myself. Talk about contraddictions.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
It has happened many times in the last year, expecially following my last break-up. I guess it was mainly caused by the break-up and the long months looking for a job in another (her) country to no avail. I also felt very low when things became stale or boring at job, or in general when I failed to obtain an objective or mantain a decision I made to myself, or when I fail the people I care for [Forrer effect making this seem sooooo trivial and boring]. I usually slip in self-loathing and self-criticism, isolate myself or become very emotional / angry / sad with my life and the world in general. I give up on things I decided I would do and simply lock myself in my room and start playing videogames or readings forums / watching videos / reading article. I can be depressive and irritating, stubbornly refusing human contact or helping hands or seeing reasons.
My reaction can be to either wallow into it and send the world to hell or (when things go well), to force myself to snap out of it and do something, whether it is get back to what I was supposed to do or apologizing / talking to someone I had a fight with and fix things. I find it kind of hard to verbalize what happens in my head both when I drop in the rut and the way I get out of it, altough it usually requires actually doing something useful to stop thinking about what happened.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
For starters, I loathe pushy people and all those bossy, "you do what I say or get the fuck off" kind of people. Most of their authority is basically self-assumed grandeur which has no foundamentals of any kind in reality (only in their heads). I also do not like people who make fun of me or otherwise insult me: I think this is a Shadow thing for me, as I tend to make fun of others, sometimes even a bit harshly, without really wanting to (it just comes out naturally, without premeditation) and yet I get easily very angry when someone insults or makes fun of me.
I also disapprove/dislike insincere people and liars / traitors, unless there is a good reason for it (e.g., I betrayed my country because I found out that they're corrupt bastards who kill the weak and lie to their people --> that is acceptable). Finally, I do not like overly showy people, the kind of "oh please I soo much love you and I'd love to by your best buddy forever, let us talk trash of that guy who's not here now!" (and then they backstab you and throw you away when you're not needed anymore).
What I like? Harder question. Sincere laughter, I like. People letting go of their personas and façades (<--- is it even right?) and just being themselves in front of me (because they know I'll do my best not to judge them). I like cooperation, I like inclusion, I like to see people stand up for me (hey, at least I'm honest about me) and for their friends and people who need it. I like people who try to make everyone welcome, I like people who show concern for others. I like people who act on their words and do not try to screw up other people's good ideas (altough I also like people pointing out things I fail at foreseeing or considering, so long as it's done in a considerate way - as I said, I HATE BOSSES!).
I usually get along fairly well with nerds/geeks, athletes / sport people (hey, they're good at something I was I was good at!), researchers/professors, "family" people (they seem to like me, not sure if I'd like to be like them tough), intellectuals, philosophers, brainy people and people with deep seeted emotions. But keep me away from those show-offs or people who like to talk trash of others or make a scene. I make enough drama by myself, thank you. And the damn bullies.
Or that's what I understood, anyhow.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
[Work In Progress]
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I've been thinking about this for sometime, in the past. I think noone is actually ever ready to be a parent, but if and when it will be my turn, I want to make sure that my children grow to be exactly the way they are. I'm concerned of what I must teach them (in terms of education and moral upbringing) so that they do not "fall to the Dark Side", but at the same I do not wish to condition them. I want them to have their own idea and take their own decision, even if it means clashing with me. I want them to believe in what they choose and to be whole and complete persons, able to do what I was not able to do until now.
At the same time, I'm getting aware of my over-protective, sometimes controlling dark sides. I'm a bit worried that I'll strangle them (expecially a daughter - noone touches MY LITTLE PRINCESS!) or that I won't be able to let them develop as I mentioned because of my own residual insecurities (as I think it happened with my own upbringing. Blame the parents, will you).
I'll try to make their upbringing as complete as possible, encouraging them to develop their body, minds and souls at the same time, because I think that's the best way to live. But then again, isn't this just me imposing my view on someone else? It's complicated.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
[Work In Progress]
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
Society is basically the fact that lot of people have decided to give themselves a series of rules which allowed a rapid growing species with high-intellectual (and therefore destructive) capabilites to survive without nuking themselves out of the planet. I do not personally believe humans are meant to live in such dense-packed territories such as huge metropolies, not that it is particularly healthy for anyone. We use society to protect ourselves from our more bellicose and aggressive brethren, as well as a way to support our position in situations where nature would dictate we are bound to die off (e.g., gravely sick people).
This is not to say that these things are bad per-se, just that sometimes I wonder if the costs outweights the benefits. Society has evolved into a being of its own, an entity which we are supposed to feed and maintain and that has the power to dictate how we should live and why and where and with whom. It is a disturbing thought.
Prevalent social problems? Fake social justice (which is basically another form of social injustice), disparity in wealth distribution in the world, discrimination, mass media control, the null agency that each individual has over his/her destiny (and that is true in democracies as well), the conformism which we are fed in order to feed money into huge corporation and banks. Just to name a few.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
[Work In Progress]
How do you behave around strangers?
[Work In Progress]
Hope it works!
- Erl
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Maker of helmets
. I once took some pictures of my face to try and self-type myself. No need to mention, results were a complete disaster... But I can post them if you'd like.
Cheers! Too much flattering today, I might get seriously embarassed! 